


Inferno's Edge

by actress4Him



Series: Daughter of Darkness [3]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Adoption, Aftermath of Torture, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Broken Bones, Bullying, Canonical Character Death, Dark, Darkness, Doppelganger, Established Relationship, F/M, Flashbacks, Foster Care, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance Spoilers, Kingdom Hearts III Spoilers, Major Character Injury, Making Out, Mental Health Issues, Middle School, Nightmares, Original Character-centric, POV Original Character, Panic Attacks, Parallel Universes, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Past Torture, Relationship Issues, Romance, Scars, Sequel, Unreliable Narrator, Vomiting, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 49
Words: 141,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23173024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actress4Him/pseuds/actress4Him
Summary: Sequel to Sorrow's Promise. All Meli wants is to try to live a normal life. But with ghosts of her past haunting her at every turn, and Yen Sid sending the Keyblade wielders on another journey, that no longer seems possible. The Organization isn't the only enemy she'll have to face; she'll need to conquer her own darkness to win this war.Also posted on FFN.Cover art for this story:  https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Jm0arARMq/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Relationships: Donald Duck & Goofy & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Lea (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi & Riku & Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Kairi (Kingdom Hearts) & Original Female Character(s), Kairi/Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Original Female Character & Original Male Character, Riku (Kingdom Hearts)/Original Female Character(s), Sora (Kingdom Hearts) & Original Female Character(s)
Series: Daughter of Darkness [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1575001
Comments: 90
Kudos: 17





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, everyone! I hope you guys are as excited to start the second leg of this journey! Here's what you need to know:
> 
> 1\. In case you didn't see it in the description, this is a sequel to my fic, "Sorrow's Promise". You technically could read this one without having read the other one (I tried to include some recaps in case that happened), but I highly recommend that you read them in order. You don't, however, need to read the oneshot series in order to understand this.
> 
> 2\. I'll be keeping the same update schedule of Mondays and Thursdays.
> 
> 3\. This fic is rated T for violence (not as intense as last time, but more battles and blood) and heavy/sensitive topics. No language, no sex. Mostly just a lot of angst. Like, seriously, a LOT of angst. You have been warned.
> 
> 4\. 3D spoilers start in chapter 17, chapter 25 has some minor 2.8 spoilers, and KH3 spoilers also start in chapter 25. I'll give another warning when we actually get that far.
> 
> 5\. This story focuses quite a bit on the potentially sensitive topic of mental illness. I won't be posting trigger warnings/censored versions for most of the chapters, because it's too prevalent in the story for that. However, there will be a couple of chapters with more specific trigger warnings that I will mark and provide censored versions for. If you'd like to know more details about what type of mental illness the story deals with and what that will involve before starting to read (or at least before the next chapter, this one is safe), please feel free to ask.
> 
> Alright, without further ado...here we go!

Winter mornings on Destiny Islands were completely different from the ones back in my universe. The island sun was still shining deceptively bright over the palm trees and distant, glittering ocean, a far cry from the dreary winter cloud cover that I was used to. Of course it was actually still too cold outside for me to want to be on the balcony, and my breath and the steam off of my coffee were still fogging up the glass just like they always did in my apartment. But back there, most likely there would be at least a few inches of snow on the ground. Here on the Islands, it would be warm enough later in the day that there would be people hanging out on the beach.

"It's time to get a move on, sleepyheads!" a voice echoed up the staircase. "You don't want to be late!"

I had a feeling that was aimed more at Kairi than at me. After all, I hadn't been asleep for hours, my nerves over the day to come making me restless. I was, however, still wearing my pajamas, which I needed to remedy soon. Glancing over at the uniform draped across my side chair, I bit the inside of my lip and sighed heavily. _I guess it's time._

Once I was done dressing, I stood back to inspect my reflection in the mirror, swaying back and forth to try to see all sides of the outfit. I hated it. _Who thought of the whole concept of school uniforms, anyway? Better yet, who on this island thought it was a good idea for the uniforms to include mini skirts, knee socks, and neckties?_ At least their dress code allowed me to wear shorts underneath my skirt, and at least I knew that every other girl in school would be dressed in the same ridiculous get-up. I would more than likely be the only girl there with purple hair, though, which unfortunately clashed horrendously with the red plaid of the skirt and tie.

There was a soft knock on the door. "Come in, I guess," I called, still wrinkling my nose at the mirror.

Kairi stepped in, dressed in her own uniform and looking much perkier than I felt. "Oh, don't you look adorable?" she cooed.

I shot her an irritated look. "Shut up. I know I look stupid, you don't have to try to flatter me."

Laughing, Kairi rolled her eyes. "Okay, so the uniforms aren't the greatest fashion statement ever. But trust me, you don't look any more stupid than the rest of us."

"Sure I do! At least you get blue," I whined, gesturing toward her skirt. "Blue would look so much better with my hair than red." I ran my fingers upwards through my hair, causing it to stick out at odd angles. I was on a mission to grow it out, and so far it had reached around chin length on both sides. That still wasn't long enough for it to cover up what I wanted it to, but thankfully the high collar on the white button-up uniform shirt accomplished that for me.

Kairi hummed in agreement. "Yeah, okay, I'll give you that one. Another unfortunate consequence of you being in middle school still. Besides, of course, you not being with the rest of us."

She didn't have to remind me. Mr. and Mrs. Yoshida had tried their best to convince the school board to let me into high school with my friends, but even Mr. Yoshida's position as mayor couldn't negate the fact that I hadn't been in school for almost three years. The fact that I was starting halfway through the school year didn't help much, either. Mrs. Yoshida kept reminding me, though, that the extra time off had been necessary for me to fully recover, and I tended to agree with her, despite it only delaying the inevitable. The board put me back in eighth grade where I had left off, with the promise that they would give me the opportunity to do extra work throughout the year and be able to catch up with the rest of my class in the fall. At least then I would be in the same building with Riku, Sora, and Kairi.

"Yeah, going into this alone is definitely not helping my nerves any." I tugged on my necktie, trying in vain to make it look a little more feminine.

"Hey, you're not completely alone." Kairi crossed over to me and threw her arms around my shoulders, squeezing tightly. After spending the last few months with her, I was finally starting to get mostly used to her touchy-feeliness. "We might not be able to actually go to your classes with you, but we'll be there every step until then." Pulling back, she yanked on the end of my short sleeve. "Starting with these sleeves. They're a horrible length, right? Some girls leave them be, but I like to roll them up like this." I glanced over at Kairi's own sleeves as she began rolling mine, starting with the left. "See, much more flattering!" she announced as she moved on to the right side.

"Yeah," I smiled. "It does help a little." It took until she was almost done rolling the second sleeve for me to realize the problem we were going to encounter. "Oh!" I gasped suddenly, clutching my shoulder.

Kairi jumped back, startled by the abrupt gesture, then seemed to realize what I was trying to hide and folded her hands together with a sigh. "Oh. Right. I'm sorry. Well, we don't have to roll it that far. I could take them back down a little–"

"No, it's okay." I moved away before she could reach out for me again, turning my back to her and picking up the light grey cardigan that I had left on the chair. "I was thinking about wearing this, anyway." I didn't want to take any chances on that monstrosity peeking out at school. It was bad enough that Kairi apparently still remembered its existence, despite not having seen it in a long time. Slipping the sweater on, I pulled up on the shirt collar in the back, making sure that end of the scar was still hidden, too.

"Do you want anything else...lip gloss or mascara or something?" Kairi asked, voice light as she changed the subject.

I took one more look in the mirror, taming my hair with my hands, then stuck out my tongue at the reflection. "Nah. Thanks, though. Guess that's as good as it's gonna get."

"Girls, your breakfast is getting cold!" Mrs. Yoshida called up the stairs again.

Kairi trotted over to the door and cracked it open. "Coming, Mom!"

Mrs. Yoshida was waiting for us in the kitchen, bowls of oatmeal with berries set in front of our usual places at the counter. She smiled brightly when we entered the room. "Good morning! How are you feeling about your first day of school this morning, Meli?"

I gave her a half-hearted smile. "Nervous, I guess."

"Well, that's to be expected. But you're such a smart girl, I know you're going to be fantastic."

I thought about telling her that back home, I had only been considered "average" in the smarts department, but decided against it. Besides, being smart and being able to keep up in school in a universe that I had lived in for less than a year were two totally different things. No one but me seemed to think it was going to be that big of a deal, but then again, I was the only one who had actually lived in two different universes. There was a lot that I still didn't know about this universe, but if what I had seen so far was any indication, there could be any number of facts and processes that I would have to completely learn anew. All while trying to fit in with a bunch of kids two years younger than me, who had known each other their whole lives.

"I guess," was all I said aloud. Kairi took over the conversation from there, chattering about classes and after school activities while I nibbled slowly on my oatmeal. I had only eaten about a quarter of the bowl when Kairi glanced at her phone and announced that it was time to go.

"Alright, honey, have a great day!" Mrs. Yoshida gave Kairi a peck on the cheek as she swung out the door, then turned to me and placed her fists on her hips. "You didn't eat very much breakfast."

I winced slightly, looking back at my bowl over my shoulder. She was always super vigilant about my eating habits, and went into over-protective mode anytime she saw me eat less than usual. I supposed since I was on the verge of starving when she first met me, it was understandable. "I'm just not very hungry this morning. Nerves, probably." I looked her earnestly in the eyes and patted my backpack. "I promise I'll eat all of my lunch later."

"You'd better," Mrs. Yoshida conceded. She relaxed into a smile and placed her hands on my shoulders. "I hope you have a nice day, sweetie. Try not to fret too much."

"Thanks...Mom." The word still felt strange on my tongue, but the way her eyes lit up whenever I said it made any awkwardness worth it. Nothing was official yet, but ever since they had presented me with the initial adoption paperwork a month ago I had been trying to get used to the title. Calling Mrs. Yoshida 'Mom' wasn't too hard, but I had not yet been able to bring myself to try calling Mr. Yoshida 'Dad'. It wasn't that I didn't like him. We had bonded a little over our mutual love of coffee, and he had always been more than kind to me. For some reason, though, it had taken me much longer to be able to trust him and get comfortable around him. I attributed it to our less-than-stellar first meeting, though I wasn't sure why my brain couldn't just get over that by now.

But overall, the whole concept of being adopted left me feeling like I was living in a dream, even more so than when I had first arrived in this universe. Adoption was a pipe dream for most foster kids. Sure, plenty of them eventually got adopted – the young ones, the cute ones, the well-behaved ones. I wasn't any of the above. At eight years old, I was already past the ideal age for adoption when I first entered the system, and each year that passed after that only doomed me further. To top it off, I was shy around adults when I needed to be outgoing, yet had a big mouth at the worst possible times. My 'attitude' was what ended up getting me put in a group home, and that's when I was off the adoption radar for sure. That's when I gave up any hope that I had left of ever having a real home or family.

Which is why now it was taking me some time to get used to the idea, to fully realize that this was not at all a dream. Not only did I get to stay on this beautiful island with all the people I had come to love so much, I got to do it as a daughter and a sister, as someone who was loved and wanted for the first time that I could remember. I had bawled my eyes out the day they showed me the paperwork and asked if I wanted them to be my parents. Of course I did. Who wouldn't want them as parents? They were two of the nicest people I had ever met in my life.

I caught up with Kairi walking out the front door, and we made our way down to the main path into town to wait for the boys. Riku and Sora lived right next door to each other in houses that were much closer to the beach, so they always stopped by Kairi's house – _I mean, our house –_ on the way to school further inland.

After a few minutes of waiting, tapping our feet and bouncing up and down to keep warm, we saw the boys appear further down the path. "You're late!" I called.

"They're always late," Kairi pointed out.

"It's always Sora's fault," Riku returned as they approached.

"Is not!" Sora protested. "Okay, well, yeah, maybe it is. But I can't help it that I'm not a morning person."

Stopping in front of me, Riku bent down and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "Morning, beautiful." I snorted a laugh, and he raised his eyebrow at me in question.

"Meli's not digging her uniform," Kairi explained.

"Join the club," Sora piped up. "Nobody likes the uniforms."

I scowled at him. "Yeah, but you guys actually look good in yours."

"Well, so do you, but I wasn't even looking at what you were wearing." Riku wrapped one arm around my waist and leaned in close.

Smirking, I shoved him away from me playfully. "Let's just get going. The last thing I need is to walk in late on my very first day." I intertwined my fingers with his as we began walking up the path, trying to listen to their conversation and ignore the pounding of my heart in my chest. _Come on, Meli, lighten up. You've faced Heartless ten times your size, Aiden, and the Organization. Surely middle school can't be that bad._


	2. Chapter 2

The principal of the middle school was a petite woman named Ms. Hirano, fairly young, but with thick glasses and black hair pulled tightly back from her face that made her appear older at first glance. She was friendly enough, doing her best to make me feel at ease while she printed out my class schedule and walked me to my first classroom. Unfortunately, she wasn't in a huge hurry to do any of those things, which meant I still ended up walking in late to class despite my best efforts.

Fifteen or so heads swiveled around to stare at me as Principal Hirano ushered me toward the teacher's desk. I did not enjoy being the center of attention. My neck and ears started to heat up, the nervous tremors that had been rocking my body on occasion turning into full-on trembling. I swallowed hard before forcing a smile at the middle-aged woman that the principal was introducing.

"This is Mrs. Sano. She'll be your English teacher."

Mrs. Sano returned my smile. "It's Meli, right? We're glad to have you." She turned to face the class, and I reluctantly followed suite, dreading having to meet all of those eyes that I could feel boring into me. "Class, we have a new friend joining us today."

I didn't hear what the rest of her introduction might have been. I was staring out over an open, empty room, heart in my throat, muscles tensed, unable to move. My breath came in shaky gulps as I waited for the inevitable pain to come shooting up my back and into my chest, waited for my friends to come walking in to their certain deaths, waited for Saix to appear in my peripheral vision, holding that dreaded remote...

A hand touched my arm and I startled back to the present with an audible gasp. My head snapped around to meet Mrs. Sano's concerned gaze, my eyes wide and my chest still heaving out breaths. She had touched me, and it hadn't hurt. That was because... _I'm at school, in Destiny Islands. Not with Saix in The Castle That Never Was._ The realization dawned on me slowly, but it didn't help slow my heart rate any. It only served to make me hyper aware of the fact that I had just made a very bad first impression on my new class.

"Are you okay, dear?" I heard Mrs. Sano asking as if she were talking through a tunnel. I shook my head, though I wasn't really sure if it was up and down or side to side. Her hand on my back prodded me forward, and I stumbled toward the only empty desk, keeping my eyes on the white tile floor the whole way. My forehead was soaked with sweat despite the cool temperature of the room. Once I had reached the safety of my seat, I slumped over onto the desk with my head on my arms, forcing myself to suck in air as deeply as possible, waiting for my heart to stop pounding out my temples and for the eyes of everyone in the room to stop piercing through me.

Eventually, several long minutes into Mrs. Sano's lesson, my body began to calm down and return to normal, though my hands would continue to tremble for the rest of the class, and my head would ache for most of the day. Lifting my face slowly, I glanced at the desks around me, still avoiding eye contact, and noticed that everyone had their textbooks out. I unzipped my backpack as noiselessly as possible and slid out my own book, though I didn't open it. In my shaken state I had missed hearing what page number we were supposed to be on.

 _What in the world happened up there?_ I knew I needed to be focusing on what Mrs. Sano was saying, but I couldn't stop asking myself that question. It was like one minute I was here, in reality, and the next, I was in the very place that I had spent the last few months trying my hardest to never ever think about. I couldn't find any reasonable explanation for it, nor for how my whole body had reacted as if I had actually been back in that horrible place. _All of that is over. Saix is dead._ I knew that without a doubt, so why had I completely freaked out?

At least this was just English class. Out of all the subjects I would have to take, this was one of the least worrisome to me. I had always done well in English back at home, and I couldn't imagine that reading and writing could be that much different here than anywhere else. Math could be a different story altogether, though. Not only was it one of my least favorite subjects, but I was worried that their methods would be totally different.

Unfortunately, I was proven right during the very next period. I barely remembered most of the facts and formulas from when I had been in school before, but there was enough still floating around in my brain for me to know that what this man was teaching was not the same. Obviously the numbers still worked the way they always had, but his process of getting from Point A to Point B was baffling me.

Opening my hand in my lap, I worked up a small Cure spell in my palm, grateful that my desk was in the very back of this class. Riku had been teaching me recently how to use magic without channeling it through the Keyblade. Spells were much harder to control that way, but if you could get the hang of it, they could be much more powerful. Right now I lifted the green aura in my hand to press into my forehead, shutting my eyes and willing it to get rid of my throbbing headache. Riku and Sora had made it very clear that we shouldn't be doing any magic or summoning of Keyblades while at school, or in public in general, but I was desperate. Too bad my risky move didn't actually pay off. The pain kept on persisting just as strongly as before.

The good news of the day was I didn't have to stand up in front of any more classrooms. Maybe Mrs. Sano had sent out a message to the other teachers, warning them not to introduce the weird new girl that way. Whatever the reason, every other teacher only referenced my arrival by gesturing toward my seat, which still made me want to slide under my desk and hide every time.

The other good news was pretty soon the bell was ringing for lunch, and that meant I got to see my friends. At my old school, everyone had to eat in the huge, noisy cafeteria for lunch. But here, students could sit wherever on campus they wanted, and that included the courtyard that connected the middle school to the high school. We had agreed beforehand to meet there so that we could all eat together, and I had been looking forward to that moment since before the day had even begun.

One thing I hadn't anticipated, though, was the presence of their other friends. As I walked out into the now warm sunshine, I quickly spotted Sora and Kairi sitting on a bench together, but there were three other high school girls sitting on a bench opposite them. _Obviously they have friends at school, Meli. They're actually sociable, unlike you_. Everyone was talking and laughing together. Sora didn't seem to mind at all being surrounded by girls, but I noticed that he was sitting quite close to Kairi, and kept looking over at her and smiling much more often than he looked at anyone else.

I inched my way closer to the benches, hoping someone would notice my presence so I wouldn't have to interrupt the conversation. Finally I caught Sora's eye, and he looked up with a grin. "Oh hey, Mel!"

Kairi turned and patted the bench next to her. "Come sit next to me!" I obliged, careful not to bump anyone's knees as I slipped in. "Hey guys, I want you to meet Meli," Kairi announced.

"Hi again, Meli." Selphie gave a little wave from her end of the bench, right across from Sora.

"Hey, Selphie," I smiled in return. She had been over to the house a couple of times to hang out with Kairi since I had been living there. She seemed pretty nice, though I couldn't say I knew her very well yet.

"This is Cho," Kairi said, pointing first to the girl across from her with shoulder-length black hair pulled back with a barrette. She then motioned to the last girl on the bench, right in front of me, who was quite pretty and wore her long, blonde hair in a low ponytail that draped down her front. "And this is Nara."

"Hi." I gave a little awkward nod and wave to each of them before busying myself getting my lunch out of my backpack.

"Oh, so we finally get to meet the infamous Meli," Nara purred.

"Infamous?" I echoed, raising my eyebrows in surprise.

"Yeah, these guys talk about you all the time," Cho explained, jabbing her thumb toward Kairi and Sora. "Besides, we've heard about you in the news. You're her long lost twin, right?"

Kairi and I only gave each other a quick glance before I replied. "Yeah, that's me." The lie had been repeated so many times by now that it was starting to roll much more easily off my tongue. As I had begun gaining the weight back that I had lost, it eventually started to become obvious to everyone around us that Kairi and I looked just alike. So, the story of who I really was and where I had come from had to come out, at least to the family – and Sora, of course. When it came to the rest of the Islands, however, we had all agreed that a more believable sounding story was for the best. After all, Mr. Yoshida was the mayor, and people were going to want to know who I was. Officially, I was now Kairi's twin sister that had been separated from her sometime before she came to the Islands. We all felt a bit bad about lying to start with, but "she's Kairi's doppelganger from a parallel universe" probably would not have sat quite as well with everyone as the lie did.

"I can definitely see it," Cho nodded, looking back and forth between the two of us. "Though the purple hair throws the resemblance off some."

 _Why do I feel like I've just been insulted somehow?_ Maybe I was overreacting, though, because Kairi just laughed it off. "Yeah, I guess that's the one big difference."

"She's more muscular than you are, too," Cho noted. I felt like a piece of meat being inspected for flaws. "Do you work out or something, Meli?"

"Yeah, I do some training–"

"But if you two are twins, then how come she's in middle school?" Nara spoke up before I could finish, obvious disdain in her voice.

I decided to answer for myself, despite the fact that she was ignoring my presence altogether. "I'm fifteen, just like Kairi. I got held back because I missed a few years of school."

Nara finally cut her eyes over to me, nose turned up. "A few years of school? How does that even happen?"

Already sick of these two, I glared straight at her. "It happens when you run away from your foster home and live on the streets."

Nara was definitely taken aback by that one, her disgust written all over her face. I had never intended to share that much detail about my private life with anyone at school, but at least it had shut her up.

Cho, on the other hand, was not so easily dissuaded. "Oh my gosh, you were homeless? That's awesome! I mean, I'm sure it was terrible, but it's so interesting," she gushed. "Listen, I'm supposed to interview someone with a fascinating story for an essay that I have to write. Would you let me interview you about living on the streets? I'm totally sure that story would be more fascinating than anything the rest of the class comes up with."

That was not at all the reaction that I had expected. "Oh, um...no, I don't really think I want to do that..." I mumbled. "It really wasn't all that interesting, I promise."

"Oh! But you were kidnapped too, right? Just like Kairi! I already asked her if she'd do the interview for me and she said no, but you'll do it, won't you? Oh please say yes! That's just the kind of story I need!"

Shocked, I glanced over at Kairi, who was apparently deeply interested in the food on her lap. I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat and tried to come up with an appropriate response, since I figured yelling at her that she was a complete idiot was probably not it. "Um...no. That's...not something that either of us want to talk about."

"Hey guys! Sorry I'm late."

I heaved a sigh of relief. _Saved by Grim._ "That's okay," I responded, smiling at him as he took a seat straddling the bench next to me.

Nara immediately came back to life. "Riku! I've been wondering when you would get here."

Riku threw her a half-smile. "Hey, Nara." Turning back to me, he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "How has your day been so far, Sunshine?"

The whole "Sunshine" thing was relatively new, and it still made me smile. It had started with the two of us laughing about a conversation we had had back in the mansion, where he had called Kairi "a ball of sunshine", and I had called myself "a ball of sarcasm". From there, he began calling me Sunshine on occasion as a joke, mostly when I was being extra sarcastic, and somehow it just stuck. Kinda like my nickname for him, I supposed.

"Fine." I cringed inwardly at the automatic lie. I knew I was supposed to be doing better about being honest with my feelings, with Riku most of all. I inhaled, ready to tell him the truth, but was interrupted by Nara again.

"Riku, I still can't believe how tall and muscular you got while you were away." Twisting the end of her ponytail around her fingers, she gave him a demure smile and blinked her long eyelashes at him.

"Yeah, you've said that before," Riku replied flatly, not even fully looking at her this time.

Cocking one eyebrow, I let my gaze shift back and forth between them. _Does she just not care that he has a girlfriend, or...?_ "You didn't tell anyone about us, did you?" I asked quietly, my throat tightening. _Am I that embarrassing to him?_

"Not yet," Riku answered before I could let my thoughts go any further down that path. "I wanted to wait until they could actually meet you. I hoped we could tell them together."

I exhaled softly, relaxing into a smile. "Well, um...there's no time like the present, right?" _Unless you're secretly enjoying her flirting..._

His mouth quirked up to the side. "I'm game. You wanna tell her, or me?"

My smile broadened into a mischievous smirk as the last of my doubts faded. "I'd rather show her." Reaching up with my left hand, I grabbed a fistful of his silver hair and pulled his face down to meet mine. Riku's automatic reaction was to stiffen, but that didn't come as a surprise to me. Contrary to what Sora had first assumed about us, we didn't do PDA much. Riku was far too self-conscious for that, and often I was, too. But I just couldn't pass up this opportunity to put Nara in her place.

After a brief moment, he responded to my kiss in kind, sliding one hand across my shoulder blades and down my back, until it was wrapped around my waist and pulling me in closer to him. After a minute or so, just long enough to make sure Nara felt really uncomfortable, we broke apart, with one more peck on the lips as if to seal it. Then I returned my attention to my food as if nothing had happened. My eyes were quick to come back up, however, noticing not only the looks of mixed shock and disgust on Nara and Cho's faces, but also the stares of Selphie and several other students in the background. I wouldn't have been surprised if we had the attention of the whole courtyard at that point. Except for Kairi and Sora, of course, who were casually chatting away as if this was something they encountered every day of their lives.

"Ugh!" Nara exclaimed when she finally found her voice again. "You could have just said that you two were dating!"

"Yeah, but that was a lot more fun," Riku returned with a shrug. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that his cheeks and ears were flushed.

"That's disgusting. You're a junior, and she's in middle school!"

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I'm fifteen, almost sixteen! We already went through this."

"And if you're gonna bring up her grade, I'm technically a sophomore," Riku added. "I got held back, too, remember? Just like she and Sora did."

Nara let out another loud huff, then snatched up all of her belongings and bolted to her feet. "Come on, Cho. Let's go sit somewhere else."

 _Goodbye, and good riddance._ As I watched the two of them storm away, a sliver of guilt made its way through my triumph. "I didn't mean to actually run your friends off," I said to Kairi. "Sorry about that."

"Oh, them?" Kairi waved her hand dismissively. "They mostly only sit with us so they can flirt with Riku and Sora. None of us will miss them." She tilted her head toward me and smiled. "And don't worry, Riku always ignores them."

Turning to grin at Riku, I elbowed him playfully in the ribs. "Well he'd better."

He returned my grin with an obviously harmless glare. "Not that seeing that expression on her face wasn't enjoyable, but...really? I would have gladly claimed you as mine without you...actually claiming me in front of half the school." Despite his protests and still-red face, he was fighting to keep from smiling.

I blinked innocently at him. "But you're so cute when your little ears turn all red." Raising up out of my seat, I kissed him on the tip of the nose, renewing his blush. Then I turned my attention back to the other two. "And what about Sora? Does he ignore them, too?"

"Oh, well, um...he doesn't really have to, if he doesn't want to..." Kairi replied, suddenly flustered. "I mean, because, you know, he doesn't have a girlfriend..."

"I ignore them," Sora cut in. "They're not my type."

Riku and I exchanged meaningful glances. We had taken it upon ourselves over the last couple of months to try our best to goad these two into acknowledging their feelings for each other. So far, we hadn't had a lot of luck, but it was still fun watching them dance around it. "Oh, so you have a type?" I teased.

"Well, I mean...I don't know, maybe, but..."

I just laughed as Sora's face turned the color of my necktie. It may have taken me a while to get around to admitting my feelings for Riku, but at least I hadn't taken as long as these guys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos make me happy. Comments make me really happy. Hope you guys are liking so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late in the day, guys. This whole quarantine thing has me forgetting what day it is. :P

I managed to make it through the rest of the school day without any more major issues, other than the still persistent headache. Getting to spend lunch with my friends had been a nice midday refresher, and had helped boost my energy and courage to be able to face the afternoon. That didn't mean that my remaining classes hadn't been at all stressful, though math and history definitely topped the list in that category. But at least I hadn't had any more episodes of whatever the heck that had been in English.

As we all four walked home together, Riku and I fell back several paces to give ourselves and the other two some alone time. "So, overall your day was okay, then?" he queried.

I heaved a sigh. "Well, actually...it was pretty rough, to be honest. When I said at lunch that it had been fine I...was lying," I admitted with a cringe.

Riku didn't berate me for the lie, just wrinkled his brow in concern. "What made it rough? The classes? Teachers? Other students?"

"I never even spoke to any other students besides at lunch. No one seemed all that interested in talking to me, and I was too busy worrying about getting to my next class to bother trying. But I mean, these are a bunch of thirteen year olds we're talking about. I doubt I'll be making that many friends."

Chewing my lip, I let my mind wander back over the day. "My teachers were all fine, I guess, though I can't say I'm overly fond of my math teacher. I don't know why, he just...bothers me, for some reason. The classes..." I sighed again. "The classes were pretty hard. I feel like I barely remember anything I've learned in the past, and then I have to throw in all this new stuff on top of it. Math is different, history is like completely starting over from scratch..."

"Sounds stressful."

"Yeah, you could definitely say that." Adjusting my backpack straps, I took a few more steps in silence, debating what to tell him about the morning incident. "I guess...maybe even more stressful than I realized, because when my first teacher was introducing me to the class, I had this...weird...I don't even know what to call it. I kinda spaced out, I guess, and felt like I was...somewhere else." I couldn't make myself say the name of that place out loud. I hadn't spoken a word to anyone about anything that had happened there in all this time, and I wasn't about to start now.

"I don't know what happened, really. I just kinda freaked out for a minute, and it made me feel all trembly and out of breath." That was a very mild description, but there was no need to worry him unnecessarily. "Gave me a nice headache, too, that I still haven't gotten rid of."

The creases in Riku's forehead deepened. "You didn't go see the school nurse? She could have given you something for your head."

"No. Didn't think about it, I guess. Too many other things on my mind." I shrugged. "I don't know that it would have helped, anyway. Would medication have done anything when a Cure wouldn't?"

"Hard to say." Riku reached out for my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I don't know what that might have been that happened this morning, but I'm sorry. It doesn't sound like it was much fun. But hopefully tomorrow and all the other days will be much better. Classes might still be hard, but you'll know where you're going and what to expect, right? That should help the stress."

"Yeah, hopefully so." I returned the hand squeeze, trying to siphon some of his optimism. "And don't worry, no one saw me use Cure."

Riku smiled. "I trust you. Just...keep me in the loop, okay? I want to know how you're really feeling, and especially if something like that ever happens again."

Nodding, I half-smiled back at him. "Okay, I promise I will."

.0.0.O.0.0.

That night, I had my first nightmare in several weeks. They had plagued me off and on ever since arriving here, often including Saix in them somehow, though the other content varied. In this particular dream, I was rushing through the halls of the school, trying to locate my next class, only to find a version of the castle laboratory waiting for me when I finally opened the classroom door.

The dreams would continue every couple of nights from then on, and headaches became so frequent that they were the norm. Thankfully, though, I didn't have any more weird incidents for the rest of the week. I kept plowing through each day, dreading every morning and longing for the evenings and the weekend. Lunches with Riku, Kairi, Sora, and sometimes Selphie were my only real interactions of each day, but I was pretty used to being a loner so that didn't bother me. At least I did have them. That was the one time of day that I could actually relax a little and not feel so stressed out.

On Sunday night, before the second week of school started, I found myself unable to settle back down after an especially disturbing nightmare. I thought about sneaking downstairs for a snack, but really just wanted some fresh air, despite the fact that I knew it would be frigid outside. Sliding my bare feet into my slippers, I yanked the entire queen-sized comforter off of the bed and cocooned myself in it, then tiptoed out onto the balcony and curled up in a chair.

Less than a minute later, the door to Kairi's room opened and she peeked out, rubbing her hands up and down her bare arms. "You okay, Mel?"

"Did I wake you up? I'm sorry. I thought I was being quiet."

"No, I actually hadn't fallen asleep yet. I thought I heard your door open so I came to check on you." She shivered and hugged herself closer. "It's freezing out here!"

I opened up one end of the comforter toward her. "Wanna join me?"

Hurrying over, Kairi pulled the other chair up close to mine, and we both wiggled around until the comforter could wrap around us both. "So, you didn't actually tell me whether you were okay," she noted once we were settled.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, I'm fine." _She's known me for too long now. She's figuring out my avoidance techniques._ "Just...woke up and couldn't get back to sleep."

"You seem very...I don't know, distantI guess, this past week. Is it just school, or...?"

I watched my breath freeze into a cloud in front of my face. "Yeah, I guess school, mostly. It's a lot to get used to. I think the new schedule and the stress has my body kind of out of whack or something. But I'll be okay. I'm sure I'll adjust eventually."

"Yeah, I'm sure you will," Kairi nodded. "In the meantime, don't forget that Mom's a nurse. She could help you out if you think you need something to help you sleep or anything like that."

We sat in silence for a couple of minutes. "Guess we should both get back to bed soon, huh? Gotta do it all over again in the morning."

"Yeah." Kairi didn't sound very enthusiastic about the idea. Suddenly she sat up straight. "Hey, you wanna have a sleepover? You could come sleep in the other bed in my room!"

"Sure," I laughed. It did sound more appealing than going back to my room by myself. Returning the comforter to my room and grabbing my pillow and phone, I looped around through the hallway into Kairi's room, where she had already pulled back the covers and removed the decorative pillows from the second twin-size bed. A seashell-shaped nightlight gave off a warm glow in between the two beds, just barely illuminating pink walls and ruffled covers. Kairi giggled as we both climbed into bed, and I smiled back at her.

"Good night!" she whispered.

"Good night."

Whatever was keeping her awake before had apparently passed, because she was lightly snoring within minutes. It took me a bit longer to fall asleep, myself, but after a while I drifted off, too.

The next night, Kairi came and knocked on my door while I was getting ready for bed. Pulling my pajama shirt down over my head, I gave it an extra tug to make sure my stomach was fully covered, then opened the door.

"Hey, so I was thinking," she began, playing with her fingers nervously. "And it's totally fine if you say no. You don't have to at all. But...what would you think about just...sharing a room? I mean, I've got that extra bed in there that never gets used anymore. And I know Mom and Dad said that you could decorate this room and make it your own, and I totally understand if you'd rather have your own space. But if you did want to move into my room, I would definitely make space for all your stuff, and we could even talk about re-decorating it if you want to. I mean, it's been like that forever. We could decide on something new together."

She took a deep breath, scrunching her pajama pants up in her fists. "The truth is, I really liked having you in there last night. I've been...having a hard time getting to sleep at night. I don't like...being alone, in the dark. That nightlight helps some, but having you in there made me feel a lot better."

I pressed my lips together in a sympathetic smile. I couldn't blame her at all for not wanting to be alone in the dark. I didn't like it too much myself, and I had never been left alone in the dungeon like she had. Like me, Kairi never talked about anything that had happened to us, and I had no idea what all she might have felt before I had arrived at the castle or during the times that I was...away. But it made complete sense that she would be struggling with the memories of that time, too.

"I would say yes," I started to answer. "It's just that..."

"No, it's okay, you don't have to explain." Kairi took a step back from the door, shaking her head. "It was a lot to ask. I understand."

"Hey, no, it's not that I don't want to," I cut in. "I do. It sounds like fun, and I wanna help you out if I can. I just...I don't want to wake you up in the middle of the night. That whole thing last night where I couldn't get back to sleep? That happens from time to time. And I'm pretty sure I move around and make noise in my sleep a lot, too." That was a nonchalant way of saying that my nightmares sometimes made me thrash and wake up gasping or yelling.

Kairi gave me a small smile. "Yeah, I know. I've heard you a couple of times. I really don't think it would bother me, though...and even if you did wake me up, it couldn't be any worse than I'm sleeping right now." She spread her hands out in a shrug. "Who knows, maybe it would help you, too."

I leaned against the door frame, mulling all of it over in my mind. "Okay, how about this? We'll do a trial run. I'll move into your room for a week, and if either of us hates it by then I'll move back."

Kairi's face lit up. "Okay, sounds like a deal!"


	4. Chapter 4

When over a week passed without any more freak-outs on my part, I decided, with relief, that it had just been a one time thing. Stress was definitely still a thing, and nightmares were still a thing, but at least I was keeping my sanity. For the most part. Then Wednesday came, and I was in math class when something else happened that I couldn't explain.

Mr. Okada, a man in his twenties who, for reasons I couldn't articulate, still gave me the creeps, had a habit of pacing up and down between the rows of desks while we worked. _Click. Click. Click._ As if I had not been on edge enough every time I stepped foot in this building, now my brain would not stop listening to the tapping of his shoes on the tile. Unconsciously, I gripped my pencil tighter and tighter, while the fingernails of my other hand dug deep down into my palm. Numbers and equations were swimming before my eyes, making no sense whatsoever.

Then the footsteps stopped. Before I could breathe a sigh of relief, however, Mr. Okada spoke from just over my shoulder. I jumped, nearly falling out of my seat, and let out something between a gasp and a shout.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He sounded almost amused by my reaction.

"No, it's okay, I'm...I'm fine." I leaned my forehead down onto my hand to try to hide the tears that had immediately welled up in my eyes. Around me, I could hear kids snickering.

Mercifully, he decided to leave me alone at that point and go back to his own desk at the front of the class. I discreetly dashed away the few tears that had spilled over with my sleeve, and stared down at the crescent-shaped fingernail marks in my hand in dismay. _What has gotten into me lately? Why am I so wound up all the time?_ The tension had crept up my back and neck and was now pushing its way into my head. Desperate for some way to get it out of system, I bit down hard on my thumbnail. I had never been in the habit of nail chewing, but at least it gave me something better to focus on.

_You've got to get a hold of yourself, Meli. Quit being such a baby about school. Every other kid in the universe can handle school without flipping out, so you should be able to do it, too._

By Friday, I had chewed that nail and the next down to nothing, and was starting on a third. Making my way toward my locker after lunch, I clutched the straps of my backpack like a lifeline, jaw tight, eyes darting back and forth across the hall. I weaved carefully through the onslaught of students, making sure not to bump into anyone and draw unnecessary attention to myself. This was one of the worst times of day for me. I always felt like I was waiting for some kind of catastrophe to happen at any second.

The bright hallway lights flashed in the tiny mirror on my locker door as I swung it open and tugged my backpack around into my arms. That's when I felt it coming again. At first it was just my hands shaking as I tried to get a grip on the zipper, but that was followed by the same tightness in my chest that I had felt on the first day, like something was squeezing my lungs together. _No. Not again, please. Not again, not here._ Quickly shoving the books in my hand into the locker, I slammed the door shut, not even bothering to get out what I needed for my next classes.

_Just keep breathing. Just keep breathing. Keep breathing, and get somewhere away from here._

There was a ladies' restroom nearby, and I stumbled toward it, my breaths beginning to come in labored gasps. Inside, I dumped my backpack onto the floor in front of the nearest sink and fell over forward, pressing my forehead against the cool glass of the mirror.

_I can't breathe. Why can't I breathe? What is happening to me?_

"Hey, are...you alright?" The younger girl who had come up next to me to wash her hands was regarding me curiously. Judging me. Probably inwardly laughing at me like everyone else in this school.

"Yeah, clearly...clearly I'm having...the time of my life," I managed to huff. "Just...leave me alone."

The girl shrank back, drying her hands hurriedly and exiting the room. _Great. Just great, Meli, fantastic job. Way to be a jerk. Just because you're dying..._

Whatever this thing was, it was getting worse. A sharp ache shot through my chest to my back, and I could literally feel my heart racing to the point that the sensation was traveling up my throat. _Am I...am I having a heart attack?_

Gripping the edge of the counter tighter, I looked up at my own reflection in the mirror, but the girl staring back at me wasn't real. She was some dream figment, with bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks, and she was wavering, distorting, floating away... _No, wait. It's not her, it's me that's floating away._ Maybe I was just dizzy. Closing my eyes, I tried to shake the sensation away, but the pain in my chest caused me to wince and double over. _I think I'm dying._

Something prompted me to turn the water in the sink on full blast, and I stuck my numb hands underneath the flow, splashing it onto my face. The cold felt good against my sweat-soaked skin, and I repeated the motion again, and again. My necktie was getting drenched, but my body was beginning to finally calm. The pain in my chest eased, and I sucked in deep breaths through my nose as the vice on my lungs slowly loosened. My legs had been tingling uncomfortably throughout the whole ordeal, but now they decided they were done holding me up altogether, so I fell back against the wall and slid down, not caring at the moment how dirty the bathroom floor probably was.

Out in the hall, the bell signaled the start of a new class period, and the shrill sound pierced through my skull. I leaned my aching head back onto the wall with a moan. _What is wrong with me? Why can't I just handle stress like everyone else?_ More tears slipped down my cheeks, and I bit my lip to keep it from quivering. Whatever had just happened, it had been one of the more terrifying experiences of my life.

The noises beyond the door began to die down as the students disappeared into their classrooms, but I made no move to get up. I wasn't sure if I could, even if I had wanted to. Maybe, if I was lucky, my history class wouldn't even miss me.

.0.0.O.0.0.

The weekend arrived again, finally. Two whole days of being able to relax and feel like myself. Saturday mornings we usually slept in a little later than on weekdays, then Riku and I would go for a run and usually end up on the play island where we had privacy for some Keyblade training. The fresh air and exercise did me a world of good, wearing me out, but at the same time refreshing my outlook on life. Training had become more of a give and take process than it had been back in the mansion, with each of us teaching the other spells and tricks we had picked up along the way. My talents at spell casting without a Keyblade were growing, and Riku had mastered nearly all of the new light spells that I had learned from Sora and Donald.

After our training session, we found ourselves at Sora's house, since it was the closest to the beach. Besides Riku's house right next door, that is, but his mom was at work and we weren't allowed to hang out there by ourselves. I crashed onto the couch in the living room of the modest, one-story house, one foot propped up on the ottoman. Riku joined me, stretching his long frame down the length of the couch with his head on my lap and his legs hanging over the other end.

"How was training this morning?" Sora asked, plopping down into a nearby armchair with a bowl of cereal. He was still wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt that he had probably slept in.

"Good," Riku replied. "You should really join us sometime, you know. You're gonna forget everything you know. Again."

"Hey, I didn't forget everything," Sora protested. "Just some of it. And it wasn't my fault that I was sleeping for a year!"

Riku rolled his head over to look Sora in the face. "Are you saying it was mine?"

"No!" Sora quickly responded, obviously realizing that he was going to get himself in trouble if he didn't backtrack. "It was...um...not your fault, it was..." He scratched his head with the handle of his spoon. "Anyway! I would come with you, but you guys train so early! I need my sleep on the weekends."

"It's not that early," I laughed. "Trust me, he used to make me get up a lot earlier than this to train."

"It was good for you," Riku smirked up at me. I smacked him lightly on the forehead, then went back to playing with his hair. It was much shorter these days than it had been when we first met. One of the first things he had wanted when he and Sora had come home was for me to cut his hair. Part of me missed his long locks, but the best part about this look was always having a perfect view of his aqua eyes.

"So if we added in another training session on Sunday afternoons, you would join us, right?" Riku pressed.

"Uh..." Now Sora was caught. "I...yeah, I guess."

"Maybe we could convince Kairi to come, too," I suggested. "She's gotta start learning to use her Keyblade sometime." At this point, she wasn't even sure how to summon it, so I just had to take everyone's word for it that she had actually wielded one for a while in the Realm of Darkness. "We might have to wait until next week, though. She's already got plans for the two of us for tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, if she's got plans, we don't want to mess with that," Sora agreed with way too much enthusiasm.

"Nope. But if the girls have plans, then that sounds like a perfect time for you and I to do some one-on-one training," Riku replied.

Sora sighed and slumped down into his seat. "Okay. Fine."

Riku smiled. "It'll be just like old times."

"Yeah, 'cept this time I'm gonna win," Sora muttered.

"What are you two gonna be up to?" Riku asked me.

"Rearranging her bedroom. Tomorrow is the end of our one week trial, so I'm officially moving into her room. She's insistent that we have to move things around to make space for me, even though I don't really have that much stuff to bring in."

Riku looked slightly surprised by this news, but didn't question it. "Is her room still all pink and...fluffy? I haven't been up there in forever." The Yoshidas had strict rules about the boys and bedrooms, so we usually ended up in the basement game room when they came over to hang out.

I laughed. "Yeah. It is. She said something about us redecorating it together, too, but I'm not gonna make her if she doesn't want to."

"Well, it has been that way since we were little kids," he noted. "Not that my room has changed that much either, I don't guess. Less toys, more school stuff."

"Mine has less toys, more video games!" Sora announced proudly.

"Hm, which you spend way too much time playing." Sora's mom had entered the room for the very end of the discussion. "Seems like just yesterday that you two were quite fond of all your toys. Those little wooden swords, especially."

"Mom," Sora whined. "Don't start getting all mushy."

Mrs. Hirano placed her hands on her hips and glared playfully at him. "Just for that, young man, I'm getting out the photo albums."

"No!" Sora and Riku both cried at once.

As she crossed to the bookshelf, I leaned forward with a mischievous grin, pushing Riku up out of my lap. "Oh, this I've got to see!"

Sora's mom set the open album down on the ottoman facing me. "This was around the time they first started playing together all the time. Sora was four years old here."

"Aw, aren't you two adorable?" I flipped the pages in the book slowly. Sora stayed folded up in his chair, but Riku propped his chin on my shoulder and looked, too, apparently deciding that this wasn't so bad, after all.

"Oh, here's when Kairi joined the party," Mrs. Hirano said, placing another album on top of the one we were looking at.

"Eight years old. So that's what I looked like as a kid," I joked. When Mrs. Hirano raised a questioning eyebrow at me, I shrugged sheepishly. "I don't have any pictures of myself growing up. Or now, either, for that matter."

"Your parents got you a phone, right? You don't take pictures of yourself all the time like the other kids do?"

I gave an awkward laugh. "No. I haven't exactly figured out the art of photography yet. And I think I would feel a little silly taking one of myself." Ready to change the subject away from me, I nodded toward the bookshelf with the rest of the albums. "I think what I really need to see is middle school age Riku. Got any of those over there?"

"Of course!" Mrs. Hirano answered, at the same time that Riku let out a groan and fell back onto the couch.

"At least you grew into your feet," I teased as I turned the pages of the third album. "My main question, though, is...what are those?" I pointed to the funky pants he was wearing in almost every picture, laughing.

"They're called waders," Riku pouted, barely glancing at the photo. "Very practical for fishing and other beach activities, I'll have you know."

"Of course, of course." I couldn't help but continue to giggle a little. "You were still cute, though, despite your questionable wardrobe choices."

As I continued to peruse the album, I was hit with a sudden wave of nostalgia. Riku, Sora, and Kairi in these pictures looked just like Kaj, Zephyr and me back when we were hanging out all the time. It had been so long since I had seen them that their young faces had faded a bit in my memory, but seeing these photos brought them back in full.

Just then, the front door opened and Kairi walked in. We had texted her when we were done with training so that she could come meet us to hang out. I jumped slightly at the sudden intrusion, but recovered quickly. "I completely forgot that you had short hair once, too!"

Surprised, Kairi glanced down at the photo albums and wrinkled her nose. "I didn't pull it off as well as you do."

I shook my head at her. "What is it you always tell me when I'm comparing myself to you...'we're literally the same person'?"

Sora suddenly leapt to his feet, spoon clattering around in his empty bowl. "'Kay Mom, love the pictures, but Kairi's here so we're gonna go play games in my room now!" he blurted all in one breath, running over to Kairi and prodding her by the shoulders toward his bedroom.

"Aw, more video games? Really?" Kairi groaned.

"Hey, you're getting your girly day tomorrow, so you can deal with video games today," Sora returned. "C'mon, Riku, let's go!"

Riku jumped up, too, but Mrs. Hirano stopped us before we could all leave the room. "Come back over here for a minute, you two." She picked up her phone off of the end table. "Let's get a picture of all four of you together."

"Right now? I'm in my pajamas!" Sora complained.

"That's your fault," Kairi chided.

"Yes, right now," affirmed Mrs. Hirano. "It has come to my attention that a photo of all of you doesn't yet exist, and it's time to remedy that. You kids grow up way too fast, and I never know when you're all going to run off and leave again."

"Not for a long time, I hope," Riku commented. I had to agree with him. Seemed like we had all had enough adventure to last us for a lifetime.

We gathered in a row in front of the couch, arms wrapped around each others shoulders and waists, and Mrs. Hirano positioned herself in front of us with her phone. "Okay, everybody smile...one, two, three!" I heard the sound of the phone snapping the picture, and everyone relaxed, though Riku and I kept our arms around each other.

"There, isn't that nice?" Mrs. Hirano turned the phone around so that we could see.

I was so unused to seeing myself in photos that it seemed a bit surreal. But there we were, smiling together, looking just as natural as being with these friends felt. It filled me with a warmth that left me momentarily speechless.

"I'll print you out a copy to keep," Mrs. Hirano told me softly, winking.

"Thank you."

"Okay, now let's go play!" Sora exclaimed, tugging Kairi toward the hall again.

"We're coming," Riku answered, rolling his eyes.

"Don't worry, Kai," I called, bending over to lift up the three albums off the ottoman with a smirk in Riku's direction. "I'm bringing these, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork for this chapter: instagram.com/p/B1hFuTFAizf/?igshid=r8a7fmtd5aix
> 
> Comments are to me what coffee is to Meli.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, TribalHayabusa and guest, for the kudos!

I knocked quietly on Kairi's – _I mean, our –_ bedroom door, listening for her cheery, "Come in!" from the other side. I had expected to find her at her desk doing homework when I walked in, but instead she was standing in front of the closet next to a couple of piles of clothes on the floor.

"Are you still cleaning and rearranging?" I asked, surveying the mess.

"I told you on Sunday I would make more room in the closet for you, remember?" She presented the empty hanging space with a flourish of her hands. "Ta da!"

"And I told you I could just keep them folded somewhere, or they could just stay in the other room." I didn't really have that much clothing that I actually wore, anyway. Riku and I had made a trip back to Twilight Town to get all of my stuff, but these days I didn't wear any shirts that had very low necklines, or anything more revealing than short sleeves. I shook my head, smiling, and pointed to her piles. "What are you gonna do with all of those?"

"Some of them I'm getting rid of. The rest I'll find room for in the dresser. It wouldn't be fair for you not to be able to hang your stuff in here." Spinning around to face the beds, Kairi gestured to them excitedly. "Oh, and I was wondering, what would you think of moving our beds closer together?"

I raised my eyebrows, surveying the twin beds. "I mean, I guess that's fine...any particular reason why?"

Kairi suddenly turned sheepish, looking down at her mismatching socks with her arms folded across her chest. "I just was thinking...maybe..." She sighed. "Your nightmares are getting worse."

Yeah, I had noticed that. Everything was getting worse, in fact. Week three of school had brought with it several freak-out episodes of varying intensity, near-constant headaches, and nightmares every single night. So far I had kept my friends and the Yoshidas from finding out about the episodes, though I was pretty sure most people in my school knew at least something about them by now. I had tried my best to keep them hidden, whether in the restroom or with my face buried in my arms during class, but word had apparently gotten around about the freaky new girl anyway. Everywhere I went, kids would stare and point and whisper to one another.

If Riku or Kairi noticed I was acting strange at lunch or on the way home after I had had an episode, however, I would always just explain it away as a headache, or being tired from not sleeping well, both of which were very true. They did know about those two symptoms. Only Kairi knew that the sleep problems were because of nightmares, though, since I had accidentally woken her up with them on more than one occasion.

"I'm sorry that I'm waking you up," I murmured, joining her in looking at the floor. "Maybe I should just–"

"Don't say you should move back to your room," Kairi interrupted almost pleadingly, snapping her head up to look at me. "That's not why I brought it up. Like I said before, even when you wake me up, I'm still getting more sleep than I was before you moved in here." She offered a reassuring smile. "You're not bothering me. I'm just...worried about you. And wondering if...maybe having the beds closer could help. I mean, at least that way I could, I don't know, reach over and hold your hand or something." Shaking her head, she threw her hands up in a shrug. "I don't know. It's probably a stupid idea. You're helping me sleep, and now I feel useless to help you sleep, so I'm grasping at straws here."

I gave a small smile. "I don't know if it'll help or not, to be honest." I certainly had my doubts that it would. "But...if you really want to try that, I'm game."

Kairi's face brightened again. "Okay! Will you help me?"

After some debate about which bed should move, we worked together to shove her bed up against mine. The nightlight that had been plugged in between the beds now found a home on the other side of her bed, and we stepped back to admire our work.

"Oh, by the way, I found something while I was doing some more cleaning," Kairi remarked. She walked over to the desk and picked up a small object. "I...feel a little awkward about this, because it should have been yours a long time ago. At the time, I wasn't sure if you would want it, then I stuck it in a drawer and completely forgot about it. So you'll have to forgive me for that."

My curiosity now piqued, I stepped forward to see what she had. Holding her hand out, Kairi let the object dangle from her fingers – a silver chain, with an orange fire emblem on the end. I knew immediately what it was, though I wasn't sure where it would have come from. "Where did you get this?"

"I saw it lying in the sand after your fight with Aiden's Heartless. I picked it up because I thought it might have belonged to him, but I didn't know if you'd be ready to have something of his yet, so I held onto it."

I huffed a short laugh as I flipped the keychain around in my fingers. "It's actually not his, though it does remind me of him. I guess it's kinda hard not to associate him with fire, after that fight." Inhaling deeply to bring myself back to the present, I glanced up at Kairi. "Wanna know what this does?"

Backing up a few steps, I stretched out my hand and summoned Sorrow's Promise. I flipped it over to balance on the ground, then carefully switched out the X-shaped keychain with the new one. Immediately there was a puff of smoke, and a brand new Keyblade appeared in my hand.

"Whoa!" Kairi breathed. "That's so cool! How did you know to do that?"

"Sora collected quite a few of these in the different worlds we went to. He offered to share with me, but at the time I elected to stick with my original Keyblade." I turned the new weapon over, studying it. It was much brighter than Sorrow's Promise, since all the colors were pale and almost iridescent. Strands of orange, light purple, and teal twisted together to make the shaft of the weapon, curling around at the top where orange flames burst out to form the teeth. The handle guards looked a bit like flames, as well, and included all three colors. "This is a nice blade, though. I think I could get used to this."

"They all have names, right? How do you find out what its name is?"

"Well, there's at least one book that can tell you," I answered, thinking back to the mansion library where DiZ had informed me of the name of my first Keyblade. "Though it's probably just for base models, not the ones you get from keychains. According to Sora, if you're really in touch with your Keyblade, it will tell you itself."

Kairi furrowed her brow. "Guess that shows you how much I know about Keyblades. Sounds a little crazy to me."

I smiled. "Yeah, it does. But I'm gonna give it a try." Closing my eyes, I held the weapon firmly and lifted my arm out in front of my body, breathing deeply and concentrating on the connection between the blade and my heart. _Okay, Keyblade, what should I call you?_

"Inferno's Edge." The name escaped my lips before I even realized I was speaking. _Hm, more fire. In other words, more Aiden._

"Wow. That's...cool." Kairi cocked her head to the side and gave me a questioning look. "So, you think you're gonna use it? Even though it reminds you of him?"

I pursed my lips, thinking, then slowly nodded. "Yeah. I think I'll give it a try, at least. I mean, it really only reminds me of that one fight, not..." I shuddered almost imperceptibly. "...Other things about him. And it would be pretty silly of me not to take advantage of having a bigger, more powerful Keyblade."

"It's not silly to take care of yourself and your emotions," Kairi remarked as I dismissed the weapon. "I'm not saying you shouldn't use it, just...I don't think you should feel bad if it ends up bothering you and you need to switch back."

I watched as she turned back to her desk to straighten some books and papers. The way things had been going for me lately, I wouldn't be surprised if the Keyblade did cause problems. Seemed like everywhere I turned something was messing with my head. Maybe that was why I currently felt so determined to hang onto this keychain, though. If I could force myself to get past whatever memories it might bring up of Aiden, then that would be at least one small area of my life where I was actually in control.

"So, are you ready to go to bed?"

Glancing at the newly placed beds, I swallowed past the fear that had pitted in my stomach. I always dreaded nighttime, and the dreams that it would undoubtedly bring. I was worn out, though, after having spent yet another class period in the restroom trying not to die that day. "Uh, yeah. Let's um...see how this works, shall we?"

Kairi got the perfect opportunity to test her idea out that night. At least half of the nightmares I had been having weren't even noticeably related to my experiences in the Realm of Darkness. Some were about school, others about fighting Heartless, and an increasing number of them included someone I cared for dying or otherwise being taken away from me. I had even started dreaming about my old friends Zephyr and Kaj from time to time. Regardless of what they were about, though, they were sure to be disturbing and wake me up sooner or later.

But that night was one of the particularly nasty ones that included snippets of actual memories. The dream had started in the dungeon of The Castle That Never Was. I watched helplessly as Kairi was swallowed up in her cell by the black and purple smoke, calling her name and shaking the bars of my own cell. Then it came for me, too, and when it cleared I was lying on the cold metal table of the laboratory, unable to move.

"Grim!" I shrieked. "Help me!"

Saix appeared above me, an evil grin on his face. "Your friends are dead," he sneered. "No one is coming to save you." He lifted his hand, waving the remote tauntingly in my face. Reaching up with his thumb, he touched the dial...

My eyes flew open as I screamed aloud. Suddenly it was dark, and the table didn't feel so cold and hard, and Saix... _where is Saix? He had that remote. He was going to hurt me again._ Something was wrapped around my hand, and I shook it off violently.

_Where am I? This is...this is not the laboratory. What is this place?_

Slowly I became aware of a voice murmuring close to my ear, as the thing that had held my hand now gently stroked my arm. "Meli. Meli, can you hear me? You're okay. I'm here."

It was Kairi. I was at home, safe in bed. I sucked in a few deep breaths to try to slow my racing heart, then gradually turned my head to face her, blinking the sleep away from my eyes. "I'm...sorry," I whispered. "I'm okay. I...I'm sorry."

Kairi was propped up on her elbow, looking down at me sorrowfully. "You don't have to be sorry. You can't help it. I'm sorry that I couldn't get you out of it sooner. I was trying my best."

"No, you're...you're fine." I rotated my head back toward the ceiling, using the hand she wasn't clinging onto to wipe off the sweat that was pouring from my forehead. Everything inside my body trembled. Despite now knowing where I was, fear still lurked in the outer edges of my mind, waiting for danger to appear from the shadows of the room at any moment.

"Do you want to tell me about it?" Kairi whispered.

"No," I answered swiftly, and maybe a bit too harshly. "Thanks, but...no." I sat up suddenly, throwing off the covers and turning away from her to put my feet on the floor. "I'm just gonna go..." _Somewhere. I don't know where. Just not here._ "I'm gonna walk it off. I'll be back later."

I descended the stairs carefully, gripping the banister much more tightly than usual. My heart rate may have slowed, but I was still weak and a bit light-headed. I hadn't eaten much that day, and probably could have used some food now, but the thought of eating made my stomach queasy. I just needed to get my mind on something else. Something besides that dream.

Pausing in the foyer of the huge, silent house, I debated where to go, before finally settling on watching tv in the basement. I curled up in a recliner with a throw blanket and the remote control and began flipping channels, wishing I could find an old, familiar movie for once. That had always been my go-to comfort after a fight with Aiden. Riku and I had determined pretty early on in our friendship that few if any of those existed in this universe, though. I ended up spending the rest of the night switching randomly back and forth between cooking shows and some cheesy sci-fi flick. Occasionally fatigue would overtake me, pulling down at my eyelids like heavy weights until my head would drop back against the chair. But I couldn't let it win. I was too afraid of a repeat nightmare to let myself go back to sleep.

Just before time for Kairi's alarm to go off, I sneaked back upstairs and into our room, tucking myself into the bed as if I had been there all along. I didn't need her worrying about me any more than she already did, and I definitely didn't need her telling on me to Mom. They might not like me staying up most of the night, but it was infinitely better than being plagued with nightmares. I'd just have to drink a lot of coffee, and grin and bear the day, like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't checked out the cover art yet, now is a good time to do so! Meli's new Keyblade is featured there.  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B1Jm0arARMq/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link


	6. Chapter 6

"Okay. Dude. If I have to throw one more Strike Raid, my arm is gonna fall off." I collapsed dramatically into the sand, legs sprawled. "I think it's time to call it quits for today."

Smirking, Riku glanced at his phone. "So early? We've still got at least half an hour left of our normal training time."

It was Saturday morning, and we had already been for our usual run through town before rowing out to the play island for training. Riku had taught me a new move that involved throwing my Keyblade in a spinning flurry at a target, then immediately re-summoning it to my hand for another throw. It was cool, and I was sure it was effective once a real enemy was involved, but he was apparently determined that I was going to perfect it that very day.

I glared up at him. "Yeah, well, why don't you use it to throw your own Keyblade fifty-seven times in a row? I'm sure your arms can fit a few more muscles in somewhere."

"Yeah, but I've already mastered Strike Raid."

"Show off." I rolled my eyes. "Fine, so work on something else. What about Dark Firaga, weren't you having some trouble with that one? Come on, I can coach from the ground." I clapped my hands, attempting to spur him into action.

A shadow crossed his expression. "I don't...I don't really want to work on that right now. Let's pick something else, um...more barriers?"

He turned his back to me and walked a few steps away, but I scrambled to my feet despite my protesting muscles and chased after him. "Hey, what was that?" Grabbing onto his arm, I pulled him around to face me. "I saw that. Something's bothering you."

"Nothing." He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Don't worry about it. Just not in the mood for Dark Firaga right now."

"Liar." I poked him in the chest with a finger. "You're always after me to tell you how I'm feeling, well, it goes both ways. We both suck at sharing, I think we can admit that. But if you're gonna pester me about opening up then I'm gonna do the same to you. I may have gotten a crappy start to this whole girlfriend thing–"

"What? No you didn't."

I crossed my arms and shook my head. "Yeah, I did, and we both know it. At least before we were actually together. I've spent way too much time wrapped up in my own problems, but now I'm gonna start trying to make up for it, okay?"

He stared into my eyes for a moment, stared out over the ocean for another, then finally sighed and nodded. "I, um...I guess the truth is, I'm...scared."

Now that was something I never thought I would hear him admit. Grasping his hand, I tugged down gently, urging him to sit. We settled cross-legged onto the beach, facing one another, and I cupped both my hands around his one. "Scared of what?" I asked softly.

"Of using the darkness." He kept his gaze on our hands. "I know it's different now than it was. Obviously, since I can't make corridors anymore. There are a lot of things that I can't do anymore, or at least not as well, Dark Firaga being one of them. But the fact that I can still use darkness means it's still inside of me, somewhere, and I don't know whether the thing with Ansem the Wise's machine actually purged anything out of me or if it just...hid it. I'm afraid...I'm afraid if I keep messing with it, keep training the parts of it that I do still have, that it'll come back. That I'll end up right back where I was."

I pursed my lips, not saying anything for a minute. "But you used the darkness for so long without anything really bad happening. It was even helpful in a lot of situations. Would it really be so bad if you got some of that back?"

"I did use it with no problem for a while." He hesitated, and his fingers gripped mine a little tighter. "Then I used it to turn myself into Ansem. I hurt Roxas, and...I hurt you."

A lump formed in my throat. "You still haven't forgiven yourself for that, have you?" He had told me once that he wasn't sure he'd be able to, but I hadn't taken him seriously. I reached my hand out and placed it on his cheek. "Grim...I've forgiven you. You know that, right? I held a grudge for way too long, just because...because I was afraid. But it's all over now. You can't keep blaming yourself."

"I know. I know you forgave me."

"But...?" I prompted. He didn't answer, and I leaned forward to try to catch his eyes. "Come on, I know there's more."

He placed his free hand on top of the one I had on his face, but still didn't look at me. "There's a lot of stuff that I haven't forgiven myself for. I don't want you feeling guilty, thinking any of this is your fault, because it's not. I just...I've made a bunch of bad choices in my life, Meli, and it's led to pain for everyone I love."

I hated seeing him hurting like that. I wished I could reach into his heart and pull out all the sadness and guilt and just take it for myself, so that he could finally be happy. "But hey, look at us. Look where we all are now. We're home. We're together. We've all made stupid decisions before...I'm practically the queen of stupid decisions.

"But...if you hadn't decided to follow the darkness to start with, then maybe Sora would have never gotten the Keyblade. Do you think he'd give that up for anything, despite whatever trouble it may have caused him along the way? Or, if you hadn't done whatever things you did while working with Maleficent, maybe Sora would never have figured out how to get Kairi's heart back to her. And, as much as I hate what happened to him, if you had not made sure that Roxas went back to Sora, then Sora would still be sleeping."

I sighed, unsure if he'd accept my logic or not. "I'm not saying that everything you did along the way was perfectly okay and justified, I'm just saying...I don't think you should keep dwelling on the ways you might have hurt your friends in the past, when you've also done so much to help them, and we all ended up okay in the end. Who knows what might have happened if anything along the way had been different. Maybe the worlds would still be in peril. Maybe the Organization would still be around. Maybe you and I would have never met. And I don't know about you, but I'll take this happy ending over a happier middle any day."

Riku pulled my hand down off his face and held it in between us, playing with my fingers. After a stretch of silence, he finally looked up at me, the tiniest of smiles on his lips. "You know, for a super pessimistic person, you're not half bad at pep talks."

I had used joking as a deflection mechanism enough times myself to recognize it coming from someone else. "Well, I'm on a roll now, so you'd better go ahead and tell me whatever else has been going on with you while we're here."

He quirked an eyebrow. "And when are we gonna talk about you?"

"Oh, shush, we always talk about me. It's your turn. Just think of this as your portion of the training session, since you worked me so hard for the first part of it."

"I think I'd rather do Strike Raid fifty-seven times."

I popped him lightly on the arm. "Start talking."

And he did, eventually. Coaxing each confession out of him took a lot of hard work and sweet talking on my part, but I couldn't blame him there, not when I would have been refusing to talk about most of my own secrets if the roles had been reversed.

He glossed over much of what he told me, never going into any depth, but I could see plenty that he wasn't saying in his eyes, and hear it in his voice, and see it in the way his fingers would go from sifting through the sand to gripping handfuls of it. He still had nightmares on occasion, mostly about the things he had done for Maleficent. I never had found out exactly what all those "things" were, but I didn't have to know the details to see how it still haunted him.

I also could tell when he said that he "worried" about something bad happening to his friends that it went far deeper than just worry. We had ended up sitting side by side after a while, facing the water, with my head leaning on his shoulder, and I watched as his fists tightened, felt the muscles in his arm tense. He wasn't worried, he was terrified.

"And that's why I can't..." Riku paused and cleared the catch out of his throat. "I can't let the darkness take over again. I have to be at my best. I have to be ready to protect the things that matter the most."

Sighing, I snaked my arm around his and pulled him in closer to me. "I get it. I really do. And don't worry, I'm not going to try to push you to keep using darkness. I believe that you could do it safely, because I believe in you. But I want you to feel comfortable, so you should do whatever makes you feel that way."

He turned his head to press a kiss onto my forehead. "Thanks. I appreciate that. And...thank you for listening to me."

"Of course." Propping my chin on his shoulder, I smiled at him. "Like I said, I want this to be a two-way relationship. I've...never had that before. Never had anybody who was willing to take care of me emotionally like you are. But seeing you do that for me makes me want to do it for you, too." Above all, I did not want to become anything like Aiden, the type of person who would just take and demand and never give anything but trivialities in return.

Returning the smile, he dropped his forehead against mine. "Have I mentioned that I love you?"

"Mm, I think you might have." I kissed him softly. "I love you, too."

We sat like that for a moment longer before he spoke again. "I bet we've gone way over our normal training time by now."

I gave a short laugh. "Think maybe Sora will actually be out of bed when we get there this time?"

"I wouldn't count on it. I have a feeling our arrival is the only reason he gets up when he does."

Shaking my head, I clicked my tongue in disapproval. "Heroes. What are you gonna do with 'em?"

To our surprise, once Riku had rowed us back to the mainland, we found Sora and Kairi both on the beach waiting for us. "There you two are!" Sora exclaimed as we clambered ashore. "You took forever this morning!"

"Obviously even longer than we thought, since you're not only awake, but dressed and out of the house," I returned. Sora stuck his tongue out at me, and Kairi giggled. I gestured toward the latter. "She woke you up, didn't she?"

"Yep." She clasped her hands behind her back with a smile. "I woke up and got ready at the normal time, and when I didn't get a text from you I decided to head over to Sora's anyway. After he finished breakfast, and you guys still weren't back, we came down here to wait for you." She jabbed her thumb in Sora's direction. "He wanted to go over to the play island to find you, but I wouldn't let him. Just in case...you know...you guys needed some alone time."

I raised one eyebrow at her. "I'm not sure what you're implying, but yeah, we got caught up talking about a bunch of different stuff."

"Talking, hm?" Kairi smirked mischievously.

Sora had turned and walked past me a couple of steps, and stooped down to pluck a seashell out of the sand. Straightening, he examined it closely. "Thought you guys were supposed to be training, not talking."

"Oh, trust me, we did that, too," Riku answered, giving me a knowing look.

Without warning, I threw my arms over Sora's shoulders and collapsed my full weight onto his back. "He tried to kill me, Sora!" I moaned.

"Ugh!" Stumbling forward, Sora dropped the shell in his hand and just barely kept his balance. "What, and now you're passing on the favor to me?"

"I'm so tired..."

Sora must have given Riku a questioning look, because the older boy shrugged. "All I did was teach her Strike Raid."

"Over and over and over and over..."

"Okay, yeah, I got it." Sora waved his hands in front of his face to shut me up, and I grinned. Why it was so much fun to annoy him, I wasn't sure. He was kind of like a little brother, I supposed – even though we were technically the same age. One of these days, if we didn't all die of old age first, I was certain that he would end up being my brother-in-law, so the relationship seemed to fit. _Future brother-in-law...now there's a title I should use at some point to tease him...or Kairi...or both._

For now, though, I went with a phrase that I knew would immediately perk him up. "I need ice cream."

"Ooh, that sounds good!" he predictably replied.

Riku wasn't as impressed. "Ice cream? Didn't you two just finish breakfast?"

"Ah, who cares! Come on, let's race to the cart!"

I still had not stopped hanging off of Sora's shoulders, and now took the opportunity to leap up and wrap my legs around his waist. "I'm too tired. Carry me."

"Wha-?"

"Giddy up." I kicked at his legs.

"I'm not a horse!"

Laughing, Kairi ran over and jumped onto Riku's back. "I want a ride, too! I haven't had a piggy-back ride in ages!"

Riku groaned, though he was obviously fighting back a smile as he wrapped his arms around Kairi's knees. "She's too tired from training...what's your excuse?"

Kairi set her lips into a pout. "You still owe me for leaving me here alone for a year?"

Though I couldn't blame her for that stance at all, after the discussion I had just had with Riku my heart skipped a beat on his behalf. His face went completely serious for the briefest of moments as something flashed in his eyes, but an instant later he was nodding and jostling his friend up higher on his back.

"Fair enough. Let's go get you kids some ice cream." He took off at a jog, with Kairi squealing with surprised laughter.

"Hey!" Sora protested, taking a few unsteady steps before breaking into an awkward run himself. I wrapped my arms further around him to keep from being shaken off. "Hey wait!"

"I thought you wanted to race!" Riku threw back over his shoulder.

"Yeah, but...! That was before...!" Sora huffed and grumbled under his breath before shouting again. "This is not a fair race!"

"How is it not fair?" Riku laughed, still way ahead of us. "They're the same exact size!"

"Yeah, but we're not!" Sora shot back.

I slapped him gently on the head. "Aw, stop your complaining before you insult me, and just go catch him! You know you're just as fast as he is."

A little flattery went a long way with this boy. In an instant, he was grabbing hold of my legs and shifting me into position, and his steps began to quicken. "Yeah, I am. Okay, let's go!"

I let out an unintentional squeak as he broke into a full-on run, all of the bouncing making me start to regret my choices. Soon, though, we started to catch up to Riku and Kairi, and her uncontrollable giggles were infectious. I started laughing, too, and only stopped when we all collapsed into a breathless pile in front of the ice cream cart.

"Let's...not do that...again," Riku panted.

I nodded. "Yeah. Agreed."

"It was your idea! And you didn't even do any work!" Sora protested, punching me in the arm.

"Yes, but it was a bad one. I think I might have either brain or spinal damage."

Kairi shrugged, still smiling. "I had fun."

Riku and I simultaneously shoved her backwards into the sand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any fans of BBC's Merlin out there? There was definitely a tribute to one of my favorite scenes in this chapter. Old!Merlin (aka Dragoon the Great) is the best!


	7. Chapter 7

Saturday evening brought rain, which meant more video games in Sora's bedroom. The Yoshidas might not have allowed Riku and Sora into our bedroom, or me into Riku's house at all if his mom wasn't home, but they were okay with us all hanging out in Sora's room as long as the door was open. I guess they figured that nothing suspicious would happen with all four of us there, plus Mrs. Hirano was always there and frequently popped in to check if we needed anything.

"Well, if we have to play video games, then someone has to race me at least once," Kairi insisted, plopping down onto the sloppily made bed with her arms crossed.

Riku and Sora both groaned in unison and rolled their eyes. Raising my eyebrows, I looked to Riku for explanation. "What's so bad about racing?"

"She's talking about Mario Kart. It's the only thing she'll play, because it's the only one she's good at."

"It's the only one I find fun to play," Kairi corrected. "And these guys will never play it with me because I beat them every time."

"She's ruthless!" Sora exclaimed. "You've never seen the real Kairi until you see her play Mario Kart."

I laughed. "I'll play it with you! You've got me quite curious now."

They were right, racing did bring out a whole new side of Kairi that I had not seen before. She played as the only female character, so I went with the little green dinosaur. I had played enough of these games with the guys by now that I was pretty familiar with the controls, but Kairi was not going to give me even the slightest chance of winning. She left behind a constant barrage of obstacles and explosives, all while yelling at the screen when anything got in her way.

"Wow!" I exhaled when it was over, falling back against the side of the bed. "That was...a bit exhausting."

"We warned you," Riku grinned.

Kairi shrugged nonchalantly, suddenly back to her normal self. "I thought it was fun."

"It was fun!" I assured her. "But, um...maybe I should learn the game a little better before I take you on again."

"I'll race you!" Sora volunteered immediately, waving his hand in the air. Kairi handed him the controller up over her head, then stood to switch places with him, climbing onto the bed while he jumped down onto the floor next to me. As Sora started the game over, Riku prodded me forward with a hand on my upper back, sliding in behind me so that I was leaning up against him instead of the bed.

"Well, hi there." I tilted my head back to smile up at him, and he smacked a kiss onto my forehead.

"I get to be Mario!" Sora announced in a sing-song voice, making me wonder if this was a source of one of his and Riku's many rivalries.

"Okay, I'm this dude again." I selected the dinosaur and twiddled my fingers on the controller in anticipation.

Giving my waist a squeeze, Riku propped his chin on the top of my head. "You're so tiny. It's adorable."

I scrunched my face up and tried to shake him off, never taking my gaze off of the little car on the screen. "No, it's not!"

"Mm, yeah it is."

I huffed in annoyance. "Well, everybody is tiny compared to you, you giant. What about Sora, is he adorable, too?"

"Nope. He's just wimpy."

"Hey!" Sora protested, reaching over with his left hand to swat at Riku's face like a petulant child. Using his distraction to my advantage, I launched a shell, sending his car spinning. "Aargh!" he yelped.

Riku moved his face over to the other side of my head, out of Sora's reach, and leaned down to murmur in my ear. "You seriously are adorable, though."

"Yeah, well, I'm going to adorably murder you if you make me wreck." At some point along the way, Riku had apparently decided that it was his mission in life to single-handedly bolster my self confidence with a near-constant stream of these types of compliments. I had gotten somewhat used it, though only to the point where I could generally laugh or shrug them off, rather than blushing and fumbling over my thank yous.

I ended up crossing the finish line just behind Sora. "Hmm, well I'm gonna need a rematch on that one at some point. Someone was distracting me the whole time." I elbowed Riku in the stomach.

"Hey, he was distracting me, too, by insulting me!" Sora protested.

Riku took the controller out of my hand. "Okay, wimp, time to prove yourself. You and me. Let's do this. And I get to be Mario this time."

I wiggled my way out of his arms and made myself at home on the bed next to Kairi. As the boys began their game – after Sora was done complaining about his avatar options – I leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Okay, payback time. Our turn to distract them."

Kairi grinned mischievously. "What did you have in mind?"

I glanced at the back of their heads, pondering, then turned back to her with a matching look of mischief. "You should blow in Sora's ear."

Her smile dropped and her eyes went wide. "What? No, I can't do that..."

"Well, I mean, you could just kiss him," I teased.

I didn't think it was possible for her eyes to go any wider, but they did. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, Kai!" I gave her a playful shove. "I'm pretty sure everybody but him knows you like him."

She shushed me frantically and slapped at my arm, but the boys were too focused on their race to pay us any mind. Twisting her lips in thought, she stared at his spiky brown hair. "You really think he doesn't know?"

"Pretty sure he's oblivious," I replied sympathetically. "But also more than sure that he likes you, too." Her cheeks flushed bright pink. "So, come on!" I poked her in the shoulder. "Do a little flirting, make it obvious!"

The look that she shot me was of an irritated sister, but after another glance at Sora, the mischief was back. "Okay. Let's do it."

We both crawled into position, and I held up my fingers to count us off. _One, two, three!_ At the same time, we leaned forward and gently blew across the guys' ears. I heard a slight gasp from Sora, and a grunt from Riku, and looked up at the tv screen just in time to see both of their cars go careening off a cliff simultaneously.

Kairi and I burst into giggles, falling onto our backs on the bed. I vaguely heard the boys complaining through our laughter, both still completely engrossed in their game. That image of them both crashing their cars was going to stick with me for a while, though.

"What's so funny in here?" Mrs. Hirano poked her head into the room, smiling.

"Nothing!" Riku and Sora responded flatly.

Once Riku had achieved his win, he turned to give me a playful glare. "You deserved it," I told him, crossing my arms. "And besides, it doesn't look like it really affected you that much."

He lunged toward me suddenly, grabbing onto my ankles and pulling me forward until he could wrap his arms around my waist and yank me off the bed and into his lap. It was meant in fun, and normally I would have responded with laughter and attempted tickles. This time, however, my heart and brain were too busy flying into overdrive to find it remotely amusing. It felt like all of the air had been sucked out of my lungs, and for a minute all I could do was kick my legs and slap his hands away, which he, of course, thought was just me play fighting back.

Finally I was able to draw in a deep enough breath to find my voice. "Stop it!" I shouted gruffly, shoving his hands off of me again. Riku's smile immediately vanished, and he let go of me, allowing me to roll off of his legs and scoot myself back away from him. Clenching my teeth together, I hugged my knees into my chest, trying to hide the shaking. I glared at Riku as if he was somehow supposed to know better. "Don't do that!"

Riku's expression turned from dumbfounded to crestfallen in an instant. "I'm sorry, Meli. I was just messing with you. I didn't mean to..." He didn't finish, because he didn't know what it was he had done. I didn't know, either. He probably thought this had something to do with Aiden, and for all I knew, maybe it did. _But this is Grim. I shouldn't be afraid of him doing something to hurt me, not after everything we've been through. And after everything we talked about this morning..._

I swallowed hard and forced a weak smile onto my face. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten mad." _Mad isn't really the word, though, is it? More like afraid for my life._ But that didn't make any sense, and would have made him feel even worse, so I would keep that part to myself. The last thing in the world I wanted was to give him another reason to hate himself. "I guess I'm just..." I grasped for an excuse inside my weary, whirling mind. "A little jumpy lately. I'm assuming it's from being tired."

Riku studied me with his lips pressed together sympathetically, and I cast my eyes down at the carpet, unable to continue meeting his gaze. I hadn't brought myself to look at Kairi or Sora, either. I figured they were probably trying their best to shrink into a corner and pretend they didn't exist. Shame heated my neck and ears as it dawned on me how uncomfortable I must make everyone around me feel all the time. No wonder the kids at school stared and whispered. Now I had managed to bring my issues into the weekend, too, the one time that I was supposed to be able to be free of all of that.

"Come here, Sunshine," Riku said softly, holding his arm out to me. Without lifting my head, I moved back over to his side, snuggling into his chest as he embraced me. I inhaled deeply, letting his nearness soothe me. At least I knew that he could still be my safe place, despite him being the one to accidentally set me off.

"I'm sorry I startled you," Riku whispered into my hair. "I promise I'll be more aware in the future, especially as long as you're dealing with these sleep problems."

I shook my head slightly. "It's okay. You didn't know. I'm sorry for overreacting."

Mrs. Hirano appeared in the doorway again just then. "Hey, you four." She glanced down at Riku and me and furrowed her brow. "Is everything okay?"

I turned my face up toward her and smiled, this one more genuine than the last. "Yes, everything's fine."

She smiled back. "Just letting you know that it's stopped raining for now, so I'm going to step outside for a few minutes. Come get me if you need anything."

Kairi hopped off the bed and stretched. "I think I'll head on home before it starts raining again. Meli, you coming or staying?"

"I think I'll stay a little longer." I looked up at Riku with a smirk. "Settle the score with one more race?"

I had a suspicion that Riku took it easy on me and let me win that next race, but that wasn't going to stop me from gloating at least a little. We began digging through Sora's other games, looking for something else to play, still trying to get our minds off of our mini argument, and Riku pulled out a case that I had never seen before.

"Hey, what's this one?" he asked, waving it in Sora's direction.

"Hmm?" Sora lifted his head up from where he was lying on the bed. "Oh, that. It's some kind of puzzle solving game. I've had it for a while, but haven't gotten around to playing it. You guys can do it if you want."

I was a little skeptical to begin with about a video game that wasn't action-oriented, but it turned out to be pretty addicting. Sora helped us out here and there for a while, but before long his mumbling was replaced by the sound of quiet snoring. Only Riku and I were left, and we were so wrapped up in puzzles that we barely noticed how late it was getting. The room grew dark, and eventually I stretched out across the floor with my head on Riku's lap, holding the controller on my stomach as we continued to work together to get through the next couple of levels.

The next thing I was aware of was opening my eyes and staring up at a sunlit ceiling. Disoriented, I rolled my head to the side, feeling an unfamiliar pillow beneath me, and blinked in confusion at the tv set and stack of video games that greeted me. Suddenly the truth struck me, and I bolted upright, the controller that had still been balancing on my stomach falling to the floor.

It was morning, and I was still in Sora's room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw that he was still crashed out in his own bed, one arm dangling down and his mouth ajar. Riku was... _where is he?_ I heard stirring and flipped my head around to look the other way. Riku had apparently been sleeping on the floor with his head right next to mine, using his arm as a pillow, but now he was waking and smiling up at me.

"Morning, Sunshine." He stretched lazily, not seeming to notice the look of bewilderment on my face.

"Wha...I fell asleep here?" I let my gaze travel around the unkempt room, still trying to make sense of it all.

"Yep. On my lap, right in the middle of level 24." Riku pushed himself up off the floor and shifted to lean against the bed. "I let you stay there for as long as I could. You were so peaceful, and I didn't want to disturb you. But finally the cramps from staying in that one position won out, and I had to switch out my leg for a pillow. Thankfully you stayed asleep. I honestly don't think you moved all night."

All night. I had slept on the floor of Sora's room, of all places, all night without having a single nightmare. _Could it have been Riku's presence that allowed it? Too bad I can't get him to come sleep with me every night._ I blushed just at the thought. _I bet the Yoshidas would love that suggestion._

 _Wait, the Yoshidas!_ Gasping, I tried to scramble to my feet, my limbs still half-asleep and uncooperative. "Oh my gosh, they're gonna kill me! I can't believe they haven't broken down the door looking for me already."

"Relax, hon, you're fine." Mrs. Hirano appeared on cue, wearing a robe and slippers. "They texted me last night, wondering when you were coming home, and when I came to check on you guys you were all fast asleep." She pulled her phone out of her robe pocket and punched a few buttons, turning it around to show us the screen with a smile on her face. "I sent them this in reply."

It was a photo of the three of us. Sora snoring away on his bed, Riku sitting up straight with his head lolled back onto the mattress, and me with my head on his lap and the controller still grasped in my hands.

"Great," Riku groaned. "That's just the photo we all wanted to have."

"I asked your parents if they wanted me to wake you and bring you home," Mrs. Hirano continued, ignoring Riku's complaint. "But they said we might as well let you sleep."

I breathed a sigh of relief. I may have screwed up, but at least they had been informed already. "Okay. Thank you. I should head back now, though, and...apologize to them."

"They're not gonna be mad at you, hon. I know you're probably used to some pretty strict parenting from your foster home, but the Yoshidas aren't like that. They have rules, sure, but they're only really concerned with keeping you safe."

I bit my lip, considering her words. She was right, of course. Something like this would have really gotten me in the dog house at either of my foster homes or with Aiden, but things were different now. The Yoshidas were understanding, and so far seemed to be giving me plenty of free rein. "Yeah, I know. They are completely different...which is why I hate to have worried them." I turned back to Riku. "I'm gonna go now."

"I'll walk you back. My mom's not home this morning, anyway."

"Thanks for letting me sleep," I told Riku as we walked hand in hand up the path toward home.

"Sure. I'm just glad you seem to have gotten a decent night's sleep for once."

"Yeah, I guess I did." I couldn't say I really felt any different, though. "Sorry that you...probably didn't."

"Eh." Riku shrugged and waved it off with his free hand. "It wasn't bad. Not the first time I've fallen asleep on Sora's floor. Not the worst place I've slept, either."

I grunted a laugh, thinking of all the random corners Sora, Donald, Goofy, and I had found ourselves bunking in. "Yeah, tell me about it. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I need to forgo the bed and just sleep out in a field somewhere."

We laughed, then walked in silence for a few minutes. Riku was the first to speak up again. "Should we...talk more about what happened yesterday? Are we good?"

I had almost forgotten about the incident, but the embarrassment came rushing back as soon as it was mentioned. "Yeah, yeah we're good. I'm not...you didn't do anything wrong."

"And neither did you," Riku broke in, as if he knew that an apology was next on my lips. "I think we can just call it a...misunderstanding."

The knot in my stomach squeezed a little tighter. I didn't know what it should actually be called. _Another of Meli's freak outs? Meli making a complete and utter fool of herself in front of her friends? Whatever. For both of our sakes, we'll stick with a misunderstanding._ "Yeah. That works."


	8. Chapter 8

Another week passed, much the same as the last. More nights of interrupted sleep came and went, leaving me in more of a fog each day. I had a feeling that I was failing most of my classes, based mostly off of the fact that I could barely make myself focus on anything that was being taught. Math and history continued to completely baffle me. One low point of that week was when the history teacher called on me in class, and in a frazzled rush I had blurted out Abraham Lincoln as the name of the man who discovered Destiny Islands. Of course no one there had a clue who he even was, but that didn't keep them from snickering at me for the rest of the class.

Those kinds of incidents were nothing, though, compared to the moments spent bawling my eyes out and afraid for my life. The episodes had not gone away, and living through this many of them had not made them any less exhausting or terrifying. For my friends and family, I kept putting on a happy face, or at least as happy of one as I could muster. Part of me deep inside kept screaming that I needed to get help from someone, that all of this was not natural and had gone on for way too long. But for years I had trained myself to rely on only me, and that mindset wasn't about to lose its grip now. I could argue with myself as much as I wanted about how these people cared for me and wanted to help me, but in the end if someone asked me how I was doing, I always just answered, "Fine."

Besides, ever since the incident at Sora's house several days prior, I kept getting this nagging feeling that I shouldn't ever let my friends see that side of me again, not if I wanted to keep them around. They loved me, sure, but that didn't mean they couldn't be scared off.

"This month has gone by fast, don't you think?" Kairi's voice brought me out of my thoughts as we walked through the foggy morning toward school that Friday. "It's almost over already."

I tried to think of what the date was, but couldn't bring it to mind, despite having spent the day before writing the date at the top of all my work. "What is today, anyway?"

"It's the twenty-ninth," Kairi replied.

"January twenty-ninth?" _Why does that sound so familiar to me?_ "Oh, right." I huffed out a laugh. "Happy birthday to me."

The explosion of responses from everyone around me made me freeze in my tracks, eyes wide.

"What?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you saying today is your birthday?"

"I thought your birthday was in September!"

"Why didn't you say anything?"

They had all spun around to stare at me, and I glanced at each of their faces, unsure of how to respond. Kairi threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. "How come none of us ever bothered to ask you when your birthday was? Not even Mom and Dad!"

Riku scratched his head, guilt written all over his face. "I think we all just assumed that it was the same as Kairi's."

"Yeah, why isn't it the same as Kairi's?" Sora asked, wrinkling his nose in confusion.

"Oh, well, it might be," I hurried to offer. "If you know when your birthday is, then that's cool. I don't know when my actual birthday is, so officially on paper it's the day they found me. January twenty-ninth."

"No, I don't know, either." Kairi turned to Sora and Riku. "Remember, September seventeenth isn't actually my birthday, either. It's my adoption day."

"Oh, yeah..."

"We've just always celebrated it as your birthday, so I guess we forgot." Riku sighed. "But why didn't you say anything, Meli? You should have told us your birthday was coming!"

I twisted my lips to the side. "Guess I just didn't think about it...?" _My mind has been a little preoccupied with more pressing things._ "It's really not that big of a deal, anyway. I don't know what you guys normally do for birthdays, but I'm not used to paying them that much attention. I mean, Aiden would take me out to dinner, but we did that all the time, so it wasn't super special or anything."

For some reason instead of reassuring them, this seemed to agitate them even more. "Ugh!" Kairi groaned. "Okay, that settles it. We may not have time to really do anything for you today, but tomorrow we are celebrating your birthday with as much flair as we can possibly manage with one day's notice." She looked to the boys for their approval, and they both nodded eagerly. "I'm texting Mom right now to tell her so she can start planning."

I tried to protest, repeating that it wasn't a big deal, but no one was listening. While Kairi walked and texted, the boys each wrapped an arm around me, marching me along at a cheerful pace while bellowing the words to some birthday song that I had never heard before.

_It's your birthday_

_It's your day_

_We have something_

_We'd like to say_

_May all your birthday_

_Dreams come true_

_Happy happy birthday to you!_

They were so into the whole thing that I had to just laugh along. If it made them happy to celebrate my birthday, then there was no reason not to let them go for it, which is exactly what they did. School passed just as drearily as ever, but at lunch Sora made sure to announce to everyone who would listen that it was my birthday, and on the way home that afternoon I was subjected to more off-key singing and quizzed on my favorite flavor of cake.

Mrs. Yoshida greeted me at the door with a bigger-than-usual hug, followed by a stern face and finger shaking for not telling anyone, followed by another squeezing hug and a, "Happy birthday, sweetie!" Mr. Yoshida came into the room, too, and said his own happy birthday with a warm smile on his face. He was good about keeping a respectful distance, though, knowing that I wouldn't yet be comfortable with a hug from him.

"We've gotta go," Riku told me, motioning to Sora. "Sorry we can't stick around, but we need to uh...prepare some things..."

"Secret stuff!" Sora broke in. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow to find out!"

"Okay," I smiled, leaning into give Riku a kiss. "I'll see you in the morning." I had a feeling that between homework and Kairi I was going to be kept plenty busy the rest of the day, anyway. She currently had her phone out and was updating her mother on our cake conversation.

"She says she doesn't remember any specific flavors of cake that she may have had in the past, but she likes chocolate in general, so I say let's go with chocolate." Kairi scrolled through the text she had typed into her phone, then glanced over at me with a sly smile. "And...we'll talk about the rest later." Turning off the phone, she bounced toward me and grabbed onto my hand. "Right now, let's go pick out what you're going to wear tomorrow!"

"I have to wear something special?" I questioned with crinkled brows as she pulled me up the stairs.

"Well, no, you don't have to. But it's fun to! I mean, it's your special day, everyone will be looking at you and taking pictures and everything, so it's nice to wear something you feel really good in."

I almost snort-laughed at that one. I wasn't really sure when the last time was that I had really felt good about what I had on. Maybe when I had first gotten my fighting outfit from the fairies. These days I spent most of my time in the terrible school uniform, and any other time I was only concerned about comfort and making sure that all of my scars were completely covered, not whether or not I looked cute.

Shaking those thoughts away, I let my mind wander back over what else she had said. _Everyone looking at me and taking pictures._ "Sounds...intimidating."

Kairi looked back over her shoulder at me. "Oh, it'll just be us, no big deal. Unless you want to invite anyone else, that is. We thought about asking Sora and Riku's moms, and maybe Selphie, but figured you'd like it better if it was just us."

"Oh, I was really hoping that you had invited Nara," I quipped. Kairi glared at me playfully, and I laughed. "Kidding, of course. You're right. It'll be better with just us." _Being the center of attention for just the five of them will be plenty._

We rifled through my clothes for a while, with Kairi occasionally pulling out tops and saying, "This is cute!" or, "What about this?" and me continuously shaking my head in reply. She must have been looking for something different than my usual, because everything that she selected was something that I never wore anymore. Of course I knew that there was a specific reason behind it, but she seemed to have momentarily forgotten about that reason. I supposed I should be grateful that she didn't remember, but it was starting to get irritating.

When she moved on to her own clothes and pulled out a sundress with a short skirt and a scooped neckline to suggest, I finally snapped. "No, not that one, either!"

Kairi looked hurt and a bit deflated, letting her arms fall down by her side, dress still in hand. "Oh, okay. Well...maybe I should just leave you alone and let you decide."

I shut my eyes and sighed, then stalked over to my bed and plopped down, burying my face in my hands. "I'm sorry. You don't have to leave. I shouldn't have gotten impatient."

"No, I got overexcited and was probably being pushy," Kairi said quietly. "I wanted to help, but I should just let you look and I'll only give input if you want."

 _You're letting your issues affect your friends again._ "It's not that. I don't mind you looking and suggesting things. I just...don't know that it's going to do any good for either of us to keep looking." _You're gonna have to suck it up and remind her._ "There's...a reason I only wear the few things I normally wear. It's because of...their...coverage..."

Realization came over Kairi's face, and she crossed to sit on her bed next to me. "Oh. Right. I'm sorry, I guess I completely forgot. But that's just...on your back and stomach, right? So as long as the sleeves are long enough to cover your shoulders, and it's not too low in the back..."

I shook my head. "It's not just there. It comes all the way up..." Taking a deep breath, I shoved my tie to the side and released the top two buttons of my shirt so that I could point out the purple lightning-shaped scars that branched out onto my chest. "To here. So it has to be high cut in the front, too. And...modesty is not the only reason I wear these shorts to school every day." I pulled on the hems for emphasis.

Kairi winced slightly. "Your legs, too?"

"Yep." I forced a smile, pulling my shirt back closed so I wouldn't have to look at the hideous things. "So yeah, I'm sorry for snapping. I just...don't think any of this is going to do any good."

Kairi sighed in exasperation. "I refuse to believe that. Surely there's something you can wear. If I had time I would take you shopping. Hey, what if we just put some makeup on it? I'm not sure if I have the right stuff we would need, but..." She pursed her lips, and I could see her brain churning through ideas. "Oh! Hang on!" Leaping off the bed, she ran back to the closet and hung up the dress in her hand before digging into the very back. In a moment, she produced a cerulean blue dress with a high neck and short sleeves. "Ta da! What do you think? If you absolutely hate it feel free to say so."

"No, I definitely don't hate it," I assured her. "It's...not like anything I'm used to wearing, but it's pretty."

"It's not really a style I wear, either. Which is why I've never worn it," Kairi laughed. "Do you want to try it on? See if it...works?"

"Sure." Kairi excused herself from the room while I changed clothes. The dress fit perfectly, which wasn't surprising considering Kairi and I were the same size. Rotating in front of the mirror, I checked all sides to make sure no scars were peeking out, but all I saw was the one stubborn spot on the back of my neck that my hair didn't quite cover yet.

When Kairi reentered the room a moment later, she found me staring at my own reflection. "Ooh, Meli, you look so pretty!" She clasped her hands together in delight. "Do you like it?"

"Yeah, I do." I really did look...I don't know if I could say pretty, but at least maybe elegant. The cut of the neckline and the flare of the skirt made me feel like I had stepped straight out of the 1950's, but the skirt also had a flowing, almost ethereal quality to it. "I really like it."

"Yay! I'm so glad! And tomorrow we can find you some jewelry and stuff, and if you get cold, or just feel more comfortable, you can put one of your sweaters on with it. I'll even do your makeup for you if you want me to!" Kairi bubbled, clearly back to being superbly excited about this whole event.

"Okay, thanks," I smiled. "And...thank you, for...not giving up."

"Of course!" Kairi's expression turned thoughtful. "I wish there was some way we could think of to get rid of them or cover them up permanently, so you could feel better about yourself." She gasped. "Like a tattoo! I don't know how big of an area you'd actually need to cover, but from what I've seen of the shape it seems like you could do like a vine or something." She trotted over to her desk and picked up a pen, her hand flitting over a piece of paper as she sketched out a winding, flowering vine. "Maybe like this? I don't know, it's just a thought."

"That's...actually really pretty," I commented, peering over her shoulder. "I didn't know you could draw."

Kairi shrugged sheepishly. "Nothing too elaborate. I guess I've always been able to draw a little, but I've found myself doodling a lot more recently."

I smiled softly. "Naminé."

"What?" Kairi looked at me in surprise.

"Naminé. She was always drawing. I wonder if she has something to do with it."

The expression that crossed her face was a bit sad. "Oh. That's right, I forgot that you knew her." Placing one hand over her heart, she seemed to become lost in thought.

I leaned forward and picked up the paper. "Anyway, the tattoo thing is...a good idea, I have to admit. Except for one thing."

"What's that?"

"Um, your parents? I mean, our parents. I've only just turned sixteen, remember? Assuming the rules are the same here as they were back in my universe, I'm a minor still and would have to have their permission." I laughed at the thought of it. "I do not see them agreeing to that."

Kairi scrunched her face up. "Well...they might, if they knew what it was for."

I frowned. "I don't know about that..." I would really rather not remind anyone about that particular part of my life. "Thanks for the suggestion. And for the dress. I should probably get started on my homework now."

"Okay! I have some things to go talk to Mom about," Kairi grinned mischievously. "I'll be back up in a bit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Artwork for this chapter: https://www.instagram.com/p/B2HakqUgLyc/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
> 
> Please leave a comment or kudos to let me know if you're enjoying the story so far!


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning I had my alarm set for the normal Saturday time, but since Kairi was already out of bed when I woke I decided to hold off on changing into my workout clothes just yet. I had no idea what they had planned for this day, so I figured it was better to check downstairs first and see if Riku was even coming.

When I entered the kitchen in my pajamas, Mr. Yoshida was standing in front of a griddle making pancakes. "Morning!" he greeted me brightly. "How's the birthday girl this morning?"

"Um...good, I guess." I glanced back over my shoulder, wondering where Kairi was, before forcing myself to make small talk. "Whatcha making?"

"Blueberry and banana pancakes!" he announced proudly. "One of your favorites, right?"

I smiled back at him. "Yeah, it is. Thanks."

We were interrupted by a burst of singing from Kairi and Mrs. Yoshida as they entered from the dining room. Apparently having that birthday song on repeat was a must around here.

"Happy birthday, Meli!" Mrs. Yoshida exclaimed.

"Come on, come in here and sit down!" Kairi ordered.

"Oh, okay." We normally just ate breakfast at the bar in the kitchen, but I allowed myself to be dragged into the dining room. Much to my surprise, I found the room draped from wall to wall in so many colorful streamers that the ceiling was barely visible, with balloons hanging from every corner and from the chandelier above the middle of the table. One chair, at the head of the table, was decorated as well, and this is where they escorted me.

"Wow, you guys really went all out," I commented, a little too overwhelmed to know what else to say.

"Do you like it?" Kairi grinned. "It's a tradition. We always make the birthday person's favorite breakfast and hang some decorations in here. We, um...might have gone a little crazy this time, but we were having fun doing it."

"We had to make up for lost time!" Mrs. Yoshida added.

"Oh, and here, you get to wear the birthday tiara!" Kairi produced a small, crystal covered tiara from somewhere behind her, and pinned it onto my head before I could protest. "I've had it since I turned ten, and I wear it every year."

"I've got pancakes!" Mr. Yoshida announced as he entered the room. "For the birthday girl, and for the...not-birthday girl." He set two plates in front of me and the next chair, and Kairi laughed and sat down.

"Thanks, Dad."

I stared down at the pancakes for a moment, my brain still trying to process everything, then realized I was being rude and jerked my head up to offer him a smile. "Oh. Yeah. Um, thanks. They...look delicious."

"You feeling alright, sweetie?" Mrs. Yoshida asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just, um...trying to take it all in, I guess." _Come on, Meli. These people are going through all this trouble just for you, the least you can do is be happy and grateful about it._ It wasn't that I didn't like what they had done. The atmosphere of this home was just so different from anything that I was used to, that even after all these months here they still threw me for a loop on occasion. _Birthday traditions? Streamers and balloons, and tiaras?_ These were the kinds of things that happened on movies. I barely even realized that people actually celebrated like this in real life.

I widened my smile and nodded reassuringly. "Thanks for all of this. This is great."

Mrs. Yoshida retreated to the kitchen, leaving Kairi and me with our pancakes. "So...I take it Riku isn't coming for training this morning?" I ventured.

Kairi shook her head. "He's up, he texted me not long ago. Said to tell you he'd be here soon for pancakes."

"Okay, good."

"I haven't heard from Sora yet. He's probably still asleep, but he's supposed to come as soon as he wakes up."

I swirled a piece of pancake around in the maple syrup on my plate. "Any particular plans for later?"

"Mostly just cake and presents!" Kairi grinned. "Other than that we'll let you decide. We did talk about going down to the beach this afternoon."

"Presents?" I almost choked on my food. "Presents for me?"

"Well yeah, duh! Birthday presents, silly!" She laughed. "What do you think Sora and Riku ran off to do yesterday afternoon?"

"You didn't have to get me presents. You guys have given me so much stuff already." _And I've given you nothing. An extra mouth for your parents to feed, and a wreck of emotions for you and Riku to worry about._

"We know we don't have to. We want to!" Just then, the doorbell rang, echoing through the spacious house. "That's probably Riku," Kairi remarked.

"Oh!" I looked down at my plaid pajama pants. "I should go change."

"Wait, all the time you two have spent together, and he's never seen you in your pajamas?"

"Well...no." My mind traveled back to the mansion for a moment, back when I would sometimes change into my pjs before we ate dinner together. "I was in my pajamas around him plenty of times, but he, you know...couldn't see."

"Oh, right." Kairi waved her hand dismissively as I stood from the table. "You look cute, don't worry about it. It's too late now, anyway, he's already in the house and would see you on the way up the stairs."

Right on cue, a giant bouquet of colorful flowers entered the dining room, with Riku's eyes peeking over the top of it. "Happy birthday, Meli."

"Hey! Um...thanks." I eyed the bouquet, feeling an unexplained knot growing in my chest. "Are those...for me?"

"Of course!" Riku leaned out from behind the flowers and placed a kiss on my lips. "Not my only gift, but I thought you might like them."

Pressing my lips together, I struggled to make sense of the sudden doubt I was feeling. "Yeah, they're...they're nice." Here I was, being ungrateful again. But something about those flowers was making me uneasy.

Mr. Yoshida brought in a plate of pancakes for Riku, who set the bouquet down on the table and greeted Kairi. I gripped the back of my chair with white knuckles, staring at the multi-colored petals until they blurred in front of my eyes.

_"These are for you..."_

_"Thanks, they're nice..."_

The distant conversation played over in my head, and suddenly it clicked. The only other person who had ever bought me flowers was Aiden, and it was always after he had hurt me somehow. I had accepted each bouquet or long-stemmed rose with a forgiving smile and a kiss, and the belief that this time, the apology would actually mean something. Now, I wanted to pick them up and throw them against the wall. _I am never letting you hurt me again. You don't deserve any more chances._

Riku's voice saying my name brought me back to the present at just the right time. I snapped my gaze up to meet his, but didn't let him speak before blurting my own question. "What made you decide to get these?" It was blunt, it was probably rude. But I needed to know that this wasn't supposed to be an apology of some kind.

He glanced down at the flowers, then back up at me, obviously a bit confused by my reaction. "Well, um, like I said, I thought you'd like them, and...because it's your birthday, and I love you?"

Inhaling deeply, I shut my eyes and blew out the breath, allowing myself a small smile as the fears and memories of past hurts and lies melted away. "Okay." I stepped in close to him and slid my arm around his waist. "Thank you. They're beautiful."

"You're welcome." The concern was obvious in his tone, but mercifully he didn't press the issue. As he sat down to his breakfast, I excused myself to go upstairs and change.

"Feel free to help yourself to any of my stuff," Kairi called after me. "And let me know if you want help with anything!"

I put on the blue dress quickly, adding a pair of shorts underneath just in case, and put on a silver locket that the Yoshidas had given me. Shoes had me hung up for a few minutes, and I almost called Kairi to come help me decide, but finally I put on a pair of nude-colored flats from Kairi's stash. I debated whether or not to put the birthday tiara back on, but figured I would get scolded if I didn't. As I was studying the finished outfit in the mirror, I heard the doorbell ring again, signifying Sora's arrival.

I had to admit, I was excited about seeing what Riku thought of this look. It was definitely the happiest I had felt about my appearance in a while. Gliding down the stairs with one hand on the smooth wooden banister, I paused at the bottom to listen for the voices of my friends. It sounded like they were still in the dining room. Sora probably wanted some pancakes, too, despite being a late arrival.

As I approached the room, I couldn't help but overhear a bit of their conversation. "You've been way more into planning this party than you usually are," Riku was saying.

"Well, can you blame me?" Kairi responded. "She's never had a proper birthday celebration before. I feel like we have to try to make up for everything she's missed in the past."

"Yeah, of course."

I had slowed my walk by now, not originally intending to eavesdrop, but finding it hard to stop myself. "Besides, I can't help but hope that maybe today will help perk her up a little...bring her out of whatever funk she's in," Kairi sighed.

"You've noticed that, too, huh?" Sora piped up. My stomach flip flopped. Apparently I hadn't been doing as good at hiding my problems as I had thought.

"Yeah, I mean, she just seems...sad...distracted...something," Kairi answered. "Just not herself. And I know she hasn't been sleeping well, and that she's been stressed with school, but...I feel like there's something else going on, too."

Obviously she knew more than anyone that there was something else going on, since she knew about the nightmares. I just wished I even knew what else it was, myself. I leaned against the wall outside the dining room, waiting to hear what Riku would say, a little afraid to find out.

"Well, truthfully, she hasn't been her real self for a very long time," he remarked, a hint of sadness in his voice. "Or at least not her old self. The Meli that I first met at the mansion was...different. Happier. Even with all of the crap she had been through at that point in her life, she still had a...an innocence, I guess. I still see it sometimes, but it's been pretty rare ever since we got back home. Even more so lately."

His words weighed heavily on my chest. Of course I knew I had changed, but I hadn't realized it was that obvious to anyone else. I had been trying so hard to keep my problems to myself until I could figure them out. Clearly I was failing. _If you could just get your act together, then maybe everyone wouldn't have to feel awkward and sorry for you all the time._

"Do you think there's something we can do?" Kairi asked. "To help her get back to her old self?"

There was a pause, and I held my breath, waiting for the answer. "I don't know," Riku finally said. "I wish there was, but...I'm pretty doubtful about that. Whatever she's going through right now, sure. If we can find out for certain what's bothering her, then I would bet there's a way to help. But as far as her old self..." He sighed heavily. "Guys, I doubt we even know half of what she went through in that castle. I have a feeling that all of that changed her forever."

The strain in his voice was killing me. I darted away into the darkened formal living room, blinking away the tears that threatened to spill. Sinking down onto the sofa, I covered my face with my hands. Grim believed that I would never be my old self again. That thought didn't bother me as much for myself as it did for him. The girl that he fell in love with was gone. I hadn't wanted to believe it before, but now I had no choice but to face it.

 _Does he even still love me anymore?_ Of course he said he did, and he acted like he did, but what if it was just that – an act? Or what if he was trying to still love me, but the person I had become was slowly pushing him away? What if, one of these days, he got tired of trying, tired of being with someone who was clearly broken and maybe not repairable? The thought was almost too much to bear. Imagining Riku turning away from me left me with an ache in my chest and tears burning my throat.

_He doesn't even know how messed up you are...yet. He already thinks you're broken beyond repair, and he hasn't even seen a fraction of your issues. Just imagine what he's gonna think when he finally sees you flip out one of these days..._

I shook my head vigorously, clasping my hands over my ears as if it would keep the whispers away. _No. He doesn't ever have to know about that. None of them do. It's gonna pass, eventually, and everything will go back to normal._

Sitting up straight, I brushed the few tears that had escaped away from my eyes, taking in deep breaths to try to calm myself. _You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go in there and show them that the old Meli does still exist. I'm gonna be happy and innocent and enjoy my birthday, and not let any of this other crap get the best of me today._

My mind made up, I jumped up off the couch, smoothed out my skirt, and put some pep in my walk as I headed back to the dining room. This time I didn't let myself stop to hear what they were talking about, but marched straight into the room and stopped just inside the doorway.

"Hey, there she is! Happy birthday!" Sora greeted me with a mouthful of pancakes.

Riku turned around in his chair and beamed, his gaze traveling up and down my dress. "Wow, you look amazing!"

"Thanks!" I smiled shyly.

The majority of the rest of the day passed pleasantly. We all hung out and chatted for a while, played a board game, then Mrs. Yoshida announced that it was time for gifts. I tried my best not to let the onslaught of attention get to me as everyone gathered around the table to watch me open the presents. _Happy and grateful. Be happy and grateful._ I felt like I was doing a pretty good job of it, too, smiling and laughing and saying thank you promptly each time.

The Yoshidas had gotten me a gift card to a local clothing store so that I could boost my wardrobe, as well as one for a furniture store so that I could pick out my own desk and not have to keep sharing with Kairi. Sora bought a snorkel and mask, "for when the water warms up", and I managed not to let on that I didn't even know how to swim. Kairi gave me a few bottles of nail polish, since I only owned one color and hated having to borrow hers.

That left no more gifts on the table, and Riku looking sheepish. "I got you something," he assured me. "Besides just the flowers. But it's, um...not done yet. So we'll have to go to my house to see it later."

I laughed. "Okay. Sounds a little scary, but I trust you."

Mrs. Yoshida had disappeared into the kitchen, but came back in now holding a round cake covered in chocolate icing, with sixteen purple candles lit on the top. "Alright, everybody ready?"

With bright smiles on their faces, everyone broke into song once again.

_It's your birthday_

_It's your day_

_We have something_

_We'd like to say_

_May all your birthday_

_Dreams come true_

_Happy happy birthday to you!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More birthday party and a present from Riku coming on Thursday! Leave me a comment if you're enjoying...I'd love to hear from you guys!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for part 3 of Meli’s birthday!

"Sorry about having to steal you away from everyone else."

I wiggled my hand more tightly into Riku's and smiled up at him. "That's okay. It's been a...pretty busy day. Having a little bit of time alone, out of the house, is a nice break." Honestly, this walk was one of the best parts of the day so far. Riku and I didn't get to be alone together very often anymore, other than when we were training. Of course I would never begrudge the time we spent with Kairi and Sora, but that didn't mean I wouldn't jump on any opportunity to be with just Riku.

"And this won't take too long, I promise. We can go right back to play some more games or do the beach or whatever as soon as I show you your gift. I feel bad that I didn't have it ready to give it to you properly."

The winter sunlight reflected off of his silver hair as a light breeze blew through it. _How did I get so lucky to be with this guy?_ "Hey, I'm the one that didn't give anybody advance notice, remember? Also, I didn't even expect presents at all, so there's no disappointment for me."

We walked on in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying the warm afternoon air. Riku lifted his free hand to cover a large yawn, then shook his head and apologized.

"Sleepy?" I asked.

"Yeah, a bit."

 _Boy, I know how that feels._ "How have the nightmares been lately?"

"Still about the same, I guess," he shrugged. "They show up on occasion, but aren't usually too bad."

"That's good." I bit down on my lip, trying not to let my thoughts wander to my own dreams. "What about...the other stuff? Adjusting to being back home, and everything?"

Riku nodded pensively. "I guess I'm adjusting a little better. It was definitely weird at first, coming back here like nothing had ever changed, when so many things had. It's still hard sometimes, not being able to tell anyone about any of it, having to keep what we do hidden. I feel like I'm lying about who I really am." He gazed down at me and smiled. "Good thing is, the only people that really matter do know exactly who I am."

"Mm...a perfectionist, who likes to pretend he's not as much of a goofball as he really is, and is way too handsome for his own good." I giggled, and Riku ran into me from the side, shoving me off the path into the grass.

"Hey now," he protested, then shrugged. "I guess I can't complain about that description too much. You could have said a lot worse." After a moment, he glanced my way again. "What about you? How are you feeling about adjusting to 'normal life'?" Something in his tone told me that he was fishing for an explanation for my weird moods lately.

I swallowed, then forced myself to answer in a cheery, nonchalant voice. "Oh, you know. School is still pretty stressful, but I'll get used to it eventually. The rest of life is good...you guys, the Yoshidas, the island. I'm still glad I'm living here."

"What about your headaches?" Riku queried, clearly not quite buying my happy act. "Are you still getting a lot of those?"

 _Only every day._ "I guess. Stress, I'm sure."

"And are you still not sleeping well?"

I choked out a laugh. "What's with the interrogation? I'm fine."

Riku frowned. "Frequent headaches and sleep problems don't exactly sound fine to me. But if you think it's all just stress...I believe you. And I sure hope that school gets easier for you soon. Have you asked Kairi to help you with any of your homework? Or you know I'd be happy to help, too, anytime."

"Thanks. I appreciate that." Having someone explain things to me might actually be helpful, though that would mean someone would end up finding out how terribly my brain was working most of the time. I really didn't need my friends thinking I was stupid on top of being an emotional wreck.

"You didn't fully answer my question, though," I commented, turning the conversation back onto Riku. "Adjusting to normal life wasn't the only thing you were struggling with last time we talked." I didn't really want to spell out what he had told me, for his sake, but it had been a while and I had been worried about him.

"Yeah, I know."

Whether 'he knew' that there was more, or 'he knew' that he hadn't answered the full question, he didn't specify. I waited for him to elaborate, but instead he swung me around to a halt in front of him, a wry smile on his face. "Did I mention that you look amazing today?"

I narrowed my eyes at him in amusement. "Mm, yes, I believe you did, but–"

He interrupted me with a kiss – a kiss that turned into two, then three, then I lost count of how many and there were thrills running down my spine and into my toes. I finally pulled back away from him, trying to catch my breath. "You, sir, are avoiding the question." I tried to look stern, but was failing miserably.

"I am...prioritizing how I spend my time," he returned, his lips chasing after mine for another kiss. "Our time alone is about to come to an end, and I'd much rather spend it making out with you than talking about me."

I cut my eyes over to the side. "We're standing in front of your house again, aren't we? We've really got to stop doing this out here on the street. Your mom is gonna catch us one of these days."

He smirked. "And?"

Before he could get in another kiss, I snatched up his hand and tugged him toward the house. "Come on, silly. I want to see my present."

We walked through the unlocked front door hand in hand. "Hey mom," he called out. "I brought Meli over."

Mrs. Tanaka, a petite, soft-spoken woman with dark blonde hair greying above her ears, appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. "Hello there, Meli. I heard it's your birthday."

"Yesterday, yes, ma'am. Though we're celebrating today." As nice as Mrs. Tanaka seemed to be, I was still a bit intimidated by her. It was probably just my desire to make a good impression on the mother of my boyfriend, still flowing strongly since I hadn't had very many opportunities to do so. Riku's mom was very rarely actually around.

"Well, happy birthday," she smiled softly.

"Thank you, ma'am."

"I'm gonna take her out to the shed to show her her gift," Riku explained, walking toward the back door.

"Okay, you two have fun."

I followed Riku down the hall and out the door, then diagonally across the small backyard to the shed that doubled as storage and a workshop for various household projects. He paused at the door, his hand on the knob.

"I'm trying to decide whether to tell you what it is first, so you won't be so confused when I show you, or just let you see it and explain after." He pursed his lips, then twisted the knob and pushed open the door. "I guess I'll show you first. Just...remember that it's not finished yet."

I was definitely curious now as to what was waiting inside. Stepping just inside the pitch black room, I held my breath while Riku flicked on the overhead fluorescent lights. Amidst the lawn tools and various bins and boxes, there was a cleared out space with what looked like half of a purple bicycle on a stand in the middle. I blinked as my eyes adjusted to the light, then glanced over at Riku and back at the bike. I assumed this must be the gift, I was just confused as to why it was in pieces.

"So, um...I really wanted to get you a bike," Riku began. "You know, so you wouldn't have to keep borrowing your mom's." Bicycles were a common form of transportation on the Islands, especially during the warmer months. I had been working on relearning how to ride so that we could eventually all ride together.

"I went to the bike shop in town, but...I couldn't afford any of the stuff they had. Even the refurbished ones." Riku stared at the concrete floor, embarrassed. "I asked Mr. Matsuo if there was anything that could be done, and he showed me the ones that still needed to be repaired. This one didn't need too much work, and it also happened to be one of your favorite colors, so I figured it was meant to be. He showed me exactly what needed to be done. I...thought maybe I could get it all done last night, but...it's my first time repairing a bike, and one of the steps ended up taking way longer than I anticipated. I finally had to give up and get a few hours of sleep."

He looked back over at me, and it was obvious that he was unsure of himself, something that he didn't let show very often. Somehow it made him even more adorable than usual. "Anyway, I hope you like it. Or, will like it, once it's finished. I promise I'll finish it really soon."

Before he could continue to ramble on, I skipped over and threw my arms around him. "I love it. Even in pieces. Though I think it'll be a little easier to ride once it has two wheels."

Smiling, Riku returned the embrace. "Really? You really do?"

"Of course!" I pressed a kiss onto his lips. "How could I not like such a sweet, thoughtful gift? I've almost got the hang of the whole riding thing, too, so now I'll be ready to roll with you guys."

"Yeah!" Riku responded, his enthusiasm returning. "Then we can all ride to school together, or to the beach, or wherever." Letting his arms drop from around my waist, he grabbed onto my hand. "Come here, I'll show you what I still have to do."

I willingly let him pull me toward the bike, watching him fondly as he dropped down to one knee next to it and started pointing out various parts that he was working on. The light over our heads flickered and buzzed faintly while he talked.

Out of nowhere, my vision flashed white, and nauseating pain tore through my body. Through the pain, I barely felt myself hit the floor, an inhuman cry wrenching from my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut, but somehow I could still see Saix looming over me.

"No," I whimpered. "No, please...don't..." The pain hit again, squeezing into my chest so that I could no longer draw breath to speak.

_I'm going to die. He's going to kill me. I'm going to die._

The pain wouldn't stop, and my lungs were starving for air. I felt a hand on my hair, and my whole body flinched, expecting to be yanked to my feet. Instead the hand retreated, then appeared on my arm. I recoiled again, curling in on myself with my head cradled in my arms.

_Why can't he just leave me alone? When is it going to end?_

Something touched me again, this time grabbing me from behind and coiling around my stomach. I fought as hard as I could, kicking and flailing, wanting to scream but only able to produce a couple of grunts. Still the presence persisted, pressing against me from the back of my head all the way down to where it wrapped around my legs and held them down.

"Meli! Meli, I'm here!" The faraway voice had been trying to grind its way into my consciousness for a while now, but I kept blocking it out, not wanting to hear it. Finally, though, enough of it came piercing through that I understood what it was trying to say. "It's me, it's Grim. Listen to me. You're alright. I'm here."

_Grim? Grim is here?_

I stopped fighting and held as still as I could through the shaking and crying and the pounding of my heart, and slowly the fog started to clear. I could see the grey concrete floor beneath me, the tools scattered around the wheel of the purple bicycle. The presence behind me was Riku, enveloping my entire body with his, whispering encouragement in my ear. As I began to realize what had actually just happened, that I had just had an episode in front of him, I almost went into a panic again.

_Take control. Take control. You've gotta take control._

Immediately my fingers went to my mouth, but all of my nails had been bitten off to below my fingertips by now. That didn't stop me. I bit down on the tender skin around my nail instead, furiously searching for something to tear into, trying to use the pain to ground myself into reality.

Blood had just started trickling into my mouth when Riku noticed what I was doing and carefully but firmly pulled my hand away. "Hey, stop that, you'll hurt yourself."

I shook his hand off. _I know that. That's what I want._ My breaths were coming a little easier now, but I still wasn't sure if I could speak. Besides, my brain was trying so hard to burst out through my temples that anything I might have tried to say would probably have come out in a jumbled mess.

A sudden wave of nausea washed over me, and I tried to lurch to my feet, but Riku was still holding me tight. "Leggo...'m gonn' be sick," I managed to mumble, grabbing his wrist and weakly attempting to pry it away from my body. I didn't know if he heard me or just realized that I was slightly more in my right mind now, but thankfully he released me and I stumbled like a drunkard to the door of the shed. I just made it outside before the sickness overtook me. In an instant, Riku was by my side again, brushing my hair tenderly away from my face.

"You're okay. It's gonna be okay," he continued to murmur. When it was clear I was done, he put a supportive arm around me and led me to the opposite side of the shed door, sliding down to the ground with his back against the wall and me curling up in his arms, still trembling violently.

"Are you cold?" Riku asked. I shook my head no against his chest. Not cold, in fact I was soaked with sweat, as usual.

Swallowing, I tried to find my voice again. "'m sorry..." I slurred. _This was never supposed to happen. Grim wasn't supposed to find out, least of all this way._ Having him see me like this was the last thing in the world I wanted to happen.

"Shh, don't." Riku placed his steady, warm hand on the side of my face and held me securely against himself. "Just rest. We'll talk later."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, there was a slight reference to one of the oneshots in there...the one where they make out in front of Riku's house the first time. I tried not to make any of the oneshots "required reading", but I did still make a few references to them here and there. You'll still understand if you didn't read them, but it's just a little something extra if you did.
> 
> The IMPORTANT thing I have to say here, though, is...please, do not touch someone who is having a panic attack! You may all know this by now, but just in case – yes, talk to them, yes, help them regulate their breathing, but do not touch them unless they have told you before they are okay with it. Many people react badly to physical touch during a panic attack. Riku will learn this eventually!


	11. Chapter 11

I wasn't sure how much time passed as Riku and I sat together outside of the shed. I tried to keep my thoughts focused on resting, breathing, and letting my body calm down, but I couldn't seem to stop them from returning to Riku and what he might be thinking right then. _Is he completely freaking out over what he just saw? Is he going to be mad at me when he finds out I've been lying to him? Is this going to be that final straw, the moment when he realizes that this is not what he signed on for, and he can't love me anymore?_ I wouldn't have blamed him for any of the above.

After a while, I stopped trembling, and most of my bodily functions seemed to have returned to normal. I still felt weak, but I couldn't stand just sitting there any longer. Pushing myself up, I propped my arms on my knees, staring off into the distance at nothing in particular. I had to break the silence, to start this dreaded but inevitable conversation, but I didn't know how.

"I'm sorry," I finally whispered again. My go-to response for every situation.

Riku sighed in what sounded like frustration. "Sorry for what?"

 _Everything. That you found out...that I didn't tell you...that I'm like this...that I exist in your life to make it more difficult..._ "Sorry that...you had to see that. I didn't want you to...I never thought..." I pressed my lips together, trying to form my thoughts into a coherent sentence. "I didn't think it would happen...with you. It's usually just a school thing and...a nighttime thing. With you I usually feel safe. So, I didn't think you'd ever have to see it."

"Are you telling me that this has happened before?" Riku asked, his voice rising. "More than once?"

I winced, still not turning to face him, but hearing what sounded like anger. "A...a few times. Though this was definitely the worst." As if that somehow made it better. _Of course I had my worst one in front of him._

"How many times has it happened?"

"Well, it's always different. I mean, sometimes it's just like a mini-version...I don't always completely lose touch with reality, sometimes I just get kinda jumpy, sometimes it's somewhere in between..." I was rambling, trying my best to evade the question, knowing deep down that I wasn't making things any better for myself.

"How many times?" Riku demanded.

The gruffness of the words shut me up and brought new tears to my eyes, and I dropped my forehead down onto one arm. "A bunch," I mumbled. "Once a week or so to start with, now it's...every couple of days at least." When he didn't reply right away, I added, "And nightmares that wake me up every single night." Might as well get it out there now, he'd find out eventually.

Riku remained silent for so long that I almost looked to see what he was doing. "Meli, why didn't you tell me?" he finally spoke again.

"I'm sorry," I repeated quietly.

"I don't want an apology!" Riku exclaimed. The sudden change in his tone of voice made me jump. "I want to know why! You promised me that you would tell me about these things, but you've been lying to me ever since. Every time I ask you how you're feeling and you say, 'Fine.' Every time I try to find out what's been going on with you and you tell me it's 'just stress'. It's all been lies!"

 _I knew it. I knew he'd be angry with me._ I scrambled to my feet, vision blurring and my hands beginning to shake again, and started walking as fast as my weary legs would carry me. Riku called my name, but I kept going, skirting around the outside of the house and onto the road without really knowing where I was headed. I hadn't made it very far when Riku caught up to me, jogging to stand in front of me with his hands on my shoulders. My head was ducked and my arms were folded tightly across my chest, as if I could somehow keep myself from falling apart that way.

"Meli, I'm sorry," Riku breathed. "I know you hate it when I raise my voice at you. I didn't mean to, I'm just..." He exhaled loudly. "Come here." Moving his hands around to my back, he pulled me in close. My tears fell freely now, soaking both my cheeks and his shirt. "You didn't deserve to be scolded, especially not after what you just went through. It's just...I'm a little shaken, honestly, from seeing that happen to you. And it upsets me to know that you've been going through all of this alone, when I could have been helping you if you had just told me. I'm your boyfriend. That's what I'm here for."

"I really am sorry," I sniffled. "I guess I just...I don't know how. I told you we both sucked at sharing."

"Yeah, but you've been making me do it anyway. This is supposed to be a two-way relationship, remember? That doesn't just mean checking in with me, that also means telling me the truth about yourself."

I nodded against his chest. "I know. I've just been so...confused, and embarrassed, and I didn't know what you would do or think, and I kept hoping it would get better and instead it's getting worse. And I've been saying that it was just stress because as far as I know that's what it is, but...I don't know how to fix it."

"Well, I don't know what it is, but I don't see how in the world it could just be stress. Were you feeling stressed just now, in there?" He gestured toward the backyard.

Stepping back away from him, I glanced toward where he was pointing. "No, but that doesn't mean anything. Stress can affect you for an extended period of time–"

"Stress does not make you collapse on the ground screaming in the middle of a pleasant conversation, and have no idea where you are or who's around you," Riku countered, crossing his arms.

My face flushed with shame, and I averted my gaze, my voice cracking. "We don't know that..." I needed stress to be the answer. If this wasn't stress, then I didn't have a clue what it was, and that terrified me.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." He reached out and brushed some stray strands of hair off my temple. "Where were you, anyway? It was almost like you were having a nightmare, but wide awake."

I swallowed hard. "Yeah, that...pretty much describes it. Except add in feeling like you're having a heart attack or suffocating or something on top of that." I caught a glimpse of the look of pity on Riku's face and stared down at my shoes. "Like I said, though, every time is different. Not every one includes...memories. Sometimes it's just the physical stuff. Kinda generally feeling scared, for no reason."

"Memories," Riku echoed. "Of...being back there?"

Just those simple words assaulted my mind like I had been shown a photo of the event. I gasped in air, covering my face with my hands and shaking my head vigorously. "I can't..."

"Shh, it's okay." Riku wrapped his arms around me again. "I'm sorry. I'm not gonna make you talk about it." We stood in silence for a moment as fresh tears trickled down my face. "Why don't we go back inside? You can wash your face off if you'd like, and I'll fix your finger, and then we can just rest, maybe watch a movie or something. I can text your family, let them know that you're not feeling well. They'll understand."

_He's so sweet, always thinking of others. But what about him? I have to think about him. If he feels trapped by this relationship, he's not going to tell me now. Definitely not today, and maybe not ever. He'll stay miserable by my side, supporting his broken, unlovable girlfriend just because it's the gentlemanly thing to do._

I shook my head again, almost unconsciously. _No, I can't let him do that. I have to give him the chance to free himself._ Without another word, I pulled away and began walking again, mind swirling, still not sure which direction I was even headed.

"Meli, wait! Where are you going?"

I shrugged. "Away."

Riku caught up again, matching my pace. "I don't understand. What did I say?"

"Nothing. I just...need to go away."

Quickening his steps, Riku got in front of me and stopped, making me pull up, as well. "Why? Don't do this again. Don't hide what you're feeling. Tell me what's going on."

I sidestepped around him and kept walking, but felt obligated to answer him nonetheless. "I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me."

"I don't 'feel like I have to'," Riku responded from behind me. "I want to."

"Why, because I'm your girlfriend? I'm fine. I don't need to be taken care of."

"Okay, fine," he huffed as he came into my peripheral vision. "If you don't want me to take care of you, I won't. We can just go back to the party, or whatever you want."

He wasn't getting the message. I stopped and whirled around to face him. "You don't have to come with me. You need to just...let me go."

A strange expression shadowed his face. "Are you...trying to break up with me?"

I shut my eyes. "No, I...I couldn't." _If I was strong enough, I would do it, for you, but I'm not._ "I'm...just trying to make it easier for you to break up with me." Turning, I started down the road again, unable to watch his response.

"What? Why would I do that?" I suppose I should have felt relieved that he sounded completely bewildered, but I didn't. His running footsteps approached me once more, then he grabbed onto my hand and halted me in my tracks. "Would you please stop? Stop walking away, and let's just talk. Why would you think that I would want to break up with you?"

"Because I'm not the girl you fell in love with," I blurted at the ground. "That girl is gone, and neither of us know whether she can ever come back. All that's left of me now is this...mess that I've become, and you're way too good a person to be tied down to that. I know you, and you'd never say any of this yourself, so I'm saying it for you. I'm damaged goods, probably a hopeless cause. You should leave me now, and save yourself the trouble." My voice dropped down to almost a whisper. "I'll be okay, as long as I know that you're happy."

Riku crossed in front of me suddenly and grasped my face firmly between his hands. "First of all, you are not damaged goods." His voice and expression were stern, but at the same time full of tenderness. "You're not any kind of goods, you're a person. That person is who I fell in love with, and people change. It's just a part of life. Did I love your personality back then? Yes. Do I still love your personality now? Yes. I'm not the same as when you first met me either, am I?"

"No."

"But I take it that you still love me, right?" I nodded wordlessly, and Riku smiled a little, swiping a tear away from my cheek with his thumb. "Good. So I don't want to hear anymore about 'that girl', because you are still her where it really matters." He paused, his intense blue eyes still holding mine captive. "And I don't want you calling yourself a hopeless cause, either. Can whatever this is be fixed? I don't know. For your sake I hope so, of course. But even if it can't, we'll get through it. Together. Because if you really want me to be happy, then you might as well just get used to the fact that I'm gonna be with you for a long time."

I wanted to reciprocate all of those sentiments right back to him, and to apologize for ever having doubted his love, but there was a large lump in my throat. All I could seem to do was give him a wobbly smile and murmur, "Okay."

"Now...did you want to go for that movie I mentioned, or would you rather go back to your house? Or..." He glanced down the road in the direction I had been walking. "Keep going wherever it is you were going?"

The weariness that I had been ignoring this whole time finally fell onto my shoulders full force, and I leaned heavily against his chest. "I think a movie sounds nice."

As if he could read my mind and feel my jello legs, Riku leaned down and scooped me up off the ground, cradling me in his arms and kissing my forehead. "Alright, Sunshine. A movie it is."


	12. Chapter 12

I suppose there was a part of me that hoped, against all my doubts, that life would get better after Riku found out my secret. In a way, it sort of did. That movie night was definitely nice, and yes, included a make out session until Mrs. Tanaka accidentally interrupted us. After that, though, life went pretty much back to normal, just with Riku checking up on me constantly. Being able to tell somebody when I had a bad day or another bad night did lift a bit of a burden off of me, I had to admit – even if I only admitted it to myself. But nothing else changed. Life continued to try to get the best of me at every turn.

"I tripped and fell on my face in the hall today. No one asked me if I was okay, or tried to help me pick up my stuff. They all just laughed at me. The whole school thinks I'm a freak." We had taken to walking way behind Sora and Kairi on the way home from school so that we could talk in private, which mostly meant me venting and Riku being way more optimistic than normal.

He squeezed my shoulder affectionately. "That can't possibly be true. If any of them do think that, then they're dead wrong."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not sure about that. You should shadow me at school someday; you'll probably think the same thing. Or just come to one math class with me. I swear I have more...issues...in and around that one class than any other. I don't know if it's because the content stresses me out, or if it's the teacher."

"What's wrong with the teacher?"

"I don't know!" I cried, throwing my hands in the air. "He's never done anything wrong. I just...don't like him."

Riku nodded thoughtfully. "A guy, hm? How old is he?"

I frowned. "I don't know, early to mid twenties, I guess?"

"So, not too much older than...other guys you've known, who have turned out to be no good."

Thankfully my mind flashed to Aiden, not Saix, though either would have applied. "Yeah, I...guess you could say that. But still–"

"You're just not very comfortable around men," Riku broke in. "Other than, you know, me and Sora. That's okay, you have plenty of reason. You should ask if you can switch classes."

I shook my head. "Then I'd have to talk to the Yo...I mean, my parents." It was still a really weird word to say.

Riku sighed. Whether or not I should tell the Yoshidas about what was going on had been a frequent topic of conversation between us. "I think your parents would understand you wanting to switch classes without you having to explain...anything else. You could just tell them that the teacher makes you uncomfortable."

"Yeah, but then what if they go and talk to the principal, and the principal talks to the teacher, and he tells them all about my freak-outs?" I was fully aware that I sounded paranoid, but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"First of all, I wish you'd quit calling them 'freak-outs'," Riku returned.

"I don't know what else to call them!" I exclaimed. "Episodes? That makes it sound like...I don't know, like I'm having a seizure or something."

"Well, you know, if you'd talk to your mom...who is a nurse–" he emphasized –"she might be able to tell you what to call them. Might even be able to help you stop them."

I just clenched my jaw and kept walking in silence. He knew what my answer was – "I'm not ready." I told him the same thing every time he brought it up. Secretly, did I hope that he would go behind my back and tell them for me? Maybe, kind of. Now that one person knew, I was getting even more tired of hiding it from everyone else. Did I think that Riku would ever actually do such a thing? Nope. He was much too honorable for that. Besides, an equal part of me still didn't want anyone else to ever know, fearing that I might be shunned.

After a moment, Riku sighed heavily. "Anyway, I don't think the principal usually has to talk to the teacher to switch a class. I'm sure we could come up with a different excuse for you to tell them that's even less likely to cause that."

"Yeah, okay." I stared down at my feet as I walked. "I'll think about it."

Riku stopped walking and grabbed my arm, spinning me around to face him. "I'm serious about you talking to your parents about all of this. You can't just let it keep happening, we need to figure out what's going on." I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up his hand to cut me off. "I know you don't feel ready. And I know that you keep hoping it'll just go away on its own. But...that doesn't seem to be happening, so I think we need to face the possibility that it's not going to. You need to tell them. Or...I don't know, let me tell them for you, if you really don't want to do it yourself."

There it was, my opening. He was offering to tell them for me, all I had to do was agree. So why couldn't I do it? "I...I'll think about it."

Riku studied me doubtfully, then slowly released my arm. "Okay. I guess I'll just have to accept that for now." He pointed his finger at my face. "But that doesn't mean I won't be checking in frequently to see how those thoughts are coming."

I gave him a half-smile. "Fair enough."

.0.0.O.0.0.

The hallway was nearly empty as I made my way to English class. I had been hanging out awkwardly by my locker for as long as possible, waiting for the rush to die down so that I didn't have so many people to watch out for on my trek. Riku and I had realized that the more people were around, the more nervous I seemed to feel, and this was one trick that we had come up with to help in that area. It had been working pretty well, but on this particular day life had other plans for me.

"Hey look, it's the freak!"

I didn't recognize the male voice, but I knew immediately that it was referring to me. Clutching my backpack straps tightly, I quickened my pace, but the echo of footsteps behind me picked up, too.

"Where you goin', freak? In a hurry to be somewhere?" This time the bearer of the voice came into view, skidding around in front of me so that I had to come to a sudden halt.

 _Great, it's one of the twins. Just what I needed._ Dai and Kenta were their names, if I remembered correctly, though I couldn't have told you which was which. They had the same exact sandy blond crew cuts, and the same noses that looked like they might have been broken a time or two. All I really knew was that, though they were in eighth grade like me, they were both the size of college linebackers, and they were known throughout the school for causing trouble everywhere they went.

I spun around to walk in the other direction, not really caring if I didn't make it to class as long as it meant avoiding a confrontation with this guy. His brother, however, was standing right behind me, causing me to startle visibly. _Ugh, come on Meli. Grim taught you better than that. You know the two of them are always together, so you should have anticipated his presence._

The second twin guffawed. "I didn't scare you, did I? Dai, I think she's scared!"

Gritting my teeth, I turned back to the first twin, Dai, evidently. "I'd just like to go to my class, if you don't mind," I stated quietly but firmly.

"I'd just like to go to my class, if you don't mind!" Dai raised the pitch of his voice, mocking me like a kindergartner.

"Ooh, but don't you need these books for class?" Kenta asked, yanking at my backpack. He nearly got it all the way off my back in one pull, and despite me rotating away from him managed to fully remove it with one more. I glared at him, fists clenched, angry at myself for letting him get the jump on me.

"Give me back my bag," I growled.

Kenta dangled the backpack from two fingers. "What're you gonna do about it, freak?"

"Whoa, check it out, she even looks like a freak!" Dai exclaimed from behind me. I hadn't even realized that my cardigan had come down off my shoulder with my backpack until I felt his rough fingers pulling it even farther down. With my shirt sleeves rolled up for comfort, the scar that branched out onto my shoulder was fully visible. I gasped at his touch, my skin crawling. I wanted to whirl around and kick him in the face, but fear of repercussions kept me from doing so. This was school, after all, not the battlefield, and besides, taking on two enemies the size of Large Body Heartless at once without using my Keyblade would not be wise.

Instead, I grabbed onto his wrist and shoved his arm away, then tried to back away and pull my sweater back up. Kenta was too quick for me, though, and was right there tugging it back down.

"That's the weirdest thing I've ever seen," he said with disgust, then poked the back of my neck. "Look, there's one up here, too!"

This time when I tried to turn on them, Kenta grabbed hold of my left arm and wrenched it up behind my back. "I swear, if you do not stop touching me, you're going to regret it," I hissed through my teeth.

That brought an explosion of laughter from both boys. "Aw, the wittle bitty freak is gonna hurt us!"

"What should we do with her?" Kenta questioned.

Dai crossed the hall, scooping up my discarded backpack as he passed, and swung open the door to a tiny, dark room that was probably a janitor's closet. He tossed the backpack inside, then jabbed his thumb toward it. "In here."

I felt like my heart stopped beating altogether. Images of being shoved into various dark corners to wait for Saix flashed through my mind in rapid succession. I struggled to stand my ground, but Kenta was a brute force behind me, propelling me closer and closer to that room.

Looking back on this day, I never would be able to quite remember the next moment. One second I was stumbling and sliding as Kenta pushed me across the tiles, and the next thing I knew, both boys were lying on the floor, each clutching a bleeding arm and moaning pitifully. I stared down at them in shock, panting, trying to decipher what had just occurred. It took quite a few seconds before I realized that I had my Keyblade in my hand.

 _What did I just do? I couldn't have...but I must have!_ I dismissed the weapon like it had just burned my hand, then wrapped my arms around myself, my mind racing. _What should I do? Should I...? I don't know. I've gotta get out of here. I'm gonna be in so much trouble. But I can't...I can't just leave them like this._ Holding up my hands, I worked up Cura in both palms, then quickly cast it in their direction before fleeing down the hall and out the front door of the school.

I stopped just outside, shivering in the suddenly cool air, still trying to wrap my brain around what I had done. _I attacked someone with a Keyblade at school, that's what I did. Everyone is going to be so disappointed in me. The Yoshidas...Grim...even Sora and Kairi. They all have Keyblades, and they've managed not to summon them during school without any problem. It really shouldn't be that difficult not to do. But I'm a freak, just like the twins said. I can't handle a couple of bullies without going berserk and slicing them open with a Keyblade._

I wanted someone to comfort me, to tell me that it wasn't my fault and that everything would be okay. But even if I could venture to think that Riku would be willing to be supportive about this massive screw-up, there was no way I was going to seek him out and make him miss any school for my sake. I seriously doubted he had ever purposely skipped a class in his life. _Nope, I'm going to have to suck it up and deal with this on my own...which I'm plenty used to doing. That's what I'm good at, right? Being alone. Far fewer things go wrong when I'm by myself._

Throwing my hand out in front of me, I opened a dark corridor for the first time in quite a while. Being back in the In Between brought back a mixture of memories, from pleasant times traveling worlds with Riku, to desperate moments searching for him when he was lost in the Realm of Darkness. I pushed those thoughts aside and opened another doorway. The play island seemed like as good of a place as any to be alone for a while, until I could sort out my thoughts, or until my actions caught up with me.

It would turn out to be the latter of the two options. After close to an hour sitting in the sand, my thoughts were still churning as wildly as the foam on the rough waves. When my phone chimed in my skirt pocket, I stopped crumpling my necktie in my hands for a moment to glance at the screen. _Mom._ I didn't even bother reading the message, but instead stuffed the phone and tie back into my pockets and pushed myself up to my feet. I sighed into the wind. "Time to go face the music."


	13. Chapter 13

I thought that I had my emotions under control by the time I walked into the principal's office. Thought that I'd be able to explain myself in a calm, reasonable manner. But all it took was seeing the twins and their mom – she was unmistakably their mother, she was like a smaller, female version of the two of them – sitting there waiting to make everything flare up again. Those three, Mr. and Mrs. Yoshida, and Ms. Hirano all turned to stare at me as I walked through the door. A room full of people who were against me, at least at the moment. Likely they had all already heard the twins' side of the story, now I just had to hope that they'd listen to mine.

"Meli, please come and take a seat," Ms. Hirano directed, motioning to the empty chair between the Yoshidas. I paused for a second longer before crossing behind the boys and their mom, wishing that I had just stayed on the play island. The wooden chair creaked slightly as I sat down on the very edge of it.

Ms. Hirano propped her elbows on her desk and placed her chin on top of her folded hands. "Now, I assume you know what we are all here for. Dai and Kenta have made an accusation against you, but I'd like to give you a chance to tell us what happened in your own words."

My throat was dry, and the speech that I had rehearsed a while ago went skittering away to some dark, dusty corner of my brain. "I...I'm sorry. It was an accident–"

"An accident?" the twins' mom exploded. "She sliced their arms open with a sword!"

"Mrs. Wada, please. I will remind you that we have no actual evidence supporting this claim, which is why we need to hear from Meli to get to the bottom of this," Ms. Hirano pointed out.

"Are you calling my boys liars?" Mrs. Wada screeched. "They would never! If they say she hurt them, then that's what she did!"

"No one is accusing them of lying..." Ms. Hirano tried to soothe her.

I couldn't take any more of this. Those boys, sitting there trying to look all innocent, deserved to be punished, not coddled. My anger bubbled to the surface, and I raised my voice to be heard above the clamor. "I'll tell you what they are: bullies. Whether or not they're liars...well let's find out, shall we? I guarantee you they left out quite a few details from their story. Did they tell you how I was minding my own business, trying to get to class, when they trapped me in the hallway and started calling me names? Did Kenta mention stealing my backpack, oh, or how about when he purposely pulled my sweater off of my shoulder? How about when they both touched me without my consent, and pinned my arm behind my back? Bet they also left out the part where they tried to shove me into the janitor's closet, huh?"

I paused and took in a deep breath, my rehearsed speech beginning to come back to me now that I had all the rest off my chest. "And yes, I did hurt them. I didn't intend to, it was just an instinctive response. I was being threatened, so when other methods failed, I used what I had at my disposal to defend myself. I realize, of course, that I did not respond correctly, which is why I immediately put away the weapon and...healed their wounds as soon as it happened."

The room was quiet for a long moment before Ms. Hirano finally spoke up again. "You say you...healed them. If they truly had wounds from some kind of weapon, how could you have possibly healed them that quickly and completely?"

Biting down on my lip, I stared at my lap. "Magic."

The boys snickered, and Mrs. Wada scoffed. "That's preposterous."

"I see," was all Ms. Hirano said. "And this...weapon. Do you still have it with you now?"

I sighed. "I always have it with me. It's magic, too. I can't really not have it, at least not completely."

"May I see it?" Ms. Hirano asked quietly.

I hesitated, wiggling my fingers underneath my thighs. "No one is supposed to know about it..."

"Meli, you need to show her," Mr. Yoshida spoke up for the first time.

His interference aggravated me. The Yoshidas knew about the Keyblade, but it seemed to me that they were pretty clueless about how important and powerful it really was. _If the wrong person finds out about it..._ Gritting my teeth, I raised my arm grudgingly and stretched out my hand. The Keyblade materialized in a puff of smoke, just like always, and I heard Mrs. Wada gasp. Ms. Hirano blinked in surprise, but kept a straight face.

"That's...quite a weapon. What is it called?" she asked.

"I'd rather not say," I returned icily.

"Meli," Mr. Yoshida chided.

I shot him an exasperated look. "I screwed up by summoning it in public. I'm not going to make it worse by giving out information that no one in here needs to know."

Before he could scold me, Ms. Hirano interrupted with a wave of her hand. "It's not important. However, I am going to have to ask that you hand it over to me. I cannot allow any of my students to carry weapons of any kind."

"That's not going to work–" I tried to explain, but Mr. Yoshida broke in again.

"Give it to her now, Meli."

"Fine," I growled, his booming voice setting me even more on edge than I already had been. I thrust the Keyblade out toward the principal, dropping it into her open hands with a heavy clunk. _They're the ones who are going to look stupid in a se_ c _ond for not listening to me._ Ms. Hirano started saying something else to me about the weapon, but I was too busy counting under my breath to pay attention. "In three, two, one..."

Right on cue, the Keyblade vanished from her hand and reappeared in mine. Ms. Hirano froze in the middle of her sentence, gaping at me with her mouth open. I threw up my left hand in defense. "I swear, I didn't do it. That's what I was trying to tell you. Only certain people can use this type of weapon, and no one else can even hold onto it." Opening my hand, I dismissed the Keyblade, trying my best to keep a satisfied smirk off my face.

Mrs. Wada finally found her voice again. "Well, something has to be done! She can't be allowed to just walk around the school with a deadly weapon at her beck and call!"

"They allow your two ham-handed sons to walk around the school, wreaking havoc at every turn," I shot back at her. "Personally, I don't really see the difference."

"Well, I never!" Mrs. Wada gasped.

"She has a point, Mrs. Wada," Ms. Hirano remarked. "This is the third time that Dai and Kenta have been in my office for tormenting the other students, just since this semester began. That's not to mention all the many other times that they've been reported for similar grievances while attending my school in previous years. I think it's time that I suspend them for two weeks. Perhaps while they're at home, you can take some time to teach them respect for others."

"Wha...they get a vacation?" I exclaimed over the protests of the Wadas, waving my arms in disbelief. "That hardly seems fair! Do you know how much I could use a vacation right now? Why don't you suspend me, instead?"

"Your fate has yet to be decided, young lady," Ms. Hirano replied pointedly.

Mrs. Yoshida leaned forward and placed a hand on the desk. "Ms. Hirano, I wonder if we could speak to you in private before anything else is decided."

"Of course." Ms. Hirano gestured toward the door. "Mrs. Wada, boys, you are free to go. I'll see you back here in my office in two weeks. Meli, please wait outside while I talk to your parents a moment."

I shoved my chair back and stood, but waited until the Wadas were fully out the door before stalking through it myself. There was a bench just to the left of the door, and I plopped down onto it, crossing my arms and slouching back against the wall. _This whole thing sucks. What kind of punishment is suspension, anyway? Those boys will get two weeks at home, probably doing whatever the heck they want from what I've seen of their mom, then they'll be right back to causing all the same problems they were before._

 _Maybe, if I'm lucky, I'll get suspended, too._ I wouldn't even care if I had to spend the whole time grounded in my room. If it meant not having to come to school, it would be heaven. _Who knows, my attitude in there may have clinched that for me._ I sighed, wondering where this sassy, angry girl had come from all of a sudden today. I hadn't seen her much since Riku and I had gone through our big fight. Whatever it was that had me stirred up, the steaming anger was still clawing at my chest even now.

 _What are they talking about in there, anyway? My luck, they're convincing Ms. Hirano not to suspend me._ Scooting down the bench a bit, I leaned in close to the door to listen. I did not expect the conversation that I overheard.

"She's been through quite a lot in her life," Mrs. Yoshida was saying.

"We don't know all the details, but we know that she was in foster care for a while, and also was homeless at one point," Mr. Yoshida added.

"There was at least one...probably abusive relationship, that I know of," Mrs. Yoshida supplied. I could feel heat rising in my face. They didn't even know the facts, yet here they were spilling their guts – or more accurately, my guts – to a total stranger.

"And of course, I'm sure you know that she and Kairi were both kidnapped last year," said Mr. Yoshida. "Kairi was spared from the worst of that terrible ordeal, but Meli..." I clenched my jaw, waiting to hear how the sentence would end.

Mrs. Yoshida spoke again instead. "What we're trying to say is, she doesn't have the best history with...men. We've never seen this type of violence from her before, so it's very possible that when those boys started to get physical with her, it brought back memories of things that have happened to her in the past. We really don't know what all her kidnappers might have done to her, but–"

Before I knew what I was doing, I had burst through the door in a rage. "That's right, you have no idea what they did to me," I screamed. "So what makes you think you have the right to tell anybody any of this? This is my life! My story! If I wanted everybody in the world to know what happened to me, I would wear a big sign around my neck that says, 'I was kidnapped and tortured'!"

"I'm sorry, sweetie," Mrs. Yoshida murmured. "We're just trying to help..."

"You're just trying to be my parents, that's what you're trying to do," I hissed. "Well first of all, you're doing a terrible job, because good parents don't go around blabbing their kids' secrets to anyone who will listen. And second, you're not my parents, so stop pretending like you are! I don't have parents. I've lived my whole life without them, and I don't need them now. So give it up, and just leave me alone!"

Whirling around, I ran back out into the hall, leaving the three adults speechless behind me. I wanted to punch something, to take out my Keyblade and destroy something. But mostly, I wanted to get out of there. Somewhere far away. Much farther than the play island – that would be the first place they would look for me, and I didn't want to be found. Maybe not ever.

As I stormed down the hallway, the sign for the women's restroom caught my eye, and I swerved to go inside. I stared at the bottom edge of the mirror, avoiding my own reflection. _Do I really want to do this? It's been so long, and the last time was for..._ I shook my head violently, trying to stop those thoughts in their tracks. _What happened in the past doesn't matter. What matters is, this is the only definite way to ensure that no one can find me._

Reaching out both hands, I placed my fingertips on the glass and shut my eyes. The portal seemed to open almost reluctantly, as if it was out of practice. I stepped back and studied it for a moment, then straightened my shoulders and walked through into my old universe.

Honestly, I hadn't been focusing very clearly on where I wanted to go, but somehow I was not surprised at where I was now standing. He had been on my mind from time to time lately, so it made sense that I would find myself right in front of his house. Or at least, it had been his house, a long time ago. It was impossible to say if he still lived there now. I could feel myself cooling down both literally and figuratively as I stared at the brick facade, letting the memories of times spent there come back to me.

A small noise caught my attention, and I turned to see a brown-haired boy down the sidewalk, holding a skateboard and staring at me. He cocked his head to the side. "Meli?"

I smiled softly. "Hey, Zeph."


	14. Chapter 14

Zephyr studied me for what seemed like an eternity before he spoke again, almost like he couldn't quite believe that I was real. "I barely recognized you. You've changed your hair again."

"Several times since you last saw me," I smiled.

"I like the purple. It suits you."

"Thanks." I shifted from one foot to the other, not sure what else to say. It had been so long since we had seen each other, which meant both of us had changed dramatically. I wouldn't have been surprised if we didn't even have that much in common anymore. "Listen, I'm really sorry–"

Right as I began to speak Zephyr gestured toward his house. "Do you want to come inside?"

Halting mid-sentence, I glanced at the house, then back to him. "Oh. Um, yeah, sure. If you...if you want me to, that is."

"Yeah. I mean, I'd like to talk, if you have the time. And I kinda figured you might be cold out here."

For the first time, I noticed the patches of snow all over the ground and the frigid air, and a shiver shook my body. _Guess I'm really not in Destiny Islands anymore._ "Yeah, I suppose I am cold. Thanks."

I trailed behind Zephyr as he threw his skateboard onto the sidewalk and rode it up to his front steps. Kicking the board off into the grass, he trotted up onto the porch and unlocked the front door, swinging it open and motioning for me to step inside. As I waited for him to shut the door and lead the way farther into the house, I took in my surroundings. I had only been in here once or twice as a child. I didn't really remember the décor well enough to tell whether it had changed since then, but some of it did look a bit dated.

"Mom's not home right now," Zephyr explained as we walked into the living room. He took a seat on the faded blue sofa, and after lingering for a moment longer looking at the family photos on the wall, I chose the adjacent armchair.

"So, um...how've you been?" I asked. Now that I was closer, I took the opportunity to get a good look at him, not that his face was at all unfamiliar. Despite the fact that he had aged a couple of years, I had already known exactly what he would look like based on Sora's face that I saw every day. The only real difference between the two of them was that Zephyr's hair was much shorter and less spiky.

"Pretty good, I guess." Zephyr picked absentmindedly at a loose thread on the arm of the sofa. "Nothing much new. Just school, mostly...and I started working at the animal shelter recently. Part time. That's about it."

"That sounds fun." He had always been a fan of animals. "Sounds...you."

"What about you?" Zephyr nodded toward my plaid skirt and knee socks. "That's a school uniform, right? Guess that means you're back in school somewhere."

I glanced down at the skirt and tugged at the hem with a laugh. "Oh, yeah, this is definitely not an outfit of my choosing." Zephyr smiled slightly, and I inhaled deeply, trying to decide where to even start. "Yeah, I'm back in school. I've moved, actually...somewhere pretty far away. It's a beach town. Which, um...kinda explains why I'm not exactly dressed for the weather here. I'm supposed to be in school right now, but decided to skip out and come see if I could find you." Tilting my head to the side, I gave him a questioning look. "Which makes me wonder...why aren't you in school right now?"

"Oh, uh, I took a sick day. I'm not really actually sick, but–"

I wagged my finger at him. "Did you pull a Ferris Bueller?"

"No!" Zephyr laughed. Finally, someone who understood my movie references. "I was sick the last couple of days. I'm feeling much better today, but Mom wanted me to stay home one more day."

"Okay, if you say so," I smiled. It had taken him a while, but he seemed to be relaxing a little now, acting more like the Zeph I remembered. "Anyway, um, I guess a ton of stuff has happened to me since we last saw each other. The most important thing I want to tell you, though, is that...I'm sorry. For cutting you out of my life. I...never wanted to, but..." I sighed. "There was Aiden, and he had taken me in and treated me nicely, and so I thought I owed him whatever he demanded, and he didn't want you or any other guys around." My ears burned hot with embarrassment, and I swallowed hard. "I shouldn't have let him control my life like that. He turned out to be someone totally different than what I had originally thought, and...it got really bad.

"But the good news is he's gone now. I'm back in control of my own life–" _Yeah, right. If anything, my life is in control of me –_ "which means that I can be friends with whoever I want to. And that...includes you. If...if you want to."

"Of course." He didn't even hesitate to answer, a bright smile lighting up his face. "I've never stopped considering you my friend, Mel. I was worried about you all this time, wondering what had happened to you. I didn't trust that jerkwad from the moment I first heard about him. I'm glad to hear that he's gone. And I'm glad that you're okay, and that you're back in school, and...yeah. We can definitely still be friends. Apology accepted."

Tears sprang to my eyes, and I dashed them away with the back of my hand. "Thanks. I'm...that makes me really happy."

"Yeah. Me, too." For a moment we just smiled at each other, then he nodded toward my arm. "I can't believe you're still wearing that junky old bracelet I found on the playground, though."

I grinned even bigger and spun the purple leather around my wrist. "Only take it off to shower!"

He snickered. "So, a beach town, huh? I guess that explains the tan."

Laughing, I examined the bare part of my arm. "Yeah, I guess I do have a bit of one."

"Doesn't really explain the reason why I get the feeling you could beat me up if you wanted to, though." Zeph put his hand on his chin, studying me. "I don't know what it is, but there's definitely something different about you."

"Guess you could say I've been doing a lot of exercising lately," I replied, still giggling at his observations. "And yeah, I could definitely beat you up if I wanted to."

Zephyr puffed his chest out. "Hey, you never know, maybe I've been exercising, too. You just can't see it past my...winter clothes, and...good looks!" He laughed along with me before settling back into a calmer tone. "Anyway, I wanna hear more about what you've been up to all this time."

"Oh, well...a bunch of crazy stuff that I'm not gonna get into today." Zeph gave me a disappointed frown. "Maybe someday, but it's a super long, complicated story." _Most of which you probably wouldn't actually believe, and half of which I don't want to talk about._ "But the important part is I now have a wonderful group of friends who give me a ton of love and support, I have a home, and..." I faltered a moment, thinking of the harsh words I had spoken to the Yoshidas less than an hour before. "There's a couple who wants to adopt me."

"That's fantastic!" Zephyr exclaimed. "Mel, that's great, I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks." My smile was half-hearted, my mind still dwelling on my mistakes and all of the problems that had been thrown at me lately. "Life is...definitely not perfect. It's actually still really rough at times. But I'm really grateful to be in the place and with the people that I am. It would be a lot worse without them."

Time passed rapidly as Zeph and I sat there chatting, and before I knew it it was time for school to be letting out. "I guess I should get going," I sighed reluctantly. "There's one more thing I want to ask you, though."

"Shoot."

"Have you seen or heard anything about Kaj lately?" I wrinkled my brow with concern. "I keep thinking about him, and wondering what ever happened to him...I guess kinda like you did with me."

Zephyr sighed. "I think about him from time to time, too. But no, he pretty much disappeared after he dropped out of school. I don't really know whether he's even still in the city, much less whether he's still with those guys he kept hanging out with, or what."

I bit down on the inside of my lip. "I feel guilty that I never tried to reach out to him. He was obviously troubled, and had no one to turn to." The more I had gotten to know Riku, the more guilty I had felt about Kaj. After all, they were the same person, which meant that Kaj had the potential to have just as great a life as Riku now had.

"It's not your fault. You were dealing with your own problems at the time, and Kaj kinda just shut me out for whatever reason. He didn't want to be helped."

"Still..." _That's just what Grim does. He doesn't ever want to accept help from anyone, but that doesn't mean he doesn't need it._ I gave a resolute nod. "One of these days, I'm going to find him. Figure out where he ended up."

"Well, I don't know how you're going to accomplish that, but..." Zephyr scratched his head, then raised his hand in a shrug. "If you want any help, let me know."

Pushing myself up out of the chair, I began walking back toward the front door, with Zephyr following. A shelf full of movies caught my eye, and I turned to quickly scan it. "Hey, would you mind if I borrowed this?" I pointed at the Star Wars trilogy. "Believe it or not, my boyfriend has never seen it, and I haven't been able to find a copy to show him."

Zephyr raised his eyebrows at me. "Boyfriend?"

"Oh, yeah. Guess I didn't mention that one." I shrugged sheepishly. "Riku. Don't worry, he's absolutely nothing like Aiden. He's like...the sweetest guy ever."

"I thought that was me!" Zeph protested with a pout. Laughing, I pushed his shoulder playfully. "Well, someday I'd like to meet him," he continued. "But in the meantime, yeah, feel free to borrow whatever."

"Thanks." I slid the box off the shelf and held it against my stomach. "I'll try to get it back to you as soon as possible." Turning to gaze at the door, I sighed. "Well, guess I have to go face what I was running from this morning at some point or another."

Zephyr gave me a crooked smile. "Whatever it was, I'm sure you can handle it. I'm really glad you came today."

"Me, too," I replied honestly. "I really needed this." With one arm, I gave him a quick hug, which he returned enthusiastically. "See ya, Zeph."

"See ya, Mel."

Despite my brave speech about going back to face the Yoshidas, once I was back out on the sidewalk I lost all resolve. Every time I let my mind go back to the events of the morning, my emotions were just as mixed up as they had been sitting on the beach earlier. I had completely lost my temper, which was not like me at all, and had yelled at my parents and said terrible things to them. Those two lovely people, who had taken me in, and nursed me back to health, and now wanted to make me a permanent part of their family. The need to apologize to them was both imperative and daunting.

_What if I blew my chances with them altogether? Just like I've always blown all my chances at having a family. I really wouldn't be surprised._

The whole thing with the Keyblade wasn't really their fault, as much as I would have liked to place at least partial blame on them. If I had not stupidly summoned it during school, then I wouldn't have had to show it to the principal. Maybe having Mr. Yoshida scold me and having the two of them try to control the whole situation was my own problem, too. Could I really be mad at them for trying to be my parents? That's what they were supposed to be now. It wasn't their fault that I didn't know how to handle having parents. Someone besides me being in control of my life had never worked out well for me in the past.

On the other hand, the thought of their conversation with Ms. Hirano still twisted my stomach into knots. How dare they spill out all of my secrets like that? Did they not realize how personal all of that stuff was? How it felt like I was being stabbed in the gut each time it had to be mentioned? Mrs. Yoshida had said that they were "just trying to help", but I couldn't see how they would have possibly thought that was the best way to go about it. I needed an apology and an explanation from them just as much as I needed to give them one of my own.

All of this led back to the fact that I needed to go home, yet here I was, wandering up and down the streets of my former hometown with the icy wind biting into my cheeks and turning my nose and fingers numb. My stomach grumbled as I walked by various restaurants, reminding me that I hadn't eaten since breakfast, but I had no money from this universe with which to buy food. Eventually I came upon the mall, and swung inside to warm up a little. The few minutes that I originally intended to spend in there turned into a few hours of moseying through nearly every store, with no purpose but keeping my mind off of what I should have been doing.

The bit of the outside that I could occasionally catch a glimpse of through a mall entrance had long since grown dark. I finally forced myself to walk into the restroom, hovering nervously in the corner while I waited for the room to be empty. _Okay, Meli, these women aren't going to stay gone long, so it's now or never. You've gotta just go for it._ Shuffling to the mirror, I plastered my hands up against it and squeezed my eyes shut. At the very last second before the portal opened, though, I chickened out and switched the place that I was focusing on from my house to Riku's. Maybe I could avoid talking to my family for just a little bit longer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Star Wars Day!

It was dark and quiet when I walked out of the portal into Riku's living room. I hadn't bothered to check the time, but if I was lucky, maybe he and his mom – if she was even home – had already turned in for the night. I could just stay as noiseless as possible out here and not have to talk to anybody until morning.

As I set the Star Wars box that I had been clutching all day down onto their tv stand, my phone began vibrating like crazy in my skirt pocket. I jumped slightly, snatching it up as if it had actually made an audible noise. The screen was filled with dozens of missed calls and texts from the Yoshidas, Riku, Sora, and Kairi.

_"Where are you, Meli?"_

_"We're so sorry about what happened."_

_"We're all worried about you. Please come home."_

_"I know you're upset. I'm here if you want to talk about it."_

I smiled softly at the glowing screen. As much as I had needed the time alone, it was nice to know that I had been missed and worried about.

"I'm glad you came back. Didn't really expect you to just show up in my living room, but I'll take it."

I snapped my head up to see Riku leaning against the doorway watching me. "Aw, don't act so surprised. Super hearing, remember?" He tapped his ear with one finger, using the term that I had coined for the skills he had developed while wearing a blindfold. "You didn't really think you could just sneak in here without me knowing it, did you?"

I swallowed and looked down at the floor. "Well, I kinda hoped."

Riku frowned. "Why? You know I'm always here for you, right? I'm not gonna make you talk about anything you don't want to. I just want to support you however I can."

Nodding, I lifted my eyes back up to his. "Yeah. I know. I guess I just...forget sometimes. Don't want to open up...don't want to bother you."

"I get that." One corner of his mouth lifted in a sympathetic smile, and he finally came to me and wrapped me up in his strong arms. "So, what world did you run off to?" There was no hint of scolding in his voice, only curiosity.

"Mine." Sliding my own arms around his waist, I listened to the thumping of his heart in his chest. "My old one, I mean. I went to see my friend Zephyr for the first time in...years."

"Sounds fun."

"Yeah, it was. I needed that break."

"I'm sure." Riku rested his chin on the top of my head. "So, do you want to tell me about what happened this morning? I'm not pushing, only asking."

"Are we gonna pretend like you don't already know?" I pulled back slightly to raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"No. I heard what happened, but that doesn't mean I don't want to hear it from you."

Sighing, I broke eye contact and gazed across the room. "I'm really sorry about the whole Keyblade thing. I didn't mean to–"

"I know you didn't," he interrupted. "You don't have to apologize to me for that."

I shook my head. "Well, I feel like I should have been able to control myself and handle the situation better. It's not like I couldn't have used the Keyblade to get back out of the closet after they had locked me in. But all it took was seeing that dark little room, and...I don't know, I panicked, and I don't actually remember summoning my Keyblade, but apparently I did."

"It's okay. I've heard about those boys, and somebody needed to deal with them." He ran his fingers through the top of my hair. "I don't know that this will actually be the wake up call they needed, but we can hope."

"I seriously doubt it, not with them only getting suspended as punishment." I rolled my eyes, still aggravated by that thought. "Which brings us to the rest of what happened...what the Yoshidas said to the principal, and what I said to them..."

"I don't know all the details of that part, so you don't have to tell me if you don't want to. I only know that they said something they shouldn't have, and you got angry with them and yelled and left."

 _Well, that was nice of the Yoshidas, I suppose, to not share all of that with everyone. I have to give them some credit there._ "Yeah, it... I'm still upset with them, for what they said, but I shouldn't have said the things I did in return. Sometimes I just get so angry lately, and I don't understand it."

Riku sighed. "Well, all of that you'll have to talk through with them. Which...I guess I should warn you, you'll get your chance to do so soon. I texted them as soon as you arrived, and they're on their way now."

Shocked, I pulled my arms away from him and stepped back. He let me go, but held up a hand and spoke again before I could. "I'm sorry, I know you probably wish I would have asked. And maybe I should have, but I had a feeling you would say no, and...well mainly, I didn't want to put them through any more time worrying about you when I knew right where you were. They've been beside themselves all day. I didn't ask them to come over, though, they decided that on their own."

I placed a hand on my forehead and shook my head. "I don't know if I'm ready to face them yet."

"Sure you are." Riku reached out and gently grasped my arms. "You can do this. I know you were going to gather the courage to do it by in the morning, anyway. Trust me, they're going to be more excited that you're here and safe than they are worried about whatever you might have said to them this morning."

Right on cue, there was a knock at the front door. Giving my arms a squeeze, Riku left to go answer it, leaving me standing in the middle of the room, fidgeting anxiously with the phone and tie in my pockets. What was I going to say when they walked in? Should I greet them, or just go straight in for the apology?

I didn't have time to decide. A moment later, Mrs. Yoshida was practically running across the room to throw her arms around me. I felt completely awkward, whether I returned the hug or not, so I just stood there stiffly until she was done. When she stepped back, tears were on her cheeks. "Meli, sweetie, I'm so glad you're okay! We've been worried sick about you!"

"I know. I'm sorry for making you worry."

Mr. Yoshida took a step in closer. "No, no, you're not supposed to be the one to start the apologies. We are. First off, we're sorry for just barging over here like this. We briefly debated giving you your space until you were ready to approach us, but we couldn't stand it any longer. What we need to say is too important."

My throat went dry with dread. _What if he's not talking about apologizing for this morning? What if they're apologizing for not being able to go through with the adoption? I wouldn't blame them. After what I did, I certainly don't deserve it._

"Why don't you all have a seat?" Riku suggested, gesturing toward the sofa. "Take as long as you need. I'll just be in my room if anyone needs anything." As he turned to leave, I caught his arm and gave him a pleading look. "You want me to stay?" he asked softly.

I nodded and whispered, "Please."

Mr. and Mrs. Yoshida sat side by side on the sofa. I wedged myself as far into the opposite corner as I could, a throw pillow hugged to my chest for added protection, and Riku perched on the arm behind me.

Mrs. Yoshida was the first to speak. "Meli, we are so, so sorry for telling Ms. Hirano those things about you. You were absolutely correct, we had no right to share any of that. We wanted to help Ms. Hirano understand where you might have been coming from, to save you from any unjust punishment, but we crossed a line and for that, we profusely apologize."

"That's right," Mr. Yoshida nodded. "It was a lapse of judgment on our part, and you can rest assured that it will not happen again."

I took a couple of deep breaths, letting their words settle over me. While the apology didn't ease all of the pain that the incident had caused, it did begin to release the rest of the anger that had lingered throughout the day. "Okay. I, um...thank you."

"One thing we won't apologize for, however, is trying to be your parents," Mr. Yoshida continued. "We may have gone about it the wrong way today, but that doesn't mean we're going to quit trying."

Mrs. Yoshida cleared her throat. "What he means is...you said today that you didn't need parents, and wanted us to stop pretending to be yours. We understand that having parents is a brand new concept for you, but unless you've really changed your mind about wanting to be a part of our family–"

"I haven't," I broke in. "I do want to be a part of your family, and I don't want you to stop being my parents. I..." Dropping my chin down onto the pillow, I blinked back the tears that were pricking at my eyelids. "I'm surprised that you still want me, after all of that."

"Sweetie, of course we do!" Mrs. Yoshida cupped my face with her hand. "A little thing like an argument isn't going to change how we feel about you! Do you know how many arguments we've had with your sister over the years?"

"Legal or not, to us, you're already our daughter. We're not turning back from this now, or ever," Mr. Yoshida declared.

A few tears of mixed joy and guilt spilled over. "I shouldn't have said any of those things. I was hurt, and I was angry, and...I just really don't know how to handle this whole parenting thing, I don't guess. I don't like having to trust my own issues to other people. But I want...to try."

"That's all we ask of you...and all we can hope to do, ourselves," Mrs. Yoshida responded. "We're certainly not perfect. Today was a prime example of that. We made mistakes as parents even before you came into our lives, and now we're also having to learn that being your mom and dad will be different than being Kairi's mom and dad. Kairi was just a little girl when she came to us, so we've known her most of her life. You, on the other hand, have grown up on your own, so we're all going to have to figure out how to mesh our lives together into an arrangement that makes everyone happy."

"Exactly," Mr. Yoshida rejoined. "We will all work together to figure this new life out."

I gave a small smile. "Okay. That sounds good." When they put it that way, I couldn't help but relax a bit. "I think I can forgive you...we all make mistakes sometimes. And again, I'm sorry for the things I said."

"That's already forgiven, dear," Mrs. Yoshida smiled.

I squeezed the pillow a little tighter. "I just find myself getting so angry sometimes lately. I don't know where it's coming from."

"I think I do," Riku spoke up for the first time. I glanced up over my shoulder at him as he stood and came around to sit on the coffee table across from me. "I think that it's connected to everything else that's been going on."

"Grim," I hissed. "Not now."

"Yes, now. Meli...it's time. If you're not gonna tell them, I am. Please."

His voice was so stern and his face so concerned that I couldn't find it in myself to argue. Instead, I pulled my feet up onto the couch and slouched back into the cushions as if I thought I might find an entrance to Narnia and be able to avoid hearing this conversation.

After a few seconds of heavy silence, Riku began. "Meli has been having panic attacks ever since the beginning of the year."

 _Panic attacks?_ I shifted my legs so that I could see his face, and he turned to look at me. "I spent the afternoon in the library, doing some research. I feel pretty confident, based on what you've described to me, that that's the correct term."

I had never even heard of such a thing. It sounded ridiculous, but at the same time, knowing that there must be other people out there dealing with the same thing I was, in order for it to have a name, made me feel slightly relieved. I waited for the Yoshidas to say something, but they remained quiet for now, listening to what else Riku had to say.

"Frequent panic attacks, flashbacks, constant nightmares, startling easily, avoiding reminders of trauma, unusual anger or irritability, hypervigilance..." He ticked off my symptoms on his fingers, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Having it all laid out like that just made me feel like even more of a pitiful excuse for a human being than I already did.

"...Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head. I'm sure there's some I'm forgetting or don't even know she's experiencing. But from what I read today, every single one of those are a possible symptom...of PTSD."

My heart skipped a beat and my eyes flew open. Scooting myself back upright, I furrowed my brow at him, avoiding the gazes of the Yoshidas. "That's...no, that can't be right. That's like, for soldiers and stuff. Right?"

Riku pressed his lips together sympathetically. "What do you think we are, Meli?" he asked quietly. "Besides, it's not just soldiers. Anyone who experiences trauma can develop PTSD. And you...definitely experienced some."

"But...but all of us...all of us have gone through traumatic crap." Tears filled my eyes and my voice grew frantic with a mounting wave of unknown emotion. "I mean...you were possessed, and Sora...Sora killed himself and turned into a Heartless, and plus killed off half of the Organization, and...Kairi was kidnapped...and lost her heart at one point..." The wave finally broke, and a sob escaped at the same time as the tears. "Why am I the one who ended up broken? I don't understand..." Burying my face in the pillow, I let the sobs take over.

The comforting hand on my shoulder an instant later was not a surprise. What was unexpected, however, was that it belonged to Mrs. Yoshida, not Riku. "May I?" she whispered in my ear. I nodded into the pillow, and she slid the hand around to my other shoulder, pulling me over into the crook of her arm. Her other hand gently stroked the back of my head.

After a few minutes, when my tears began to subside, she spoke up again. "I will be the first to admit that I don't understand what all you four have been through. I had not even heard about half of the things that you just mentioned...which, by the way, completely terrifies me." She drew in a deep breath, her fingers combing through my hair. "But what I do know is that every person deals with trauma differently. Two people could go through the same exact experience and each come out of it changed in a completely different way. So you can't judge yourself for how your body is handling it."

Riku placed his hand on my knee and squeezed. "Besides, we've all been affected in some way or another. You're the one who told me Kairi has had trouble sleeping when she's alone. Sora...well, he's always got that happy-go-lucky grin, but I know that he struggles with his own fears and regrets beneath the surface. And me..."

I raised my head slightly and wiped my face with my sweater sleeve before looking at him. "Yeah. I know."

"So yeah, we've all had our share of trauma, and none of us has escaped it unscathed. You..." He paused, cutting his eyes down to consider his words. "I hate to have to point it out, but you went through a heck of a lot more than any of us did." When he saw me trying to protest, he waved his hand. "Or, if you won't accept that it was more, it was at least totally different. You shouldn't compare your aftermath to ours when the experience wasn't the same to start with."

"He's right," Mrs. Yoshida agreed. "I wish we had known that all of this was going on much earlier, so that we could have helped you find out the cause sooner. But, even though I'm sure it feels overwhelming right now, having a name for it should be encouraging. I haven't researched PTSD myself, so I don't know what all of the treatment options are, but I'd say a good first step would be to get you in to see a therapist – one who is specifically trained in that area."

"Well, I can't say anything about her training, but if she's qualified then I would recommend Annaisha, the school counselor," Riku offered. "I, uh..." He glanced at me, then stared down at the floor. "I've been going to see her on Tuesdays, instead of going to blitzball practice."

I sucked in a shaky, surprised breath. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I...figured you had enough on your mind already without worrying about me anymore than you already were." Riku gave a half-smile. "And you don't have to worry about me. You already know everything that's going on with me. I just...I realized, after talking to you that day, that maybe I needed to talk to someone else, too. It's different, somehow, telling your story to someone who's never heard it before. I think...I think it's helping, at least some."

"That's good." I rested my hand on top of his and gave him a sad smile. "I'm glad."

"Anyway, she's really easy to talk to, and she already knows a little bit about you. I didn't tell her much," he quickly assured me. "It's hard to tell my story without you coming into it from time to time, though."

"I'll do some research on her and on anyone else I can find starting tonight," Mr. Yoshida declared. "We'll find someone."

All of this new information was putting my brain into overdrive. The thought of me seeing a therapist had never ever occurred to me, and seemed almost absurd, but I knew I was in a place where I really didn't have a valid argument against it. "Okay," I murmured. "I'll give it a shot."

"We're gonna figure this thing out, Sunshine." Riku took both of my hands in his grasp and smiled. "You're gonna get through this."

"And we're all going to be right there with you along the way," Mrs. Yoshida added, hugging me again from the side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm curious to know if any of you had guessed what exactly was going on with Meli before this chapter. PTSD is a term that gets thrown around a lot, especially in fanfiction, but I'm trying my best with this fic to portray what an actual, clinical case might look like (though everyone's experience is different). I'm not an expert, by any means, but I have done a good bit of research for this story.
> 
> No one should be expecting sunshine and rainbows from here on out (I mean, this is me we're talking about), but at least Meli's making some progress!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT!
> 
> I kinda assume that anyone reading this story is up to date on the games, but I'm doing my duty and putting up a warning, anyway. It honestly took me forever to track down all of the scattered pieces for this chapter...why is one scene broken up into three different games, Nomura? Anyway, I'm trying to remember what games I ended up finding them in...I know BBS was one, because that was the one that took me forever to find. I'm pretty sure the other two were KH2 and Re:coded. At least one of those was a secret ending. It's a pretty minor spoiler, all things considered, but consider yourself warned!

That physically and emotionally exhausting day ended with lots of hugs, and a late night stop for ice cream with my parents on the way home. I was informed that while I had not been suspended from school, I was taking a sick day the next day – which, being a Friday, would make a nice, long weekend for me at home. By Monday, they hoped that something would be figured out about a therapist that I could go to after school.

I spent a great deal of that sick day reflecting on everything that had been happening, and on what was to come. Though I would have hated to admit it, having the Yoshidas know about my problems lifted a bit of a load off of my chest. It didn't take me long thinking about it to decide that I wanted to tell my other friends, too. After all, I had been wrong twice already about people's reactions. Maybe I would be wrong again. Kairi would be first, since she already knew about the nightmares, anyway. I bolstered my courage throughout the afternoon, and planned on telling her when she got home from school.

When she entered our bedroom, though, I could tell by the expression on her face that she was distracted. "Everything okay?" I asked her, twisting around in my desk chair and leaning my arm on the back of it.

"Yeah, I just...um...actually, no." Kairi crossed her arms and shook her head as she halted by her own desk. "I know you've got a lot on your mind right now, but there's this thing, and I don't know what to do, and I know what I should do, but I don't wanna, and..." She buried her face in her hands for a moment, then yanked open a desk drawer and pulled out a glass bottle. "I need you to help me decide what to do. You're smarter than I am–"

I snorted. "I don't think so."

"Well, you're definitely less selfish than I am, and I already know what you're going to tell me to do, but...I guess I need to hear it from you for real." She thrust the bottle out toward me, her hand shaking almost imperceptibly. "Here. Read this."

Eyeing her warily, I took the bottle and popped the cork out of it, noticing the King's symbol on the rolled up paper as I shook it out on the desk. From King Mickey, with Kairi's reaction...whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

_I wanted to tell you right away,_ _about memories from the past that sleep within you, and about the pieces that will tie you to your future._

_Sora, Riku, Meli, Kairi, the truth behind the Keyblade has found its way through so many people, and now I know that it rests in your hearts._

_Sora, you are who you are because of those people, but they're hurting, and you're the only one who can end their sadness. They need you. It's possible that all your journeys so far have been preparing you for this great new task that's waiting for you. I should have known there were no coincidences— only links in a much larger chain of events._

_And now the door to your next journey is ready to be opened. As soon as you receive this letter, I need you to meet me at Yen Sid's tower. He'll be the one to tell us what your next step should be._

_-King Mickey_

I read all the way to the end of the letter, then started back at the top and read it through again. Another journey? Was he serious? _Back to Yen Sid's tower for instructions on the next step..._ It was like déjà vu. All we wanted to do was live normal teenage lives for once, but apparently that was not possible for Keyblade wielders.

Reluctantly I tore my eyes away from the letter and looked back up to Kairi, seeing the dread I felt in my heart reflected as sorrow on her face. "When did you find this?" I asked, my voice cracking slightly.

Kairi bit her lip. "A couple of days ago. I know I should have given it to them right away, but..."

"But we know Sora, and of course he's going to go, which means Riku will go, too, and neither of us want them to," I finished for her. "Since when have their 'journeys' ever ended in anything good for the four of us? I don't get why someone else can't be chosen for once." Tossing the letter angrily onto my desk, I rested my forehead in my hand. "It's not fair."

"No, it isn't," Kairi sniffled.

I couldn't blame her for keeping the letter a secret. I didn't want to give it to them, either. I wanted to be selfish, to tell her to just keep it hidden and the boys would never know. But I knew that wasn't true – eventually King Mickey would try again, or come looking for them in person, and they would find out and be rightfully angry at the two of us. Besides that, deep down I would always feel guilty for not giving whoever these hurting people were the help they needed.

"We have to give it to them," I sighed after a long silence. "As much as I hate it, I don't see a way around it. Somebody has to save the day, and apparently it's always going to be them, so we might as well get used to it, right?" I offered her the most genuine smile I could muster.

Kairi swiped a couple of tears away from her eyes and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so. Should we go ahead and do it now? Get it over with?"

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, we'd better. If we wait too much longer King Mickey might start getting suspicious."

"Okay." Kairi straightened her shoulders, seemingly gathering her courage, then grabbed the letter off the desk, placing it back into the bottle. "They were headed out to the play island. I was supposed to come home and get you and go meet them to watch the sunset."

I glanced down at my pajama pants and stood. "Well, let me throw on some clothes really quick, and I'll be ready."

As Kairi and I rowed up to the dock of the play island a short while later, we could see Riku already perched on the trunk of the paopu tree, and Sora running over the bridge to join him. We tied off the boat and climbed out, Kairi clutching the bottle to herself the whole time. She paused for a moment on the dock, staring at the almost-silhouetted figures of the two boys as if trying to commit the scene to memory, then took off running with no warning. I followed right on her heels, across the main beach, into the shack, up the stairs, and out onto the bridge.

"Sora! Riku!" Kairi called out as we approached, waving her free hand in the air. She rounded the tree to where they were both standing, bending over to catch her breath.

"Hey, what's up?" Sora asked. I had slowed down for the last few paces, and motioned apathetically to the bottle as I came up next to Kairi.

"Look," she panted, holding it out to him.

"From the King?" Sora exclaimed, snatching the bottle from her hand and opening it. We all gathered around as he unrolled the letter, looking over his shoulders.

Despite the fact that I was staring at the page, pretending I had never seen it before, I couldn't bring myself to actually read it again. _Why, King Mickey? Why did you have to send us this letter now? Couldn't we have at least had a little more time together before life went haywire again?_ Snippets of the conversation we had the night before played through my mind, thoughts about all of the trauma that we had all experienced in the past and how it had affected us. What kind of trauma would this next journey bring? Would it be just as damaging as the last one had been? Better yet, would we even survive it?

The pit in my stomach had grown nearly to the point of nausea by the time Riku and Sora finished reading. We were all silent as Sora rolled the letter back up and placed it back in the bottle. The boys were probably still processing their thoughts, and Kairi and I knew better than to voice ours.

"So, another journey, huh?" Sora finally said. "Guess us Keyblade wielders don't get a break for long!"

"Guess not," Riku agreed.

They both sounded way too chipper about the whole ordeal. I crossed my arms and cleared my throat. "You think you'll go, then?"

Sora turned to me with his eyebrows furrowed. "Well, I mean, yeah, the King needs us, so..."

I could see Kairi giving me an "I told you so" look out of the corner of my eye. "Yeah, but it's your life. Our lives." I gestured to the four of us. "You have a choice, you know. You don't have to run off and save the world every time unless you actually want to."

Sora stared off into the setting sun as if he had never even considered it that way. Riku watched him for a moment, then looked back to Kairi and me. "Why don't we all take a little bit and think about it?" he suggested. "Meli's right, we shouldn't rush into anything without really thinking about what it will mean for all of us."

"Yeah, okay." Sora nodded, still looking lost in thought.

Riku reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me along beside him toward the bridge. Behind us, I could hear Kairi walking, too, though when we reached the main beach and veered off toward the path to the Secret Place, she took her own route to another part of the island. Just before we reached the cave, Riku stopped and sat down on the ground, dangling his feet off toward the waterfall. I took a seat next to him, subconsciously grateful for the roar of the water to fill the silence.

"So, what are your thoughts?" Riku asked after a couple of minutes.

I shrugged. "Does it really matter? We all know that Sora's gonna go. I don't know if you would choose to go on your own, but you'll go with him. And if you two are going, then I'm coming, too."

He turned to gaze at me. "Yeah, I think we can safely assume that Sora will go. He doesn't know how to turn down anybody who needs help. And yeah, I think I should go with him. We've been separated on these journeys quite enough, and it always ends up working out better when we're together. For what it's worth, I don't know what I would choose if it was just me, either. I'm certainly not looking forward to leaving home again, but I don't know that I could just turn down a cry for help, either."

"Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying I'll go just because of you guys. I want to help whoever it is that's hurting, too," I mumbled, feeling guilty for the amount of time I had spent thinking of myself.

Riku sighed. "I don't think you should go."

I rolled my eyes. "I knew you were gonna say that."

"Well, hear me out. It's not that I don't want you there, of course." He rested a hand on my thigh. "I just think we should consider your health first. You're supposed to be starting to see a therapist on Monday, remember? That's really important. You shouldn't just skip out on that."

"Who says I won't be back by Monday? All I'm saying I want to do is go with you guys to hear what Yen Sid has to say. We can decide from there what to do next. I don't want to be left here wondering what's going on while you two take off on some suicide mission without bothering to inform me about it, or get trapped in some world without me even knowing where you are. Again." I crossed my arms and shot him a glare. "Haven't you learned by now what happens when you try to leave me out of stuff?"

"You throw a big fit," Riku laughed.

I slapped his arm, but couldn't help smiling a little. "Not what I had in mind, but whatever."

Silence settled over us once again, and I focused on the spray off of the waterfall that was cooling my face. "I do want to know what your thoughts are," Riku spoke back up eventually. "Maybe it won't change the decision, but they're still worth sharing."

"Nah," I sighed. "They're mostly selfish and pessimistic. I'd rather not keep dwelling on all the things that could go wrong." I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye, wondering how much of his pep right now was an act. After all, he was the one who had been worried all along about something else bad happening. "What about you? What are your actual thoughts?"

He kept his gaze on the water in front of us, tapping the heel of his sneaker up against the rocks below. "Well, it's true that things have gone pretty wrong in the past. But that doesn't necessarily mean they will this time."

 _Right. That was definitely skirting around the truth._ "You're just as scared as I am, aren't you?"

Huffing a laugh, he rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm trying not to be scared. Not yet, at least. Not until I know what exactly is even going on."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. I guess that's wise." _I've probably been overreacting. I wish I could be as level-headed as he is._ "I mean, I'd like to think that we all learned a lot of lessons from the last time, and won't make the same mistakes again. Maybe if we all commit to staying together and trusting each other, we can save the world without sacrificing ourselves this time."

Riku elbowed me playfully. "Look who's being all optimistic for once in her life."

I smirked back at him. "Don't get used to it."

"I guess we should head back over and see if Sora's made his decision." Riku stood and held out his hand to me, pulling me to my feet.

Sora was sitting on the trunk of the tree, the bottle still in his hand. Riku called his name as we crossed the bridge, and Sora returned the greeting. Pausing at the side of the tree, Riku stared out at the horizon where the sun had just disappeared.

"Your mind's made up?" he asked.

Sora nodded once. "Yeah."

Kairi walked up just then, and also called Sora's name. Her face was clean and dry now, but I could tell from her eyes that she had been crying.

"Kairi, I..." Sora jumped down off of the tree and stared at the sand, clearly not sure what to say to her.

Hands clasped behind her back, Kairi gave a nod and a little hum of understanding. Like we had said before, everyone already knew what his decision would be, and despite her claims otherwise, Kairi was far from selfish. There was no way she was going to try to keep him here.

With a little smile, Sora walked over to her. "It's just...they really need me. I have to go. I am who I am...because of them."

Kairi smiled back at him, then pressed something into his hand. When she removed her hand, I could see that it was her lucky charm that Sora had carried on our last adventure. "See you soon, then, I guess."

Sora quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head, looking a little like a sad puppy. "You sure you don't wanna come? You're a Keyblade wielder, too, you know."

"Hardly," Kairi shrugged bashfully. "I haven't had enough training to really be considered one yet. I feel like I would just be in the way."

"No, of course you wouldn't," Sora countered.

"Besides, I don't think I could leave Mom and Dad again. Not this soon. Not unless I knew I was really needed." Kairi looked down at her feet, scuffing them into the sand.

Sora sighed and nodded. "Okay. I understand."

I stepped forward and touched Kairi's arm. "Well, I'll make sure that this time you don't get left in the dark. I'm going with them just to see what Yen Sid has to say, then I'll either be back or I'll make sure you're sent a message telling you what's happening." I was planning on it being the latter, but was keeping the first option in there to appease Riku.

"Thanks," Kairi smiled.

"I guess we'd better head home and get ready to leave," Riku remarked. "Meet you at the ship in an hour?" After King Mickey, Donald, and Goofy had left the island the last time, they had made sure that we had our own Gummi Ship delivered to us. We had yet to use it, of course, but the King wanted us to have adequate transportation to other worlds if we ever needed it.

"Yeah, sounds good," Sora agreed. He hesitated a moment, then turned back to Kairi. "Will you be there to see us off?"

She nodded. "Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like the filler I added to make these snippets flow together better and make more sense. The headcanon of Kairi finding the bottle ahead of time and not showing the guys right away was not mine originally. I saw it as a Tumblr post on Pinterest, and I think thetwilightroadtonightfall was the OP – though I'm not familiar with the layout of Tumblr so they could have been reblogging it.
> 
> Who's excited to get into canon storyline?


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT!
> 
> Spoilers for 3D begin in this chapter!

It seemed almost surreal to be standing in Yen Sid's office once more. After brief greetings from the King, and of course a crushing group hug from Donald and Goofy, the wizard got right to the point. He started off with the story of how the worlds had originally fallen into darkness, how the X-blade that protected the true Kingdom Hearts had been shattered into twenty pieces, and how the first Keyblades had been forged and used both to conquer and protect the light.

"I trust by now that you have heard the name Xehanort?"

The three of us glanced at each other and nodded. "He was Ansem, right?" Sora answered. "Not the real Ansem, but his apprentice who stole his name. Then later he turned into a Heartless, and Xemnas was his Nobody."

"Correct. What you may not know is that long ago, Xehanort was a wielder of the Keyblade." Yen Sid let this surprising news settle over us for a moment before continuing. "As a Keyblade Master, Xehanort had a gift like few others. But such great minds are often plagued by a single great question. What is the essence of the human heart that weakens us, or empowers us?

"The answer, he believed, would be found in the 'Keyblade War'. What if the challenges of our past were, in fact, a map to the light and darkness that battles within us all? Xehanort had to know, so he renounced his duties as master and chose the seeker's life. Since then, in many a guise, he has clashed with the protectors of light – Keyblade wielders like yourselves. We must be ready. Which is why you, Sora and Riku, are to be tested for the mark of a true Keyblade master."

I raised my eyebrows and looked at the two boys, wondering what that actually entailed, and also why I was apparently not being included. The two of them were doing a good job of keeping whatever thoughts they were having hidden, returning Yen Sid's gaze with stoic faces.

"No doubt you fancy yourselves masters already," Yen Sid continued. "But it takes years of training. Only a true master can teach you the proper way. Both of you are self-taught Keyblade wielders – an impressive feat. However, the time has come for you to let go of preconceived notions, forget what you know about the Keyblade, and begin your training again with a clean slate."

It was at this remark that Riku and Sora finally let their shock show. Even King Mickey, Donald, and Goofy looked surprised.

"But that's a formality, right? I already proved myself," Sora exclaimed passionately. "Me and the King, and Riku and Meli – we can take on anything." He looked up at his friend. "Right, Riku?"

Riku was staring at the floor uncertainly. "I don't know." Reaching out his hand, he summoned Way to the Dawn in a puff of black smoke. "I think that in my heart, darkness still has a hold." He let the Keyblade go again. "Walking that path changed me. I'm not sure if I'm ready to wield a Keyblade. Maybe I do need to be tested."

"Riku..." Sora sighed.

I slipped my hand into Riku's and gave it a squeeze. Obviously my pep talks had not helped much in reassuring him that he had control over his darkness. Perhaps a test was just the thing to give him the confidence boost he so needed.

Sora turned back to Yen Sid. "Then count me in. Put me through the test! Just watch – me and Riku will pass with flying colors!" He crossed his arms behind his head, satisfied with his answer.

Yen Sid gave a solemn nod. "Very well, then. Sora and Riku, let your examination begin."

Clearing my throat, I raised my hand tentatively. "Um, excuse me, but...what about me? May I take the test, too?"

I blinked self-consciously as Yen Sid turned to study me. "You have shown yourself to be a talented wielder of the Keyblade, as well. However, you still have not gained as much experience as these two. I do not feel that you are ready to take on such a task."

I felt myself growing flustered, not quite believing that he was blatantly excluding me. "But...I have had training, even more since we've been back home. It may not be real battle experience, but surely it's worth something. You say you need to be ready, that you need Keyblade Masters. Shouldn't you at least give me the chance, then, to see if I can prove myself? What have you lost if I don't pass the test?"

Riku squeezed my hand. "May I say something, Master?" A lump of dread formed in my throat as Yen Sid nodded his permission and Riku turned to me. "Meli, you know I believe in you more than anyone. I know that you're a fantastic fighter, and I know that you should be able to hold your own right next to Sora and me in any kind of test."

"But...?" I prompted, not bothering to hide my irritation.

He sighed. "But maybe now is not the best time for proving yourself. You were supposed to come for this meeting, then go right back home, remember? You have somewhere important to be day after tomorrow."

"I never actually said I was gonna do that. That's just what you wanted me to do the whole time."

"Yeah, it is what I want you to do. I want you to take care of yourself, for once," Riku returned. "Whatever this test is, I'm sure it's going to be tough. As in, the kind of tough that could make you worse, when you're supposed to be trying to get better. What if you got out there in the middle of some kind of battle, and started having a flashback? You could get yourself killed."

The picture he was painting was of some weak, pathetic person – the last thing that I wanted to be seen as. I snatched my hand out of his and backed away a step. "You're supposed to be on my side."

"I am on your side. I'm on the side of you focusing on your health right now, and conquering this test later, when you're fully ready. I'm on the side of keeping you safe, because I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you." He lifted his hands imploringly. "Please, Meli."

Tears were stinging my eyes, and I turned my head away from him. Sora and the three Disney Castle residents were busy staring at various random points in the room, looking awkward and uncomfortable. Yen Sid was still looking straight at me, probably even more set in his opinion about me now. I knew I could choose to ignore Riku and do whatever I wanted, but if Yen Sid was against me taking the test, then there was no point in continuing to argue.

"Fine," I growled. "Apparently I'm too weak and vulnerable to handle anything, so I guess I'll just go home and 'take care of myself'. Leave the difficult stuff to those who have 'experience'."

"Meli–"

I shot him a glare. "I'm staying long enough to hear what this test actually is, so that I can keep my promise to Kairi. Then I'll be out of your hair."

"You know that's not what I was trying to say–"

"Master Yen Sid, please continue," I said loudly, ignoring Riku's attempts to engage me.

I was fuming so much that I barely even comprehended Yen Sid's lengthy explanation of the test. When he finally finished his speech and indicated that it was time to begin, I moved toward the door without saying anything.

"Hey." Riku caught my hand, then glanced at the others in the room and pulled me out into the hall. "You know I just want what's best for you, right?"

"I'm fine. It's...whatever. Don't stress yourself about it." Swallowing, I tried to shake off my anger, at least for the moment. "Just go out there and do your thing, and be careful." No matter how I might feel about him right now, I didn't want him to be worrying about me when he needed to be focused on staying safe. "I'll see you when you get back."

Riku stared into my eyes for a long moment, as if trying to decide if I was really okay. "Alright. I'll see you then." Sliding his fingers into my hair, he pressed a kiss onto my lips. I returned it with much less fervor than usual, but he didn't seem to notice. "Love you."

"Love you, too." As soon as he had disappeared back into the office, I opened a dark corridor and stepped inside. _Funny how nobody thought to ask me how I was getting back home. They'd love it if they realized I was going through the In Between without any protection, but did they really expect me to steal the Gummi Ship? I don't even know how to fly the thing. How ironic would it be if, after all the nice words about keeping me safe, something bad happened to me on the way home because nobody bothered to care enough to get_ _me there?_

I opened the exit right into Kairi's and my bedroom, where she was sitting at her desk. "Meli!" she gasped as I walked through the swirl of smoke. "You scared the bajeebies out of me!"

"Sorry." Closing the corridor behind me, I plopped down onto my bed and stared at the wall.

"I didn't even know you ever used those anymore." Kairi was still looking at the spot where I had appeared.

"Only when Riku's not around to harp at me about it."

Kairi turned to frown at me, starting to get clued in that something was off. "So...you're back already, huh? What about the boys, where are they?"

I didn't want to talk about it, even though that was my express purpose for coming back here. "Taking some test. Seeing if they have what it takes to be 'Keyblade Masters' so that they can take on whatever else Yen Sid has planned. Something about going into the world of sleep and visiting different worlds and closing seven keyholes...sounded like it was going to take several days."

Kairi breathed out a sigh. "Okay. So, maybe not too dangerous, at least for now?"

"Who knows." I threw my hands up in an exasperated shrug. "Doesn't seem like it, but apparently it's too dangerous for me."

"They said that?"

"Yen Sid said he didn't think I had enough experience yet. Grim said..." I hadn't actually told Kairi about my PTSD yet, and I didn't really want to break it to her in the middle of this conversation. "He said he didn't think I was ready right now, and I should do it another time. He's worried about my health."

"Well, yeah, we've all been a little worried about your health, with you not sleeping and all. I'd hate for you to put yourself in danger because you weren't rested enough."

I rolled my eyes. She sounded just like the rest of them. "Yeah, sure. Whatever." Hopping up off the bed, I ran a hand through my hair. "Do me a favor and don't tell anybody I was here. If Mom asks, just tell her I promised I'd be back in time for my appointment tomorrow afternoon."

Kairi frowned again. "Where are you going? What about school tomorrow?"

I was already in the process of opening another corridor, and replied merely by waving dismissively in her direction. School was the last thing I needed right now. If they all really wanted me to take care of myself, then they shouldn't mind me staying as far away from that place as I could get.

What I did need was some way to satiate this fury that was coursing through my veins. Training sessions always seemed to have the ability to get my head level and leave me feeling much calmer afterward. With this in mind, I opened a path to the outskirts of Hollow Bastion, now commonly known as Radiant Garden. Despite all of the efforts that had been made to clear the area of Heartless and Nobodies, there were still a fair number of the creatures hanging out in the canyon just outside of town. They all turned to stare greedily at me when I appeared out of the darkness.

With a flick of my wrist, I summoned my Keyblade to my hand, giving it a couple of warm-up swings. "Come on, let's do this!"

Charging forward, I let loose everything I had been holding back on the monsters, each whack of the Keyblade reverberating a frustration through my mind. _Weak. Helpless. Broken. Not enough experience. PTSD_ – that one got several blows. Gradually, as the number of enemies dwindled, so did my anger, though the root of it still simmered beneath the surface. After dispatching of the last Heartless to be seen, I sank down to rest cross-legged on the dirt.

Once I had caught my breath and let my thoughts settle for a few minutes, I pushed myself back up to my feet, Keyblade still in hand. Despite it being a newer version of the weapon, something about the feeling of its weight and smooth, cylindrical handle was steadying to me. Wandering across the now-empty expanse, I rounded the corner into a new stretch of canyon and found a whole new group of monsters waiting for me.

I spun the Keyblade around in my hand, a wry smile spreading across my face. _They want experience? Well, that's what they're going to get._


	18. Chapter 18

"You must be Meli. I'm Annaisha, it's so nice to meet you."

The first thing I noticed about the therapist was that she was young, probably not long out of college. Her black hair was divided into multiple small braids, pulled back away from her face and coiled into a neat bun, and she was dressed professionally in a pink blouse and tan skirt. Shaking her proffered hand, I gave a small smile. "Hi."

"Why don't you have a seat?" Annaisha motioned to one of the two overstuffed blue armchairs in her office, and made herself comfortable in the other. "So tell me, Meli, is this your first time talking with a therapist?"

I nodded, but felt like I should be saying something more. "Yeah, um...lots of social workers, but never a therapist." _Like social workers having anything to do with anything. I don't know why I added that in._

Annaisha smiled warmly. "You were in foster care as a child, right?" She patted a folder on the table next to her. "It mentions that in your school records."

"Right." Might as well start opening up now, we were on a pretty safe subject and she would eventually want to know all of this, anyway. "I, um, don't know what happened to my parents. Don't remember anything before age eight. Somebody found me and put me in the system, and I lived in a couple of private homes, and then a group home until I was thirteen."

"What happened at thirteen?" Annaisha prompted.

"I ran away."

Her eyebrows raised ever so slightly. "Was there trouble at the home?"

I shrugged. "I hated it there. The foster mom was a tyrant, and the kids were all bullies. They used to tease me and beat me up all the time."

"Did the foster mom ever hurt you?"

"Nah. I mean, she'd give us all a good slap on the back of the head from time to time, or drag us around by our ears, but...nothing too serious." I lifted my chin a little to try to see what Annaisha was writing on the notepad on her lap.

Catching me peeking, she smiled again and tapped the paper with the end of her pen. "Don't worry, I'm just making some notes for myself so I can remember the things you've told me."

"No commentary on all the things that must be wrong with me?" I asked sardonically.

"Nope. Just making sure I remember all the facts." Annaisha shifted in her chair and crossed one leg over the other. "So, where did you go when you ran away?"

I exhaled audibly. "I just lived on the street for a few months. Same city, just on the other side so I wouldn't be found. It took me a while to find a place to settle, but I eventually found a community of sorts living under a bridge, and they let me join them."

"That sounds like a rough life."

"Yeah, it was miserable. Thankfully it was during the spring and summer, so I didn't have to worry about it being too cold, but finding food was near impossible, especially for someone like me who didn't have a clue what I was doing." It was a time in my life that I tried not to think about as much as possible. This was actually the first time I had ever talked to anyone about what it was like. I generally just skimmed over those months if the subject ever came up. "I was living alongside these other people, but none of them really actually cared anything about me. It was kinda every man for himself, you know? So I was basically completely on my own for the first time that I could remember, and it was not as...freeing and romantic as I had thought it would be when I first decided to run away."

"You said that lasted for a few months. What happened then?"

 _Aiden. Aiden happened then._ Immediately his confident smirk and mesmerizing green eyes filled my mind, and I felt myself shrinking back into the shell that I had just started to poke out of. I had talked about Aiden plenty, at least to Riku, but this was somehow different. It was more personal a subject, and encroaching on even more dangerous territory. "I...uh...I don't think I'm...ready...to talk about that yet."

"That's okay," Annaisha swiftly replied, soothing any guilt I felt. "I'm not here to push you to talk about anything you're not ready for. We can come back to that sometime later, when you're more comfortable."

I nodded, chewing on the inside of my lip. "Okay."

"Let's skip to the end of whatever that was, then. Where did life take you next?"

"Um..." I cut my eyes up toward the ceiling, thinking. "Well, that lasted – 'that' being a...person who was in my life for a while – until last summer. Which is when I met Gr...I mean, Riku."

She smiled. "Ah, okay. So how did that come about?"

I spent the rest of our session telling her about meeting and becoming friends with Riku – leaving out any mention of portals and parallel universes and Aiden, at least for now. Riku had told me, however, that it was safe to talk to Annaisha about the Keyblade and any of the other details of our adventures, so I did include some stories about DiZ, Naminé, and training. I had to admit that Riku was right, it was nice to be able to talk through everything with someone on the outside, even if we stayed on safe, casual subjects. Too often around others I felt like I was doing more lying than truth-telling.

On Tuesday it was back to the grind of school, complete with a panic attack for who knows what reason early on in the day. I had promised Mrs. Yoshida that I would tell her anytime that happened, so I did, though there wasn't really anything she could do about it besides feel sorry for me.

After school on Wednesday, I had another session with Annaisha. "You look tired today, Meli," she noted. "Are you feeling alright?"

 _Don't I always look tired? I do to my own eyes._ "I stayed up late last night working on something. I'll be fine." The truth was, I never actually went to bed. Only long enough for Kairi to fall asleep, then I had gone out looking for more Heartless to fight and didn't return until early morning.

"Alright. Now, it's not very often that I will ask one of my students about another student, but considering your relationship...I just wanted to check on Riku. He missed his session yesterday, which is very unlike him. Is everything okay that you know of?"

"Oh. Um, yeah, he's fine, as far as I know. He got called out of town...or technically, off world." It was easy to forget that I could be frank about things like other worlds with Annaisha. "Keyblade wielder thing." I shrugged, avoiding eye contact.

"You seem bothered by something."

I heaved a sigh. "It's just...hard not to worry about him, I guess. I mean he and Sora are just taking this test, nothing huge, but...I don't know exactly where they are and what they're doing, and it seems like anything involving the Keyblade can end up being dangerous. I really didn't want them to go to start with, but they can't say no to helping people, and apparently there's more saving to do in the future."

"That's one of the things you like about Riku, though...his compassion for people."

"Yeah, it is." _Guess she really was listening to my ramblings on Monday._ "I'm not begrudging them helping people. I'm just tired of everyone always being in mortal danger. I mean, I don't know how far Riku has gotten in telling you the whole story, but...seeing as how he wouldn't be telling you anything that he wasn't directly involved in, I'm guessing you've only heard half of the things that have happened to all of us. And we just got home and started to live normally again...you'd think we deserved a little more of a break."

"Hm, yeah." She nodded, studying me. "Well that's certainly understandable that you would be worried about them. Are you sure that's all that's bothering you, though? I could be wrong, but I feel like there's something else hiding in there."

I stared down at my lap and picked at the end of my necktie. _Should I tell her? What would it hurt?_ "They wouldn't let me take the test. I went with them initially, and I wanted to take it, too, but Yen Sid – the guy who's giving the test – turned me down, and Riku...he didn't want me to take it, either."

"You just finished telling me how much you dislike everyone being in danger," Annaisha pointed out. "It almost sounded like you were over the whole Keyblade wielder thing. Shouldn't you be happy, then, that you get a break this time?"

I sank back into the chair, feeling belittled yet again. "Yeah, I suppose," I mumbled.

"I'm not trying to shut you down," she quickly explained. "I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from. It seems like there's a dichotomy between your feelings that I'm not sure even you fully comprehend. Maybe talking through it will help you make sense of it."

Inhaling deeply, I thought back to that day in Yen Sid's office before blowing the breath out. "I just...I got so angry." I winced at my own confession. "I don't know why that keeps happening to me. I'm not normally an angry person. But Yen Sid...I don't think he likes me, or maybe he doesn't trust me, or something. You'd think that everything I've done and been through would give me at least a little bit of good standing in his book, but apparently not. I mean, his excuse for me not taking the test was that I didn't have enough experience. Maybe I don't. But if needing more Keyblade Masters is as important as he implied, you'd think he'd be open to at least giving me a chance.

"And Riku..." I heaved a sigh, rolling my eyes. "Riku's just treating me like a baby, or like I'm some fragile object that needs to be locked away for protection. I hate being treated that way."

"Why do you think that is?"

"That I hate it?" When Annaisha hummed her confirmation, I bit down on my lip. "I don't know. I guess...it makes me feel...helpless. Like I can't take care of myself. And that's what I want, I just...I just want everybody to let me take care of myself for once. I'm sick of having to rely on other people."

"Everyone has to rely on other people sometimes, Meli."

"Yeah, well, it's never worked out so well for me," I muttered.

"Ah." I wasn't sure if I liked how she sounded as if she had just figured me out. "So when you've relied on others – such as your foster parents – in the past, you've been disappointed. Now you feel that you're the best person to look out for yourself."

I gave a one-shoulder shrug. "I guess. I just know I hate feeling helpless. I've spent so much of my life feeling that way, and for a while I just...accepted it. Didn't know anything different, so I figured that's just how my life was meant to be. Then I met Riku, and I finally learned that I could fight back. Or...at least sometimes I can." My mind had flown unwittingly to the last place in the universe I wanted it to be, and I brought my trembling hands automatically to my mouth so that I could gnaw on the ends of my fingers. When I found my voice again, it came out shaky. "And then I...couldn't. So now I hate that feeling even more."

Annaisha's hand had been sliding steadily back and forth across her notepad for quite some time now, but she stopped then and watched me silently for a moment. "The memories that are disturbing you right now...I can tell you're not ready to talk about them yet. So I won't ask about that. Let's go back to a few things you said earlier. The guy...Yen Sid...who wouldn't let you take the test. I can't speak to whether or not he likes or trusts you, of course. But I'm curious to hear more about why it was so important to you to be included in the test. Is it because you didn't want to be left out of something that your friends were doing? Or does it maybe have something to do with it being Keyblade-related?"

I brought my hands away from my mouth, considering the question. "Both, I guess? But it's more than just being left out, it's...it's being told that I'm not good enough. And I mean, I know I'm not, I know I'm not as good as they are. But I have worked really hard to be where I am now, and...I don't know, a little recognition would be nice. I guess that's self-centered of me. I probably don't deserve it, anyway. I feel like I've failed at this whole wielder thing more often than not. If I was up to par, I wouldn't have let myself get..."

I clenched my jaw and shook my head. "Whatever. Anyway. I guess I just wanted a chance to finally prove that I'm not a failure. But instead I was basically told that I'm too weak because of my stupid emotions. So, you know...maybe I am a failure."

Annaisha shook her head with a sympathetic expression. "Struggling with trauma from your past does not make you a failure."

I ignored her. "As far as the Keyblade goes...you mentioned earlier that I sounded like I was over it all. And maybe I am, sometimes. I'm definitely over worrying about dying or losing my friends. But I don't think it's possible to be done with the Keyblade, for any of us. It's..." A strong desire to summon the weapon tugged at my heart, and I gave in without thinking twice. The look of surprise on Annaisha's face made me wonder whether this was the first time she had actually seen the object that she had heard so much about.

"It's a part of me...connected to my heart." I tilted the blade from side to side, watching the lights glint off of the iridescent metal. "I think you'd have to have one yourself to really understand. Ignoring its existence would be like ignoring a huge chunk of myself."

Annaisha nodded again as I dismissed the weapon, and made a few more notes. "We're almost out of time for today, but I wanted to address one more thing – Riku, and the way he was treating you. I think you should talk to him about it when he gets home. I'm sure he would want to know how it made you feel."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. You're probably right."

She smiled softly. "Even though you say you don't want to have to rely on anybody, I think that most of the time, you are okay with relying on Riku. He's been your main support for a while now, hasn't he?"

"Yeah." I had to smile a little, too. "He has. I don't know what I would have done without him, to be honest."

"As hard as it might be sometimes, I think you should try your best to keep relying on him whenever you can. He wants to keep you safe; I'm sure you can appreciate that. At times he may be able to see your situation with more clarity than you can, so listening to him will be important. But at the same time, he needs to know that not feeling helpless is a big deal for you, so that he can adjust how he approaches you."

"Okay. I'll try my best to talk to him about it."

Our Friday afternoon session consisted mostly of continuing the story where we had left off on Monday, skimming over the details of Riku's and my "falling out" and going into my adventures with Sora. I took my time there, suddenly explaining much more than what was necessary for each world that we had visited. If Annaisha noticed, she didn't say anything. In my mind, I was realizing that I was very quickly running out of storyline that I actually wanted to talk about. When the end of that session came, though, I still had plenty of safe subject matter left, and could breathe a sigh of relief. I was safe, at least for another few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A character sketch for Annaisha can be found here: instagram.com/p/B3hZZoyA0Jv/?igshid=15017xphkxq92
> 
> OR just go to the Instagram app and search for actress4Him.


	19. Chapter 19

"Wha...!" My eyes flew open and I bolted upright in the bed. It didn't take me long this time to realize that I had been having yet another nightmare. Glancing to my right, I saw that Kairi was still asleep curled up on her side, undisturbed by my outburst. She was probably getting used to them by now.

Lowering myself back down to my pillow, I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands, then turned my head to look at the clock. Five thirty-two. There was still quite a bit of time left before anyone else in the house would be awake, with it being a Saturday. I had put off going to bed until close to two o'clock, which meant that I had gotten very little rest yet again. Somehow I doubted I was going to go back to sleep anytime soon, though.

I lay there staring up at the ceiling, the dream still fresh in my mind. It had been about Kaj, mostly. So much time had passed since I had actually seen him that I could only assume he must look just like Riku now, but for some reason in my dreams he always had short black hair. I instinctively knew it was him, though, just like I knew as soon as I saw him that he was in trouble. From what, I didn't know. I kept calling out to him, trying to warn him of the unseen danger, but he either couldn't hear me or was ignoring me. When I would try to run to him, it was as if I was moving through molasses, unable to progress more than an inch with each step. The urgency of getting to him and saving him kept pressing at me all throughout the dream, and it had not relented even now that I was awake.

 _What if he really is in trouble? What if I need to help him somehow?_ After all, it wouldn't be out of the ordinary for me to dream something that was actually real in some way. In the past I had dreamed about Riku, Sora, and Kairi all the time, without having ever even met them. _Maybe my heart's connection to Kaj is signaling that he needs me to find him. I've been putting it off for long enough._

By now it was six o'clock, which seemed like a more reasonable time to get out of bed, especially if I was questioned about it later. It might not be a good time to show up in the other universe looking for Kaj, but I could always get in some training first. I had to do something besides continue lying there.

Sneaking to the closet, I pulled out a pair of jeans and a long-sleeve tee, then rummaged quietly to the very back until I found my hoodie. I hadn't had a need for something that heavy very often recently, but I was going to be prepared for the cold weather back home this time. I went to the bathroom to change, then slipped downstairs to the kitchen. My stomach protested against the thought of food, but I forced myself to eat a handful of dry cereal for the express purpose of being able to semi-honestly say that I had eaten breakfast if Mrs. Yoshida asked.

I spent the next couple of hours chasing down Heartless in whatever worlds I could find them. My mind kept returning to Kaj and my dream, though, and pretty soon I couldn't stand it any longer. I made a corridor into the restroom at school, knowing it would be abandoned today, and used the mirror there to make a portal to Zephyr's front yard once more. I paused then, staring at the front door, wondering if I should approach or not. He had said to let him know if I wanted help finding Kaj, and though I didn't need help, I did want company. As eager as I was to find our old friend, thinking of seeing him again after all of this time made me nervous.

Looping around to the back of the house, I stopped to count the windows, wondering if I could still remember which one was Zephyr's. My memory was proven trustworthy when I saw that the window I landed on had the same blue and red striped curtains that had always adorned it. A smile crept onto my face as I stepped up to the glass and began tapping out the theme song to Star Wars with my fingertips.

It took a minute, but finally the curtains were yanked open and a groggy Zephyr was staring back at me, dumbfounded. I waved sheepishly, and he pried open the window, shivering as the cold air hit him.

"That's an...old trick," he remarked, his sleepy voice sounding like he was still trying to wrap his head around my presence. "I had nearly forgotten about that one."

"Figured it was better than knocking on your front door and presenting myself to your mom...'Hey, remember me? Yeah, Meli, that homeless orphan kid that you never really liked your son hanging around. I'm back!'" I spread out my arms and waved my hands.

Zeph snorted. "She didn't...not like you. Well, okay, maybe she didn't really like the idea of you, but that's her fault for not getting to know you." He reached up and tousled his messy brown hair. "What are you doing here, anyway? And so early!"

I wrinkled my nose. "It's not that early. I've been up for hours already."

"It is, too, early, for a Saturday. It's early for you – I thought you hated mornings. And it's early for you to have already gotten here from...wherever you live now."

"I changed," I shrugged. "I've been forced to wake up early for so long now that I just do it naturally. And, um...I'm a fast traveler...?"

"Uh-huh." Zephyr yawned, barely hiding it behind his hand. "You still didn't tell my why you're here, though."

"I'm going to find Kaj. I thought maybe you'd want to come with me."

I could tell I had his attention now. "Oh. Um...yeah, I guess I do...I still don't get how you think you're going to find him, though. I mean I've lived here the whole time and I've never seen or heard anything about him. He seems to have vanished, and I have a feeling he doesn't really want to be found, at least not by us."

"I have a plan." I drummed my fingers on his window sill, then pointed toward his pajamas. "Why don't you get dressed, get your breakfast, make your excuses to your mom, whatever you need to do, and meet me back here when you're done?"

Zeph agreed, shutting both the window and the curtains, and I slid down the brick wall to sit in the damp grass. _I sure hope I have a plan, anyway. If this doesn't work, it's going to be embarrassing. I'm going to have a hard enough time explaining everything to him as it is._ Stretching out my hand, I tested out opening a corridor, the first time I had tried any magic in this universe other than portals. I had to concentrate extra hard, but eventually the tendrils of black smoke began to curl around my hand. Closing my fist, I cut the door off before it got too big, satisfied with my results. That was step one, at least. As long as I could complete the second step, we should be standing in front of Kaj in no time.

The thought sent a thrill of anxiety through my body once more. I was trying not to expect too much out of this visit, good or bad. There was no guarantee that he was actually in any kind of life-threatening situation, nor was there any that he would be at all pleased to see me again. All I really wanted was to be able to satisfy my curiosity about his state of being, and to have the chance to apologize to him, as I had to Zephyr.

"Okay, so what's this plan of yours?"

I whipped my head around to see Zephyr rounding the corner to the backyard, now with hair combed and dressed in a red sweatshirt and blue jeans, and pushed myself up off the ground. "Well, it's...kinda hard to explain. I'm just gonna...do it, and you just promise to stick close to me and...try not to freak out too much, okay?" Was it a bad idea taking Zeph with me into the In Between with no protection? I really didn't even know. This was a different universe, so it was impossible to say whether or not it was the same In Between or something completely different. I just had to hope that we could get in and out of there with no difficulties.

Zephyr frowned and tilted his head to the side. "Um, okay...? I guess...?"

Giving him a nervous smile, I repeated the motion from earlier and let the corridor fully open this time. When I looked back at Zephyr, all of the color had drained out of his face and he was staring wide-eyed at the gaping hole.

"It's, um..." I gestured awkwardly toward the corridor, not really sure what to say. "I told you a lot of crazy stuff had happened to me...?"

He opened his mouth, snapped it shut, and gulped visibly. "What is it?" he finally managed.

"Um, it's kinda like a...portal. To like, an in between realm...where you can make other portals to wherever you wanna go."

"In between what?"

I hesitated, looking into the darkness. The light and dark realms, in my universe, but I didn't know if they even had those here. "I...don't really know. We should, um...go in, though...if you want to." I stepped toward the corridor. "If you don't, then I totally understand."

Zephyr shook away his stupor. "No, no, I...I wanna go. I think. I'm really confused, and...kinda scared, but I don't think I can pass up the opportunity to go through a portal."

I smiled. "That's what I was counting on."

As we walked closer to the door, Zeph's fingers wrapped around my arm. He hesitated for just a moment before stepping through, but bravely followed me when I tugged. To my relief, the In Between here looked exactly the same as it did in the other universe. Zephyr gazed around us in awe.

"Wait, is there like, a ground to walk on in here, or are we just floating?" He stared down at his feet, which were taking shuffling steps forward. "'Cause it feels like the ground, but I don't see anything."

"Try not to think about it too hard, or else you'll–" At that exact moment, Zephyr tripped and almost fell flat on his face, saved only by the grip he still had on my arm. "Do that."

Straightening, Zephyr cleared his throat. "I'm not gonna feel too bad about that, just because it sounds like you're speaking from experience."

I laughed. "Yeah, yeah I am." Inhaling deeply, I switched my focus back to the task at hand. "Okay, this next part may take me a minute, so just...let me concentrate."

Zephyr nodded vigorously, though he looked a bit nervous about what might be coming next. Opening my hand in front of me, I shut my eyes and wiggled my fingers, trying to get a good mental picture of Kaj. _Should I go with young, elementary school Kaj that I actually know, or with the newer image of him from my dreams that may or may not actually be accurate?_ I tried to keep both in my head at once, and let some of my memories of time spent with him filter in as well. He had always been a quiet boy, never letting much of his personality show at once, but I could just barely still remember the sound of his voice and the way his eyes squinted when he graced us with a rare smile.

I felt a familiar tingle in my fingers and threw all my concentration at once into opening the corridor. When it was done, I opened my eyes and glanced over at Zephyr with an uncertain smile. "Well, here goes, I guess." Not wanting to send either of us through first, I linked my arm through his, and we simultaneously stepped through into the foreign space.


	20. Chapter 20

The room we found ourselves in was huge and open, with concrete floors and high, metal beamed ceilings. We had entered mostly hidden behind a high stack of wooden pallets and cardboard boxes, but those seemed to be the only objects in the room.

"Is this a...warehouse?" Zephyr whispered. "Does Kaj work here?"

"Looks like it could be...but it really doesn't look like anybody works here, at least not anymore." The place looked dusty, dilapidated, and mostly abandoned.

Zeph frowned. "Then how do you know he's here?"

"I'm just trusting the portal, okay?" I certainly hoped that it wouldn't let me down now. Stepping out from behind the boxes, I spotted a figure with black hair across the room with his back turned to us. With a proud smirk toward Zephyr, I pointed my thumb at the figure before calling out to him. "Kaj?"

Whirling around to face us, Kaj began to cross the room with a scowl creasing his forehead. If I had had any doubts about him being Riku's doppelganger, those were now dispelled. Everything was exactly the same – height, face shape, lips, nose, even the aqua blue eyes that I guessed I had never paid attention to as a kid. The only real differences were the black hair that was swept to the side in a deliberately messy look, and the lack of toned muscles. Kaj actually had dyed his hair, just like in my dreams, but obviously had not spent a lot of time working out like Riku. His dark grey button-down shirt and ripped light grey skinny jeans were a far cry from Riku's usual fashion choices, too.

When he had come close enough to actually register who was in front of him, he stopped short and his eyebrows flew up. "Zephyr?" Zeph gave a little wave in response, but Kaj had turned his attention to me, his frown returning as he studied me for a moment. Finally recognition dawned on him, and he leaned back a little in surprise. "Meli."

"Hey." After all of this time wondering what I was going to say to him, I now felt like my tongue was tied. Kaj didn't give me too long to worry about it, though.

"What are you two doing here?" He did not look at all happy to see us, and his words came out somewhere between a growl and a harsh whisper.

"We, uh...came to see you." I tried to muster a smile. "It's been a really long time."

"How did you know I was going to be here? How did you find me?"

"It's, um..." I glanced at Zeph, who was just staring back at me with wide eyes. "Complicated."

Kaj looked back over his shoulder as if he was expecting someone else to show up at any second. "Who else knows? Who did you tell?"

Now it was my turn to wrinkle my brow. "No one. It's just the two of us." I gestured between Zephyr and myself.

Sighing, Kaj stuffed one hand in his pocket and ran the other through his hair. "What do you want?"

I was trying really hard not to let his attitude tick me off. I had known from the very start that he might not want to have anything to do with us, I just hadn't expected him to be so blatantly rude about it. "I just...Zeph and I just reconnected recently, and we started talking about you..."

"Wondering where you ended up, what you had been doing all this time..." Zephyr finally piped in.

I nodded, grateful for his support. "Right, and...and wishing that we had done more to try to figure out where you went, back when you first left school..." I paused, hoping Zeph would fill in my explanation some more, but he stayed silent. "And so we decided to come looking for you, so we could...tell you that, and...see how you were doing, and...and apologize for...not being better friends." Might as well get it all out now, because from the stony look on his face he might not let us say much else after this. "Not realizing that you needed us...or, or maybe you didn't, I don't know, but if you did, we're sorry, and...we're glad that you seem to be okay, and...yeah. I guess that's mainly it."

There was a moment of silence in which I looked pretty much anywhere but Kaj's face. Finally Zephyr spoke again, obviously feeling just as awkward as I was. "Yeah, that's...that's about it, I think. Sorry for...not figuring out where you were and what was going on with you sooner."

Kaj cleared his throat. "Okay, great. You've said what you need to say. Thanks, I appreciate it, whatever, now you two really need to get out of here." He accompanied his curt words with a motion toward the door.

Now I really was irritated. "That's all you have to say?" I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. "Look, I know we failed you back then, and I'm sorry if you're busy with something right now, but we went through all this trouble to come find you and try to make this right. The least you can do is–"

"Hey, who's ready to...?" The intruder stopped short in the doorway when he saw the three of us standing there. "Oh, my bad. Didn't mean to interrupt...whatever this is..."

"It's nothing." Kaj waved a dismissive hand toward the guy with the spiky, dirty blond hair, then turned back to give us a pointed look. "They were just leaving."

"You conducting personal meetings at company meeting spots now?" the guy questioned as he strolled nearer. Something about him struck me as familiar, but I couldn't quite decide from where.

"No, Lirit," Kaj returned defensively. "This is not a meeting, it's a...chance encounter with a couple of old friends. Who were just leaving."

Lirit leaned casually on Kaj's shoulder with one arm, despite the fact that he was a good head shorter and the fact that Kaj looked annoyed by the gesture. "You know boss man won't be happy if he finds out they were here." He let his eyes run up and down my body in a way that made me want to reach out and slap him. "Actually, she can stay. She's pretty cute."

I took Kaj's flustered reaction as my opportunity to finally get a word in. "You have company meetings in an abandoned warehouse? What kind of company do you work for, exactly?"

Lirit straightened with a sigh. "I take it back, she can't stay. She asks too many questions."

"Just give us a second, okay?" Kaj returned, clenching his jaw.

"Fine, fine. But if I were you, I'd..." Lirit finished his sentence with a whistle and a strange series of hand motions that seemed to indicate something along the lines of "wrap it up and get them out the door." "Boss man is gonna be here any minute."

"Would you stop calling him that?" Kaj huffed as his co-worker sauntered away. Turning his attention back to us, he offered a tight smile. It wasn't much, but it was at least an attempt at looking friendly for the first time. "Look, I'm sorry that I can't just stand around and chat right now, but as you heard, I have a meeting to attend very shortly. I appreciate you...reaching out. But I'm good. I'm doing fine, no hard feelings, and...I've gotta go."

I was torn between accepting what was probably the best response I was going to get from him and leaving before there was any trouble, and staying to try to pry more information out of him. Zephyr beat me to the punch with his own reply, though. "Yeah, we understand. That's cool. Hey, maybe we can get together sometime and catch up a little more."

Kaj was already backing away from us, but gave a non-committal nod. "Yeah, maybe." He turned his back to us and crossed the room to join Lirit, who seemed to be playing air guitar to entertain himself. Another jolt of recognition ran through my brain, but since I still couldn't place him I shook it away and reluctantly followed Zephyr out the door of the warehouse and into the sunlight.

"So, there's definitely some shady crap going on in there, right?" I blurted as soon as we were outside. "That's not just me?"

"Oh, yeah, definitely." Zeph shook his head. "Not just you. I mean, I wondered if it was me because I watch a lot of gangster movies–"

"Are you saying you think Kaj is in the mafia?"

He opened his mouth, then snapped it shut again. "No, no, not necessarily the mafia, but it's definitely something not good. You know I never thought those guys he was hanging around right before he dropped out of school were up to any good...I don't know if these are the same ones still, since I didn't recognize that guy, but..."

"I did," I mused almost to myself. "I'm probably thinking of somebody from my uni–" I caught my slip up just in time. "Uh...my...new...town." The image of him playing air guitar flashed through my mind, and suddenly it clicked. "Mullet guy! Yeah, he's definitely...I mean, he reminds me of that mullet guy." So, Riku's doppelganger was hanging out with an Organization XIII member's doppelganger. That just made the whole thing smell even shadier.

"But I don't guess there's much we can do about it," Zephyr continued, ignoring my private ramblings. "He seems like he's okay, and it's his business, and he really didn't seem all that keen on talking to us, anyway."

I shrugged. "It's hard to say if he would have been more open to talking at another time, when he wasn't rushed. Though you're right, he didn't seem enthusiastic about catching up later." I snapped my fingers in realization. "We didn't even get his phone number!"

"Well, we can't very well go marching back in there to ask for it now. We should probably get out of here before we're seen by anybody else."

"Yeah," I sighed, opening another corridor.

Despite having been through two already, Zephyr eyed it warily. "You still have a lot of explaining to do, young lady."

I huffed a laugh as I walked in. "Yeah, yeah. I know. Someday."

"Wha...you can't just create portals and take me into 'in between realms' and then not explain it to me!" Zeph whined, trailing behind me. "I need to know now!"

He continued to pester me all the way back to his own backyard. Once the corridor was shut, I turned to him with a stern face, only to be met by a protruding lower lip and puppy dog eyes.

"Alright, fine! I'll tell you a little." Crossing my arms, I shook my head at his happy dance. "It's magic, okay? Magic is real; it exists. Except there's not much of it here, so it's a little harder to use."

Zeph's eyes were as wide as saucers. "Magic..." he whispered. "Wait, what do you mean by 'here'? Like, in this city?"

I looked down at my shoes. "Well, I mean, not just this city. Lots of places...around here. But where I live now it's different. There's still a lot of people that don't know anything about it, but there are some who do, and...someone taught me."

"Whoa...so do you know more stuff besides just the portal thing?"

"I know lots of stuff," I smiled mischievously.

"Well come on, you've gotta show me!" Zephyr was bouncing up and down now.

I opened my mouth, trying to think of a response. "I...don't know if I can..." The puppy dog eyes started making their return, and I reached out and gave his forehead a shove. "Okay, I'll show you one or two. The rest are...not safe."

I showed him the green glow of Cure in my cupped hands and explained its use, then threw a fistful of Blizzard against the wooden fence. Zephyr ran over to examine the ice, running his finger along it. "Awesome!"

"That would be called 'Blizzard'. And that's about all I know how to do with just my hands...other than 'Fire', which I will not be doing here."

"You can shoot fire out of your hands?" Zephyr cried. "Wait, so what do you usually use, if not your hands?"

I cut my eyes to the side. "Um...my...weapon?" Before he could speak again, I held up my index finger in front of his face. "Which I cannot show you, so don't even ask. I...don't have it with me." The lie burned a little, but it was better than having him continue to beg me until I was tempted to give in.

"You are, without a doubt, the most totally awesome person I know!" Zeph grabbed my arms and shook me slightly. "You have to teach me some of that!"

I guess I should have expected that response, but it threw me off guard. "No, I...I don't know how. I'm...not a good teacher. Besides, like I said, it's harder to do here. It's not a good place to learn."

"Then you have to let me come to your town sometime! Hey, is that how you got here so fast this morning? Those portal things?" He waved in the direction of where the corridor had been.

"Well, sorta...basically, yeah."

"Cool! So it doesn't even matter how far away it is, I could go there and be back all in one day!"

I waved my hands to slow him down. "Maybe! We'll see. Maybe someday. That would definitely be fun, but...we'll have to see." Pulling my phone out of my jeans pocket, I glanced at the time. "I should probably be getting back before people start worrying about me."

Zephyr reached for his phone, as well. "Hey, I should get your number, too, so that we can contact each other if we find out anything about Kaj. Or, you know, if you decide to come visit again, you could let me know instead of just showing up at my bedroom window at the crack of dawn."

I scrunched my nose up. "Unfortunately, that won't do much good. I don't get service here at all, and when I'm back home, only calls and messages from...there...come through."

Furrowing his brow, Zephyr stared at me a moment. "Does this have something to do with...that?" He motioned toward the non-existent corridor again.

"Um...yeah. Sorta. We'll just go with yes." I raised my shoulders in a shrug. "Sorry. Guess you'll just have to deal with me randomly showing up at your window."

"Okay, but can we at least agree to make it a little later in the day next time?" He yawned as if to punctuate his point.

"No promises," I smirked.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’m a day late 😬

"Are you sure about this?" Kairi flicked her eyes uncertainly between me and her Keyblade.

"Of course I'm sure. How are you ever going to learn magic if you don't try it?" Despite having told Zeph the day before that I wasn't a good teacher, I had convinced Kairi to come out to the play island with me for our usual Sunday afternoon training session. She had been making decent progress so far with Riku and Sora – mostly Riku – teaching her the basics of weapon wielding. We were both a little bored of that, though, and the boys weren't around, so I made the decision to jump ahead to magic for this week.

"Besides," I continued. "I have a penchant for magic, and you're me, right? So that probably means you'll be good at it, too."

Kairi frowned. "Now you're just setting me up for failure!"

"I said 'probably'!" I countered. "Now come on, quit procrastinating. Point your Keyblade out at the water and say 'Fire'."

"Okay, here goes nothing," Kairi sighed, lifting the flowery weapon. "Fire!" Nothing came out, not even a spark. "See, I told you this wasn't going to work!"

"That's because you're doubting yourself. You lack conviction." I stepped forward and tapped her chest with my finger. "You have to feel it in here for it work."

"I don't know how to not doubt myself. The thought of me doing magic seems completely absurd!"

"And why's that?" I summoned my own Keyblade, and we both watched it appear from the smoke. "I have a Keyblade, and I can do magic. Riku and Sora have Keyblades, and they can do magic. You have a Keyblade, so you can, too. Besides, didn't you just see that? Just the act of summoning a Keyblade uses magic, and you can do that. So you've already done one kind of magic."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Kairi twisted her lips in thought as she stared at her own weapon, then hefted it up again. "Okay. This time I'm gonna believe it."

Taking aim once more, she called out the spell, this time with much more enthusiasm in her voice. Flames erupted from her Keyblade and shot out over the ocean, then quickly disintegrated and fell harmlessly into the waves. Kairi nearly fell over backwards, much like I had when learning the same spell the year before.

"I did it!" she gasped. "I actually did it!"

"Nice job." I raised my hand for a high five, which she readily gave. "I knew you could!"

A strange noise from overhead caught our attention, and we both looked up just in time to see a streak of light come flying down onto the beach. "Your Majesty!" Kairi exclaimed when the bright light had cleared.

The sight of King Mickey standing there filled me with a sense of dread. "Where are Riku and Sora?" I demanded immediately.

The King scratched his cheek. "Well, they're still takin' the test. But it seems like they might need our help."

"I knew it. I knew something was going to go wrong." I gritted my teeth in a mixture of anger and worry. "What happened? Are they okay?"

"As far as we know, they're both fine," King Mickey replied, waving his hands to try to dissuade my fear. "They might not be in any trouble at all! But, well...it seems Xehanort is back for sure, and there's a chance that he's tryin' to sabotage the test."

Kairi clapped a hand to her mouth, and I balled my hands into fists. "What do we have to do to get to them, enter the sleep realm?"

"They may not be there anymore. Master Yen Sid lost track of both of them for quite a while, but just this afternoon he was able to sense Riku in the In Between. That's where I'm gonna start lookin', and I wondered if you would go with me, Meli, just in case I do run into trouble."

"Of course," I answered without hesitation. "Can we both use that thing?" I gestured toward the Star Shard in his hand, knowing that he wouldn't like the idea of using the easy way through a dark corridor.

"Wait, shouldn't you stop and think about this?" Kairi broke in. "What about school, and Mom and Dad, and–"

"You can handle Mom and Dad, and they can handle school," I interrupted. "Helping Riku and Sora is much more important that any of that."

"Yeah, I know, I just..." She took a deep breath, then forced a wobbly smile. "Just be careful, okay? Bring them home."

I nodded emphatically. "I will."

In another minute, King Mickey and I were catapulting through space at breakneck speed, each with one arm wrapped tightly around the other. "So how do we know that Xehanort is back?" I yelled above the roaring of the air rushing past us.

"Well, it seems at least some of the Nobodies have come back as their original selves," King Mickey shouted back.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. "What do you mean, the Nobodies have come back?"

"Master Yen Sid says that when a Nobody and their Heartless are both killed, the original human comes back. We know that Xemnas and Ansem were killed, so that means that Xehanort should be back. Axel's back, too, and he seems to be on our side now. He says there were several more with him when he woke up."

"Axel's back?" The lump grew to the point of almost choking me. "Do you really think you can trust him, Your Majesty?"

"He did help me save Queen Minnie," the King offered. "He seems genuine enough to me. I've sent for him to join us, too, so let's hope he shows up in time." There was some kind of change in the atmosphere around us. "Alright, we're almost there. Time for us both to concentrate real hard on findin' Riku."

It took a bit of effort for me to clear the sudden influx of anxious thoughts about Axel and Xehanort and possible others out of my mind and focus on Riku instead. I had no clue how this whole Star Shard thing worked, but I used the same method that I would have with a corridor, and pretty soon I heard King Mickey shout, "Here we go!"

The landing was not too rough, which was surprising considering the speed we were traveling, but the sudden halt of motion left me dizzy for a moment. King Mickey didn't seem to be affected, however, because by the time my world had stopped spinning he had already cast a Stop spell and frozen almost everyone in the huge, white room. I whipped my head back and forth, trying to take everything in. We were standing on a round platform in the center of the room, and were surrounded by multiple white columns that apparently served as thrones for men in black Organization coats. Craning my neck back, I gaped at all of them in disbelief, finally landing my eyes on the unmistakable faces of Xemnas and Ansem on the two seats that flanked the tallest throne of all, which was currently occupied only by an unfinished portal.

"I'm glad we're not too late," King Mickey remarked.

"Mickey! Meli!" Riku's voice cut into my thoughts and forced me to tear my eyes away from the men above me. I got momentarily distracted by another coat-wearer, this one a white-haired teenager who had gotten frozen in mid-air, before finally locking eyes with Riku.

"Grim! You're...short!" A more appropriate greeting probably would have been, "you're okay", but I was too flabbergasted by his young appearance to think straight. It was like a flashback to the Riku of my old dreams, or Sora's mom's photo albums.

He smirked. "Yeah. Don't ask."

"Just grab Sora so we can go!" King Mickey ordered. "I can't stop them for long."

I glanced to the side and noticed Sora for the first time, also looking much younger than usual, but sitting in a stupor on a throne down close to the ground. My heart skipped a couple of beats. Something had definitely gone wrong here, and Sora had apparently gotten the brunt of it.

Before Riku could jump down and get to him, King Mickey was struck suddenly from behind and went flying off the platform. "Mickey!" Riku cried.

I spun around to see the white-haired teen standing behind us. How had he broken free of the spell? I quickly glanced around at all the others, but they remained frozen in time.

"I said, hands off!" the boy declared.

"How can you be moving?" Riku demanded.

In answer, the boy reached out his hand, and to our great surprise, summoned a Keyblade. King Mickey pushed himself up off the floor and turned to see what was going on. "Oh no. Are you...?"

"Begone." As the boy drew his Keyblade back behind his shoulder, a black shadow began to surround us, until I could just barely make out him and Riku through the darkness. Then it faded, just as quickly as it had come, but as the light returned it revealed a completely different room. King Mickey, Sora, and all of the thrones were nowhere to be seen. Instead, the three of us were now standing in a large, circular space, with clock gears moving underneath the floor, and giant, colorful hourglasses rising up into the air in the distance.

The boy whipped his Keyblade around dramatically before jumping back into a fighting stance. Riku and I summoned our own Keyblades simultaneously and got into position. My heart was pounding out my chest, anticipation coursing through my body. I had been doing plenty of fighting against Heartless lately, but this was going to be something completely different. He may have been young, but I could tell just looking at him that this boy was strong.

Riku made the first move, leaping forward with a slice that sent the boy jumping backwards, and I wasn't far behind with my own strike. He was quick to retaliate, though, and got right into the fancy moves with a spinning attack that was impossible to block. All we could do was duck and scatter as fast as we could to avoid getting our heads knocked off.

In the midst of my running away, I stumbled right into the strangest looking creature I had ever seen. It looked like a giant purple hedgehog with a blue striped tail, and had yellow eyes that took up half of its face. I let out a grunt of surprise and prepared for it to attack, but it just bounced right past me and went after the boy, instead. A rainbow colored bat joined in from the other side of the room, swooping down and pecking at his head. _Huh, monsters that are actually helpful. That's a new one._

Riku had jumped back in to land another hit as soon as the spinning attack had stopped, but now the boy began teleporting back and forth across the room so quickly that my eyes could barely even keep up with him. Finally, he quit, but came out of it right back into the spin, taking Riku by surprise and slicing his arm.

"Riku!" I cast the healing spell as I ran, then immediately switched to dark magic to speed forward toward the boy. My swing made contact, but was met with no hesitation by a blow to the side that sent me stumbling. Whirling back to face him, I parried the strike that was coming in toward me, but wasn't able to stop the next one from cutting across my legs and knocking me to the floor. I threw my Keyblade up over my head to try to save myself from whatever might be coming.

Another blow never came, though, because the boy was hit by a barrage of fire from Riku's Keyblade. Ignoring the pain in my legs, I scrambled to my feet and out of the way to cast Cure on myself. Riku looked to have landed a couple of hits. Nothing we did seemed to be affecting the boy all that much, though. In answer to Riku's attack, he somehow changed his Keyblade into a whip and lashed at Riku furiously. I gasped in horror, my hands shaking slightly as I raised my Keyblade to shoot Dark Firaga, which thankfully stopped the whip. Riku rolled onto the floor with a groan. I cast the same spell again to hold the boy off, watching out of the corner of my eye and breathing a sigh of relief as Riku healed himself and stood.

"You okay?" I crossed to Riku as the boy went into teleport mode again.

He nodded, never taking his eyes off of our nemesis. "Yeah, but this is ridiculous. We're hardly getting anywhere with this guy."

"I know. I'm gonna teleport over there, try to give him a taste of his own medicine as soon as he stops moving."

"Okay. I've got a new trick up my sleeve, too." Riku adjusted his grip on his Keyblade, getting ready. "Let's try to make all of our attacks at the same time from here on out. That may be our only way of getting him."

"Right." I leaned forward, fingers wiggling in anticipation as I waited for just the right instant to open my corridor. "Just about there..."

To my left, Riku ran straight toward one of the poles in the center of the room and began swinging rapidly around it, a pink glow emitting from his body. I wanted to watch, but now was not the time to get distracted. As soon as the boy gave a sign of being done teleporting, I flew in and out of the In Between as fast I had ever gone before and came out swinging. It worked, taking him completely by surprise, and Riku made impact a second later, catapulting through the air with that same pink glow and knocking the boy backwards several feet.

I sped forward with darkness to catch up, not wanting to give him the chance to breathe before hitting him again. Riku was still right there with him, no longer glowing, but still attacking. Even the two creatures joined in the bombardment.

Suddenly, the room dimmed and the boy vanished. I spun around to look for him, but instead spotted a large, glowing clock face in the middle of the room. Riku and I shared a quick glance, then both raced forward toward the clock. We only got a couple of hits in on it, though, before the boy appeared again, pushing Riku back away from the clock, swinging his Keyblade wildly.

"I've got him, take out that clock!" Riku yelled.

Nodding sharply, I turned back and began hacking at it again. Thankfully it didn't take long before it shattered. I whirled around to see if the boy had gone, too, but by the time I did we were back in the original room with the thrones, and he was nowhere to be seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Pincushion the Pricklemane and Psychedelic the Komory Bat, Riku's lovely Spirits. Unfortunately I couldn't include Tater Tot the Meow Wow and Jelly Belly the Yoggy Ram, since they were Sora's Spirits, but much love to them, too. And yes, my sisters and I are a bit odd when it comes to naming things, lol. You should see us naming the raft and the gummi ships.


	22. Chapter 22

"Nice work in there with that guy," Riku panted, walking up beside me.

"Yeah, you, too." I smiled and leaned in to kiss him on the lips. Whatever anger I had felt toward him last week had faded, and I was now just happy to see him again. I couldn't help but be amused, however, by the fact that he was the same height as me. "Aw, you're so cute," I cooed, ruffling his hair.

He shoved my hand away, though he was smiling, too. "Stop that."

"Are you guys okay?"

Riku looked down at the King and nodded. "Yeah. Thanks, Mickey."

Before anything else could be said, ripples began to run through the bubble that surrounded the whole area as it faded away. King Mickey's Stop spell had run out, which meant our job was about to get even more difficult.

"Master Xehanort!" the King cried. "We were right about you!"

Riku and I jerked our heads up to see the tallest throne, where the partial portal had been replaced by a sinister-looking bald man with yellow eyes and a white goatee. I had honestly expected someone who looked more like Xemnas, his Nobody, but this guy and his evil smirk did seem to fit the role of villain perfectly.

"All of this was decided," he proclaimed in a gravelly voice. "My twelve selves would welcome me here on this day, when I would return a complete person. It is the future which lies beyond my sight."

"Why are you doing this?" King Mickey demanded.

"In ancient times, people believed that light was a gift from an unseen land by the name of Kingdom Hearts. But Kingdom Hearts was safeguarded by its counterpart, the X-blade. Warriors vied for that precious light, thus beginning the 'Keyblade War'. The violent clash shattered the X-blade into twenty pieces – seven of light, and thirteen of darkness. And the only real Kingdom Hearts was swallowed by the darkness, never to surface again."

Xehanort crossed his legs and leaned his elbow casually onto the arm of his throne. "I once tried to create my own pure light and darkness to forge the X-blade, but the attempt ended in failure. In my eagerness, I had lost sight of the correct way to achieve my goal. I acted rashly. I can admit that now." He didn't seem all that repentant about whatever he had done, since he had not stopped smiling the whole time.

King Mickey let out an uncharacteristic growl. "What you did back then...your mistakes...changed the destinies of three of my friends!"

"Ah, but destiny is never left to chance," Xehanort replied. "I merely guided them to their proper places. The broken boy who failed to be the blade...the misguided master who sacrificed herself for a friend...and the feckless youth who became my new vessel." He ticked them off on his fingers with no emotion whatsoever.

The King looked at the floor sadly. "I couldn't find a way to save 'em. But I wanted to believe that their sacrifice stopped you for good." He paused, obviously feeling a tumult of emotions. "Why? How was I so blind? I should've seen it, as soon as Maleficent started gathering the seven princesses of heart." In my periphery, I could see Riku flinch slightly at that reference.

"Yes. They were all my doing," Xehanort responded. "I used the evil fairy to find seven pure lights for me, just as I prepared thirteen vessels to fill with pure darkness."

"But you failed," Riku spoke up for the first time, stepping forward next to the King. "Sora stopped you in your tracks on both counts."

Xehanort almost looked amused by this. "Yes, he did. That dull, ordinary boy – a Keyblade wielder so unlike any I have ever seen." For some reason I felt personally offended by his description of my friend. Sora was the least dull and ordinary person I knew. "However, I have not abandoned my ambitions – the seven guardians of light and the thirteen seekers of darkness."

"Seven guardians of light?" King Mickey echoed. He held up his fingers to count. "Well, for Keyblade wielders, there's me and Riku and Sora. And my three missing friends, that's six. Then the seventh would be..."

 _Um, hello, me?_ Was he not going to include me when I was standing right here, Keyblade in hand?

Leaving his thought unfinished, King Mickey spun around in a circle, gazing up at the filled thrones. "That means...the thirteen seekers of darkness..."

"Yes, little king. Perceptive. But Sora and another on your list belong to me now. And that puts you three guardians short."

 _Three? Seriously?_ Was no one going to bother to acknowledge my existence at all?

"But worry not. All of the pieces are destined to appear. Your seven lights, just like my thirteen darknesses, whose final clash will beget the prize I seek..."

"The X-blade!" Xehanort and Mickey finished at the same time.

Standing up in his chair, Xehanort summoned his Keyblade, and I tensed, expecting another fight. "But first, the thirteen darknesses shall be united," he declared. "All the seats have been filled. And now the last vessel shall bear my heart like the rest!" He waved his hand and Sora's chair began rising into the air on a column like the rest, its occupant still staring straight ahead with unseeing eyes. Only then did Xehanort's true intentions click with me. He was trying to make Sora one of them!

Riku, King Mickey, and I all ran toward Sora with cries of disbelief. Leaping up, the King pushed off of Sora's column, then the neighboring one with his feet, trying to reach the top before it was too late. Xemnas appeared out of nowhere, grabbing King Mickey's small body in his fist and slamming it up against the column. Riku and I were still running, but I saw him fall in the edge of my vision and spun around to see Ansem holding him down by the back of his head.

"Grim!" For an instant I was torn between Riku and Sora, but I didn't get the chance to choose. An unseen hand grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head backwards, and a sharp point pricked my throat. I froze, not daring to move. Sweat began pouring from my forehead, and my hands were starting to shake, both sure signs that a panic attack was coming.

 _Not now, please not now._ The memories came flooding into my mind regardless of my efforts. Saix holding me still by my hair while he punished me for any hint of disobedience. Saix dragging me across the room by my hair just before his final fight with Sora. _Stop it. Stop thinking about it._ This was not the time to let this happen.

Sora's throne had reached the very top now. Xehanort held his Keyblade out in front of him and waved his hand over it, creating a red glow, then hoisted it into the air. The next moment seemed to go by in slow motion, as he thrust the Keyblade out and shot a glowing orange orb toward Sora. I wanted to gasp, or cry out, but only a grunt would escape me. The orb seemed to make impact and exploded in a flash of light, obscuring Sora from our sight. _Was that supposed to happen?_ I couldn't see anything but smoke and a few flames. _Where is Sora, is he okay?_

"He made it!" King Mickey cried.

Xemnas narrowed his eyes up at the throne. "You!"

As the smoke cleared, I could finally see who they were referring to. Axel stood atop the throne, chakram in one hand and Sora draped over the other. I felt my heart leap into my throat at the sight of him. He had saved Sora. He really was actually helping us. Besides my joy over Sora being safe, that didn't make me any happier to see him, especially since I was still fighting back the encroaching panic.

"Axel!" an Organization member with an eyepatch shouted.

"Axel? Please. The name's Lea. Got it memorized?" He might have been human now, and might have been going by a different name, but clearly he hadn't changed a bit. He sounded just as suave and full of himself as ever.

"You're not supposed to be here!" Eyepatch sneered.

"Promises to keep," Axel returned, swinging the chakram around casually. "I'll always be there to get my friends back. What, bad timing? You had your perfect little script, but you kinda forgot to write the sequel. Now, let's find out what happens!" With that last declaration, he pointed his weapon straight at Xehanort.

Eyepatch pounded his fist on the arm of his throne and growled. "What now, you old coot?" he shouted up at Xehanort. "Our time is up!"

Xehanort merely smiled, as he always did, but another hooded member leapt to his feet and shot across the room straight at Axel. His weapon appeared mid flight, but everything was happening too fast for me to recognize it at first. It was only when he struck Axel's chakram at full force, blowing his hood back off his head, that the realization stabbed through me. _Saix._

I had never stopped to think about what I would do if I ever saw him again. I didn't think I needed to, since I had watched him die. If I had thought about it, I probably would have predicted a massive panic attack. But as soon as I caught sight of that wretched face, all signs of the already impending attack vanished from my body. They were replaced with something deeper, something much stronger. Complete and utter hatred began boiling in my gut, growing and rising in seconds until it exploded out of me with a scream and a shockwave of darkness.

The person holding me hostage was thrown back, and I found myself zooming through the air at a speed I had never reached before. I saw Saix's eyes flick over to me only a split second before I made contact, throwing him backwards off of the throne. He flipped and landed on his feet, but I was on top of him in an instant, delivering blow after blow so rapidly that I could barely even see my own Keyblade moving. I could see the darkness, though, billowing off of me. It was surging through my veins, fueling me, giving me a strength like I had never felt.

Saix tried to block my barrage with his claymore, but was only mildly successful. Eventually he made a swing of his own, slamming the weapon into my side, but I hardly even felt it. All it did was add to my blind rage. My melee was cut short, however, when someone else stepped in and sent me flying backwards. The darkness surrounding me dissipated as soon as my back slammed into one of the columns, and all of the air in my lungs did, too.

Before I could slide all the way to the ground, pain ripped through each of my shoulders, as two daggers pinned me in place. A scream got lodged in my throat, without enough air to force it out. I struggled to leverage my weight with my hands and feet so as not to pull down on the knives, but pain shot down my arms at every little move.

It certainly didn't make me feel any better to see Saix still standing there, facing off with Xemnas and Ansem against Riku, King Mickey, and Axel, who had jumped down to the ground with Sora still under his arm. Stretching his arms over his head, Ansem released his Heartless Guardian, giving me uncomfortable flashbacks to the Riku and Roxas fight. The monster swooped down over my friends, grabbing both Riku and King Mickey in its clutches and holding them tight.

"Grim!" I croaked out, the effort tightening the muscles in my shoulders and making me choke on the pain.

He squirmed and struggled to break free, but the Guardian was too strong. Suddenly, there was the sound of yelling from somewhere above us. I cut my eyes up just in time to see Donald and Goofy falling from the sky, landing directly on the Heartless' head and causing it to vanish and drop its prizes.

"Were we supposed to do that?" Donald moaned.

"I think so," Goofy groaned in return.

"Goofy! Donald! You saved us!" King Mickey exclaimed.

Riku looked back over his shoulder and gasped, just now realizing the predicament I was in. "Meli!" Dashing forward, he stopped at my feet and assessed the situation, but unfortunately was currently too short to actually reach the daggers to remove them. Instead, he positioned himself underneath me so that he could provide support with his shoulders. "Hang on. We'll get you."

"I'm...okay..." I managed through my teeth.

"We are out of time," Xehanort announced as Saix, Xemnas, and Ansem began fading away. I glanced around at the other hooded figures and saw that they were disappearing, too. "Neither the union of light nor darkness has been achieved, and we must all return whence we came. But the gathering of the seven and thirteen is nigh. Let us finish this at the fated place, once your lights and my darknesses have joined together!" With that said, Xehanort faded away as well, leaving only the eight of us in the room.

"A little help over here, please?" Riku called out.

The whole group noticed us and trotted over. "Here, let the tall guy handle this," Axel offered, stepping forward. Despite his height, he still had to stretch up high to reach my shoulders. "Hey there. Long time no see."

I turned my head to the side, avoiding eye contact, and grimaced as I anticipated him yanking the knives out. The sudden movement elicited a strangled gasp out of me anyway. Then I was tumbling to the ground, with Riku doing his best to break my fall, and Donald casting Cure as soon as I was on my feet.

Steadying me by my arms, Riku brushed the hair off of my face, tucking it gently behind my ear. "Hey, you okay?"

I nodded, swallowing away the remnants of fear. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"I suggest we get out of here before something else goes wrong," Axel remarked, opening a dark corridor.

"Not that way!" King Mickey protested.

"You go your own way if you want," Axel returned, waving his hand dismissively. "I'm taking the short route."


	23. Chapter 23

As soon as we were out of the In Between – all of us, since even King Mickey had acquiesced to the short route – and back in Yen Sid's office, I glanced over at Riku and saw that he was back to his normal self. "Hey, you. Welcome back. I'm kinda gonna miss being able to reach the top of your head."

Axel looked back over his shoulder and did a double-take. "You...got taller."

"That back there was just for the test." Riku pointed a thumb behind him, then nodded toward Sora, who was still draped over Axel's arm but looking older again. "He got taller, too."

Raising an eyebrow, Axel looked down at his burden. "Hm. No wonder my arm just got heavier." He crossed to the back of the room and carefully propped Sora up against the wall.

"I am glad to see that everyone made it back safely," Yen Sid remarked, standing over us as we all gathered around Sora's seemingly unconscious form. Only Axel backed away from the group and took up a spot leaning against a bookshelf, and I was certainly not complaining about that. "Tell me, what or whom did you encounter?"

King Mickey began to give a brief recap of what had just transpired, with Riku piping in on occasion to add details from before we had arrived. I just kept quiet and listened, sitting cross-legged right next to Sora and watching his chest rise and fall. Eventually, Yen Sid paced away from us and took a seat at his desk, deep in thought.

"Seven lights and thirteen darknesses...Master Xehanort has been busy," he mused.

Silence fell on the room for a moment. "Aw, Sora," King Mickey finally spoke again. "Don't tell me your heart's sleeping, too."

"No, Mickey," Yen Sid answered. "This affliction is not the same."

"Can we do anything for him?" Riku asked from where he knelt opposite me.

Yen Sid remained in his chair, facing away from us. "In your Mark of Mastery exam, you were to unlock seven Sleeping Keyholes. By doing so, you would awaken those worlds from their prison of slumber, and also acquire the power to free a heart from its sleep. Riku, you unlocked those Keyholes within Sora's dreams. Therefore, it stands to reason that you now have the power to awaken Sora's heart."

I tore my gaze away from Sora for the first time, looking up at Riku to see his reaction. His eyes shifted to the floor, but he didn't say anything yet.

"You want him to dive back into Sora's sleep?" King Mickey questioned. "But Master, Sora's heart is down in the darkest abyss. If Riku's not careful, he might just get trapped down there with him." This time Riku's expression did change, to one of suppressed fear, and my heart lurched in my chest. "No...I'll go instead," the King finished determinedly.

Yen Sid rose from his chair and stepped forward to stare down at the King. "And perhaps you may even succeed, Mickey. But there is no denying that Riku stands the better chance, having dived into Sora's heart as long as he has."

I bit down on the inside of my lip as I watched Riku turn his gaze to first King Mickey, then a dejected-looking Donald and Goofy, and finally to me. I already knew what he was going to decide. There was no way he was going to let his friend do this job for him, especially when he was more likely to be able to help Sora. Forcing a small smile onto my face, I tried to look supportive despite my pounding heart.

Riku smiled, too. "Mickey, I really appreciate it. But...I'll go wake Sora up."

"Riku," the King sighed.

"Look at his face." Riku turned back to Sora and gave a laugh. "Sleeping like nothing's wrong – like there's nothing to even worry about. He's always been like that. The three of us would agree to work on the raft, and then this guy would go take a nap on the beach." I couldn't help but breathe a laugh, myself. "You see, it's my job to keep him on his toes. Besides, what kind of Keyblade Master sleeps through his test?" Riku looked back over at me, growing serious again. "I'm doing it for me, too. Sora saved me once. And...I heard him call my name. He needs me."

King Mickey nodded. "There's something real strong that binds us to each other. Even in the darkness, you can reach him. All you gotta do is follow that connection!"

"Gee, we're all connected to Sora!" Goofy exclaimed.

"You said it!" Donald declared.

"And if the darkness gets ya, I promise I'll bail you out," Axel spoke up from across the room. "'Dark Rescue' is my middle name."

I rolled my eyes, but Riku merely stood and addressed the whole group. "Guys, thank you. Sora and I will be back soon." Turning to Yen Sid, he bowed respectfully. Then he reached down to me and took my hand, squeezing it tightly. "I promise."

As Riku took his position a couple of feet away and summoned his Keyblade – a new, colorful model that I had just barely noticed earlier – I scooted away from Sora a bit. Both Sora and the Keyblade emitted a white glow, and a giant purple orb with spikes appeared in the air between the two. Everyone gave Riku final nods and smiles of encouragement. My smile was a worried one, I knew, but it was there. The light around the two boys and the orb grew brighter and brighter until I had to look away. When I looked back, the orb and Riku were both gone. Only Sora remained, still snoozing with his back up against the wall.

Yen Sid returned to his desk, and King Mickey followed, the two conversing in low tones. Axel announced to no one in particular that he was going to get some fresh air and would return shortly. His departure from the room allowed me to relax at least a little. Donald and Goofy stayed nearby, still watching Sora, and I moved over to lean on the wall with him, my arms wrapped around my knees.

Time passed slowly. I couldn't imagine what in the world might be going on inside of Sora right then. The concept of sleeping hearts and diving into someone's dreams was completely foreign to me. _What if he doesn't come back? What if he falls into whatever abyss the King was talking about and I lose them both?_

I didn't want to keep dwelling on anxious thoughts about Riku, but whenever I stopped thinking of the present my mind wanted to wander to the events of the rest of the day, and I had been very carefully avoiding letting myself remember certain parts of that for the past hour or so.

Eventually Axel came back in and took up his spot at the bookshelf again, and I got the joy of having to think about him, instead. What did he want? Why was he here? Were Yen Sid and King Mickey really going to trust him just like that, with everything he had done in the past? I shot him loathing glares from across the room, but quickly changed to staring at my knees anytime his gaze wandered toward me.

I didn't know how much time had passed when I was startled by a tiny grunt from Sora. Snapping my head over to look at him, a smile parted my lips when I saw that his eyes were fluttering open. He craned his neck to the other side and stretched his arms up over his head, yawning.

"Riku?" he muttered, still half asleep. I frowned. _If Sora is awake, then where is...?_

My train of thought was interrupted by a flash of light, and Riku appeared lying on his back right in front of us. I dove forward onto my knees, placing a hand on his chest. His eyes were closed, but he was breathing. _Sleeping? But why would he be asleep?_

Sora grunted again, finally waking up enough to look around the room. "Hey, what happened?"

King Mickey rounded the corner of the desk. "That's a long story!"

Suddenly noticing Riku on the floor, Sora sprang to life and joined me in looking over him. "Riku! What's wrong with him?"

"I think he's sleeping." I looked up at Yen Sid with concern. "But why, unless...he's not in Sora's position now, is he?"

Stooping down, Yen Sid examined Riku briefly before shaking his head. "No, this is not the same. I imagine that remnants of Sora's sleep found their way into his body, but he will wake soon."

"So wait, I'm confused. Was I asleep?" Sora scratched his head.

"What do you remember?" King Mickey asked.

"I remember the test, the seven worlds..." Sora frowned. "Oh, and Xemnas, and that other guy..."

"That's what happened." King Mickey nodded, then ran through an even briefer recap than the one he had given Yen Sid, with a short pause in the middle for Sora to exclaim over realizing that Axel was alive and in the room. "Riku dove back into your dreams to wake you up."

"Huh." I could tell that Sora was trying to process all this information. It had to have been a little overwhelming, hearing that you were almost turned into a half-Xehanort and couldn't even remember it. "Well, I sure hope Riku's gonna be okay. Guess I owe him one."

"He was happy to do it," I smiled. "You know he'd do anything for you."

Sora smiled, too, though his seemed to be one of mixed emotions. "Yeah."

Yen Sid cleared his throat. "If anyone is hungry, I can have–"

"I'm famished!" Sora announced before the wizard could even finish, jumping to his feet.

I was hungry, too, having not eaten since, well, I didn't even know when for sure, since I had completely lost track of time. I was pretty sure it was a new day by now. But even when a table full of delicious smelling treats had been set up next to Yen Sid's desk, I couldn't bring myself to leave Riku's side. Sora, Donald, and Goofy helped themselves to the tea and cakes, turning it into a whole party. Axel grabbed a pastry from the table and stuffed it into his mouth, then stole one of the chairs and spun it around backwards so that he could straddle it and lean his elbows on the back, staring down at Riku and me. I stiffened, but didn't look up.

"You not hungry?"

"Not particularly," I lied.

He chewed in silence for a moment. "Staring at him isn't gonna wake him up any faster, ya know."

I clenched my jaw in annoyance. "Then why are you here?"

"I'm not staring at him, that would be creepy. I just came to talk to you."

"And that's not creepy?" I shot back.

He laughed. "You're different than the last time I saw you, you know that? You don't seem so scared of me anymore."

Before I could answer, Riku moved his head slightly, and I jumped. "Hey, I think he's waking up!" Yen Sid and King Mickey walked over to stand next to us. Now we were all staring at him, but nothing else happened. Sora turned back to his food, and I sighed. "He really did move, I promise."

"I saw it, too," Axel offered. I rolled my eyes again. I did not need him vouching for me to my friends.

Then Riku twitched again, scrunching his face up in a grimace, and finally opened his eyes. I breathed a sigh of relief to see that bright blue again.

"Riku!" King Mickey smiled.

Riku stayed still for a minute, taking in all of the faces hovering over him, then suddenly jolted upright. "Sora!"

I glanced over to where that ridiculous boy was totally engrossed in his impromptu party.

"Hey, Donald! Come on, you're hogging it all!"

By now Riku had followed my gaze, and was gaping at the scene before him.

"Aw, calm down, Sora, and drink your tea," Donald quacked.

"Gawrsh, it sure is yummy!" Goofy exclaimed.

"Hey!" Riku shouted, trying to get their attention. Sora spun around, wearing a party hat and one of those "disguises" with the glasses and mustache. Who even knew where he had gotten that from.

When he saw his friend sitting up, though, he quickly removed them. "Riku..." Diving across the room, he tackled Riku with his arms around his neck. "You're safe! Riku!"

Riku coughed and choked, trying to breathe while being shaken and strangled. "Wait, haven't we got this backwards?" Sora pushed himself away to grin at Riku, still holding onto his shoulders. "And why are you having a tea party?"

Sora just grabbed him in a giant hug again. "You're safe, Riku!"

"Ah, never mind," Riku groaned, putting a hand to his head. "You okay? Feeling alright?"

Sora sat back again. "Yeah, I've never been better." He pumped his arm as if to prove it. "I was watching what was going on in my dream. And I could hear your voice the whole time. Thanks, Riku." He turned to look at Yen Sid and the King. "Thanks, everybody."

Riku nodded and smiled, then turned to look at me, reaching out and squeezing my hand again. I squeezed back, just grateful to have him there.

A moment of comfortable silence passed before Sora spoke up again. "Oh, yeah! Did we pass the test?"

Yen Sid smiled. "You performed truly admirably, both of you." He started back toward his chair, and Riku and Sora jumped up, racing to the other side of his desk to hear the results. Even Axel was quick to his feet, knocking his chair over in the process, though he merely returned to his spot at the bookshelf. I was the last to stand, moving timidly over to the opposite side of the room to stand. For some unknown reason, I suddenly felt very out of place.

Clearing his throat, Yen Sid began. "More than anything, I am grateful to have you both back from Xehanort's deception unharmed. And I am grateful to Lea, whose spontaneous actions turned the tides."

 _Lea? Oh, he means Axel._ I sighed irritably. Sure, he was a big help. I was grateful to him, too. I just wished it had been pretty much anybody else besides him.

"I am also deeply sorry, for failing to perceive the danger and throwing you headlong into a perilous test. This experience has revealed many hidden truths, and we must gird ourselves for the great clash with darkness that lies before us. I believe we need a new Keyblade Master, one with a new kind of power." He nodded toward the boys before him. "Sora and Riku, you both deserve the honor. However, one of you braved the realm of sleep again to unlock the final Keyhole and save a friend." He paused as if for dramatic effect, though we all knew who he was referring to by that. "Riku, I name you our new true Keyblade Master."

A flood of different emotions rushed through me. Pity – for Sora, for not being recognized despite all he had been through. I knew a bit of how he must be feeling right now. Uneasiness – something about Riku being an official Keyblade Master made my stomach churn, wondering what that would mean for his future. But above all of that, I was proud. He did it, and he definitely deserved the honor.

Riku and Sora both stood still, dumbfounded expressions on their face. No one spoke for a long, stretched out minute. Finally I clapped three quick, excited times, and that seemed to break at least Sora out of his stupor. His mouth dropped open, and his eyes lit up. "Way to go, Riku!" he cried, jumping up and wrapping one arm around Riku's shoulder.

"Y-yeah?" Riku clearly still didn't know what to think.

"I knew you were gonna pass with flying colors." Sora gently punched Riku in the ribs. "This is just so awesome!"

"Gee, Sora, you're kinda acting like it's you that passed," Goofy commented.

"I told ya Sora still needed some practice," Donald muttered.

"Hey!" Sora protested.

I had crossed behind Sora to Riku's side and now looped my arm around his. "I knew you could pass, too. Congratulations."

Riku was still staring at the floor. "Really? I'm a Keyblade Master?" He looked at Sora, who nodded.

"Congratulations, Riku!" King Mickey said, walking up to him.

Riku laughed a little, then bent down to shake his hand. "Thank you, Mickey. I owe it to my friends."

"Ah, I'll catch up with ya in no time flat." Everyone turned to look at Axel, who still had his arms crossed and one foot propped on the bookshelf.

"What? You wanna be a Keyblade Master?" Sora asked in disbelief.

"Yeah." Axel smiled and nodded. "I mean, I came here to learn how to wield one."

"You?" Riku and Sora exclaimed simultaneously. I just frowned, cutting my eyes over to Yen Sid to see if he had actually bought into this. He seemed unfazed, which told me that he probably had.

"Hey, thanks for the vote of confidence," Axel returned. "Ya know, I was gonna come swooping in, Keyblade in hand! But I just couldn't get mine to materialize." He stared at his hand. "Must be in the snap of the wrist or something." He stretched out his hand as he spoke, and a Keyblade appeared in a flash. "Oh."


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER! CENSORED VERSION AVAILABLE BELOW THE DOUBLE LINES.
> 
> To avoid spoilers, I won't say here what the trigger is, but if you have any triggers past what this story has already dealt with, you should scroll down to the censored version and I'll explain there.

The room fell into a general hullabaloo for quite some time after that. It seemed everyone had a lot on their minds that they wanted to talk to each other about. Riku, Sora, Donald, and Goofy were chatting about Keyblades and the exam, Yen Sid and King Mickey were discussing more serious matters at the desk. Even Axel came over, much to my chagrin, apparently feeling more a part of the group now that he had his own Keyblade. Only I hung back, feeling tired and a bit overwhelmed, just watching everyone else.

"So, ya know..." I made the mistake of looking up and found Axel's green eyes staring at me, catching me off guard. _Why is he so freakin' tall? What is it with me and guys twice my height?_ "We got off to kind of a rocky start with our relationship. I mean, I was a Nobody, so I didn't even have real emotions, and you were scared of me, so that was kinda awkward. But now I'm me again, with the heart and all the emotions to go along with it, and you're not scared of me, so that's a bonus. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I always thought that you and I could be friends if circumstances were different, and now they are. Also, I...always thought you were pretty cute. Just throwing that out there."

 _Is he...trying to flirt with me?_ I almost gagged, but turned it into a cough instead. I wasn't sure whether it made it better or worse that he was completely terrible at it. Clearly it had been a while since he had attempted such a thing.

Before he could go any further, I cut him off. "Hey, Axel."

"No, it's Lea now. L-E-A. Got it mem–"

"Axel, do you remember how I told you that you reminded me of someone I knew?" I was not in the mood for his stupid catchphrase. I did not 'get it memorized', and I had no plans of doing so anytime soon.

"Uh, yeah..." He looked as if he didn't like where this might be going.

"I followed your advice. I 'kicked his butt'."

Axel gave a cautious laugh. "Hey, good for you."

"He's dead now." The fact that he was a Heartless at the time didn't seem worth bringing up.

His eyebrows twitched, and his eyes shifted uncomfortably. "Okay..."

Dropping any hint of pleasantness from my voice and demeanor, I glowered up at him. "Even think about touching me or Kairi, and you're next." Crossing my arms, I turned away.

Axel laughed again, quite nervously this time. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him turn to Riku, who had been behind him listening in on at least the end of our conversation. "She's kinda scary."

Riku crossed his arms, as well. "She's also my girlfriend."

"Right." Axel scratched the back of his head. "I'm just gonna go...stand over there."

As Axel sulked away, Riku slid his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in closer to the group, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead before returning to his discussion. All this talk about Keyblades and Masters and the exam...for some reason it was making me feel small, like I didn't really belong. I could even hear Yen Sid on the other side of the room, telling Axel that he needed to return to Radiant Garden to train with Merlin. I remembered for the first time how King Mickey had refused to count me as one of the lights earlier, and there was a knot in my stomach.

This room was beginning to get stifling. I needed some air. Ducking out from under Riku's arm, I slipped out the door and into the hallway. A minute later, I was on a small balcony on the same level as the office, sliding down the wall to sit and look through the railing at the strange orange sea. Unfortunately, though, my peace and quiet didn't last long. The next thing I knew, the glass door that led back inside cracked open, and Axel was poking his head out.

"Knock knock. Mind if I join you?"

Groaning, I dropped my forehead against the bars. "You don't take hints very well, do you?"

"What, that you don't like me very much? No, I got that." Pushing the door the rest of the way open, he strolled out and leaned his elbows on the railing. "That's why I came out here, in fact. I think I, uh...started off on the wrong foot, so I thought I'd give a try at starting over."

I narrowed my eyes at his profile. "Why are you obsessing over being on good terms with me, in particular? You're not acting like this with anyone else. Still because I'm 'cute'?"

Axel rotated to look at me, waving a hand in objection, looking at least a little bit embarassed. "No, I just...I can't say that I enjoy being hated by anyone. Call me sensitive, that's what having a heart will do to you, I guess. But the rest of them don't seem to hate me as much as you do, despite who I was in the past. Is that just because of somebody I look like?"

"You kidnapped my sister."

"Your sist–?" Heaving a sigh, Axel rested his forehead down on his arms. "Of course she's your sister. The identical faces should have clued me in, I guess." After a few seconds he straightened. "Listen, all I really came out here to say was, sorry for, um...whatever I was attempting in there. And, you know, thanks for jumping in to take care of Saix earlier. Not that I couldn't handle him myself..."

As soon as that name was out of his mouth, the rest of his rambling became an indecipherable drone. Blue hair and yellow eyes filled my vision. I had managed not to think of him all afternoon, but now the sweat and shaking hands were back.

"Please shut up," I mumbled.

"Yeah, sorry, I got a little off topic there, but I'm just saying, it was pretty impressive. Not many people can take on Saix like that."

I clasped my hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut and bending over forwards as the name pierced through my chest. "Shut up!"

Axel must have finally started paying attention, because he stopped talking. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. "Why?" I moaned through gritted teeth. "Why is he alive? I wasn't ever supposed to have to see him again. I watched him die, so why...is he not dead?" The familiar fist gripped my lungs, leaving me to rock front to back and gasp loudly for air.

I had almost forgotten about Axel's presence until he spoke again. "I'm just gonna...um...go get Riku." He left the balcony door standing open, and in a moment, I heard his voice echoing back. "Hey, uh...I think I...broke your girlfriend."

By the time Riku arrived at my side, I had begun banging my head repeatedly on the metal railing. Maybe I was trying to knock some normalcy back into my life, I wasn't really sure, but the pain was good, it gave me something besides the panic to focus on. A hand grasped my shoulder, and I flinched away from the touch as if it had burned.

"Hey, don't do that, okay?" Riku retracted his hand, but left it hovering in mid-air, uncertain. "You're okay. I'm here. You're safe."

I couldn't look at him, couldn't focus. "I can't breathe."

"I know, I know. It's gonna pass soon, though. You're gonna be alright. Just look right here, look at my eyes." I forced myself to meet his worried gaze. "Just keep looking at my eyes, and try to match your breathing to mine."

It seemed to take even longer than normal for the attack to subside. I was hot, I was cold, I apologized what must have been at least fifty times because it was the only thing my brain could seem to come up with. Riku was patient as always. He continued urging me to breathe with him and reassuring me that I was safe throughout the whole process, and managed not to touch me again despite how much I was sure he wanted to. Eventually, my breathing and heart rate slowed and the pain in my chest subsided, leaving only trembling limbs and a splitting headache. I collapsed over onto Riku's shoulder, and he stroked my back and hair as I cried silently.

A sudden bout of nausea hit me, and I sat up abruptly, pulling myself by the railing to my feet. I hung my head and shoulders over the edge, unsure if I was going to be sick, but nothing happened. Instead, I found myself wondering what it would feel like to just...fall. _Would a fall from this height kill me? Would it hurt? Surely it wouldn't hurt any worse than continuing to live does._

"You okay?" Riku's voice interrupted my train of thought, and I immediately felt guilty for it, as if he could read my mind.

"I'm useless," I murmured. "I don't even know what I'm doing here. I'm just a hindrance to everyone. You should be in there, figuring out how to save the universe, not out here saving me from myself."

Riku pushed himself up and came to hug me from behind. "Stop it. Stop talking like that."

"Well, you keep telling me to share my feelings, so...there you go."

He rested his cheek on top of my head. "I know, but...I don't like that you're thinking that kind of stuff about yourself. You're not useless, and you're not a hindrance. Don't you remember helping me fight that guy earlier? How was that possibly useless?"

I sighed heavily. "That was one thing. I'm sure you could have handled it without me."

"I don't know about that."

I shook my head. "I told Annaisha that I didn't like you treating me like I was helpless, but I guess I deserve it. All it takes is a simple conversation to make me lose my mind."

Riku squeezed me tightly and kissed the back of my head. "I'm sorry if I've been treating you that way. I certainly don't mean to, because I don't think you're helpless at all. You're so strong, Meli. If it were me, I don't know, I think I'd just lock myself in my room and hide from all the things that could possibly hurt me. But not you. You're right here, in the middle of it all, still fighting. I guess that's why I might sometimes come across as treating you like you're helpless – you never seem to want to take care of yourself, so I feel like I have to do it for you."

His words were comforting, in a way, but I didn't really know what to say in reply. "I can take care of myself," I mumbled. _After all, I've been doing such a fine job of it lately. Staying up all night, barely eating, constantly using dark corridors without protection, throwing myself into dangerous situations with Heartless without anyone even knowing where I am. But hey, at least I've been going to therapy, though that's done me a fat lot of good so far._

"And didn't you notice when King Mickey didn't bother to include me as one of the seven lights? Apparently he doesn't think I'm useful."

It was Riku's turn to sigh, his breath making my hair flutter. "I did. I don't know for sure what his reasoning behind that was, unless..."

"Just say it." Whatever it was, it couldn't possibly make me feel much worse than I already did.

Releasing me, Riku slid around beside me to lean on the rail, one arm still draped over my back. "Your darkness. Maybe he's not sure if you're ready to be a guardian of light, when you have so much darkness still."

I cocked an eyebrow at him, perturbed. "You have darkness, yet he included you."

"Yeah, but..." He paused, thinking. "It's not really about the amount of darkness we have, it's about our control over it."

"So you're saying I'm out of control."

"No, I'm saying..." Riku rubbed his hand roughly over his face. "Well, yeah. Maybe that is what I'm saying. It's not your fault. It's a difficult thing to learn and it's probably a little different for each person. But I think today proved that we have work to do in that area." I could see him looking at me, but I kept my focus out on the water. I had a feeling I knew where he was going with this. "Were you...aware...of what was going on with you back there? When you were..." He trailed off, obviously unsure of how to say it without triggering me.

"You're talking about the darkness, I assume, that was coming off of me? Yeah, I saw it."

"It wasn't just that, though. Remember, I've been in your position before. I can tell when the darkness is in control of you, rather than the other way around." He spoke gently, not accusatory at all, but it still made me feel guilty. "Did you see your clothes change?"

"What? What about my clothes?" I glanced down at them, but it still looked like the same blue jeans and grey t-shirt that I had been wearing, though the blood stains were a newer addition.

"When that happened...when the darkness first came over you, your clothes changed. It's called Dark Mode. I used to have one, too, back when I was working with Maleficent. That's how I know."

I ran my tongue over my teeth, considering his words. "What does that mean?" I whispered.

Riku shifted around to rest his back against the rail. "It means that you're really deep into the darkness, much deeper than you were last time I knew. Like I said, I used to be able to go into Dark Mode, myself, but since I got control of my darkness I can't go that deep anymore."

"Seems to me like a useful skill to have."

Riku sighed again. "It would be, were it not so dangerous. I mean, yeah, it makes you super strong and powerful, but that extra exposure to the darkness isn't good for your heart. Besides the fact that it does make you feel powerful, which makes it even more of a temptation to give in more."

I turned and sank down to the floor, unsure of why I had stayed standing on my shaky, exhausted legs for so long. Riku followed, sitting right in front of me again. "I don't want you to worry about all of that, though," he continued. "You've got enough on your mind as it is. We'll figure it out, together. In the meantime, you just need to stay away from the darkness, to protect your heart."

I nodded slowly, my mind in a million different places at once. "Okay. I'll try." I knew I could be the most stubborn person alive sometimes, but this time I had to admit that he was right. It's not like I wanted to lose my heart to darkness. The thought was actually quite terrifying. I had been acting carelessly, letting my anger and frustration drive me, but it was time to try to rein those emotions in and let my head take over, as hard as that might be.

Riku glanced over his shoulder through the glass on the door, and I forced a smile onto my face. "Go. You've been out here long enough. They need you in there, Keyblade Master."

Even in the twilight I could see a blush creep onto his face. "Um, yeah, I...I don't want to leave you, though, not until I know for sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. I'm just gonna keep resting for a few minutes. Thank you, for staying with me."

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine. "Of course. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Riku rose and went inside, but as soon as he had crossed the threshold there was a bit of a commotion. A flash of red, someone shouting, then a loud thud. Jumping up, I rounded the corner and saw Axel, pinned up against the wall by Riku.

"What did you do to her?" Riku demanded. I had never seen him so riled up and angry before, and was kind of glad that I couldn't see his face right now.

"Nothing!" Axel insisted. "We were just talking, I swear!"

"About what?"

"I just told her thank you for earlier, you know, for taking on Sa–"

Axel's explanation was cut short by Riku shoving him back even harder. "Shut up!" Pointing a finger from his free hand right in Axel's face, he dropped his voice down low. "If you ever say that name in her presence again, I swear that I will fold you five ways and feed you to a Darkside. Are we clear?"

"Grim."

At the sound of my voice, Riku rotated his head, his expression immediately melting into something that might have been guilt or embarrassment. Turning back to Axel, he gave one final shove, then released him and walked over to me. "I don't like that guy," he muttered, as if that completely excused his behavior.

"I don't like him either, obviously, but..." I sighed. "There's no way he could have known. I think we can cut him a little slack."

"I guess." He looked back to shoot another glare at Axel, who was slinking off down the hall. "Sorry. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't going to bother you anymore."

I gave a half smile. "Well, between the two of us, I think we probably scared him off plenty. If I'm lucky, he won't ever speak to me again."

* * *

* * *

**CENSORED VERSION**

_TW: Suicidal thoughts_

* * *

* * *

The room fell into a general hullabaloo for quite some time after that. It seemed everyone had a lot on their minds that they wanted to talk to each other about. Riku, Sora, Donald, and Goofy were chatting about Keyblades and the exam, Yen Sid and King Mickey were discussing more serious matters at the desk. Even Axel came over, much to my chagrin, apparently feeling more a part of the group now that he had his own Keyblade. Only I hung back, feeling tired and a bit overwhelmed, just watching everyone else.

"So, ya know..." I made the mistake of looking up and found Axel's green eyes staring at me, catching me off guard. _Why is he so freakin' tall? What is it with me and guys twice my height?_ "We got off to kind of a rocky start with our relationship. I mean, I was a Nobody, so I didn't even have real emotions, and you were scared of me, so that was kinda awkward. But now I'm me again, with the heart and all the emotions to go along with it, and you're not scared of me, so that's a bonus. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, I always thought that you and I could be friends if circumstances were different, and now they are. Also, I...always thought you were pretty cute. Just throwing that out there."

 _Is he...trying to flirt with me?_ I almost gagged, but turned it into a cough instead. I wasn't sure whether it made it better or worse that he was completely terrible at it. Clearly it had been a while since he had attempted such a thing.

Before he could go any further, I cut him off. "Hey, Axel."

"No, it's Lea now. L-E-A. Got it mem–"

"Axel, do you remember how I told you that you reminded me of someone I knew?" I was not in the mood for his stupid catchphrase. I did not 'get it memorized', and I had no plans of doing so anytime soon.

"Uh, yeah..." He looked as if he didn't like where this might be going.

"I followed your advice. I 'kicked his butt'."

Axel gave a cautious laugh. "Hey, good for you."

"He's dead now." The fact that he was a Heartless at the time didn't seem worth bringing up.

His eyebrows twitched, and his eyes shifted uncomfortably. "Okay..."

Dropping any hint of pleasantness from my voice and demeanor, I glowered up at him. "Even think about touching me or Kairi, and you're next." Crossing my arms, I turned away.

Axel laughed again, quite nervously this time. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see him turn to Riku, who had been behind him listening in on at least the end of our conversation. "She's kinda scary."

Riku crossed his arms, as well. "She's also my girlfriend."

"Right." Axel scratched the back of his head. "I'm just gonna go...stand over there."

As Axel sulked away, Riku slid his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in closer to the group, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead before returning to his discussion. All this talk about Keyblades and Masters and the exam...for some reason it was making me feel small, like I didn't really belong. I could even hear Yen Sid on the other side of the room, telling Axel that he needed to return to Radiant Garden to train with Merlin. I remembered for the first time how King Mickey had refused to count me as one of the lights earlier, and there was a knot in my stomach.

This room was beginning to get stifling. I needed some air. Ducking out from under Riku's arm, I slipped out the door and into the hallway. A minute later, I was on a small balcony on the same level as the office, sliding down the wall to sit and look through the railing at the strange orange sea. Unfortunately, though, my peace and quiet didn't last long. The next thing I knew, the glass door that led back inside cracked open, and Axel was poking his head out.

"Knock knock. Mind if I join you?"

Groaning, I dropped my forehead against the bars. "You don't take hints very well, do you?"

"What, that you don't like me very much? No, I got that." Pushing the door the rest of the way open, he strolled out and leaned his elbows on the railing. "That's why I came out here, in fact. I think I, uh...started off on the wrong foot, so I thought I'd give a try at starting over."

I narrowed my eyes at his profile. "Why are you obsessing over being on good terms with me, in particular? You're not acting like this with anyone else. Still because I'm 'cute'?"

Axel rotated to look at me, waving a hand in objection, looking at least a little bit embarassed. "No, I just...I can't say that I enjoy being hated by anyone. Call me sensitive, that's what having a heart will do to you, I guess. But the rest of them don't seem to hate me as much as you do, despite who I was in the past. Is that just because of somebody I look like?"

"You kidnapped my sister."

"Your sist–?" Heaving a sigh, Axel rested his forehead down on his arms. "Of course she's your sister. The identical faces should have clued me in, I guess." After a few seconds he straightened. "Listen, all I really came out here to say was, sorry for, um...whatever I was attempting in there. And, you know, thanks for jumping in to take care of Saix earlier. Not that I couldn't handle him myself..."

As soon as that name was out of his mouth, the rest of his rambling became an indecipherable drone. Blue hair and yellow eyes filled my vision. I had managed not to think of him all afternoon, but now the sweat and shaking hands were back.

"Please shut up," I mumbled.

"Yeah, sorry, I got a little off topic there, but I'm just saying, it was pretty impressive. Not many people can take on Saix like that."

I clasped my hands over my ears, squeezing my eyes shut and bending over forwards as the name pierced through my chest. "Shut up!"

Axel must have finally started paying attention, because he stopped talking. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. "Why?" I moaned through gritted teeth. "Why is he alive? I wasn't ever supposed to have to see him again. I watched him die, so why...is he not dead?" The familiar fist gripped my lungs, leaving me to rock front to back and gasp loudly for air.

I had almost forgotten about Axel's presence until he spoke again. "I'm just gonna...um...go get Riku." He left the balcony door standing open, and in a moment, I heard his voice echoing back. "Hey, uh...I think I...broke your girlfriend."

By the time Riku arrived at my side, I had begun banging my head repeatedly on the metal railing. Maybe I was trying to knock some normalcy back into my life, I wasn't really sure, but the pain was good, it gave me something besides the panic to focus on. A hand grasped my shoulder, and I flinched away from the touch as if it had burned.

"Hey, don't do that, okay?" Riku retracted his hand, but left it hovering in mid-air, uncertain. "You're okay. I'm here. You're safe."

I couldn't look at him, couldn't focus. "I can't breathe."

"I know, I know. It's gonna pass soon, though. You're gonna be alright. Just look right here, look at my eyes." I forced myself to meet his worried gaze. "Just keep looking at my eyes, and try to match your breathing to mine."

It seemed to take even longer than normal for the attack to subside. I was hot, I was cold, I apologized what must have been at least fifty times because it was the only thing my brain could seem to come up with. Riku was patient as always. He continued urging me to breathe with him and reassuring me that I was safe throughout the whole process, and managed not to touch me again despite how much I was sure he wanted to. Eventually, my breathing and heart rate slowed and the pain in my chest subsided, leaving only trembling limbs and a splitting headache. I collapsed over onto Riku's shoulder, and he stroked my back and hair as I cried silently.

A sudden bout of nausea hit me, and I sat up abruptly, pulling myself by the railing to my feet. I hung my head and shoulders over the edge, unsure if I was going to be sick, but nothing happened, and I found myself lost in thought instead.

"You okay?" Riku's voice interrupted my train of thought.

"I'm useless," I murmured. "I don't even know what I'm doing here. I'm just a hindrance to everyone. You should be in there, figuring out how to save the universe, not out here saving me from myself."

Riku pushed himself up and came to hug me from behind. "Stop it. Stop talking like that."

"Well, you keep telling me to share my feelings, so...there you go."

He rested his cheek on top of my head. "I know, but...I don't like that you're thinking that kind of stuff about yourself. You're not useless, and you're not a hindrance. Don't you remember helping me fight that guy earlier? How was that possibly useless?"

I sighed heavily. "That was one thing. I'm sure you could have handled it without me."

"I don't know about that."

I shook my head. "I told Annaisha that I didn't like you treating me like I was helpless, but I guess I deserve it. All it takes is a simple conversation to make me lose my mind."

Riku squeezed me tightly and kissed the back of my head. "I'm sorry if I've been treating you that way. I certainly don't mean to, because I don't think you're helpless at all. You're so strong, Meli. If it were me, I don't know, I think I'd just lock myself in my room and hide from all the things that could possibly hurt me. But not you. You're right here, in the middle of it all, still fighting. I guess that's why I might sometimes come across as treating you like you're helpless – you never seem to want to take care of yourself, so I feel like I have to do it for you."

His words were comforting, in a way, but I didn't really know what to say in reply. "I can take care of myself," I mumbled. _After all, I've been doing such a fine job of it lately. Staying up all night, barely eating, constantly using dark corridors without protection, throwing myself into dangerous situations with Heartless without anyone even knowing where I am. But hey, at least I've been going to therapy, though that's done me a fat lot of good so far._

"And didn't you notice when King Mickey didn't bother to include me as one of the seven lights? Apparently he doesn't think I'm useful."

It was Riku's turn to sigh, his breath making my hair flutter. "I did. I don't know for sure what his reasoning behind that was, unless..."

"Just say it." Whatever it was, it couldn't possibly make me feel much worse than I already did.

Releasing me, Riku slid around beside me to lean on the rail, one arm still draped over my back. "Your darkness. Maybe he's not sure if you're ready to be a guardian of light, when you have so much darkness still."

I cocked an eyebrow at him, perturbed. "You have darkness, yet he included you."

"Yeah, but..." He paused, thinking. "It's not really about the amount of darkness we have, it's about our control over it."

"So you're saying I'm out of control."

"No, I'm saying..." Riku rubbed his hand roughly over his face. "Well, yeah. Maybe that is what I'm saying. It's not your fault. It's a difficult thing to learn and it's probably a little different for each person. But I think today proved that we have work to do in that area." I could see him looking at me, but I kept my focus out on the water. I had a feeling I knew where he was going with this. "Were you...aware...of what was going on with you back there? When you were..." He trailed off, obviously unsure of how to say it without triggering me.

"You're talking about the darkness, I assume, that was coming off of me? Yeah, I saw it."

"It wasn't just that, though. Remember, I've been in your position before. I can tell when the darkness is in control of you, rather than the other way around." He spoke gently, not accusatory at all, but it still made me feel guilty. "Did you see your clothes change?"

"What? What about my clothes?" I glanced down at them, but it still looked like the same blue jeans and grey t-shirt that I had been wearing, though the blood stains were a newer addition.

"When that happened...when the darkness first came over you, your clothes changed. It's called Dark Mode. I used to have one, too, back when I was working with Maleficent. That's how I know."

I ran my tongue over my teeth, considering his words. "What does that mean?" I whispered.

Riku shifted around to rest his back against the rail. "It means that you're really deep into the darkness, much deeper than you were last time I knew. Like I said, I used to be able to go into Dark Mode, myself, but since I got control of my darkness I can't go that deep anymore."

"Seems to me like a useful skill to have."

Riku sighed again. "It would be, were it not so dangerous. I mean, yeah, it makes you super strong and powerful, but that extra exposure to the darkness isn't good for your heart. Besides the fact that it does make you feel powerful, which makes it even more of a temptation to give in more."

I turned and sank down to the floor, unsure of why I had stayed standing on my shaky, exhausted legs for so long. Riku followed, sitting right in front of me again. "I don't want you to worry about all of that, though," he continued. "You've got enough on your mind as it is. We'll figure it out, together. In the meantime, you just need to stay away from the darkness, to protect your heart."

I nodded slowly, my mind in a million different places at once. "Okay. I'll try." I knew I could be the most stubborn person alive sometimes, but this time I had to admit that he was right. It's not like I wanted to lose my heart to darkness. The thought was actually quite terrifying. I had been acting carelessly, letting my anger and frustration drive me, but it was time to try to rein those emotions in and let my head take over, as hard as that might be.

Riku glanced over his shoulder through the glass on the door, and I forced a smile onto my face. "Go. You've been out here long enough. They need you in there, Keyblade Master."

Even in the twilight I could see a blush creep onto his face. "Um, yeah, I...I don't want to leave you, though, not until I know for sure you're okay."

"I'm fine. I'm just gonna keep resting for a few minutes. Thank you, for staying with me."

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against mine. "Of course. I love you."

"I love you, too."

Riku rose and went inside, but as soon as he had crossed the threshold there was a bit of a commotion. A flash of red, someone shouting, then a loud thud. Jumping up, I rounded the corner and saw Axel, pinned up against the wall by Riku.

"What did you do to her?" Riku demanded. I had never seen him so riled up and angry before, and was kind of glad that I couldn't see his face right now.

"Nothing!" Axel insisted. "We were just talking, I swear!"

"About what?"

"I just told her thank you for earlier, you know, for taking on Sa–"

Axel's explanation was cut short by Riku shoving him back even harder. "Shut up!" Pointing a finger from his free hand right in Axel's face, he dropped his voice down low. "If you ever say that name in her presence again, I swear that I will fold you five ways and feed you to a Darkside. Are we clear?"

"Grim."

At the sound of my voice, Riku rotated his head, his expression immediately melting into something that might have been guilt or embarrassment. Turning back to Axel, he gave one final shove, then released him and walked over to me. "I don't like that guy," he muttered, as if that completely excused his behavior.

"I don't like him either, obviously, but..." I sighed. "There's no way he could have known. I think we can cut him a little slack."

"I guess." He looked back to shoot another glare at Axel, who was slinking off down the hall. "Sorry. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't going to bother you anymore."

I gave a half smile. "Well, between the two of us, I think we probably scared him off plenty. If I'm lucky, he won't ever speak to me again."


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT!
> 
> Mild spoilers for Fragmentary Passage in this chapter.

The gathering at Yen Sid's tower was beginning to break up. Axel had disappeared, claiming he was headed back to Radiant Garden to start training. Sora left, too, though he suspiciously wouldn't say where he was going. I stayed sitting out in the hall, trying to recover and watching all the goings-on with detached interest. Shortly after Sora had gone, Riku reappeared from Yen Sid's office and stopped in front of me, holding out his hand.

"Wanna go on a quick trip with me?"

I looked up at him and raised one eyebrow. "What kind of trip?"

"In the Gummi Ship." He gestured towards the stairs with his head. "Nothing too exciting. We'll be back here by the end of the day. Yen Sid just needs me to run an errand for him, and I'd like to have your company."

 _Looks like I'm the only one with no purpose, yet again._ "Yeah, sure." I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet. "Being here is getting pretty old."

Riku smirked. "Is that the only reason? I was hoping for something more along the lines of, 'I can't wait to spend a few hours alone with you!', or, 'Of course, I can't bear to be parted from you!'"

I would have punched him on the arm, but I was too tired. I settled instead for stumbling into him, knocking him sideways. "Nah, I've had enough of you. I'm just gonna tolerate your presence for the chance to blow this joint for a while."

Laughing, Riku wrapped his arm around me and squeezed as we started down the stairs. "There's the sarcastic Meli I'm used to."

We didn't say much as we climbed aboard the Gummi Ship and Riku prepared for flight. I sat back in the passenger seat, watching with admiration as he pushed buttons and flipped switches like a pro. Once we had taken off, I spoke up again. "So, where exactly are we going?"

"Uh...home, actually." Riku didn't look up from examining the navigation system.

I was hoping for something a little more exciting, but at least we could let Kairi know that everyone was okay. "Why?"

Now he spun his chair around to face me. "Yen Sid wanted me to pick up Kairi and bring her back to the tower. He didn't say why, though."

"Okay..." I frowned. "Did you tell him–?"

"That she didn't want to come unless she was really needed? Yeah." He lifted one hand in a shrug. "He says she's really needed."

He turned back toward the windshield, and I wrapped my arms around myself, lost in thought. "How are we gonna tell her that Axel is back?" I murmured after a moment. Finding that out was going to be almost as bad for her as seeing Saix was for me.

Riku sighed. "Very gently."

A couple of hours later, we had landed at Destiny Islands. Riku and Sora's bikes were still at the landing site, waiting for the return of their owners, so we hopped on and rode them all the way up to the Yoshidas house. It was a weekday, but school should have let out by then, so we figured we might as well meet Kairi when she got home.

Pushing open the front door into the spacious foyer, I glanced around nervously, dreading the conversations that were to come. "Mom?"

"I'm in the kitchen, hon!"

Riku trailed behind me as I entered the kitchen. Mrs. Yoshida had her back turned to us, chopping vegetables at the counter. "You're home earlier than I expected," she remarked before turning around, surprise lighting up her face at the sight of us. "Meli! I thought you were your sister!" Suddenly her expression contorted, and she rushed to meet me, her hands hovering near my shoulders but not actually touching. "What happened to you? Are you okay?"

I had to look down at my shirt before I realized what she was referring to. "Oh, right...no I'm fine, promise. All fixed. Cure spells don't wash out blood stains, unfortunately."

Mrs. Yoshida's brow was still furrowed with concern. "That's a lot of blood, sweetie. Cured or not, it must have been quite painful."

I shrugged, wishing she'd stop worrying. "I've..." _Felt worse,_ is what I almost said, but that wouldn't have made her any happier. "It wasn't that bad."

Finally pulling her attention from me, Mrs. Yoshida turned to Riku and reached out to pat his cheek. "Thank you for bringing her home safely. And of course, I'm happy to see you safe, too. Kairi said that you and Sora were in some sort of trouble."

"Well, more Sora than me, but...yeah. We're both safe now, and Meli was definitely a big help." He cut his eyes over to me, as if checking to see if I was going to break the news to her, but I just crossed my arms and stared down at them. He cleared his throat. "Unfortunately, we're not done yet...that was really just the beginning. We've still got a lot of important work to do. We actually just came back home briefly, because we need to–"

Before he could get out the point of his story, we heard the front door open again and Kairi call out, "I'm home!"

"In the kitchen!" Mrs. Yoshida repeated.

After going through another round of surprise, concern over the blood on my shirt, and assurances that everyone was alright, Riku picked back up where he left off. "What I was saying before you arrived was, we're only here briefly. That journey that Mickey referred to in his letter is only now about to begin, so we have to head straight back to Yen Sid's." Disappointment shadowed Kairi's face. "The reason we did come back is...Master Yen Sid has requested that you join us, Kairi."

"Me?" Kairi blinked a couple of times, then clasped her hands behind her back. "But why?"

Riku shook his head. "He didn't say. Only told me that it was very important for what's to come."

I couldn't look at Mrs. Yoshida. I knew she had to be heartbroken over the thought of her daughter being taken away into who knows what danger. It wouldn't have surprised me at all for her to refuse to let Kairi go.

Kairi studied the floor silently for a minute, before finally looking up into her mother's face. "Mom?"

Mrs. Yoshida stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Kairi, then to my surprise, reached out one arm to me and quickly brought me into the embrace, as well. "Oh, my girls." Her voice was shaky with emotion. "How did I end up with not one, but two world-saving heroes in my family?"

Shifting her head, she looked up at Riku. "I suppose I should say four, really. You boys know that you might as well be my sons." Letting go of Kairi and me, she grasped Riku's face in her hands and pulled his forehead down onto hers. The loving, motherly gesture – so unlike anything I had ever seen from his own mother – brought a sad smile to my face.

"Make sure all of my babies come home safely to me," she whispered. "Yourself included."

A pink tint edged onto Riku's cheeks, but he didn't pull away, only nodded. "I'll do my best, ma'am."

"You're...letting her come?" I was sure my surprise was evident in my voice.

Releasing Riku, Mrs. Yoshida turned back to us and spread her arms out. "I'm letting both of you go." She gave me a slight smile. "I know you're not used to needing to ask for permission for these things, but I'm giving it, anyway."

I shuffled my feet, embarrassed. "I didn't mean...I would've asked before, it's just it was all such a rush..."

Mrs. Yoshida's smile widened. "I know. I'm not faulting you for that." She placed her hands on her hips. "The real problem here is that it seems you thought I would send you off without hesitation, but would keep Kairi behind." Grasping both of our shoulders, she looked me in the face, though I still couldn't meet her eyes. It was a little scary sometimes, how she could read even my subconscious thoughts.

"Kairi may be my first baby, but that doesn't mean that I love or worry about you any less. In fact, I worry about you a bit more." I flicked my eyes up and opened my mouth to protest, expecting her to bring up my health issues, but she merely gave me a knowing look before continuing. "After all, you're the one with the tendency to come home looking like this." Her hand waved over my shirt before returning to my shoulder. "Kairi tends to be a little more cautious, most of the time."

"I don't know, you didn't see her jump off a balcony into a pile of Heartless, with a Keyblade she had never used before," Riku muttered.

"Riku!" Kairi protested. "I'll be careful, Mom. I promise. And I'll try to keep this one from doing anything too crazy." She poked my arm playfully.

"Good." Mrs. Yoshida brought us in for another squeezing hug. "All of you need to take care of each other. I can't very well say no when the lives of so many other people are likely at stake, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I want you all back here in one piece as soon as you possibly can."

Once she had straightened, she looked to Riku once more. "Are you going to see your mom while you're here?"

Riku pulled out his phone and glanced at the time. "She wouldn't be at home right now. I told her goodbye before I left the first time, of course. Will you...update her, whenever you see her? Sora's parents, too."

"Of course. I hope I'll get some updates along the way from the four of you, as well," Mrs. Yoshida said pointedly.

"We'll try our best," Kairi replied. "I should go change, I guess, and pack a few things."

I plucked at the front of my shirt. "Yeah, guess I should do that, too."

Another half hour later, we were back on board the Gummi Ship. Kairi was lugging a suitcase with her, much to Riku's amusement, in which she had insisted on packing some of my clothes, too. For now, she had changed out of her school uniform and into the pink mini dress that she had been wearing for the first several weeks that I knew her. It was her favorite, I got that, but I honestly couldn't figure out how she could stand wearing it anymore. I got anxiety just looking at it for too long.

My own clothes from that time still hung untouched in our closet. As much sense as it would have made to be wearing those now, being fairy-made and all, I couldn't bring myself to even touch them. Instead, I opted for a deep purple tunic and black leggings, and threw a few other comfortable, stretchy items into Kairi's suitcase. My black combat boots were the only thing from my other outfit that I actually still wore, and that only because they were so practical.

Throughout the ride back to the tower, we filled Kairi in on what had been happening since she last saw us. Riku told a few stories from his week in the Sleep Realm, and we took turns relating Sora's rescue, minus the part about Saix and my Dark Mode. We also left out all mention of Axel, for now. I kept glancing over at Riku, wondering if now was the time, but it never seemed right.

Kairi looked around us with enraptured interest as we exited the Gummi Ship and climbed up the stairs inside the tower. It was easy to forget sometimes that she had only ever been to a couple of other worlds before, and the Realm of Darkness hardly counted. Riku stepped into Yen Sid's office first, and I could hear the King greet him happily. Kairi hesitated for a second just outside the door, her fingers gripping the hem of her skirt. Squeezing her arm, I gave her a reassuring smile and prompted her forward.

"I brought you the guest you asked for, but...you never said why," Riku was saying as we walked through the door.

Yen Sid lifted a hand toward Kairi. "I have come to learn that you, too, can wield a Keyblade. I am glad you are here."

Kairi stepped forward timidly. "Um, thank you. I...I barely know how to wield one, though. I mean, Sora and Riku and Meli have been teaching me, but...I still have a long way to go."

"Yes, I understand. Now, have you been told what we are up against?"

"Yes." Kairi nodded, and gestured to Riku and me. "They caught me up on everything, I believe."

"Good." It was beginning to grow dim in the room, and Yen Sid waved his hand toward the candle on his desk and another across the room, instantly lighting them. "The great battle with Xehanort is almost upon us. As you know, we must take action to keep the seven pure lights safe, and thus we must hasten to assemble the seven guardians of light. It is time to return to our world the three Keyblade wielders we lost over a decade ago. Ventus, Terra, and Aqua must be saved from their sad end, for they have more to achieve." He shut his eyes for a moment, thinking. "Following their first battle with Xehanort, Ventus' heart refused to awaken, and so Aqua found a safe location to conceal him. But when she set off in search of her other missing friend, Terra, she fell to a place from which there is no return without outside help."

King Mickey turned to look up at us. "I saw her. In the Realm of Darkness." He launched into a brief explanation of how when he had gone looking for the dark realm's Keyblade, he had run into her there. Together they had looked for a way out. Eventually they found the door that Ansem had opened while battling Sora, but Aqua dove into a fierce Heartless fight and kept them away while Riku and Sora shut the door. He had not seen her at all after that moment.

"She sacrificed herself to save me?" Riku murmured. Fists clenched, he spun around to face the King. "Why did you keep it from me for so long?"

"I had to respect her choice," King Mickey answered.

"What about us? You could've given us a choice. We could have gone and helped her."

"I know..." King Mickey looked down at his feet, dejected.

"Do not be rash, Riku," Yen Sid broke back in. "As Mickey told you clearly in his story, reaching the Realm of Darkness the first time was not a simple task. And even if we had found a way back in, regrettably none of us possessed the necessary means to get Aqua back out safely. So I forbade Mickey from telling you, let alone going after her."

"Why keep it secret?" Riku stepped forward toward the desk, still upset.

"That much is obvious. If not you, then certainly Sora would have staged a reckless attempt at rescue."

Kairi and I shared a look behind his back. We knew all too well that what Yen Sid was saying was true. Riku must have realized it, too, because he immediately lost the tension in his body and fell quiet.

"But, now we can help Aqua." King Mickey walked up to the desk, as well, then turned to Riku. "You and I – we're gonna go find her!"

My heart plummeted into my stomach.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter in which Meli finally lets everyone have a piece of her mind, part of which may or may not be the author vicariously ranting at Nomura.
> 
> Also, continued spoilers for Fragmentary Passage.
> 
> Enjoy.

_You can't...you can't go, I won't...you can't go back there, please..._

I should have seen it coming, throughout this whole conversation. Of course they were sending Grim to the Realm of Darkness. Why would I have expected anything else?

To my surprise, Riku's response was immediate and enthusiastic. "Yeah! Count me in!"

My jaw dropped open, but Kairi stepped into the conversation with a smile. "Who's this new Riku, and where's the old one?"

"New me?"

"Yeah." Kairi giggled behind her hand. "You're more like Sora."

"Should I be flattered?" He placed one hand on his hip. "I try too hard to be the role model. It's more fun to just listen to my heart. Which is Sora-esque."

"Well, we still like you," Kairi smiled. I wanted to say something, to make my swirling thoughts somehow come out my mouth in a sensible, coherent way, but I didn't even get the chance. "Master, I came here because I wanted to help somehow," Kairi continued, now addressing Yen Sid. "What can I do?"

"I have entrusted the wizard Merlin to oversee the training for our new Keyblade wielders, yourself and Lea."

"Lea?" Kairi echoed. I came out of my stupor just in time to cringe. _No, no, this is not how this was supposed to happen..._

"He means Axel," King Mickey announced.

"What?" Kairi stumbled back away from the King, her face ashen.

_I'm sorry, Kai...this is all wrong...please tell me none of this is happening..._

"He's a regular person now. He even saved Sora for us," King Mickey assured her. "You can trust him!"

Kairi stayed silent, one hand in a fist at her heart. Finally she rotated to look at me, and I forced a weak smile that was supposed to be an apology. She looked to Riku, and he nodded. The roar in my ears grew louder.

"C'mon, Riku. It's time for us to go." King Mickey began marching toward the door, oblivious to the tension in the room. "First, we gotta find an entrance to the Realm of Darkness."

"No!" The word came out of me so forcefully that it was like a punch to the throat. All eyes in the room landed on me, and I stared hard at the ground, my fingernails digging into my palms.

"Meli? Is there somethin' you wanted to say?" the King ventured.

I clenched my teeth together so hard that it hurt, but the rest came spilling out anyway. "Are you people completely insane? No! Just no, all of it, no!"

"Meli..."

Ripping my gaze away from the floor, I looked frantically around the room at each face. "You say you need seven lights. This is like, really important, right? We have no idea when this great battle might happen, right? But you're saying that this is your grand plan for those lights...relying on a brand new wielder who has barely begun training, someone who's lost in the Realm of Darkness, if she's even still alive, someone whose heart is asleep, and...I don't know, you didn't even say where the other one is, so I'm assuming he's missing somewhere?" And I hated it, I hated that I had to include my sister in this, I didn't want to be jealous of her. She had fantastic potential and deserved as much as anyone to be given this chance. But the jealousy came creeping in, anyway... _why does she get a chance, and I don't?_

I threw my arms out wide. "I am standing right here, people! Obviously I know you're gonna need one or two of them still, and I fully realize that I have problems. I am well aware of my issues. But hello, I do have a Keyblade, in case you've forgotten." Just to make sure, I summoned it to my hand. "I am on your side, in case you've forgotten that, too." I jabbed a finger toward Yen Sid. "I know what I'm doing, whether you think so or not. Surely my problems aren't any worse than the problems of people who are completely missing or maybe even dead."

I could see more than one person wanting to answer me, but I wasn't ready to get shut down yet. "But you know what, whatever. I don't even...this is not about me." I tossed my Keyblade roughly to the side, and it vanished with a clatter. "That's not even really what I'm upset about. Is your plan stupid? Yes. Will I go along with it and try to be as helpful as I can despite everyone's blatant disregard for what I could bring to the table? Yes."

I ran a hand shakily through my hair. "Except. Except for two things. One, Grim, I am not at all okay with you going to the Realm of Darkness. I'm all for you following your heart and helping people, but seriously? The Realm of Darkness? We're talking about a woman who has been trapped there for over ten years! Kairi and I were trapped there for several weeks, you and Sora were trapped there for two weeks...heck, you've been trapped there twice! And you're just gonna waltz back in there like it's nothing?" I held up my hands toward him in utter disbelief as he avoided my gaze. "Do you even...? I don't know, you don't seem like you even care what I think about this, so I guess I shouldn't even be bothering.

"But Kairi..." I turned to her now, clasping my hands together in front of my chest. "Kairi, you do not have to do this. You do not have to go hang out with Axel just because he says to. That is not what you signed on for." She hung her head, and I waved my hands at the others. "I can't believe that you would all just send her into that like it's no big deal! You guys do remember that he kidnapped her, right? Everyone keeps saying that we can trust him, but how do we really know that? And even if we did, that does not erase what he did in the past. That does not negate how she feels about him."

Finally I paused to catch my breath. My heart was pounding, my head was aching, and I really felt no better emotionally after having gotten that tirade off my chest. It only took a second for Yen Sid to take advantage of my silence and begin to speak, but I cut him off before he could get more than a word out. "Don't...just don't. I don't want to hear it. I know what everyone's gonna say, I know nobody's gonna listen to me. I don't matter. I get it." Shaking my head, I strode to the door, pushing past the King. "I'm outta here. If you come up with some little insignificant role you want me to play in your all-important, stupid plan, let me know, and I'll do it."

Amazingly enough, during that whole thing I hadn't even felt like crying, but as soon as I was out in the hall the tears came pouring down my face. Riku was right behind me, which was no surprise. Stalking to a window, I stared out into the night, willing myself not to yell at him. It didn't work. When he touched my arm, I slapped him away, turning on him with anger still burning in my chest.

"You didn't even ask me if I was okay with you going. Is that because you knew I wouldn't be? Or just because it didn't matter to you? Do you even care what the thought of you going back there does to me?"

Riku rubbed the back of his head with a sigh. "Yes, of course I care. I know, I should have asked you. I'm sorry. I...yeah, I knew you weren't gonna like it, but I don't feel like I can say no to this. She saved my life. The least I can do now is try to save hers."

"She saved your life so that you could live, not so that you could jump right back into the darkness!" I dropped my head into my hands. "I hate how selfish this is making me sound. I'm grateful to her, of course I am. I don't want her to keep suffering. Somebody should help her. But I don't understand why it always has to be you."

"Well who else do you want it to be?" Riku threw his hands up in exasperation. "You? Sora? Kairi? There are a very limited number of people in existence that can do this task. And I would much rather it be me than any of you."

I let out a growl and spun back to face the window. "You and your stupid self-sacrificing obsession! If you're so keen on thinking about other people all the time, then why don't you consider how this is affecting me? I already thought I lost you to the Realm of Darkness once. If it happens again, I..." My voice caught in my throat, and I gave into the tears, resting my forehead against the glass. _Needy, needy, needy. I thought you hated sounding that way._

"Hey." Grabbing my wrist, he pulled me around and into himself before I could protest. With one arm wrapped around my lower back, he used the other hand to brush my hair back from my forehead. "I know that. I know how dangerous this could be. And maybe I am trying to self-sacrifice, and I'm sorry, but...I can't not be selfish about this. I have to do this, because I can't stand the thought of any of you being sent in my place. You, Sora, Kairi...I've thought that I lost all of you before, too, and I can't do it again. I need to know that you're safe."

A memory of his voice echoed through my head, telling me how scared he was of something bad happening to the people he cared about, and I hated myself for berating him for trying to prevent those fears from becoming reality. With a defeated sigh, I laid my head against his chest, feeling myself relax against my will as he continued to stroke my hair. "I know. I know you do. But I want you to be safe, too," I whispered.

"I will. I promise." He bent over and kissed the top of my head. "I'm a Keyblade Master now, remember? I can handle this." There was an obvious teasing tone to his voice.

"That's just what you're called," I mumbled back. "It doesn't actually mean you know what you're doing."

"Watch it." Riku's fingers tickled the back of my neck, and I gasped and pushed away.

"You know I'm kidding. I believe in you. I just..." I finished the sentence with another sigh, feeling like I would just be repeating myself. "And if 'safe' means sitting on the sidelines doing absolutely nothing, I want no part in that." I frowned and pointed a finger at him. "I need to help somehow."

A throat cleared somewhere behind Riku, and I peeked around him to see Kairi standing just outside the office door. "I promise I've only been here for a second," she assured us. "I just wanted to say that Yen Sid had planned on asking you to come along with me to Radiant Garden."

"What, so Merlin can train me, too?" I crossed my arms over my chest, my irritation rapidly rising again. "I don't care what that wizard thinks about my 'experience'–"

"No, that's not what he said," Kairi interrupted. "He said he thought you could help me and...Lea...train. Merlin is obviously qualified in the magic area, but I might need someone who knows more about the actual fighting to help, too."

Gesturing toward her with my hand, I looked back to Riku. "And that's the other thing that we haven't talked about yet. Are you really gonna make her go with him?"

"I'm not making her do anything!" Riku began to protest.

"It's okay, Mel," Kairi answered. "I've thought about it, and...I'm okay with it. I mean, it probably won't be easy to start with, but...I do need the training. And I have to face him at some point, right? If he's going to be working with us from now on...I might as well get it over with sooner than later."

I paused for a moment, studying her. She seemed completely genuine, and I was impressed. Clearly she was stronger than I was. Crossing over to her, I surprised her by throwing my arms around her shoulders. "You're amazing, you know that?" I pulled back and looked her in the face. "But just to warn you, it may not be anything in the past that makes you end up hating him. It may very well be just because he's really obnoxious."

Kairi laughed. "Good to know. Whatever happens, though, I'm sure it will all be a lot easier if you're there with me. Will you come?"

Pressing my lips together, I drew in a breath and considered the proposal for a moment. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll come." I wasn't convinced that Yen Sid hadn't just made up this role to try to appease me, but if being emotional support for Kairi and a buffer between her and Axel was where I was needed, then that was important enough for me. "Listen, I'm sorry, guys, for losing my cool in there."

"It's okay," Kairi replied.

"Don't worry about it," Riku said at the same time. "It's a lot of stuff to try to take in all at once. I'm not sure why the rest of us don't freak out a little bit, too. Sometimes I think you're the only sane one among us."

I gave a sarcastic laugh. "Yeah, me too."

Only a few minutes later, we all made our way outside to the waiting Gummi Ships. King Mickey was itching to get going, and he and Riku both had suitcases that were rumored to hold new clothes from the fairies. Donald and Goofy, who were waiting at the base of the tower the whole time, had been instructed to take Kairi and me to Radiant Garden. They had already climbed aboard their ship to get everything ready for departure, as had the King. Only Riku, Kairi, and I were left lingering on the grassy lawn, none of us willing to be the first to say goodbye.

Finally Kairi stepped forward, standing on her tiptoes to throw her arms around Riku's neck. "Bye, Riku. Be safe and come back soon."

Riku returned the hug with an affectionate squeeze. "I will. You be safe, too. No slicing off any fingers or toes, and make sure you give Axel a run for his munny."

"Oh, I will," Kairi laughed. Letting go, she glanced around one last time. "Sure wish Sora would have made it back in time to say goodbye."

Riku shook his head. "Yeah, there's no telling what that kid is up to. He'll be alright, though."

Nodding, Kairi shot me a smile, then made her way up the stairs and disappeared into the Gummi Ship. That left just the two of us, and a growing pit in my stomach. Riku glanced up at his own waiting ship, then grabbed my hand and pulled me around to the side of the tower, out of sight.

"Where are we go–?" My question was interrupted when Riku's mouth smashed up against mine. I tilted my head so that we could deepen the kiss, letting my eyes drift shut and relishing the sensation of his hands running up through my hair. My own hands slid around to his back and up under his vest, feeling the tightness of his muscles beneath my fingers. I wanted more of him. _More. Please don't ever let me go._

His mouth pulled away from mine, but not too far. His breath was hot between my parted lips. My eyes opened and found his, searching, begging. A rough thumb brushed across my cheek. "You're so beautiful," he whispered hoarsely.

The words sent a shiver up my spine and a warmth spreading through my core all at once. A tiny whimper escaped my throat, and that was all the motivation Grim needed to dive back into the kiss with even more vigor than before, pushing me backward step by step. His tongue found mine just as my back hit the wall, and fireworks exploded throughout my body. My fingers fumbled at his chest until they had a grip on the edges of his vest. His body was already crushing mine, but I wanted him closer. Maybe if I could pull him in, inhale him, consume him, he would always be here with me.

A high-pitched voice pierced through our fantasy. "Hey Riku, are you rea– oh gosh!"

The kiss ended abruptly, with Riku quickly turning his head to face King Mickey, and me hiding my face in the opposite direction, trying to keep breathing and not choke on my saliva.

"Sorry, pal, I didn't mean to interrupt," the King offered with a hint of embarrassment.

Riku coughed to clear his throat. "We were just...saying goodbye."

King Mickey hummed in understanding. "I'll give you two another minute."

I kept the side of my head resting against the stone, my face burning and my chest rising and falling rapidly. Riku's body was still pressed against mine. He breathed a sigh, nestling the bridge of his nose into my exposed neck. My eyes closed again, my thumbs unconsciously rubbing little circles on the fabric of his vest that I was still clinging to.

After a long moment that was far, far too short, he lifted his head, and I rotated mine to look into his eyes. The regret that I saw there brought a lump into my throat. Swallowing past it, I brought one hand up to gently rest on his cheek.

"Stay," I murmured. "Please stay. I..." My voice hitched, and I squeezed my eyes shut to try to block the tears. "I don't want you to go."

His forehead touched mine, and I could hear his breaths shaking. _You shouldn't have asked that of him. It's not fair to ask._ But I wanted him. I needed him. Shifting his head to the side, he enveloped my lips for one more long, tender kiss. It tasted like goodbye.

"I'm sorry." He backed away, and the loss of his touch left me cold and exposed. A tear slipped out of each of my eyes as I opened them, the rest pooling in front of my vision and blurring my view of him. He cleared his throat again. "We'll...we'll be back before you know it." Then, as if afraid to say anything more, he turned and jogged away, leaving me trembling and sobbing against the wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um...is there a word for more than fluff but less than smut? I'm gonna call it steaminess. Not sure if I was supposed to provide a warning for steaminess, but too late now. And btw that's as hot as it's ever gonna get in my stories, just so you know. 
> 
> And yes, there's a Doctor Who reference in this chapter. 10 points to whoever catches it first.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT!
> 
> Spoilers for KH3 begin in this chapter and continue throughout the rest of the story.

The Radiant Garden Restoration Committee had made quite a lot of progress since I had last set foot inside the actual town. There weren't nearly as many half-finished or burnt down buildings to be seen, replaced instead by immaculate stone houses with brightly-colored flower boxes on every window. Kairi oohed and aahed at everything she saw as we made our way through the cobblestone streets toward Merlin's house.

"Come in, come in!" The old wizard threw open the door and beckoned us inside. "You must be Kairi. Oh, and Meli! Good to see you again. Are you here for training, too?"

I shook my head, glancing around at the familiar interior. "I'm here to help. With, you know...combat and stuff. However I can, really."

The several hour trip in the Gummi Ship had given me much needed time to think and try to sort myself out, and I felt like I was back in control of my emotions for the moment. I was ashamed at how ridiculously needy I had acted back at the tower. Not that it hadn't all been very real and true, but I didn't usually let anyone else see that side of me. I was ready now, though, to be strong again, to be whatever Kairi needed me to be. I had even prepared myself for seeing Axel again when we arrived, but that didn't mean I wasn't secretly relieved that he was currently nowhere in sight.

"Good, good!" Merlin nodded and rubbed his hands together eagerly. "You can keep an eye on our two trainees when I'm not around. We might as well get started right away, then! That is, unless you need something first...food? Sleep? Ah, never mind, you can have all that once you're there."

"There?" Kairi echoed. "Are we going somewhere?"

"Ha ha, yes! You're going here!" With a wave of his hands, Merlin made a large wooden door appear in the middle of the room.

"Where is...here, exactly?" I asked, eyeing the door curiously.

"A world where time does not matter!" He pronounced this proudly, as if it would answer all of our questions. The looks on our faces must have told him otherwise, though, because he hastened to explain. "It's a place that I have created just for the three of you to do your training in. It will seem as if time is passing at a normal pace to you, but out here, only minutes will have passed for each of your days."

"Oh. That way they can complete their training really quickly, right?"

"Precisely!" Merlin flashed me a wide, toothy grin.

"Is, um...Lea already there?" Kairi ventured.

"Yes! The boy is...a bit slow in getting the hang of the many nuances of the Keyblade thus far. But! I have faith that you young ladies will be a wonderful influence on him!"

I turned my head to obscure the eye roll that involuntarily followed that statement before pasting on a smile. "Well, then...shall we?"

We crossed through the doorway into what looked like a small cabin. A cot was up against one wall, an empty shelf against another, and a doorway across from us lead into a second room. "This is where you shall stay while you're here. Hmm...I suppose another bed will be needed..." Merlin pointed his wand at the corner opposite the first bed, and a second cot blinked into existence. He gave a satisfied nod. "There. Through here is Lea's space, and..."

He halted just through the doorway, frowning. Leaning our heads in, Kairi and I could see Axel sprawled out on his bed, asleep. Merlin marched over and began poking at him with his wand. "Wake up, boy! You're supposed to be out there training, not in here sleeping the day away!"

Axel groaned and swatted him away, rubbing his eyes with the other hand. "You're working me too hard, old man. Fellow's gotta have a break sometimes."

Folding my arms over my chest, I raised my eyebrows. "You just think he's working you hard. That's because you haven't worked with me yet."

He shot up straight, eyes wide as he took in my presence for the first time. "Meli! What are you...? I mean, I didn't know you were..." Glancing over to Kairi, his face paled a bit and he swung his feet down to the floor, clasping his hands in front of him. "Oh, um...hello, Kairi."

Kairi had gone quite still and silent next to me, as well. Her lips and jaw seemed to be working up the courage to speak as she stared down at his feet. "Hi," she finally murmured.

"Well, good, you all know each other already. I'll just give you two a bit to settle in, then I'll be back to get your training started." Merlin turned and vanished back through the door we had come in with a flash of light, leaving us in strained silence.

After a moment, Axel heaved a sigh. "Okay, so, uh...Kairi...I think there's some...things that I should say to you."

Though I was, admittedly, enjoying seeing him squirm, my first duty was to my sister. "You don't have to listen to him right now if you don't want to," I told her, taking her hand.

She nodded, eyes flicking up to mine with a small smile. "I know. It's okay."

He looked like he was considering standing up, then thought better of it and remained sitting. Maybe he felt less intimidating that way. "I, uh...I'm sorry. That's really all I can say, I guess. I'm sorry that I kidnapped you. I could explain myself, how I was, you know, a totally different person, or what my supposedly noble reasoning was, but...it would just be excuses and I doubt you wanna hear all that." He rubbed the back of his head, then shrugged. "So, yeah. That's it. I'm sorry."

I squeezed Kairi's hand, which was trembling slightly. She was still gazing at the floor, but finally brought her eyes up to Axel's face. "Thank you. For saying that."

I was glad that she hadn't given him some pat, "It's okay" or, "I forgive you" answer. He didn't deserve that, not yet at least. "Why don't we go put our things away while we wait for Merlin to come back?"

Kairi responded to the tug on her hand and began to follow me back into our room. "Yeah, okay."

"I'll just, uh...head outside for now," Axel offered, standing.

Once we were alone, I turned to face Kairi, searching her face with concern. "Are you okay?"

She smiled. "Yeah. I'm good, I think." Her eyes dropped to the floor, then came back up to mine. "It's gonna be weird, definitely, but...I'm glad he apologized, at least. I think I'm gonna be okay."

"Yep, I know you are. You're too strong to let him get to you." I wrapped her shoulders in a quick embrace.

"I'm glad you're here with me. This would be so much harder alone."

I smiled back at her. "I'm glad I'm here, too." It was nice to finally be needed by someone.

When Merlin returned a short while later, he had Kairi show him what she had already learned. Most of that was combat related, of course, but he still seemed pleased with the start. "Your friends have taught you well! Now let's see if we can't get a few more spells under your belt."

I watched from a distance for a few minutes, proud of how far she had come. My smile shrank considerably, however, when Axel appeared in my periphery. "She's pretty good," he commented before turning to me. "So, uh...you're here to...?"

"Make sure you stay far away from her, mostly."

He threw his hands up. "Wha...you think I'm actually going to do something to her? What part of 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm a different person now' do you not get?"

"Every part." I shot him a glare. "Apologies mean very little to me coming from people who have a proven history of not giving a crap for anyone but themselves." _Especially when they come out of what might as well be Aiden's lips._ "I've heard enough meaningless apologies to last me a lifetime. And okay, yeah, 'you're a different person now'. Supposedly. But you look and sound exactly the same, and this whole Nobody to Somebody business hasn't actually been proven as far as I've seen, so you'll forgive me if I don't buy it." I shook a stray lock of hair out of my face. "Besides, it's really not about what you might do to her in the future, or even about forgiveness. Even if she at some point forgives you, that doesn't mean she's gonna want to hang out with you."

Axel sighed, placing his hands on his hips and looking back to where Kairi was casting Blizzard spells. "Okay. Fine. Whatever. I guess I might as well accept that you're gonna go on hating me for the foreseeable future." He paused for a moment. "Is that really the only reason you're here, though?"

"I'm here to help you two get ready to fight. Yen Sid thought Merlin might need some assistance in the combat area." _Either that, or this was just the easiest way to get rid of me._

"Alright, well let's do it, then."

I wrinkled my eyebrows and looked up at him. "What?"

He shrugged. "I'm here to learn to use the Keyblade. You're here to help me learn to use the Keyblade. So let's do it. Let's start."

"What, you want to spar?" It surprised me that he would be so willing to accept me as a teacher. Then again, he had seemed pretty impressed with my fighting skills early on.

"If that's how you want to start, then sure."

I studied him carefully, considering how this might go. He could fight, I knew that. But since he was working with a brand new weapon and Merlin had already stated that he was having difficulty with it, I was pretty positive that I could easily take him. "Alright, fine. If you really want to eat dust, then let's go." Flicking my wrist, I summoned my Keyblade to my hand. "Show me what you've got."

A grin spread over his face, though it faltered a bit as he repeatedly attempted to summon his own Keyblade. Eventually it appeared, and his cockiness returned. I tried my best to ignore how similar our two weapons looked...and the fact that his was cooler than mine.

"Alright, here's the rules. No magic this round. Physical combat only."

Axel raised an eyebrow. "What, you afraid of the Dancing Flames?"

I stared straight back at him, never cracking a smile. "No, I'm trying to give you a semblance of a chance at winning. You can thank me later."

With that, I darted forward, swinging in toward his legs. He was quick to jump into action, blocking my shot, and also managed to catch the next one that came at his back after I passed. Knowing the rules of combat was certainly not his issue, nor had I expected it to be. His form, however, sucked. That I noted right off the bat, and almost immediately took advantage of it. I caught his Keyblade at just the right angle on my third swing, and it went flying out of his hand and skidding through the dirt.

My Keyblade came to a halt just in front of his chest. "Dead."

He backed away, waving his hands in surrender. "Alright, you got lucky that time."

"Mm-hm. You saying you wanna go again?"

"Sure!" It took him a couple more tries to get his Keyblade back to his hand, but as soon as it was in his grasp he leapt into action again, likely thinking he could surprise me. I spun neatly away and brought the dull side of my Keyblade hard across his back, sending him sprawling to the ground. The tip of my weapon poked him between his shoulder blades.

 _Now that was fun._ "Dead again."

Rolling over onto his back, he sighed up at the sky. "Yeah, I've already died a couple of times for real, not really fond of the idea of repeating it."

If he was expecting sympathy or a hand up off the ground, he was going to be waiting a while. "Then I suggest you step up your game."

Axel pried himself up, this time grabbing his Keyblade instead of attempting to re-summon it. "So...best three out of five?"

A few seconds later, his weapon was out in the bushes somewhere and he was rubbing a sore wrist. I dismissed my Keyblade and crossed my arms. "Not that I'm not enjoying beating the crap out of you, but...I am supposed to be actually teaching you, and you don't seem to be learning anything this way."

He gave a submissive shrug. "Okay, I give in. Teach me. What am I doing wrong?"

"Where should I start?" I walked toward him and nodded at his hands. "You don't know how to move the Keyblade properly." I pointed at his feet. "Your stance isn't working for you. You're all off balance." Circling around behind him, I looked him over, considering what else was wrong. "Also, you're suffering from a really bad case of overestimating your abilities and underestimating your opponent's."

He sniffed indignantly. "Well you know, I am used to fighting with these babies." His twin chakrams appeared in a whirling burst of flames, and he posed as if ready to pounce.

"Exactly." I gestured to his feet again. "That stance right there is the same one you're trying to use for the Keyblade, and I assume that you're also attempting to use the same moves. This is a totally different weapon. As the great Yoda once said, 'You must unlearn what you have learned'."

Axel wrinkled his nose. "Was he an old Keyblade Master or something?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure." I turned my back to hide my amusement. "Anyway, we're gonna have to start at the very beginning and teach you all the basics."

"Ugh. Boring."

I glared at him again. "Do you want to be a Keyblade wielder, or not?"

He exhaled loudly. "Yes. Fine."

"Hey, Meli! Watch this!" Kairi's excited voice called out. I spun around to watch her cast Fire on a target, then immediately put the flames out with Blizzard.

"That's great! Good job, Kai!"

"Yeah, that was cool! Great job!" Axel threw in. The proud, happy expression on Kairi's face morphed into something akin to embarrassment, and she quickly turned her attention back to Merlin.

Narrowing my eyes, I pointed a finger at Axel's face. "I am not kidding about her. You leave her alone. She does not want to be your friend any more than I do."

He backed away, holding up his hands again. "Okay, geez. I think we've already thoroughly determined that you can kill me anytime you want to, so...consider her left alone."


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. SEE CENSORED VERSION BELOW THE DOUBLE LINES.

Time may have technically been passing very quickly inside that tiny little world, but to me it crawled. The novelty of being in charge for once wore off after just a few days, and the long training sessions became monotonous. Each day that passed without Grim around would have been unbearably lonely had it not been for Kairi's presence. Yet, lying in the bed at the end of each day, I had to remind myself that only minutes had gone by in the real world, and my wait for his return would probably take weeks still.

Kairi relaxed considerably after the first several days. It actually surprised me how quickly she seemed to get used to Axel's presence and allowed him to try to make nice to her. Whenever he was around her, it seemed like apologies were pretty constantly coming out of his mouth for various reasons. It was obvious that he still craved forgiveness from her. As we all settled into this new pace of life, his demeanor seemed to waver back and forth from one extreme to the other, as if he was trying to figure out exactly who he wanted to be. With Kairi, he was often quiet and reserved, letting her carry the conversation and acting like a perfect gentleman. Other times he was charming and funny, a tactic he also tried on me on occasion. More often, though, he responded to my cold shoulder with equal snark and sarcasm.

No matter which personality he was showcasing at the moment, however, it was bound to make me think of Aiden. Charming and funny had been his specialty when we first met, so that immediately turned me off. Quiet put me on edge because that had equaled brooding with Aiden. Both that and the snarkiness were just as likely to end up in a fit of anger.

It was wearing on me more than I realized it would. By the time we entered the second week, I had become so tense all the time that my panic attacks – which had virtually disappeared for the first few days – came back with a vengeance. I was constantly on the alert, waiting for something to go wrong, waiting for my world to come crashing down around me again. By the third and fourth weeks, I was on the verge of losing my mind.

To top it all off, Kairi and Axel seemed to become chummier with each passing day. The number of times I found myself on the outside, watching them work pleasantly together, kept increasing. I felt less and less like I was actually needed or even wanted. I couldn't blame them, though, for ignoring me whenever they got the chance. I would've done the same thing. After all, from their perspective all I ever did was get "mad" and storm off on my own day after day, and continue to hold a grudge against the guy that hadn't technically even wronged me. Leaving crossed my mind many times, but the fear of Axel turning one day kept me trapped there, needing to keep my sister safe. Besides, I didn't want to prove Yen Sid and the King right in their assumptions of my worthlessness.

On one particular afternoon, I had spent nearly an hour trying to teach Axel a particular magic-based move, and we were both getting frustrated at the lack of progress. Kairi had disappeared long ago into the woods with paper and a pen for some quiet time alone. Just when I was about to call it quits, his aggravation got the best of him, and he quite literally exploded in a burst of yelling and flames.

"What the crap, Axel?" I jumped back, startled and on the verge of snapping. My attention was diverted, however, when he looked over my head with wide eyes and cursed. Swiveling to face the opposite direction, I almost swore, too. The cabin was on fire. For a moment all I could do was stare at the flames that were dancing up the side and spreading onto the roof. Then my brain jolted back into action, and I ran forward with my Keyblade in hand.

"Seriously?" I hissed. _Every time I think I can't hate him any more..._ I lifted the Keyblade and cast Blizzaga, then another. Thankfully running out of magic wasn't a thing in this world, thanks to Merlin, but my efforts didn't seem to be doing much good. The fire was quickly getting out of control, swerving around my patches of ice and licking up the wooden structure. I had a distinct feeling that we were going to lose the cabin before I would be able to cast enough ice to cover it.

Axel was still rooted in place, staring at the disaster he had caused. I whirled around to face him. "I'll be right back. You stay here, and cast Blizzard at anything that gets past the cabin!" The last thing we needed was a forest fire, especially with Kairi still out there somewhere. I barely stayed long enough to see his bewildered nod before dashing into the burning building.

The smoke inside was almost too thick to see through. Coughing, I buried my nose into the crook of my arm and pressed through to the back room where Kairi and I had been sleeping. I dove first for my pillow, pulling out from under it the photo of Riku, Sora, Kairi, and me in Sora's living room and pressing it to my chest with relief. My eyes were watering and the inside of my nose stung, but a quick glance over my shoulder showed that the way out was still clear. With my free hand, I scooped an armful of Kairi's clothes off of the shelf and tucked them on top of the picture, then reached for the keychain to my original Keyblade that was sitting on top. The metal seared my fingers, and I yanked my hand back with a gasp that left me coughing. I couldn't leave it behind, though. It was too important. Grabbing it again with as little contact as possible, I clenched my jaw against the pain and turned to leave.

The fire had spread to either side of the doorway. I could still make it through, sure, but I found myself just staring at the brilliant flames, mesmerized. _Why does fire seem to follow me wherever I go?_ First there was Aiden, and his stupid lighter. Unconsciously, I rubbed my thumb over the raised spot on my palm. Then there was Aiden's Heartless, who fought with fire, and my stupid Keyblade that I had gotten from that fight...and now there was Axel, and this. I let my gaze trail up to the ceiling, where swirls of orange, blue, and purple were caught up in a furious ballet. Sparks whirled through the air and singed my clothes and skin, but I barely even noticed.

 _What if I just...stayed?_ The thought floated through my mind unbidden. Maybe the smoke inhalation was getting to me, because I didn't feel alarmed by the idea. It almost seemed to make sense. _Fire seems to be chasing me wherever I go. What if I just let it take me?_

The next instant, the ceiling began to collapse around me. Pieces of burning wood bounced off my shoulder and arm, and I grunted in pain as I blinked the smoke away from my dried-out eyes. Then I looked up again, and Axel was standing right in front of me, reaching out to grab me by the wrist.

"What are you doing? Come on!" he yelled over the roar of the fire, dragging me toward the front of the cabin.

I let him pull me along, the fear that I should have been feeling all along finally kicking back into my brain. Just as we burst through the door into the cool, sweet, fresh air, the rest of the roof caved in behind us, and I crumpled to the grass, coughing and choking. Axel was coughing, too, but remained standing and slapped at my shoulders and back with his gloved hands, knocking away embers and maybe even putting out flames, for all I knew. The contact hurt, and I winced and pulled away.

He dropped down onto the ground next to me. "Have you lost your mind? Were you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Yes." The answer was out my mouth before I realized what I was admitting to.

Confusion crinkled his features. "Wait...yes to which one?"

"Possibly both." I coughed again and struggled to draw a decent breath. Dropping my armload onto the ground, I snatched up the photo that I had saved and drank it in like it was a potion. Axel was still staring at me, I could feel it. I glanced over at him at last and gave another short cough. "So what was your excuse? Because last time I checked I wasn't the only one in there."

Groaning, he rubbed a hand across his forehead. "I went in there to save your neck, you idiot!"

 _Why, so you could be a "hero", like Aiden was when he "saved" me from the streets?_ I gritted my teeth. "I didn't ask you to save me."

"Well, yeah, clearly not, since you were apparently trying to die!" He shook his head and pushed himself up off the ground. "If it makes you feel any better, my reasons were purely selfish. I was the one who started the fire, and I...couldn't stand having any more deaths on my conscience."

I cut my eyes up to him again, but didn't answer. After a minute of staring off into the woods, he turned to look at me and pointed a finger. "Are you at least gonna heal those burns? I'd do it myself, but you know I still suck at Cure."

The wound on my arm glared up at me, red and swollen and pulsing with heat. "They're not that bad."

"Come on, don't do that." His tone was one I hadn't heard from him before, almost paternal.

"Do what?" I snapped.

"Punish yourself for who knows what crime you feel like you've committed. I've been there. I know how it works, and it's pointless."

I scowled at him. "You don't know anything about me."

"That's because you won't let me!" He threw his arms up in exasperation. "You don't know anything about me, either, yet you've apparently decided I'm evil."

"I know plenty."

"Okay, whatever. You know, maybe if you tried sleeping a little more instead of sneaking out every night, you wouldn't feel the need to stand in a burning building. See, I do know more about you than you think."

Before I could shoot back a response, footsteps sounded on the edge of the clearing. I turned to see Kairi, staring at the scene in shock. "What happened?" she cried.

I looked between her and the flaming remains of the cabin, then pointed at Axel. "He happened."

She rushed over toward us, eyes darting over our bodies. "Is everybody okay? No, you're not okay, you're hurt!" Summoning her Keyblade, she stooped down next to me. "Here, let me help."

Shaking my head, I waved her off. "I've got it. I can heal myself. Why don't you help out Clueless over there, instead?"

Axel crossed his arms. "I don't need anything. I'm practically made of fire, you can't burn me that easily."

"Oh yeah? Well you're not made of smoke, so your lungs would probably appreciate the healing."

He coughed as if the mere mention of the smoke in his lungs had stirred it back up. "Maybe."

Kairi gladly cast her Cure spell on Axel, and I mustered Curaga in my hands to wave over my own body. "I managed to save a little bit of clothing. I think it's all yours." I sifted through the pile in front of me, hoping that none of it had been burned.

"That's what you ran in there for? Clothes?" Axel snorted.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, there were more important things to save than clothes. Like this, for instance." Picking up the keychain, I dangled it between my fingers for a moment before stuffing it into my pocket. "I wouldn't expect someone who only owns one single coat to understand."

"Well, I appreciate you grabbing what you could," Kairi broke back in. "If there's anything in there you can wear, we can definitely share." She walked toward the dwindling fire, surveying the damage. "I guess we should tell Merlin what happened, so he can make us another place to stay."

"Except that we can't exactly get to the door right now," Axel pointed out. Being made of magic, the door to the outside world was still standing untouched behind all the charred wood. "We could cast Blizzard to walk on, I guess, but the door is probably still jammed with stuff piled in front of it."

"Good thing it's nice out here!" Kairi, of course, was ever the optimist. "If we can't get through tonight, maybe we can just have a sleepover under the stars."

_Because Axel is just the person I wanted to have a slumber party with._

"Like a campout!" Axel agreed. "We even have a nice bonfire. Too bad there's no marshmallows."

Soon we were rolling logs from the forest into the clearing to sit on or lean against. Kairi and Axel seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves, chatting away about anything and everything. I arched my back over the top of my log, staring up at the starry night sky and thinking about Riku. Every time she would giggle at something he said, my stomach would turn, but I kept quiet and tolerated them as best I could, even when the subject kept returning to the Organization and various escapades he had been a part of.

"You make it sound like being in the Organization was actually kinda fun," Kairi commented with a laugh.

Axel shrugged. "Eh, it had its moments. Roxas definitely made it a lot better."

"Was he the only one you really hung out with?"

"No, there was..." Axel trailed off. "I mean, yeah...I guess he was the only one. I don't know what I was thinking there for a sec. There...sometimes it seems like there's something I've forgotten, something important. When I look at you...at the both of you, I feel like I can almost remember."

He paused again, as if lost in thought. "Anyway, most of the other members were too caught up in themselves and their political games to befriend anyone. I did have another friend, a guy I grew up with. We were best friends, never went anywhere without the other. Always getting into mischief, horsing around. We ended up joining the Organization at the same time. After that, though...well, things just changed. We changed. Not having a heart will do that to you."

Unfortunately, I couldn't help but listen to their conversation, and I found myself running through the Organization members that I had met in my mind, wondering which had been his friend.

"You weren't friends anymore?" Kairi queried.

"Started out we were. We wanted to climb to the top, take over Organization XIII together. That didn't happen. Seemed like he became more and more like Xemnas with each passing day, and well...we drifted apart. In the end, we were practically enemies. I still care about him, though. I'd love to see him back to his old self, too." He let out a whoosh of air. "Sorry, didn't mean to get so solemn there."

"No, that's okay," Kairi assured him. "It's nice to hear a little more about you. What was your friend's name?"

It took him a few seconds to answer. "He got a new, Organization name, just like the rest of us. But his real name is Isa."

I had been feeling wary throughout this whole exchange, and for some reason when he uttered that name my stomach twisted even tighter. _It couldn't be...could it?_ I sat up straight, narrowing my eyes in his direction. "Are you..." My chest clenched with a mixture of dread and anger. "You're talking about him, aren't you?"

"Who...?" He held up his hands in defense. "I'm not saying any more names. Your boyfriend is liable to pop up out of the woods somewhere and murder me."

The anger inside of me began to bubble and churn, and I bolted to my feet. "So you won't say his name, but you think it's perfectly fine to sit here and talk about what a wonderful person he is? Are you completely stupid?"

"I..." Axel ran a hand through his hair, jaw twitching, and when he spoke again his words were terse. "What is your deal with him, anyway? I mean, I fully realize that he doesn't have the coziest of personalities these days, but–"

"He's a monster." My voice cracked, and I tried drawing a deeper breath to steady it. "And I don't know why it surprises me that you're friends with someone like him."

His voice rose to match mine. "I told you, he changed. He's not the same person he was. But seriously, all I did before was say his name and you completely flipped out–"

"It's called a panic attack! I have PTSD, you moron!" I hissed through my teeth. I didn't fully realize what I was blurting until I heard Kairi gasp and breathe my name, but I couldn't make myself stop there. "I'm so screwed up that I can barely function, and it's all your precious friend's fault."

Everything fell quiet except for the distant chirping of crickets and my heavy breathing. Axel looked a bit like he had been slapped, though that didn't stop me from wanting to actually deck him. A quick glance at Kairi showed tears glistening in her eyes. I dropped my gaze to my feet, keeping my hands squeezed into tight fists by my sides.

Kairi shifted to stand, finding her voice. "Meli, I am so sorry. Why didn't you say anything to me sooner?"

Stepping away from her outstretched hand, I shook my head. "I'm not...I'm not talking about this right here, right now." _I've spilled quite enough juicy details about my life to this jerk already. To think that I've been living with his best friend this whole time..._ "You know what, I...I don't think I can do this anymore." I lifted my head, but stared out into the woods. "It doesn't seem like I'm really needed here anymore anyway, so...I'm just gonna go."

"Meli, no, please..."

Waving my hand, I opened a corridor. "Bye, Kairi. I'll see you again soon."

Once inside the In Between, I quickly shut the doorway before anyone could follow. I didn't know where I was going to go. Riku was still in the Realm of Darkness as far as I knew, and everyone else was otherwise occupied. The thought of crawling back to Yen Sid to beg for a different assignment made me grimace. _Maybe I'm better off on my own right now, anyway. Surely I can find some way to be of use in this war without having them dictate it for me._

I summoned my Keyblade, but suddenly the sight of the twisting flames made me sick. Ripping off the keychain, I threw it to the side as hard as I could with a disgusted shout, then replaced it with the old one that had been in my pocket. Inferno's Edge vanished, and Sorrow's Promise appeared in my hand. I checked the weapon over with a small smile. It was good to have it back. Glancing over at where the other keychain had fallen, I sighed, and bent to pick it up. No need to be stupidly rash and throw away something I might need later, no matter how much I might despise the look of it.

* * *

* * *

CENSORED VERSION

_Trigger: Suicidal thoughts, discussion of suicidal ideation_ _._

* * *

* * *

Time may have technically been passing very quickly inside that tiny little world, but to me it crawled. The novelty of being in charge for once wore off after just a few days, and the long training sessions became monotonous. Each day that passed without Grim around would have been unbearably lonely had it not been for Kairi's presence. Yet, lying in the bed at the end of each day, I had to remind myself that only minutes had gone by in the real world, and my wait for his return would probably take weeks still.

Kairi relaxed considerably after the first several days. It actually surprised me how quickly she seemed to get used to Axel's presence and allowed him to try to make nice to her. Whenever he was around her, it seemed like apologies were pretty constantly coming out of his mouth for various reasons. It was obvious that he still craved forgiveness from her. As we all settled into this new pace of life, his demeanor seemed to waver back and forth from one extreme to the other, as if he was trying to figure out exactly who he wanted to be. With Kairi, he was often quiet and reserved, letting her carry the conversation and acting like a perfect gentleman. Other times he was charming and funny, a tactic he also tried on me on occasion. More often, though, he responded to my cold shoulder with equal snark and sarcasm.

No matter which personality he was showcasing at the moment, however, it was bound to make me think of Aiden. Charming and funny had been his specialty when we first met, so that immediately turned me off. Quiet put me on edge because that had equaled brooding with Aiden. Both that and the snarkiness were just as likely to end up in a fit of anger.

It was wearing on me more than I realized it would. By the time we entered the second week, I had become so tense all the time that my panic attacks – which had virtually disappeared for the first few days – came back with a vengeance. I was constantly on the alert, waiting for something to go wrong, waiting for my world to come crashing down around me again. By the third and fourth weeks, I was on the verge of losing my mind.

To top it all off, Kairi and Axel seemed to become chummier with each passing day. The number of times I found myself on the outside, watching them work pleasantly together, kept increasing. I felt less and less like I was actually needed or even wanted. I couldn't blame them, though, for ignoring me whenever they got the chance. I would've done the same thing. After all, from their perspective all I ever did was get "mad" and storm off on my own day after day, and continue to hold a grudge against the guy that hadn't technically even wronged me. Leaving crossed my mind many times, but the fear of Axel turning one day kept me trapped there, needing to keep my sister safe. Besides, I didn't want to prove Yen Sid and the King right in their assumptions of my worthlessness.

On one particular afternoon, I had spent nearly an hour trying to teach Axel a particular magic-based move, and we were both getting frustrated at the lack of progress. Kairi had disappeared long ago into the woods with paper and a pen for some quiet time alone. Just when I was about to call it quits, his aggravation got the best of him, and he quite literally exploded in a burst of yelling and flames.

"What the crap, Axel?" I jumped back, startled and on the verge of snapping. My attention was diverted, however, when he looked over my head with wide eyes and cursed. Swiveling to face the opposite direction, I almost swore, too. The cabin was on fire. For a moment all I could do was stare at the flames that were dancing up the side and spreading onto the roof. Then my brain jolted back into action, and I ran forward with my Keyblade in hand.

"Seriously?" I hissed. _Every time I think I can't hate him any more..._ I lifted the Keyblade and cast Blizzaga, then another. Thankfully running out of magic wasn't a thing in this world, thanks to Merlin, but my efforts didn't seem to be doing much good. The fire was quickly getting out of control, swerving around my patches of ice and licking up the wooden structure. I had a distinct feeling that we were going to lose the cabin before I would be able to cast enough ice to cover it.

Axel was still rooted in place, staring at the disaster he had caused. I whirled around to face him. "I'll be right back. You stay here, and cast Blizzard at anything that gets past the cabin!" The last thing we needed was a forest fire, especially with Kairi still out there somewhere. I barely stayed long enough to see his bewildered nod before dashing into the burning building.

The smoke inside was almost too thick to see through. Coughing, I buried my nose into the crook of my arm and pressed through to the back room where Kairi and I had been sleeping. I dove first for my pillow, pulling out from under it the photo of Riku, Sora, Kairi, and me in Sora's living room and pressing it to my chest with relief. My eyes were watering and the inside of my nose stung, but a quick glance over my shoulder showed that the way out was still clear. With my free hand, I scooped an armful of Kairi's clothes off of the shelf and tucked them on top of the picture, then reached for the keychain to my original Keyblade that was sitting on top. The metal seared my fingers, and I yanked my hand back with a gasp that left me coughing. I couldn't leave it behind, though. It was too important. Grabbing it again with as little contact as possible, I clenched my jaw against the pain and turned to leave.

The fire had spread to either side of the doorway. I could still make it through, sure, but I found myself just staring at the brilliant flames, mesmerized. _Why does fire seem to follow me wherever I go?_ First there was Aiden, and his stupid lighter. Unconsciously, I rubbed my thumb over the raised spot on my palm. Then there was Aiden's Heartless, who fought with fire, and my stupid Keyblade that I had gotten from that fight...and now there was Axel, and this. I let my gaze trail up to the ceiling, where swirls of orange, blue, and purple were caught up in a furious ballet. Sparks whirled through the air and singed my clothes and skin, but I barely even noticed.

The next instant, the ceiling began to collapse around me. Pieces of burning wood bounced off my shoulder and arm, and I grunted in pain as I blinked the smoke away from my dried-out eyes. Then I looked up again, and Axel was standing right in front of me, reaching out to grab me by the wrist.

"What are you doing? Come on!" he yelled over the roar of the fire, dragging me toward the front of the cabin.

I let him pull me along, the fear that I should have been feeling all along finally kicking back into my brain. Just as we burst through the door into the cool, sweet, fresh air, the rest of the roof caved in behind us, and I crumpled to the grass, coughing and choking. Axel was coughing, too, but remained standing and slapped at my shoulders and back with his gloved hands, knocking away embers and maybe even putting out flames, for all I knew. The contact hurt, and I winced and pulled away.

He dropped down onto the ground next to me. "Have you lost your mind?"

"Possibly." I coughed again and struggled to draw a decent breath. Dropping my armload onto the ground, I snatched up the photo that I had saved and drank it in like it was a potion. Axel was still staring at me, I could feel it. I glanced over at him at last and gave another short cough. "So what was your excuse? Because last time I checked I wasn't the only one in there."

Groaning, he rubbed a hand across his forehead. "I went in there to save your neck, you idiot!"

 _Why, so you could be a "hero", like Aiden was when he "saved" me from the streets?_ I gritted my teeth. "I didn't ask you to save me."

"Well, yeah, clearly not, since you were apparently trying to die!" He shook his head and pushed himself up off the ground. "If it makes you feel any better, my reasons were purely selfish. I was the one who started the fire, and I...couldn't stand having any more deaths on my conscience."

I cut my eyes up to him again, but didn't answer. After a minute of staring off into the woods, he turned to look at me and pointed a finger. "Are you at least gonna heal those burns? I'd do it myself, but you know I still suck at Cure."

The wound on my arm glared up at me, red and swollen and pulsing with heat. "They're not that bad."

"Come on, don't do that." His tone was one I hadn't heard from him before, almost paternal.

"Do what?" I snapped.

"Punish yourself for who knows what crime you feel like you've committed. I've been there. I know how it works, and it's pointless."

I scowled at him. "You don't know anything about me."

"That's because you won't let me!" He threw his arms up in exasperation. "You don't know anything about me, either, yet you've apparently decided I'm evil."

"I know plenty."

"Okay, whatever. You know, maybe if you tried sleeping a little more instead of sneaking out every night, you wouldn't feel the need to punish yourself. See, I do know more about you than you think."

Before I could shoot back a response, footsteps sounded on the edge of the clearing. I turned to see Kairi, staring at the scene in shock. "What happened?" she cried.

I looked between her and the flaming remains of the cabin, then pointed at Axel. "He happened."

She rushed over toward us, eyes darting over our bodies. "Is everybody okay? No, you're not okay, you're hurt!" Summoning her Keyblade, she stooped down next to me. "Here, let me help."

Shaking my head, I waved her off. "I've got it. I can heal myself. Why don't you help out Clueless over there, instead?"

Axel crossed his arms. "I don't need anything. I'm practically made of fire, you can't burn me that easily."

"Oh yeah? Well you're not made of smoke, so your lungs would probably appreciate the healing."

He coughed as if the mere mention of the smoke in his lungs had stirred it back up. "Maybe."

Kairi gladly cast her Cure spell on Axel, and I mustered Curaga in my hands to wave over my own body. "I managed to save a little bit of clothing. I think it's all yours." I sifted through the pile in front of me, hoping that none of it had been burned.

"That's what you ran in there for? Clothes?" Axel snorted.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no, there were more important things to save than clothes. Like this, for instance." Picking up the keychain, I dangled it between my fingers for a moment before stuffing it into my pocket. "I wouldn't expect someone who only owns one single coat to understand."

"Well, I appreciate you grabbing what you could," Kairi broke back in. "If there's anything in there you can wear, we can definitely share." She walked toward the dwindling fire, surveying the damage. "I guess we should tell Merlin what happened, so he can make us another place to stay."

"Except that we can't exactly get to the door right now," Axel pointed out. Being made of magic, the door to the outside world was still standing untouched behind all the charred wood. "We could cast Blizzard to walk on, I guess, but the door is probably still jammed with stuff piled in front of it."

"Good thing it's nice out here!" Kairi, of course, was ever the optimist. "If we can't get through tonight, maybe we can just have a sleepover under the stars."

_Because Axel is just the person I wanted to have a slumber party with._

"Like a campout!" Axel agreed. "We even have a nice bonfire. Too bad there's no marshmallows."

Soon we were rolling logs from the forest into the clearing to sit on or lean against. Kairi and Axel seemed to be thoroughly enjoying themselves, chatting away about anything and everything. I arched my back over the top of my log, staring up at the starry night sky and thinking about Riku. Every time she would giggle at something he said, my stomach would turn, but I kept quiet and tolerated them as best I could, even when the subject kept returning to the Organization and various escapades he had been a part of.

"You make it sound like being in the Organization was actually kinda fun," Kairi commented with a laugh.

Axel shrugged. "Eh, it had its moments. Roxas definitely made it a lot better."

"Was he the only one you really hung out with?"

"No, there was..." Axel trailed off. "I mean, yeah...I guess he was the only one. I don't know what I was thinking there for a sec. There...sometimes it seems like there's something I've forgotten, something important. When I look at you...at the both of you, I feel like I can almost remember."

He paused again, as if lost in thought. "Anyway, most of the other members were too caught up in themselves and their political games to befriend anyone. I did have another friend, a guy I grew up with. We were best friends, never went anywhere without the other. Always getting into mischief, horsing around. We ended up joining the Organization at the same time. After that, though...well, things just changed. We changed. Not having a heart will do that to you."

Unfortunately, I couldn't help but listen to their conversation, and I found myself running through the Organization members that I had met in my mind, wondering which had been his friend.

"You weren't friends anymore?" Kairi queried.

"Started out we were. We wanted to climb to the top, take over Organization XIII together. That didn't happen. Seemed like he became more and more like Xemnas with each passing day, and well...we drifted apart. In the end, we were practically enemies. I still care about him, though. I'd love to see him back to his old self, too." He let out a whoosh of air. "Sorry, didn't mean to get so solemn there."

"No, that's okay," Kairi assured him. "It's nice to hear a little more about you. What was your friend's name?"

It took him a few seconds to answer. "He got a new, Organization name, just like the rest of us. But his real name is Isa."

I had been feeling wary throughout this whole exchange, and for some reason when he uttered that name my stomach twisted even tighter. _It couldn't be...could it?_ I sat up straight, narrowing my eyes in his direction. "Are you..." My chest clenched with a mixture of dread and anger. "You're talking about him, aren't you?"

"Who...?" He held up his hands in defense. "I'm not saying any more names. Your boyfriend is liable to pop up out of the woods somewhere and murder me."

The anger inside of me began to bubble and churn, and I bolted to my feet. "So you won't say his name, but you think it's perfectly fine to sit here and talk about what a wonderful person he is? Are you completely stupid?"

"I..." Axel ran a hand through his hair, jaw twitching, and when he spoke again his words were terse. "What is your deal with him, anyway? I mean, I fully realize that he doesn't have the coziest of personalities these days, but–"

"He's a monster." My voice cracked, and I tried drawing a deeper breath to steady it. "And I don't know why it surprises me that you're friends with someone like him."

His voice rose to match mine. "I told you, he changed. He's not the same person he was. But seriously, all I did before was say his name and you completely flipped out–"

"It's called a panic attack! I have PTSD, you moron!" I hissed through my teeth. I didn't fully realize what I was blurting until I heard Kairi gasp and breathe my name, but I couldn't make myself stop there. "I'm so screwed up that I can barely function, and it's all your precious friend's fault."

Everything fell quiet except for the distant chirping of crickets and my heavy breathing. Axel looked a bit like he had been slapped, though that didn't stop me from wanting to actually deck him. A quick glance at Kairi showed tears glistening in her eyes. I dropped my gaze to my feet, keeping my hands squeezed into tight fists by my sides.

Kairi shifted to stand, finding her voice. "Meli, I am so sorry. Why didn't you say anything to me sooner?"

Stepping away from her outstretched hand, I shook my head. "I'm not...I'm not talking about this right here, right now." _I've spilled quite enough juicy details about my life to this jerk already. To think that I've been living with his best friend this whole time..._ "You know what, I...I don't think I can do this anymore." I lifted my head, but stared out into the woods. "It doesn't seem like I'm really needed here anymore anyway, so...I'm just gonna go."

"Meli, no, please..."

Waving my hand, I opened a corridor. "Bye, Kairi. I'll see you again soon."

Once inside the In Between, I quickly shut the doorway before anyone could follow. I didn't know where I was going to go. Riku was still in the Realm of Darkness as far as I knew, and everyone else was otherwise occupied. The thought of crawling back to Yen Sid to beg for a different assignment made me grimace. _Maybe I'm better off on my own right now, anyway. Surely I can find some way to be of use in this war without having them dictate it for me._

I summoned my Keyblade, but suddenly the sight of the twisting flames made me sick. Ripping off the keychain, I threw it to the side as hard as I could with a disgusted shout, then replaced it with the old one that had been in my pocket. Inferno's Edge vanished, and Sorrow's Promise appeared in my hand. I checked the weapon over with a small smile. It was good to have it back. Glancing over at where the other keychain had fallen, I sighed, and bent to pick it up. No need to be stupidly rash and throw away something I might need later, no matter how much I might despise the look of it.


	29. Chapter 29

I wound up at the beach that night after I left. Even I had to roll my eyes a bit at how predictable I was, but it seemed as good of a place as any to hang out and wait for morning – though I still wasn't even sure what I would be doing come morning. Besides, predictable or not, as far as I knew no one would be looking for me. Kairi and Axel were the only ones that knew I left, and they had no means of coming after me if they wanted to, which was doubtful. Their lives were going to be a whole lot more peaceful without me there. Even if they had told Merlin, he probably wouldn't have cared enough to try to find me.

Choosing a spot close enough to the water to be able to see the white caps in the darkness, but far enough away not to get hit by the high tide later, I carved out a seat for myself in the slope of the sand with my bare hands. Once that was done, I took off my boots and socks and settled in, wiggling around to get comfortable. Despite my efforts at relaxing, though, it took my brain a while to settle down.

 _I'm so selfish._ Even if Kairi was right, and Axel had really changed and wasn't a danger to her, she still didn't deserve for me to abandon her and her training just because I couldn't get over myself and get along with him.

 _Am I really, though?_ I had just spent the last several weeks putting up with constant fear and panic attacks just to try to protect my sister from her trauma and from a potential bad guy, and to help her and the guy that scared the crap out of me get ready to save the universe. When I thought about it that way, it really didn't seem all that selfish to finally start trying to take care of myself by removing myself from that situation.

_But I left them. I left the job I was supposed to be doing, just to help myself._

_But they didn't really need me anymore anyway, remember? They can finish their training without me. It will probably be even easier for them without me around._

I could probably have spent hours arguing back and forth with myself over it, but the calm of the beach finally started to get to me. The steady crashing of the waves and the shifting of the sand beneath my feet was therapeutic. Finally allowing myself to let go of the tension in my body, I shut my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

"So much more peaceful out here on your own, isn't it?"

I opened my eyes, groggy, unsure whether I was awake or dreaming. The beach still looked the same, empty, but I had definitely heard a voice...hadn't I?

"No distractions, no one holding you back or pulling you down. You've always been better off without them."

There was no doubt this time that the voice was there, though with the ethereal setting of the dark beach and the sleep still tugging at my brain, it was still difficult to tell whether or not this was a dream. I flicked my Keyblade into my hand, and it felt real enough. Jumping to my feet, I whirled around to look back toward the palm trees and found a familiar face wearing an Organization coat standing there.

"You...you're that boy. I thought Riku and I defeated you!" I stepped away from the hole in the sand, tightening my grip on my weapon.

The white-haired teen cocked an eyebrow in mild interest. "Did you, now?" He took a few casual steps further down toward the water, seemingly unconcerned about my readiness to fight. "It's a pity, you know. You have so much potential, but it's being completely wasted."

"What are you talking about?" I spat. "I resent the implication that I'm not already plenty strong."

"Strong, perhaps. But truly powerful?" He shook his head, still gazing out over the ocean with his hands clasped behind his back. "I've watched you, Meli. Your heart is a battleground. Far too much of your power is directed toward fighting battles within yourself, rather than the ones that you truly wish to fight."

My heartbeat sped up. This encounter seemed all too familiar – the knowledge of my name, the revelation that I was being watched. _I thought my days of having to hide from the Organization were over._ I fought to keep the fear out of my voice. "So, you're a stalker. Glad we cleared that up. What's your point?"

He turned to face me for the first time, yellow eyes glinting in the moonlight. "It's the darkness within you that haunts you. You can call it what you will, give it a clinical name if it pleases you. But in reality you are fighting a war against your own darkness, and you cannot win."

"Great. Thanks for the pep talk, I really appreciate it." _Is that true? Are my problems really all caused by darkness?_

A slightly amused expression played at his lips. "I did not come here to encourage you, I came to help."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What, you gonna offer me some of your own abundant light? Because I'm pretty sure that's what I need to combat darkness."

"And therein lies your problem. You have aligned yourself with the heroes of light, abstained from using darkness, followed their rules. Where has it gotten you?" He spread out his hands in front of him. "You don't need light. What you need is to stop fighting against the darkness, against who you truly are."

Confusion clouded my mind, but I quickly shook it away with a huff. "Of course you want me to give into the darkness. That's what you want everybody to do, right? Getting scared that maybe us heroes of light will be too much for you?"

"As I said, I am merely trying to help. The darkness within your heart is pushing against you in whatever way it can, all because you continue to try to wrestle it down and smother it with light. If you were to let it out, let yourself become one with it, then you would not only become more powerful than you have ever dreamed, but you could also finally be at peace."

His words skittered around in my head, bouncing back and forth like someone had let loose a bucket of ping pong balls. The suddenness of all of this coupled with my bone-deep exhaustion was making it difficult to discern whether what he was saying had any truth to it whatsoever.

He took a step toward me, and I jerked my head back up and lifted my Keyblade. "Consider my words carefully, Meli. You are a daughter of darkness. If you ever want true freedom, you must accept this."

Before I could respond, he held out his hand, and I felt myself falling as my eyes drifted shut once more. When I woke, it was morning, and I was lying on the sand a foot away from my boots and the hole I had dug. I sat up straight, head throbbing, looking all around for any sign of the white-haired teen, but the beach was as peaceful and deserted as ever. There weren't even any footprints leading down to the water to supply evidence of him having been there. I looked down at my hands that had supposedly held the Keyblade, brow furrowing in deep thought. _Was it all a dream?_

.0.0.O.0.0.

"I thought we said our meetings weren't gonna be so early from now on." Zephyr stretched with one arm over his head, yawning so wide that his whole head tipped back.

I smirked, glad to have someone to take my mind off of the strange events of the night. "I never actually agreed to that. Come on, I wanna know if you found anything out about Kaj while I was gone."

He glared sleepily at me, then rubbed his eyes with his knuckles. "Fine. I'll get dressed."

When he stumbled into the backyard a few minutes later, he still didn't look any more awake than he had through his bedroom window. "I need coffee. You wanna go get some breakfast somewhere?"

I inhaled deeply as if I could already smell the hot brew. "Mm, coffee. I haven't had any of that in...I don't even know how long." I shoved my hands into the pockets of my jeans. "I don't...have any money, though."

Zeph shrugged. "That's okay. I'll buy."

Despite my uncertainty about letting him pay for me, we soon ended up sitting in the Starbucks down the street, cold hands wrapped around warm paper cups. For a moment I couldn't help but flash back to the cafe in Twilight Town, with its herbal tea and cherry tarts and Roxas, smiling at me from across the table instead of Zeph. It was a bittersweet memory. Maybe I hadn't known him well, but I still missed the kid sometimes. I glanced down at my cup, swirling the coffee around before taking a delicate sip. The sausage and egg wrap that I had ordered smelled heavenly, and for once my stomach rumbled with anticipation rather than queasiness.

"So," I began after devouring my first mouthful. "Did you find anything, or not?"

Zephyr nodded as he chewed his own food. "I found...something. I don't know for sure if it's related to him, but it could be." When I merely raised my eyebrows in response, he continued. "We thought that they were up to something fishy, right? So I did some digging into police reports, recent crimes, that kind of thing."

"Got to finally play detective for real, huh?" He had always been a little obsessed with cop movies as a kid.

His face lit up with a grin. "Yeah. It was fun. Anyway, like I said, I don't know if it's them for sure, but there's this group that the police have been after forever. They've pulled off a bunch of heists in this city and others close by, like really big stuff like diamonds and priceless antiques and whatnot." He took a sip of his coffee. "Apparently they call themselves 'The Nobodies'."

Groaning, I fell back in my chair and dropped a hand on top of my head. "You have to to be kidding me."

"What?" He gave me a funny look.

"That's them. I guarantee it."

"How do you know?"

I ruffled my hand through my hair with a sigh, then leaned my elbows back on the table. "It's complicated. But that's definitely them." I shook my head, staring down at my cup again. "I can't believe Kaj got mixed up with a bunch of thieves."

"I can understand the draw. They must be making a killing off of all that stuff."

I quirked an eyebrow at him. "Don't tell me you're thinking of joining them."

Laughing, he waved his hands furiously. "No, no! Definitely not. If I didn't end up in jail, my mom would kill me."

My mind churned as I took a few more bites of my food. "So...what do we do about it?"

Zeph shrugged. "I don't know if there's anything we can do about it. And I don't know if it's any of our business, really."

"Sure it's our business!" I protested. "First of all, these are criminals. You're the cop wannabe here, don't you think we should stop them?"

"Well..."

"Second, he's our friend, and he's strayed way too far into the darkness." I bit down on the inside of my lip, lost for a moment in thoughts of darkness and light.

"Darkness?" Zephyr echoed.

I waved a hand dismissively. "You know...metaphorically speaking. The point is, he's gonna end up getting himself thrown in prison or killed or something. Do you want that on your conscience?" I knew I didn't. Snippets of my dreams flashed through my mind, images of Kaj being swallowed up by darkness. _I can't let that happen to him._

"No, of course not! But I don't see what we can do other than report what we know to the police, and that will definitely get him thrown in prison."

Crossing my arms, I sighed again. "Maybe...maybe we can reason with him. Talk him back to the light side."

"He didn't really want to talk to us, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. But the least we can do is try, right?" I gave him a pleading look across the table.

"Yeah, okay, fine." Zeph picked up his sandwich. "I assume that means traveling through portals or whatever again. Can we at least finish our food first?"

Half an hour later, we were stepping out of a corridor into a random parking lot. I immediately spotted a few figures walking a row down from us, one of them definitely being Kaj. "Great, he's got company again," I muttered.

Zephyr glanced around at the parked cars. "At least we have a better excuse for being here, I guess."

I didn't answer. I was too busy trying to swallow my heart back down to my chest where it belonged. "Um...Zeph? If I...if I grab your arm at any point during this...that's your cue to make excuses and get us out of here stat, okay?"

"O...kay?"

One of the men with Kaj had blue hair. Could have been a coincidence, but I was betting that it wasn't. This was a group called The Nobodies, and there was already one Organization member's doppelganger involved. Chances were good that I was about to run straight into a conversation with Saix's doppelganger, and I didn't have any idea how I was going to react. _Please...please don't let me have a panic attack in front of Zeph._

Stepping forward, I waved my hand in the air. "Hey, Kaj!" As he whirled around in surprise, Zephyr and I jogged over to meet the group, shimmying in between a couple of cars. "Hey, good to see you again! What are you doing here?"

Kaj's eyebrows pinched together. "Meli. What...what are you guys doing here?"

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the blue-haired guy watching us. Without staring directly at him, I couldn't tell for sure if he looked like Saix. The hair was short, and there was no glaring scar to give it away. What I was pretty positive of, however, was that this was Chander, Aiden's old friend. "Oh, you know, we just happened to be walking by and spotted you over here." I forced my nerves down behind a smile. "You know, after the last time we talked to you, we realized that we didn't even get your number so that we could try to catch up later!"

"Yeah, can you believe that?" Zephyr fake-laughed.

Kaj rolled his eyes, but before he could reply an unmistakable voice spoke up. "Are you going to introduce us to your friends, Kaj?"

I did my best not to cringe outwardly like I was on the inside. Yep, that was most definitely him. My heart was doing double-time, but thankfully so far a panic attack was holding off. I flicked my eyes over to Chander for an instant, noting strangely green eyes and unpointed ears, before focusing back on Kaj with another weak smile.

"Um...yeah." Kaj rubbed the back of his head and sighed with what sounded like annoyance. "This is, um...Zephyr and Meli." He gestured halfheartedly to each of us in turn, then fell silent, not bothering to introduce his own companions to us.

"Meli...where have I heard that name before?" The female of the group eyed me carefully, and I raised an eyebrow at her in return. Her face didn't ring any bells for me. She was tall and blonde, dressed in the tightest skinny jeans I had ever seen, four inch heeled boots, and a long-sleeve black crop top that showed off her navel piercing.

"I know." A shiver ran down my spine, and my head felt like lead as I turned back to face Chander. "Meli, with purple hair...I know who you are. You're Aiden's little pet."

Bile climbed into my throat, and I swallowed it down forcefully. "I'm not anybody's anything, especially not his."

"Aw, trouble in paradise?" the girl mocked.

I threw her a glare before bringing my gaze back to Chander. "First of all, it was never paradise. Second, he's dead. You hadn't figured that out yet?"

The smug smirk on his face faltered and fell into something suspiciously like anguish, throwing me off completely. He turned quickly and paced away, leaving me to shift back to looking at Kaj, who was staring down at the pavement with his hands in his pockets.

"We, uh...we had our suspicions. When he disappeared and never came back." He kicked at a tiny pebble with his Converse. "Couldn't ever confirm anything, though."

Zephyr finally spoke up again, which I was thankful for since I couldn't seem to find my voice. "He was...a part of your group, too?"

"Yeah." Kaj seemed to catch himself and cleared his throat. "I mean, he was, you know, our friend. In our friend group."

"This is why we leave you behind the computer," the girl hissed, poking his arm with a dagger fingernail.

"Shut up, Damini."

"Well, um, our condolences." Zephyr nodded awkwardly, glancing back and forth between Kaj and me.

I grabbed Kaj's arm suddenly and tugged. "Can we speak to you alone for a minute?" He followed along behind me, but when I released his arm and turned to face him, his expression had hardened once again. "Look, we know all about your little group and what you do."

Kaj's aqua eyes flashed dangerously. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, you do," Zeph put in. "The Nobodies? The city police's most wanted criminals?"

"Don't worry, the last thing we want is to get you in trouble," I assured him.

"So what is it you do want?" Kaj's voice had a sharp edge to it.

Zeph and I glanced at each other. "To get you out. To try to talk some sense into you before you end up in jail." I ran a hand through my hair. "Is this really what you want to be doing with your life? Stealing stuff, committing crimes? You could be so much more...so much happier..."

"Who says I'm not happy exactly where I am?" he snapped.

Zephyr raised his shoulders. "You don't seem very happy."

"Look, I've been there." I wrapped my arms around my waist. "Stuck in a life I thought I was okay with, not realizing how miserable I really was until I broke away and found a new one."

Kaj threw his arms out to the side with an incredulous huff. "I'm not miserable! I don't know if you two are projecting your own guilt for whatever it is you think you did to me back in middle school, or what, but my life is good. I have friends, I have a job, I have a ton of money...I have a purpose, and an important place on this team."

"You could have a purpose elsewhere, too! A good one, not one that involves theft and fraud." A crazy idea popped into my head. "You could come with me. Back to my...my new town. It's...it's like a whole different world there. Perfect for starting over fresh. And we could definitely use all the good guys over there right now that we can get."

"Oh, so now suddenly I'm a good guy? Thought I was a thief and a criminal." Kaj shook his head in disdain. "Just...drop it, okay? I've gotta go."

"Fine. But you know I'm not giving up that easily," I called after him as he turned his back and walked to rejoin the others.

When they had disappeared from sight, Zephyr looked at me with a sigh. "Well, that went over well."

"Yeah." There was a knot in my chest, and I placed my hand over it. Maybe I was being ridiculous. Maybe he really was perfectly fine in this life, despite the fact that it was morally questionable and dangerous. I just couldn't shake the feeling, though, that he needed my help.


	30. Chapter 30

"Hyaa!" Thrusting my Keyblade through the body of a Dusk, I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand, then spun around to assess the rest of the crowd. Two Nobodies left. With a giant leap forward, I swiped across both of them in one motion. I chose at random one of them to continue hacking at for a minute, shifting to cast magic at the other on occasion. They both ended up falling at almost the same time.

Panting heavily, I leaned on the handle of the Keyblade to rest, taking in the temporarily empty ravine with a sweep. I had been at this for quite a while. Even had I been sleeping well recently I would have been worn out by now, but as it was, I was lucky to get a few hours each night. My body was begging for rest, my legs and arms all quivering with aches and weariness. My brain wasn't ready to give up yet, though. My brain needed me to get stronger, my brain needed me to just not think for a little while, because thinking went in circles and spiraled out of control and ended with me wanting to pull all of my hair out.

I could handle this, anyway. Even if I couldn't prove it to anyone else, I was gonna prove to myself that I was worthy of fighting among their ranks. _You've gotta push past the pain._ That's what Grim had always told me back at the mansion, when I would complain of sore muscles. _Pain means you're building strength, and that's what we want._ Closing my eyes, I blew out a weary breath.

Suddenly something razor sharp sliced across my back, leaving a trail of fire behind it. I fell forward with a cry, stumbling around to see that a new group of Heartless had crept up on me while I wasn't paying attention. They were way too close for comfort.

"Aargh!" My reaction was instinctive, swinging my Keyblade in a huge arc that released a wave of dark energy. As the Heartless fell back, a few smaller ones blinking out of existence, I stared with my mouth slightly agape. Sure, I had gone back to using dark corridors pretty frequently, but that was because I had no other means of travel between worlds. Otherwise, I had been trying my hardest ever since Yen Sid's tower to refrain from using darkness. All for what? So that as soon as my instincts kicked in, I could dive head first straight back into it.

 _Stupid. Weak. Pathetic._ My anger at myself grew ever larger as I ran back into battle, slicing at Heartless left and right. Ever since that dream, conversation, whatever it had been with the white-haired teen, I had been even more extra careful about sticking with light magic only. _But apparently I have no real self-control whatsoever._ I let out another growl as I cast Firaga at a Large Body, only for it to come out as the dark version of the spell.

Anger abruptly shifted to fear. _Have I lost control completely? What if he was right, what if I really do belong to the darkness?_ Another Heartless lunged at me, and I was forced to pull myself out of my thoughts to go on defense. I worked my way through the rest of the monsters, using physical combat only since I obviously couldn't trust my magic right now.

When the last of the Heartless had vanished, I collapsed to the ground in utter exhaustion. I could feel my mind fading in and out of consciousness. After what could have been anywhere between five minutes and an eternity, I rolled over onto my back, propping my legs up and staring at the gathering clouds in the sky.

"Every time you use the darkness, you grow stronger still."

I shot straight up, and this time I spotted him right away. "Who are you? Are you real, or some kind of hallucination?"

He tilted his head to the side, seeming entertained, though by which notion I couldn't tell. "Do you feel it? Do you feel the power in your veins?"

"I don't want to feel it." Pushing myself shakily to my feet, I stalked away, keeping an eye on him in my periphery just in case he were to try something. "The darkness is bad news. I don't want it taking over me."

"And who told you that it was bad...the heroes of light? Of course they would say that. Everyone wants their own beliefs to be right." The teen crossed his arms and studied me. "Neither darkness nor light is evil in and of itself. It all depends on how it is wielded. You yourself have used the darkness for good, have you not?"

"Oh, like I'm gonna take advice on how to use powers for good from you," I sneered, spinning to face him. "You're a member of Organization XIII. That automatically means that your sense of right and wrong is totally screwed up."

"However you may view me, the truth still remains that darkness can be used for good. As does the truth that you will never be free from your struggles without it."

"Will you just leave me alone?" I shouted, throwing my hands down by my sides. Unbidden, dark energy shot out from my fingertips, narrowly missing him on either side. I stared down at my open palms in horror.

"Very good, Meli. Your freedom is very near."

At that moment the clouds that had been looming above finally burst open, and I jerked my head up with a gasp as the downpour hit my skin. The boy was gone. I was alone in the ravine once more.

.0.0.O.0.0.

I was dripping wet when I arrived in Destiny Islands. The sun was out there, though, and this world had warmed up with the coming spring considerably more than most of the others. I lingered outside of Riku's house for a few minutes, letting the sunshine dry my clothes and hair while checking for any signs of life. It appeared as though Mrs. Tanaka was at work.

A moment later, I was inside Riku's bedroom. I had seen a brief glimpse of it once, through the open door, but had never actually set foot inside before. Letting my eyes roam over the small room, I took in the grey-blue walls, the shelf of blitzball trophies, the school books stacked tidily on his desk, the plain black comforter spread neatly over the twin-size bed. It wasn't much, yet it looked like a room that Grim would feel at home in.

Opening the closet door, I stroked my fingers over the limited collection of clothing inside, mostly t-shirts and jeans. A particular navy blue hoodie caught my eye, and I pulled it out, thinking of the evening we had spent sitting on the beach together when I had first seen him wear it. He had let me borrow it when my light sweater wasn't keeping me warm enough. I held the worn fabric up to my nose and inhaled deeply. It still smelled like him.

Before I knew it, tears were pouring down my cheeks, and I wiped them off with the sleeve of the sweatshirt. Dropping it onto the bed, I peeled my own wet, torn up shirt off, sucking in a breath through my teeth as it came loose from the dried blood on my back. As I slipped into Riku's hoodie, I tried not to think about what the fact that I hadn't healed that wound yet meant, and especially not about Axel's diagnosis that I was punishing myself. _So what if I am?_ If ever I deserved punishment, it was now, for letting myself slip so easily back into the darkness. Besides, maybe it wasn't a punishment. Maybe it was a reminder, to not ever let my guard down.

Pulling out the photo that was still living in my back pocket, I flopped down onto the bed and tried to focus on Riku's face. "I miss you, Grim. I...I could really use your level-headed thinking right about now." Heaven knew that my thinking was anything but level these days.

 _What if that guy is right?_ It seemed like the thousandth time that the thought had run through my confused, sleep-deprived mind. _What if I could use the darkness for good? There has to be a way to fully use the darkness while still being in control. As long as I was careful...if I had that much power, just think of what an asset I would be in this fight. I could have a real purpose._

I had a feeling I already knew basically what Riku would tell me if he were here. "But you don't get it!" I told the photo, tears spilling over anew. "You don't understand what it's like to feel so useless, to feel like you have no control over your own body or life. Besides, how do I know you're not keeping me away from the darkness just to keep me weak?" The idea appalled me as soon as it was out my mouth. _Of course he's not! Grim would never..._

I pressed one hand to my forehead and shut my eyes. "Maybe...maybe you're just scared. I know you're scared. But just because giving into the darkness didn't turn out well for you doesn't mean it wouldn't for me." Laying back on the bed, I hugged the photo to my chest. "I'm scared, too. I don't know what to do."

It wasn't my intention to fall asleep in Riku's bed, but I did. My dreams were full of light and darkness battling against each other, then – in a strange turn of events – banding together to chase after me and consume me. I woke with a start. For a moment I couldn't place my strange surroundings, but then I sighed with relief, rubbing my face with my hands. _I can't believe I let myself fall asleep. It's a good thing Mrs. Tanaka didn't come home and find me here._ How low had I sunk, really, to be breaking into my boyfriend's house just to be able to feel his presence for a few minutes? It hadn't even made me feel any better, though the hoodie was comforting, in a way.

Shaking the last remnants of sleep from my head, I transported myself to the In Between. The first thing I did was the first thing I always did – check to see where all of my friends were. I could still feel Kairi in the training world, and Sora was somewhere in space on the Gummi Ship. Riku's presence was still muffled, hazy. Not completely gone, like it had been when Xemnas had trapped him in the Realm of Darkness, but impossible to actually pinpoint or open a corridor to. It had been that way every since he and King Mickey had left, and I assumed it must be because they were in the Realm of Darkness and I was not.

Heaving a sigh, I switched my focus to opening a corridor to Merlin's house. It had been several days since I had left, and even longer by Kairi's time, so I might as well check in with the wizard, at least, and make sure she was still doing alright.

When I arrived, however, Merlin was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a meeting of the Radiant Garden Restoration Committee seemed to be taking place. The burly blond man, whose name I couldn't currently remember, was sitting on a stool in front of the computer, a toothpick hanging out of his mouth like usual. Leon was leaning against the wall with arms crossed, which seemed to be a typical pose for him. The two girls, whose names were also escaping me, sat on chairs facing the other two. I appeared awkwardly in the middle of it all, probably sufficiently giving them all heart attacks.

"Oh!" The older of the two girls, the brunette with the big bow in her hair, placed a delicate hand on her heart. "It's you! Meli, was it? We thought you were a Heartless!"

I raised my hand in a semi-wave. "Hi. Sorry about that. I didn't know...you guys were..." I waved my hands in circles to indicate the space.

"That's alright!" the younger girl exclaimed. She was the one who liked to call herself a ninja, from what I recalled. "You should have seen Cid jump. He thought he might actually have to fight something for once." The blond man rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath.

 _Cid. Right._ "Well, I didn't mean to interrupt. I just wanted to check in with Merlin and see how Kairi was doing."

"It's been a minute since he went in there," Hairbow offered. "So I'm sure he'll be back soon."

"His training sessions with them never last very long on our end!" the other girl – _Yuni? Yuki?_ – laughed.

Right on cue, the familiar door appeared just behind the two girls, and Merlin stepped into the room. "Ah, Meli! I was hoping we would see you again soon!"

I shuffled my feet nervously. "I, uh...I'm just here to check on Kairi. Then I'll be back out of everyone's hair."

"Nonsense, you're welcome to stay as long as you like."

I offered him a small smile, then glanced around at the others. _They wouldn't welcome you in so freely if they really knew you. They would push you away, just like everyone else has._ "How's training going?"

"Oh, splendid, just splendid! Both of our trainees have made significant progress in the last few days...or weeks, whichever way you want to look at it." He conjured a cup of tea for himself in mid-air. "Tea?"

"No thanks." I wanted to ask him if they were still getting along okay, but had a feeling he wouldn't really know the difference if they weren't. "Well, that's good to hear. I'm glad it's going alright."

"You could go in and see for yourself, if you'd like."

I shook my head. If I went in, Kairi would somehow manage to convince me to stay. Staying there was one thing that I did not want to do again. I never had settled the argument over whether or not that made me a selfish person, but I still couldn't make myself do it. "That's okay. I'm...gonna get going."

"Now, hang on a minute." The wizard stroked his beard, face scrunched up in thought. "It seems like there was something I told myself I needed to give to you, the next time that you were here..."

Leon spoke up from his spot at the wall for the first time. "The suitcase."

Merlin's face lit up, and he snapped his fingers. "Ah, yes! The suitcase!" I watched curiously as he summoned a small black suitcase from thin air, and just barely caught it by the handle when it came sailing toward me. "This is for you, my dear. Compliments of Yen Sid and the three good fairies."

Popping open the latches, I sneaked a peek inside. Looked like new clothes, probably fairy-made. "Thank you. How...when did these arrive?"

"Oh, a couple of days ago, I suppose. Mickey and Riku dropped them off, along with similar ones for Kairi and Lea."

My heart skipped and stumbled over a few beats. "What?" I breathed when I found my voice again. "Riku...Riku was here?"


	31. Chapter 31

"Yes, Riku and the King dropped by a few times, in fact." Merlin didn't seem to notice that I was struggling to remain standing.

"They were in town for several days." This came from Leon, and I spun to face him. "I'm not sure what all they were doing, other than talking to Ienzo–"

"What the crap is a Ienzo?" I sputtered. "Never mind, just...where are they now?"

"Gone." He shrugged nonchalantly, and my heart dropped into my stomach. _If they've gone back to the Realm of Darkness...if I missed my one chance at seeing him while I was off fighting freakin' Heartless and feeling sorry for myself..._

Merlin spoke up again. "I believe they were headed back to see Yen Sid, my dear."

That was all the information I needed. Without so much as a thank you or a goodbye, I opened a corridor straight to the hallway outside of Yen Sid's office, dropping the suitcase onto the floor. My legs and hands were trembling. _Please be here. Please be here._

I swung open the door, and relief flooded through me all the way down to the tips of my toes. They were all here. Sora, Donald, Goofy, King Mickey, and most importantly, Riku. Everyone turned to look at me in surprise.

"Mel!" Sora called happily.

A smile spread across Riku's face, but I didn't let him speak before I ran straight into him and threw my arms around his neck. His arms wrapped around my waist, squeezing tight and lifting me up off the floor. I didn't even care that it sent pain shooting through the wound on my back. For the first time in I didn't even know how long, I felt light as a feather, like everything in this crazy universe and my nightmare of a life would actually be okay.

"I was worried about you," he murmured in my ear.

"Not as worried as I was about you." He set my feet back on the floor, and I leaned back to look him in the face.

"Hey, we're fine. We were only actually in there a few days by normal time, and for us, it felt like even less." His lips twisted in thought, and he reached up to tuck my hair behind my ear. "Merlin told me about the world that you were in most of the time, though. I guess for you it felt much longer."

"Yeah, like...months." I bit down on my lip, willing myself not to cry.

A throat cleared pointedly, and we cut our eyes over to see Yen Sid staring at us. "Oh, uh..." Riku let go of me with one arm and turned us to face the desk, keeping his other hand resting on my hip. "We were just about to give updates on everything that's happened," he explained to me.

"The Organization claims to have their thirteen darknesses," Sora started, arms crossed over his chest.

"Do we believe it's true?" King Mickey asked.

"Umm...I don't know, but there's something else they keep mentioning." Sora made eye contact with all of us, making sure we were listening. "They're after a 'New Seven Hearts', which seems to be code for, 'let's go bother more princesses'."

Yen Sid nodded. "Well, as the original princesses of hearts' time for protecting the pure light has ended, they have passed the light to others. Our enemy must certainly be cognizant of this. If the 'New Seven Hearts' is what they wish to call them, so be it."

Sora lifted his hand to his chin in thought. "But Kairi hasn't passed on her power. Is she one of the new seven?"

"She must be," King Mickey answered. "But still, she chose to wield a Keyblade and fight with us as one of the guardians of light."

_Which I'm still not so sure I'm happy about. If she's not trained well enough by the time this battle arrives...I don't want to think about what could happen to her._

"Yeah..." Sora seemed to share my apprehension on the subject.

"We haven't found Terra yet," Donald piped up sadly.

Goofy was, as always, much more optimistic. "Hey, at least we've tracked down Ventus. Vanitas told us that he's inside Sora's heart."

A small voice came from Sora's shoulder, and I had to look hard to find Jiminy perched there. I would have been embarrassed to admit that I frequently forgot about his existence. "And so did Ansem the Wise in his data, so it almost certainly must be true." Donald and Goofy gave affirming nods.

"That's great!" King Mickey exclaimed. "Now we can rescue Ven."

"Maybe, except Aqua's the only one who knows where he's hidden," Riku pointed out. "We still have to find her first."

 _So they were unsuccessful. I'm surprised they came back so soon, then._ I'd have to ask Riku about it later.

Everyone fell silent for a moment, thinking. "I'll go," Sora declared suddenly.

"What?" Donald and Goofy cried simultaneously.

King Mickey spread his hands out in front of him. "Is that wise?"

"You need the power of waking, Sora. Do you have it?" Yen Sid questioned.

"Um..." Sora looked down at the floor, scratching the back of his head. "No? Probably not."

"Without that power, you are not ready to face the Realm of Darkness."

"C'mon..." Sora pleaded, even though it was obvious from Yen Sid's tone that he wasn't about to budge on this.

Riku began to laugh beside me, and my heart squeezed at the sound. I smiled up at him, wondering what he was thinking.

"What's so funny?" Sora demanded, not at all amused.

"Sorry." Riku collected himself, though I could still hear the suppressed laughter in his voice. "Master Yen Sid knows you a little too well. He said you'd try to stage a half-baked rescue."

Everyone but Sora and me laughed. _He just wants to help. He may not be ready, but his heart is in the right place._

"Yeah! Laugh it up!" No one but me seemed to notice that Sora wasn't taking this teasing very well. It was unusual for him not to just laugh right back, so I knew this had to be something that was really important to him.

"It's alright, Sora." I reached a hand out and touched his arm. He turned to look glumly at me, and I gave him a sympathetic smile. "You're sweet to want to help."

"I know you're volunteering because you're worried – about me and Mickey." Riku placed a fist on his hip as he spoke.

"Yeah..."

Grabbing his friend by the shoulder, Riku smiled. "Well, thanks. But the power of waking's important. You can come to the rescue once you've got that. Sound fair?"

_You'd better not need rescuing._

Sora's expression softened, and he turned to look down at the King. "Yeah. Alright. But be safe," he told Riku. "No reckless stunts."

"Yes, sir."

I poked Riku in the arm. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

He grinned down at me. "Yes, ma'am."

Donald faced Goofy and began whispering quite loudly. "Sora's the reckless one."

"No, not exactly," Jiminy put in. "He just doesn't think."

"If only he listened to Master Yen Sid the way he listens to Riku. That would be a good start," Goofy offered.

By that point, Sora was looming over them with his arms crossed. "I'm listening now."

The gossipers jumped, and everyone else laughed. Again, Sora didn't seem impressed. This time, though, I had to agree with Donald and Goofy – listening and being safe were not Sora's strong suits. Then again, they weren't mine, either.

"Very good." Yen Sid brought our attention back to the subject at hand. "Sora will continue his journey to build his powers, while Mickey and Riku will focus on the search for Aqua."

 _And Meli...no one cares about. Meli will just keep wandering the universe doing basically nothing, apparently._ I was too ashamed of having abandoned my assigned post to ask for a new one, though.

Within another few minutes, we had all made our way back out into the hall and said our goodbyes to Sora, Donald, and Goofy. I almost begged them to take me along with them, but couldn't make myself do it. If they had wanted me there, they would have asked. I would probably have just gotten in their way, and distracted them with all of my issues, and Sora's job was way too important for that.

King Mickey took his leave, too, going to wait in the Gummi Ship and giving Riku and me a few minutes alone together upstairs. I definitely knew better than to ask if I could go with them.

Wrapping me up in his arms again, Riku pressed a warm kiss onto my lips. "I really was worried about you. Merlin told me when we got there that you had been gone for a few days, but he didn't have any idea where you had gone or why." His brow furrowed with concern. "I thought you were going to stay with Kairi. What happened?"

I shook my head. "Nothing important. Those two were getting along just fine and helping each other train. They didn't really need me anymore." That's all he needed to know. Anything else would have just made him worry, and he had enough on his plate as it was.

"Well, I'm glad they're doing alright. I didn't get the chance to actually see them, didn't want to distract them from their training." He rubbed his hand up my back, and I bit down hard on my lip to fight off a grimace. "What about you? Are you doing okay?"

It was a simple question, but I knew exactly what he wanted to know. "Yeah, everything's good." _I've never felt worse._ "I've just been doing some training, you know, trying to get stronger." _Working myself to the bone, trying to get myself killed, accidentally straying way too far into the darkness._ "Went to visit Zeph again."

He stroked his thumb across my cheekbone, just under where my permanent dark circles resided. "I'm afraid you're pushing yourself too hard. You look exhausted."

I laid my head on his chest, as if I could hide what he had already seen. "Nah. That's just the way I look."

"Meli," he chided. His chest rose and fell as he sighed. "How much sleep have you been getting?"

I flinched. "Some."

"Meli..."

Pushing away from him, I crossed my arms defensively. "I get as much as I can, okay? It's not my fault that it isn't enough to keep me looking perky."

"Hey, come on, you know I don't care about how you look." Closing the distance between us, he embraced me again. "I care about how you feel. I know it's rough, I just want to make sure you're actually trying to get as much sleep as you can. You know, taking care of yourself, like you've assured me you can."

"I can. I am." _No, I don't try to get as much sleep as I can. Sometimes you have to prioritize emotional stability, and if that means fighting Heartless at three a.m. instead of subjecting myself to nightmares, then so be it._

"Good." He took a step back, looked me over, and picked at my shoulder. "Is this...my hoodie?"

My face flushed. "Maybe."

He raised one eyebrow. "Did you...go see my mom?"

I cut my eyes to the side. "Not exactly..."

"You...broke into my house?"

"'Broke' seems a little harsh..." I scratched the side of my neck uncomfortably.

Riku laughed. "It's a good thing you look so cute in it."

Smirking, I pulled the collar up over my nose. "I can't help it that you smell so darn good." I brushed a hand down the front of his jacket. "I like your new outfit." What was it about guys in simple, white, v-neck t-shirts? The black leather gauntlets were pretty sexy, too.

"Thanks." He glanced down at it. "It was definitely nice not having to wear one of those ridiculous coats to ward off the darkness this time."

"Oh, speaking of which." I pointed toward my suitcase, which still sat on the floor next to the office door. "I guess I've got some of my own to change into."

"Yeah, why don't you go do that now? I wanna see what they gave you."

I walked into the room where the fairies had originally given Sora and me our clothes, resisting the urge to just teleport myself there. _Somehow I doubt Grim would be impressed by that._ The contents of the suitcase were straightforward – a grey shift dress that zipped up the front; a black cropped jacket with short, lace-up sleeves and teal, purple, and grey plaid trim; a new pair of teal leggings, full-length this time; knee-high black boots with a zipper all the way up the front; black, lace-up gauntlets with plaid trim that matched the jacket. The most important part, to me, about all of it was that it covered up all of my scars. It was almost like the fairies somehow knew.

As I slipped the various pieces on, my mind was anywhere but on getting fun new clothes. _He's been here all this time. Why didn't I know it? Why couldn't I feel him every time I checked?_ Something was wrong, and it was eating at me. I didn't bother to try to see how I looked once I was done dressing, only snatched up my other clothes in a bunch and marched back out into the hallway.

Riku's face lit up with a smile. "Hey, looks nice! Back in your signature colors, I see." He crossed to me and grasped my free arm in his hands. "Looks like we have matching gauntlets, too."

My mind was still otherwise occupied. I held the hoodie out to him. "Here, do you want this back, or...?"

He shrugged. "Just leave it here, I guess. I'll pick it up later."

Tossing the clothes onto a nearby chair, I crossed my arms and knitted my eyebrows together. "Leon said you were in Radiant Garden for several days."

"Yeah. Mickey and I were trying to retrace Aqua's steps, get an idea of what happened to her."

"I couldn't feel you. I mean, I could, but it was really hazy and distorted. I assumed that meant that you were still in the Realm of Darkness." I chewed a piece of dry skin on my lip, trying to make sense of it all. "I would've come immediately if I had known you were back."

"I know. I wish I could've come to you, but I had no idea where to start looking." He grabbed my hands and squeezed gently. "The important thing is that you made it here before we had to take off again."

"No, the important thing is that I couldn't feel you." I shook my head adamantly. "I don't like it. I don't know why it didn't work, and I don't like not knowing where you are."

He didn't speak for a moment, just continued to hold my hands. I could tell he was deep in thought. "You were...using darkness to try to find me, right?"

"Yes," I huffed, thinking that he was about to launch into another lecture. _You don't get it. You don't understand._

Instead, he met my eyes with the spark of understanding in his. "I think...I think it might be the new clothes. They're meant to protect me from the darkness, remember?"

"But I could find Sora. Aren't his clothes the same way?"

He tilted his head to the side. "Probably, to some extent. But I'll bet that mine and Mickey's have an extra layer of protection on them, since we were the ones going to the Realm of Darkness. They literally repel the darkness."

 _Repel me. They literally repel me._ It felt like a slap in the face. I yanked my hands away from him and took a few steps back, refusing to look him in the eyes. "How am I supposed to know where you are, then? If you take off for the Realm of Darkness again, or who knows what other end of the universe, how am I supposed to know when you come back? Am I just supposed to sit around here or Radiant Garden, twiddling my thumbs and waiting for you?" _I know you hate the darkness in me, but...I thought you were the one person I could trust to not push me away._

"We'll figure something out, Meli." His voice was low, trying to soothe me, even though what I was complaining about wasn't really what I was mostly upset about. "Maybe you'll just have to check in frequently, or...or maybe we can get a couple more of those phones that work across worlds from Chip and Dale."

 _When you hide from the darkness, you're hiding from me, because...because I am darkness._ But how could I explain that to him? How could I expect him to understand when I barely understood it myself? He'd argue with me, tell me that I'm not darkness, want to know where I got such a ridiculous idea. More and more, though, I was realizing that it was true – darkness was in me, and I belonged in it. _Which means it's not the darkness in me that they don't like...it's just me._

Suddenly pieces started falling together in my mind. Why I always felt so out of place when everyone was gathered together, why Yen Sid seemed to hate me so much, why the King wouldn't count me as one of the seven lights, why I was always being left out and left behind. _They are light. I am darkness. I don't belong among them._

Riku was saying something else to me, desperately trying to appease my supposed fears, but I hadn't heard any of it. I backed up again, staring at his feet. "I've gotta go."

"C'mon, Sunshine, don't leave upset, please."

"I'm fine. I've gotta go." My words were terse, not trying at all to sound like I was actually fine.

He walked toward me again, reaching his hands out. "I promise we'll figure it out. Can I at least get a kiss goodbye before you leave?"

I opened a corridor around myself before he could get any closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's no new artwork yet, but if you want to see a visual reminder of Meli's new outfit, you can check out a bigger version of the cover art on my instagram (actress4Him).


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I may have totally forgotten to post a new chapter on Thursday....? So sorry!! That was a super busy day for me and it completely slipped my mind.

The ravine outside of Radiant Garden was almost like a second home to me by now. It was the surest place to always find Heartless and Nobodies, which is the reason I had turned it into my own personal training grounds. Right now, however, it just seemed like as good of a place as any to release everything that had been building to a head inside of me.

As soon as Yen Sid's tower faded from sight and the stone cliffs of the ravine appeared, I screamed. It ripped out of my throat, raw and full of countless emotions that I couldn't even begin to process, the sound bouncing through the valley as if there were another dozen of me out there, screaming right back.

The scream faded, and I ran shaking hands through my hair. I couldn't even think anymore, couldn't logically work through the revelation I had just had. No coherent thoughts were running through my mind. All I could do was feel, and the feelings were overwhelming and dark. I stared down at my hands and took in a deep breath. This time, the scream came out more like a roar, and the darkness came out with it, erupting from my hands, charging through my body.

Closing my eyes, I let it flow. Suddenly all of the feelings weren't quite so overwhelming anymore. I could see them in my mind's eye – the fear of the unknown, the pain of rejection, the anger at myself for not figuring all of this out sooner, and at the others for letting me believe I could ever be one of them. In my mind, I swiped them away with a hand and they dissolved, joining in with the rest of the darkness surrounding them and further adding to the power that was flooding me. It was exhilarating, euphoric even.

Fluttering my eyes open, I saw that my clothes had changed again. Dark Mode, Riku had called it. The deep blue fabric clung to my body tightly, though not uncomfortably so. It was ribbed with black lines all over, fading to a lighter blue around my ribcage, and changing to red at the built-in gloves. My boots were red, too, and the ragged skirt that draped around my waist was both black and red.

Tendrils of darkness floated away from my body. Lifting one hand, I clenched it into a tight fist, then opened it wide again. A ball of dark energy hovered just above my palm. With a wave of my fingers, the ball broke apart into tendrils again, swirling gracefully around my moving hand. I smiled in amazement. _How is this all so new, yet so natural at the same time?_

The answer came automatically after. _**Because you are of the darkness, remember? This is what you were always meant to be.**_

Something vibrated in my chest. The sensation was followed immediately by a hoard of Shadow Heartless popping up out of pools of darkness on the ground. I gave a wry smile. _So, I can feel you guys coming now, huh? That makes my job even easier._ I pulled my fists back next to my head, then thrust my arms forward with open palms. Dark energy burst out in two streams, consuming everything in its path. If I thought that letting the darkness envelop me had felt good, this might have felt even better. The rush of power nearly took my breath away.

"Bravo, Meli. Quite impressive. Already you seem to have an understanding of your new powers."

I wasn't startled this time by the voice of the white-haired teen. Also, the fact that he was appearing when I was wide awake finally confirmed in my mind that he was real, not just a hallucination. Turning to face him, I crossed my arms smugly. "I guess the darkness really is where I belong. But don't go getting any ideas."

He tilted his head to the side. "Ideas about what?"

"Me joining you. Just because I've accepted the darkness doesn't mean I'm on the side of the Organization now."

Now it was his turn to cross his arms. "Do you really think that your friends will welcome you back into their ranks like this?"

The truth of it stung, but I simply swiped the feeling away into more darkness, just like before. "Of course not. But I don't need to be with them in order to help them, and I certainly don't need to be with any of you. Weren't you the one who told me I was better off alone? I'll find my own way to help, all by myself. I'm going to use this darkness for good, just like you said."

The teen shrugged. "Suit yourself. As I told you before, my only objective is to help."

"Yeah, well, thanks, but I don't need your help anymore." I looked down at my hands again, then back up at him. "In fact, maybe I should start my good deeds right now by getting rid of you." Without further warning, I shot a surge of darkness at him, but he merely leaned to the side to avoid it. "It'd save a whole lot of trouble for my friends if the Organization didn't have enough darknesses to fulfill their end of the deal." I summoned my Keyblade, dropping into a fighting stance.

"Yes, I'm sure it would," he smirked. "You should save your energy, though, Meli. My fight is not with you, at least not this day." With that, he disappeared into a corridor.

.o.0.O.0.o.

It had been ages since I had visited Twilight Town. Only a few months, technically, since Riku and I had gone back to the mansion to retrieve my belongings, but we hadn't ventured out into the rest of the town. I had been avoiding it during my travels, unsure of what memories would be stirred up, but with my newfound confidence brought on by the darkness I sauntered into Market Square unafraid.

The warm, orange lighting that constantly bathed the buildings was familiar and welcoming. Conversations passed through my mind, first of Grim explaining to me on our first outing how the sun never actually set, then of Roxas excitedly declaring that he was taking me to Sunset Hill on our first day in town together.

My heart panged, and I grimaced. That was exactly the kind of memory that I had been wanting to avoid. Despite knowing that Roxas was safe and happy with Sora, I still felt regret every time he crossed my mind. _Doesn't matter now, though._ I waved the feeling away and breathed in deeply as it dispersed into the darkness. _Perfect. That dude was right – once I finally stopped trying to smother my darkness with light, things got a whole lot more peaceful. I may never have to dwell on a negative emotion ever again._ After what seemed like a lifetime of being bombarded by them, that thought was exhilarating.

Newly invigorated, I marched past the slowly rolling tram and down to the corner I knew so well, right through the front door of the cafe. The bell clanged noisily overhead. That same man who owned the shop – whose name I had eventually learned was Hamrish – was behind the counter, as usual, and his face lit up when he saw me walk in.

"You're back!" he exclaimed happily. "I haven't seen you or your friend in forever!"

I offered him a smile as I approached the counter. "I know. We both...uh, moved. I'm just in town for the day, visiting."

"Well, I'm glad that you made my cafe one of the spots you visited. I'm telling you, my ice cream sales have just not been the same since those two guys disappeared." He laughed. "Cinnamon chai and a cherry tart? Or have you changed your preferences these days?"

My smile widened. "No, that sounds great." I pulled the correct change from my jacket pocket and handed it to him. "Thanks."

As I settled into my seat at the corner table with my steaming mug and my tart, I sighed contentedly. Everything was so...normal. The gentle hum of the cafe, the view out the window onto the quiet street. Hamrish had even remembered not only me but also my usual order. I could almost expect Roxas to walk through the door at any moment, tired but smiling, and plop down across from me to tell me about his day before it was time for him to order his sea salt ice cream and head to the clock tower. Then I would head out myself, back to the mansion, where Grim and I would sit cross-legged on my bed together and eat takeout dinner.

Those had been nice days. Sure, training and missions had been tiring, and lots of things were still unsure. Sora's memories, the Organization, my feelings for Riku. But even so, compared to right now those days were so simple and happy. There was no impending war, my friends had not rejected me, Saix hadn't even happened yet. I shook my head, shoving down the sadness and fear that those thoughts had brought up. The darkness inside of me bubbled up for a moment, then settled, and I smiled again. No depressing thoughts for me.

Draining the last drops of tea from my mug, I pushed my chair back and stood. My internal clock was telling me that, despite the light still spilling over the streets outside, it was nearing nighttime. I waved goodbye to Hamrish, then exited the cafe, finding an empty spot to create a corridor right into my old bedroom at the mansion. Everything was bare without my few belongings there, almost like it had been when I had first arrived, minus the white sheets covering the furniture. Riku and I hadn't bothered to put those back when we left the last time.

I kicked off my boots and threw my jacket onto the chair, then crawled into the familiar bed and under the covers. The last week since I had left the training world I had found sleep in some pretty strange and uncomfortable places, when I bothered to try to sleep at all. It was going to be nice to spend the night in a big, comfy bed again.

In the middle of the night, I woke up screaming. By the time I oriented myself, the details of the dream were already a swirling haze, but the desperate fear remained. Struggling to draw in deep gulps of air, I squeezed my eyes shut so that I could focus more clearly on getting rid of the emotions, pressing my palms down hard onto the bed as if I was actually physically shoving the panic away. It took longer than the other, milder bad feelings had, but eventually it ebbed. There was a surge of darkness inside of me. I felt it swirling through my chest, a quite dizzying effect, and when I opened my eyes there was darkness seeping out of my hands. A moment after the last of the panic had subsided, the excess darkness faded, too.

I felt peaceful again. Inhaling and exhaling one long, purposeful time, I settled back onto the pillow with a smile. _This darkness stuff...I like it. I wish I had given in a lot earlier._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New artwork for this chapter! Check out Meli's Dark Mode outfit here:  
> https://www.instagram.com/p/B5qQvnIAues/?igshid=v96eccno7nwg


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think...I may have forgotten to post again last Thursday...? I’ll be real with you guys, we’re trying to get our house ready to sell right now and I spend pretty much every waking moment that I’m not taking care of my kids painting, cleaning, and packing. My brain is a complete mess. So you’ll have to forgive me when I slip up. Hopefully life will calm down a little soon!

I was lonely. That fact made me angry, but it was a fact, nonetheless. Despite being able to easily get rid of my negative emotions – or maybe because of that, I wasn't sure – they seemed to pile on much more quickly now than they ever had in the past. It had only been a day and a half since I had left Yen Sid's tower, but all the time of being alone before that had caught up to me. Loneliness quickly led to depression, which led to anger at myself for being lonely after I had so brazenly boasted that I didn't need to be with anyone. The anger didn't simmer for long, but soon blew up into outright fury. I was exhausted from continuously pressing down so many strong feelings to get rid of them.

Taking out my feelings on the Heartless, as had become my custom, helped for a while. Finally, though, my anger took a wild turn and ended up directed at Kaj.

"I can't believe how he keeps just dismissing me!" I shouted at a Soldier as I cut through its armor with my Keyblade. I had changed the keychain back to the new one, smugly thinking that I didn't need to worry about it bothering me anymore, since I could just erase the feeling. However, the fact that there was still a feeling there to be erased just added to my ire.

Whirling on a Large Body, I thrust out my left hand and blasted it with darkness until it vanished into thin air. "All I'm trying to do is help him. All I want is to get him out of that lifestyle, away from danger, and what do I get in return?" My Keyblade sliced left and right through a crowd of Shadows and Soldiers with a vengeance. "Rejected! As usual! Everyone else in my life rejects me, so why not him, too? Stupid light. I don't need it! I don't need any of you 'guardians of light', so ha!"

Pausing in my rampage, I realized that I had completely switched subjects again, and immediately felt guilty for my thoughts about my friends. They might not understand me, and might not be able to accept me for who I was, but that didn't mean I didn't still care about them. _Great, guilt. Just what I needed was another emotion added to the pile._

With a yell, I released a spray of Dark Firaga into what remained of the Heartless, finishing them all off. Panting, I dismissed my weapon, then shut my eyes and clenched my fists. Time to get rid of all this junk – again – so that I could actually think clearly. More and more now, I could feel the darkness pushing back against me as I shoved more fuel down into it, but it didn't faze me. All that mattered to me was having some peace.

Once my mind was clear, it was obvious to me that I needed to take action and face this problem head on. I made a corridor back to the mansion bedroom, and from there used the mirror to open a portal to the first place I thought of, which happened to be the warehouse where we had first seen Kaj. A quick glance told me that it was empty, so I re-entered the In Between and began to search my heart for his connection. It seemed to be an easier task than normal.

Stepping out of the new corridor, I was taken aback to see not only Kaj, but Zephyr, too. They were sitting together on a park bench, and were currently both gaping openly at me. I froze, unused to being caught, and remembered a long moment later to actually close the swirling black and purple smoke behind me.

"Uh...hi...Mel." Zephyr broke the silence, rubbing his face uncomfortably. "We were, uh...just talking about you."

I furrowed my brow in confusion and annoyance, stepping forward toward them. "So what, you two just hang out now and gossip about me? Is that it?"

Zeph's eyes widened, and he waved his hands in front of his face. "No, no, not like that. We haven't been...hanging out, we just...Kaj found me. I don't know how. He just showed up and wanted to know where you were, and I was telling him that you didn't live here anymore and I didn't know when you'd be back..."

The boy in question was still just staring at the empty space where my corridor had been like he had seen a ghost. I frowned at him, then turned back to Zephyr. "The blonde chick said he was usually behind a computer, remember? He probably hacked your phone or something."

Dropping his gaze to the phone in his hand, Zeph opened his mouth in astonishment, but didn't speak again. My focus went back to Kaj. I knew I had screwed up by appearing via corridor in plain sight, but I wasn't overly concerned. I was a few seconds away from grabbing him by his ear and dragging him back through one of those corridors, anyway.

"Kaj, I came to take you back with me. You need to get away from this place, away from those people, and you might as well save all your excuses because I'm not taking no for an answer this time."

The funny look that Zeph gave me was my first clue that I might be acting slightly irrational about all of this, but Kaj didn't give me long to dwell on that. He finally tore his gaze away from the spot in space that had held his attention this whole time, meeting my eyes. "You're from there, aren't you?" he asked quietly. "That...that 'other world' the guy who looks like Chander kept rambling about. It's real, isn't it, and you've been there."

My eyebrows went up. "You met him?"

He rotated his head to stare off down the street. "We all did. I think it was Aiden first, then he kept showing up when the rest of us were around and going on and on about it. He wanted us all to come with him, kept promising us all this wonderful opportunity and purpose. We all thought he was a lunatic, of course. But, I don't know...something you said last time made me start wondering. Then that..." Turning back, he pointed behind me. "I guess that kinda confirmed it for me."

"Well, um..." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Technically it's a parallel universe, but...yeah."

Zephyr finally exploded back to life. "What? You mean those are actually real?"

"Apparently. I accidentally ended up there last year and have been living there ever since." I gave Kaj what I hoped was a dazzling smile. "It's really a great place. So many new places to see, and great people to meet...I know you have your whole life here and you say you're happy, but I really would like you to just give it a chance, at least come visit and see what you think–"

"I'll come."

Kaj's statement was so unexpected that I almost kept talking over him. It pierced my consciousness at the last second, leaving me with my mouth hanging open, blinking. "What?"

"I said I'll come. Can't promise I'll stay, but I'll come with you for now." One of his ocean-blue eyes was mostly hidden beneath a shock of black hair, but the other held nothing but sincerity.

I was still having trouble believing what I was hearing. "Why?"

He laughed. "Wow, you're really bad at this whole negotiating thing, aren't you? I'm saying I'm gonna do what you want. Shouldn't that be enough for you?" He stood, stretching up to his full, towering height.

"Yeah...I mean it is, I just...I'm just curious. You seemed so against the idea before, so I'm wondering what changed your mind." I shrugged sheepishly. "'Cause I seriously doubt it was my eloquent speech."

"I told you, I was already suspicious. That's why I came looking for you today, to find out the truth. Now I know, and I'm curious. Who wouldn't be?"

"I am!" Zephyr leapt to his feet and waved his hand above his head.

I half-smiled, half-grimaced. "Yeah, okay. You can come, too."

His face fell. "Well, don't sound so excited. Wait...you were looking for him when you showed up here, weren't you? You didn't know we were together. You...you were gonna take him and leave me here, weren't you?"

"Of course not," I lied. "I was gonna convince him first, then pick you up on the way." It wasn't that I didn't want him to come. I just honestly hadn't thought about him in my flurry of action. He was my best friend, and the one that I originally had wanted to show my new home to, so of course he was welcome.

"Okay, well, then what are we waiting for? Come on, do another of your crazy portal things and let's go check out a parallel universe!"

I clapped my hand over his loud mouth. "You really need to learn not to yell about such things in public." Dropping the hand back down to wipe on my dress, I sighed. "Alright, first things first. Zeph, you got a mirror in your bedroom?"

They both gave me weird looks. "Um, yeah...why...?"

Before he could complete the question, I had engulfed all three of us in a dark corridor, then immediately brought us back out in Zephyr's room. Kaj fell over backwards onto the bed, and Zeph grabbed his head with both hands. "Ugh, a little warning next time, please? Some of us aren't used to being thrown through the dimensions."

I rolled my eyes. "That wasn't another dimension, silly, it was the In Between realm...remember?"

"Same difference," he muttered.

"What just happened?" Kaj groaned from his seat on the bed. "And why does your room look exactly the same as it did when we were kids?"

"It's not exactly the same," Zeph protested. "There's a lot less toys, and a lot more video games."

I almost laughed aloud. _Now where have I heard that before?_ "What just happened is, I brought us to Zeph's room. I can use that kind of portal to get us from place to place within universe, but to cross from one to the other, I need one of these." Striding over to the mirror, I pressed my palms against it and thought of my destination. In a few seconds, the purple ring of smoke spread out from the center and surrounded the wavering glass of the mirror.

"Whoa." Zephyr crossed to the portal and poked at it. "Are you telling me I've had a portal to an alternate universe living in my mirror this whole time?"

"More like...you've had a friend with the power to create portals to alternate universes this whole time. Not many people can do this." I had to admit, I was having fun. The three of us being back together again just seemed...right, and being able to show off my abilities to a rapt audience made me feel good. "So...are we ready?"

"Yeah!" Zeph pumped his fist in the air, then paused and frowned at the portal. "I...I think. Maybe you should go in first?"

Laughing, I grabbed his hand, then eyed Kaj and dragged Zephyr over so that I could grab his hand, too. "I'll go first, but I'm pulling you two behind me. No chickening out now."

As we headed into the portal, my mind was full of thoughts of introducing my old friends to my new friends, wondering what everyone would think of seeing their own doppelgangers in the flesh, imagining fun times with everyone together. _This is going to be so perfect._ Uncertainties about my own place among the ranks were tucked away, forgotten for now.

I could hear Zeph breathing exclamations of delight behind me as the bright sunshine of Destiny Islands swept over us. Making sure to pull them both a good distance away from the portal, just in case Kaj got any ideas about bolting, I released their hands and spun around to face them with a grin. "Ta da!"

Zephyr's eyes were sparkling with excitement. "This is where you live, right? You said you lived at the beach. Though...I don't see a town."

"Town's over there." I waved casually toward the main island. "This is just where we come to hang out and train and stuff."

Even Kaj looked pretty impressed by the location. He walked slowly toward the edge of the water, hands in his pockets, and stared out at the horizon. "You...live in this universe's version of...what, the Caribbean?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, something like that. It's called Destiny Islands. This universe is laid out a lot differently than yours. The different sections are called 'worlds', rather than like, countries or whatever, and they're all separated so that most people don't even know others exist, much less how to get from one to another."

"Also, there's magic!" Zephyr piped in.

I laughed. "Yeah, there's that, too."

Crouching down, Zeph dug his finger into the warm white sand. "I wish it was hot out, so we could go swimming! I haven't been to the beach in years."

"This is my first time."

Glancing over at Kaj's back, I tilted my head to the side curiously. He almost sounded...regretful. "Yeah, I had never been to the beach before coming here, either. It's my very favorite place to be now." I was a little hesitant to approach him, still not sure how he felt about me, but I walked up beside him anyway. His eyes stayed glued to the water. "There are plenty of places to see, but...we can stay here for as long as you'd like."

His chest rose with a deep breath, and he finally turned to face me. The expression on his face was unreadable, but it certainly didn't look happy like I had hoped. "Mel, I..." Before I had time to register my surprise at his use of the familiar nickname, he turned away again, seeming to change his mind about what he wanted to say.

"I needed a change of scenery. Never really imagined that the new scenery would be quite this nice, but..." He huffed a laugh, then paused to consider his next words. "I...kept feeling like I didn't belong. I mean, I like my friends and all, but...I don't know, I just...don't always feel like I'm really needed, you know?"

"Yeah. I do know." My voice was barely above a whisper. The fact that he was actually opening up to me right now was astounding, but even more surprising was how he sounded like he was speaking straight from my own mind. "I feel the same way all the time."

He glanced over at me, one side of his mouth lifting into a crooked smirk that looked just like Riku. "I guess I just wanted to say thanks. For being as pushy and stubborn as always and bringing me here."

I scrunched my nose at him in mock affront, but couldn't keep a smile off my face. "Well, thank you for giving your own stubbornness a rest long enough to give this a chance."

I was so caught up in the moment that I almost missed the quiet sound, distinct but out of place among the steady rhythm of the wind and waves. Just as my brain started to actually process it, a voice that sent cold fingers crawling up my spine greeted my ears.

"Ah, how very interesting. I must admit, I was hoping that our little portal-maker would bring a few new recruits back for us. The doppelgangers of the newest Keyblade Master and the young hero of the worlds were not who I was expecting, but will be welcome additions, indeed."

Spinning around with my fists clenched, I glared at the Nobody with fear and anger battling for dominance in my chest. "Xemnas. What are you doing here?"


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I’m only a day late this time. A little better, right?

_How do they always know where I am? How did he know that I've been going back to my universe?_

Xemnas' face remained stoic as ever, his arms crossing his chest and golden eyes glinting in the sunlight. "As I said, I am here to collect the newest potential members of the true Organization. We have many options before us, but having more than one plan in place is always a good idea, wouldn't you agree? All three of you will have the opportunity to play a vital role in our path to victory."

Zeph had leapt up from where he had been constructing a crude sandcastle upon Xemnas' entrance to stand beside me, and I took a step in front of him now with eyes narrowed. "None of us are going anywhere with you, you pompous–"

My growl was interrupted by Kaj striding past me, straight toward Xemnas. I blinked, breath catching in my throat. "Kaj, no! Stay back! What are you...?"

Xemnas' mouth curved into an evil smile as Kaj fell into place standing next to him. Shuffling his feet, the black-haired boy stared down at the sand, not meeting my shocked gaze. "This is...this is what that guy wanted. The one who tried to get us to come here. He was offering us a position with this Organization."

I was both dumbfounded and furious. _Is Saix really screwing up my life yet again?_ "So? He's a psychopath! They all are! You don't need to do what he wants!"

"I'm doing what I want, Meli." Kaj's eyes bore right into mine, and his expression had changed from whatever it had been before – sheepish, a bit lost perhaps – back into cold and smug like at the warehouse. "This is the reason I came with you. Sorry for throwing off whatever grand plans you had for me, but I have my own."

"These are your plans?" I sputtered. "Joining Organization XIII? Do you even...do you even know who they are? What they're doing? They're our enemies!"

"Your enemies, maybe." He shrugged carelessly. "I told you, I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to be needed. I'm gonna play 'a vital role' here." He cut his eyes over to Xemnas, who was listening to the exchange with amusement, then back to me. "And you can, too."

I hardened my gaze. "Oh, I will, trust me. But it won't be with Organization XIII."

Xemnas took this as his cue to take up the conversation once more, holding out his hand toward me. "Ah, but Meli, your unique skills would lend themselves perfectly to the Organization. We are pleased to have both of your friends join us, of course, but you are the one who already has the training needed."

I flinched and took an instinctive step backwards, feeling Zeph still right behind me. "We both remember what happened the last time you wanted the use of my 'unique skills'. You're crazier than I thought if you think I'm gonna let that happen again."

"This time, however, you would be working with us, a true member of the team." He took a step toward me. "Don't you want that, Meli? To be a part of a team again? You know that your so-called friends will never accept you back to theirs the way that you are now."

"Shut up!" For some reason the comment dug deep underneath my skin, despite already knowing it was true. I shook my head violently, trying to get him out of it, and turned my attention back to my friend. "Kaj, please. Think about this. At least just...just come with us for now, and we'll talk about it, and you can make up your mind once you know all of the facts."

"My mind's made up now." His face softened a little, just enough to give a half-smile. "I really would like it if the two of you would come along, too, though. It's been nice having us back together."

I clenched my jaw, even angrier at him for now trying to manipulate me. "If you want us to be together, then you'll have to stay. I'm never coming, and I'm not letting you take Zeph, either."

All hints of diplomacy dropped from Xemnas' face and voice. "Very well, then. If you refuse to come quietly, that is fine. But I do not need your cooperation, only a body to plant Master Xehanort's will in." With a flash, he summoned his Ethereal Blades to his hands.

Zephyr gasped, then yelped when my Keyblade appeared. "Stay back," I warned him. "This is about to get messy."

Xemnas made the first move, flying forward without warning with his blades crossed in front of him. I had just enough time to lift my Keyblade and block them both as they sliced apart. Bringing my weapon down to the left I stopped a second swing, then ducked under a third coming from the right and brought the Keyblade down across his back. It didn't seem to even faze him. He spun immediately back around and came after me with a flurry of blows, so fast that it looked like just one big red flashing light. I managed to parry most of them using darkness to speed my movements, though one caught my hip. The fairy-made fabric held up, but I could still feel the burning on my skin, and hissed through my teeth.

 _I'm fighting Xemnas right now. I'm actually fighting freaking Xemnas. I've never fought anyone this powerful before, and certainly not on my own._ This was bound to go horribly wrong sooner or later. But the consequences of failing were too dire – I couldn't let myself or Zephyr be taken by them, not again. That thought spurred me on, and awoke the darkness with me.

Rolling away from his blitz attack, I pulled from within and let the dark energy stream through my Keyblade with a roar. Xemnas went flying backwards, and I followed close behind, zooming to meet him with a series of hits before he could recover. The sight of my arms now clothed in sleek blue and red confirmed for me that I had indeed gone into Dark Mode.

He stayed down for longer than I had expected, and my barrage seemed to be having an effect on him. When he recovered, though, it was lightning fast, and I was not prepared. An Ethereal Blade came hard across my right arm and ribcage, sending me tumbling and my Keyblade sliding out of my grip and through the sand. Unlike his first hit, this time the fabric betrayed me. It tore under the blade, and the resulting slash, though not bleeding, left that whole side of my body feeling like it was on fire.

Struggling to my knees, I grunted in pain and clutched my injured arm, holding it tightly against my side. Thankfully, Xemnas had not come after me. I would have been dead by then if he had. Instead, he was hovering where I had left him, an unnerving smirk on his face. Somewhere behind me, I heard footsteps thudding against the beach, and I turned my chin slightly to the side so that I could call out to Zephyr without taking my eyes off of Xemnas.

"Stay back!" I ordered. The footsteps stopped. Cutting my eyes over to Kaj, I saw him watching the whole ordeal with what could have been concern, but he had yet to move from his spot. Focusing back on Xemnas, I called my Keyblade back to my hand, wincing as the muscles in my arm pulled.

"There it is...the darkness that sets you apart from all the others. Those are the very skills that will be put to great use once you are a part of Organization XIII."

I was trying to summon Cure in my left hand, but nothing was coming. The darkness was drowning out every ember of light I had once had inside of me. There was no way that I could continue to fight with this injury, and if there had been any potions in my jacket pocket, they had been lost to Dark Mode.

"I will give you one last chance to come quietly." Xemnas dismissed one of his blades and held his hand out to me again.

I gave a quick glance over my shoulder to ascertain Zeph's position, then shot the angriest glare I could muster at Xemnas. "Go jump down a Darkside's throat."

"Very well, then." He brought his remaining blade up to his shoulder, leveling it at my chest. Before he could strike, however, I teleported to Zephyr's side, latched onto his arm, and teleported us both away.

We landed in the mansion bedroom, and I immediately fell back onto the bed, holding my arm tight once again and clenching my jaw to keep from groaning. Zephyr, apparently realizing the danger was past, exploded in a flurry of exclamations.

"That was totally crazy! I so did not see all that coming! You were like, 'bam!' and had this fire-stick-sword thing, and he was like, 'whoosh!', and were those light sabers? Coming out of his hands? They were wicked, whatever they were! And he was like, flying through the air, and you were shooting black stuff out of your hand, and you freakin' changed clothes in the middle of it all! And it was just like, 'pow! pow! pow!' everywhere, it was freakin' awesome!" He was jumping around the room and waving his hands like a madman as he spoke. "Now I know why you said you could kick my butt that day, 'cause you totally could, 'cause you're totally..."

Halting in his tirade, he spun around to face me, his expression changing from exuberance to concern. "Hey, are you okay? That looked like it really hurt, there at the end."

"Peachy," I ground out through my teeth. "I think your priorities are a little off, though, Zeph. Did you miss the part where Kaj just joined Organization XIII?"

He looked down at the floor. "No, no I got that. They're, um...they're pretty bad, huh?"

"Yeah. They're...a lot worse than the guys he was with back home." I pulled my legs up onto the bed, breath hitching at the pain shooting through my side, and let the reality of the situation hit. "I did this. I was so worried about the potential danger that he was in being with those guys, and...it was me all along. I'm the one who put him in danger. If I had just left him alone, he never would have been able to make it here, and they never would have gotten their hands on him. This is all my fault."

"No, it's not." Zephyr moved to sit down next to me on the bed. "You were just doing what you thought was best, trying to help him..." His gaze was caught by the wound on my arm and his eyebrows flew up. "Geez, Mel, that looks really bad! How are you just sitting here with that?"

I huffed a humorless laugh. "This kind of thing is kinda my life now. I'll fix it as soon as I can."

"Yeah, don't you have that magic healing thing? Why aren't you using it?" His voice was beginning to sound a bit frantic, and he jumped back off the bed to grab a bottle of water that I had left on the bedside table and handed it to me. "Don't you think you might need a doctor or something? That's real deep, Mel."

Shifting away from him so he'd quit staring at it, I accepted the bottle and let him twist off the cap for me. "I don't need a doctor. I can't use Cure right now, because this stupid..." I glared down at the Dark Mode bodysuit. "Hang on a second." Pouring the water over the wound, I washed off the sand that was clinging to it, unable to keep from hissing at the sensation. With that done, I closed my eyes, drawing in a deep breath through my nose and focusing on calming my body. I pushed away all thoughts of Xemnas and Kaj for the moment, and let the darkness settle within me. When I opened my eyes, my regular clothing had returned.

"That's epic," Zephyr breathed.

I was too busy trying to summon Cure in my hand again to answer. Apparently Dark Mode had not been the issue, because it was still not responding. Sighing in frustration, I patted my jacket pocket and was relieved to feel one bottle inside. Thankfully it was a potion. "Here we go. This'll take care of it."

Downing the bitter liquid, I turned again so that Zephyr could watch the wound seal itself up, knowing it would fascinate him. His eyes about popped out of his head. "Happy now?" I asked him.

"Yeah, much better. Now that you're taken care of, we can focus on how we're gonna get Kaj back from the evil bad guys."

I pushed myself up off the bed, shaking my head. "No. Now I'm sending you back home." Walking to the mirror, I pressed my hands against it.

"What? No way!" Leaping up, Zeph ran to stand beside me. "There's no way I'm leaving now. I just got here! And Kaj is in trouble, I can't just leave him! And you..." His voice dropped down low. "I think there's some things that you're not telling me. You...seem different. I don't wanna leave you, either. And what that dude said about your friends–"

"Was a load of crap." The portal was open, and I stepped back from it, refusing to look at him. "I have friends here still. Nothing important has happened. I'll tell my friends what happened to Kaj, and they'll help me get him back." Now it was my turn to soften my voice, and I crossed my arms over my chest. "It's not that I don't want your help. But my friends here are fighters, like me. They're already going after Organization XIII, so this is nothing new to them."

I turned my face toward him, but still couldn't meet his eyes. "I can't let you get hurt. You heard what Xemnas said, he wants all of us, including you. Mainly he wants me, since I can fight, but if he comes after me and wins, then he'll take you, too. I can't let that happen. I've already lost Kaj, I don't want to lose you, too."

"You haven't lost Kaj, you're gonna get him back," he declared. "And you're not gonna lose me, either. But I am not going through that portal."

Fully facing him, I glared and let out a growl. "Come on, Zeph. Be reasonable here."

He stuck his nose in the air and crossed his arms. "Nope. Not gonna do it."

"You know I could just manhandle you through there if I wanted to!"

"But you won't, because you love me."

His cheeky Sora grin was the last straw. "Ugh! Fine!" I opened up a corridor around us, and we came out on the brightly lit cobblestone street outside of Merlin's house. "You wanna stay in this universe? Alright, you got it. But you're not coming with me. It's too dangerous."

Zephyr's eyes widened in disbelief. "Wait, you're just gonna drop me off on the street somewhere and leave?"

"No, I'm dropping you off outside the house of a friend." I jabbed a finger toward the front door. "Go in there, tell him, or them, whoever's there, who you are. They'll watch out for you." Backing away, I forced myself to smile. "He's a goofy old wizard, you'll like him. And the others...well, they seem nice, too. Maybe you'll even get to meet my twin sister."

"Mel, wait–"

"I'm sorry, Zeph. You said it yourself, I'm doing this because I love you. I'll come back and check on you sometime, okay?" Before he could protest further, or my enormous guilt could make me change my mind, I opened another corridor and escaped back to the mansion.


	35. Chapter 35

After a restless night spent at the mansion, I made a quick trip into town to stock up on some potions at the Moogle Shop. If I really wasn't going to be able to use Cure anymore, I was going to need them. I threw a few ethers in the mix, too, grateful for magical pockets that held much more than they looked like they would.

There was a new restaurant right in the corner of the town square, I noticed, and the smells wafting from it were heavenly. A line of patrons was already spilling out the door and onto the patio, however. Apparently everyone in town wanted to try it. I didn't have time for that this morning, so I opted instead to hop over to Agrabah for a cup of my favorite coffee to go, and a slice of warm baklava with it. Then, finding a hidden, empty corner of the marketplace, I re-entered the In Between.

I had woken that morning with a strong desire pulling at me, a desperate need to prove Xemnas and the obnoxious white-haired teenager wrong about my friend's views of me. It was probably actually as much a need to prove myself wrong about my own doubts as anything, but I wasn't admitting that to myself just yet. That, coupled with renewed loneliness after my time with Kaj and Zephyr had been cut abruptly short, had driven me to deciding I would track down Sora, Donald, and Goofy.

_**Why not Grim?** _

I frowned as the thought poked its way into my consciousness. _Because he's got special new clothes that keep me from finding him,_ I replied to myself sarcastically.

_**You've got stronger powers of darkness now. Remember how easy it was to find Kaj? Maybe you could find Grim, too. You'll never know if you don't try.** _

I shook my head with a huff. _That's ridiculous,_ was my eloquent response. I didn't want to actually stop and think about why I was choosing to go see Sora instead of Riku. Reaching out my hand, I let my heart fly over its connection to Sora to his location, which was, I had to admit, amazingly easy this time. The place where I found him felt familiar. As the corridor opened, it clicked in my mind, and a wry smile spread across my face.

"Yo ho ho."

Stepping through the corridor, I was immediately assaulted not by balmy breezes and the smell of the sea, but grey skies and pouring rain. My clothes and hair were soaked in an instant. Wincing, I wiped away some of the water from my eyes, but more just ran down into them.

"Look! It's Mel!" Goofy called out, pointing.

Sora looked over from where he was busy steering the ship through the storm, and a smile lit up his face. "Mel!" Galloping across the deck, he threw his arms around me, and I gave a startled grunt. "You're here! We missed you!"

"You...you did?"

Stepping back, he planted his fists on his hips and grinned again. "Well, of course! We talk about you all the time while we're traveling...all the things you would have liked to see, how much easier certain fights would have been with your help...we had a lot of fun having you with us for most of last time!"

I couldn't help but smile back at him, my heart warm despite the chill of the rain. "I, uh...thanks. I'm glad I'm here." Regathering my thoughts, I glanced around to take in the scene. "So...what'd I miss?"

Sora put a hand to his chin. "Hmm...well...Organization XIII is here. A guy named Luxord."

"He's lookin' for a box!" Goofy chimed in.

"He thinks it's something that the Organization wants," Sora explained.

"But it really just has the heart of the mean ol' squid face guy in it!" Donald declared.

"Yeah. So that guy's trying to protect the box, but Jack wants it, too."

"Of course he does." Seemed like Jack always wanted something that didn't belong to him.

"Oh, and also there's a bunch of navy ships waiting to try to destroy all of the pirates. They're over...there...somewhere..." Sora pointed out to sea, then turned and pointed the other direction. "I don't really know where. I'm getting kinda dizzy going 'round and 'round this whirlpool."

"And we just finished rescuing The Black Pearl from a big ol' oct-y-pus," Goofy offered.

"Sounds...complicated." I shrugged, and squinted off through the deluge at the other ship that was across from us. "So what's next?"

"Uh uh uh!" Donald exclaimed, waddling up to me. "You missed one more thing. A wardrobe change!"

I glanced down at him, then back up at Sora and Goofy, just now realizing that they were all dressed like pirates. "Oh. Yeah. What's up with that? We didn't transform the last time we were here."

"Don't ask questions, just hold still!" The duck waved his staff at me, there was a flash of light, and for a split second I had on dry clothes again before they were sopping, too.

I looked down to take it in. Loose-fitting grey pants were tucked into knee-high black boots with folded down tops. The white top had long, billowy sleeves that buttoned at the wrist, and a black corset with gold accents laced up the front over that. Reaching up, I could feel a bandanna tying my hair back.

"What do you think?" Sora asked.

I crossed my arms and eyed Donald. "A corset? Really?"

He stuck his beak up in the air. "Hey, I don't personally design the entire outfit in my head! I just say, 'female pirate', and there you go! You're lucky my magic's so good and gives you a decent looking disguise."

I rolled my eyes, but he was probably right. I was lucky that I hadn't ended up in some cleavage-baring mini dress or something.

"Okay, now we need to get over to The Dutchman and help Jack." Sora gestured to the other ship.

"I can make us a corridor," I suggested, raising my hand.

"Alright, let's go get ol' squid face!"

We landed on the upper deck of The Dutchman with a thud of boots. Jack Sparrow, the clever but rum-addicted captain whom we had traveled with before, was down below with a small chest in his hand, turning and running away from a man who looked suspiciously like he did actually have a squid on his face. _Huh. Guess they weren't kidding about that part._

"We're here!" Sora cried, and we all four jumped over the railing to land in between the two men, summoning our weapons as we landed. I fought to keep a smile off of my face. It really was good to be working with a team again.

"Tables have turned, mate," Jack said from behind us.

Squid Face sneered. "Hardly. Just a few more maggots to join my crew!"

With that, the fight was on. It only took me a minute to get back into the rhythm of fighting with these guys, alternating with Sora between up close combat and falling back for magic, while Goofy bombarded with his shield from the opposite side, and Donald hovered in the back casting spells. Even Jack got in on the fight on occasion, though I suspected he was spending a good bit of time hiding, as well.

The guy was tough, and had an annoying habit of sinking down into the deck only to pop up again on the far end of it. I was beginning to feel like we were spending half of the fight just running back and forth to catch up to him. But with all four of us working together, we were getting in plenty of hits, and taking minimal damage ourselves.

Then, without warning, something huge came shooting up into the air all around the ship before crashing down onto the deck. I just barely managed to keep my balance as the vessel shook from the impact. Looking around wildly, I gasped as I realized what these things attacking us were. _Octopus legs._ This must be what Goofy said they had saved The Black Pearl from. If just the ends of the tentacles were this long...I didn't even want to imagine how big the whole creature was.

We were off our game now, separated from one another. I could barely see Sora behind the leg that was in front of me, and Donald and Goofy were hacking at another even further away. I had no idea where Squid Face and Jack even were.

Something hit my legs hard from behind, and I landed on my back with a grunt of pain. The tentacle that had knocked me down came sliding back toward me, and I scrambled backwards and to my feet, trying not to slip on the wet surface. "Okay, Mr. Octopus. Take this!"

I sliced into the slimy leg as many times in a row as I could manage before it got angry and slammed into me again, sending me flying into the railing. Groaning, I shook the wooziness from my head. "You're gonna regret that," I growled. Thrusting my hand forward, I blasted the evil thing with darkness until it retreated, shuddering, over the edge of the ship and back into the water.

The boys had gotten rid of a few more tentacles, and we regrouped to take out the last one quickly. Then, what do you know, Squid Face showed back up, and of course he was on the opposite end of the deck. Sora was limping slightly as we ran, and I called his name to get his attention, tossing him a potion out of my pocket. He smiled his thanks, and drained the vial just as I finished my own.

A bit more tired now, but still determined, we fell easily back into the fight with Squid Face. Sora had picked up some new tricks and handy gadgets along this journey, I noticed. For one, his Keyblade could somehow transform into these mechanical claws that dealt a ton of damage. He and Donald had also learned some joint magic spells, and he and Goofy would periodically launch into some crazy, high-flying acrobatic tricks.

"Doesn't that hurt?" I asked Goofy after watching Sora hurl him down on top of Squid Face.

"Nah. I got a hard head, a-hyuck." He grinned at me. "You wanna try?"

I laughed. "No thanks." Just then, Squid Face sank into the floor again and reappeared on the upper deck. I sighed heavily, then quirked an eyebrow at Goofy. "But I'll let you toss me up there."

He bent down with his shield over his head. "Whenever you're ready!"

Backing up, I got a running start and leapt onto his shield. As soon as my feet were firmly planted, Goofy straightened to his full height and thrust out his arms, sending me high up into the air. I wasn't entirely sure whether to cackle with glee or flail in fear, but shoved both emotions aside to focus on blasting Squid Face with Dark Firaga a few times from above before hitting the deck and rolling to a stop.

The other three were running up the stairs as I got back to my feet and readied to attack again. "Nice one, Mel!" Sora called.

"Thanks! Learned it from the best!"

"Who, me?" he returned with mock humility.

"No, Goofy," I teased, sticking out my tongue.

It seemed like this battle had been dragging on for a long time. _Surely this guy is almost finished now...right?_ I knew I was getting pretty worn out, and I wasn't taking nearly as many hits as he was. Just as the thought finished crossing my mind, tentacles came exploding out of the water and wrapped around the ship.

"Not again!" I groaned. Jumping down to the lower deck, I chopped at the nearest leg with vigor that came more from wanting this to be over than anything else. I didn't even feel the second tentacle snaking around my ankle until it yanked my feet out from under me, and I was sliding backwards on my stomach at a dizzying speed.

I screamed, eyes wide with terror, my fingers fumbling desperately for purchase on the wet wood but only coming away raw and bleeding. Then I was being lifted up, dangling upside down by one foot high above the ship. I screamed again, but the boys were far below me and too caught up in their own battles to come to my rescue.

Summoning the Keyblade I had dropped back to my hand, I clenched my abs and curled up toward the tentacle, heaving the weapon as hard as I could from that awkward angle to slam into the evil creature. Thankfully one blow was all it took. It released its hold on me, but then I was hurtling head-first toward the deck of the ship. I would have screamed a third time if the air rushing past my face hadn't completely taken my breath away.

The good news was, I didn't smash like a bug onto the deck. The bad news was, I was caught by yet another tentacle, this one managing to wrap all the way around my torso and arms so that only my legs were left kicking wildly. I could feel the slime and stickiness all the way through my shirt.

"Let me go, you disgusting beast!" At least I wasn't the only one being bested by an octopus leg. Sora seemed to have escaped for now and was putting the beat down on Squid Face, but Donald and Goofy were being tossed around pretty harshly by the giant creature.

I felt myself being swung out closer to the open ocean, and I panicked. _It's going to eat me!_ I struggled, but the grip was too tight, and I couldn't even use my Keyblade from this position. _Okay, Meli, think. Time to go Dark Mode._ Squeezing my eyes shut, I focused all the fear and anger at the stupid octopus into a tight ball in my center, then let it erupt out of me with a roar.

The darkness that came off of me was so potent that the tentacle was completely obliterated. Apparently all of that emotional fuel I had been shoveling down into it lately had paid off in even more power, and I was automatically enamored. I used my hands to create a cloud of darkness beneath me, slowing my fall, then looked around at the remaining tentacles greedily.

"Take that! And that!" Each burst of darkness sent a thrill through my very core, and I found myself gasping from the intoxication of it. _I am never ever letting go of this._

All too soon the creature had retreated in agony, and Sora and Jack sent Squid Face stumbling backwards in what looked to possibly be a final blow at about the same time. As much as I had wanted this fight to be over a few minutes before, I was now disappointed that I had nothing left to blast. The darkness was still pounding through my bloodstream like adrenaline.

"Care to surrender?" Jack stepped forward, sword still at the ready.

Squid Face merely growled, then lunged at the pirate again. "The chest. Hand it over!"

"Jack!" Sora ran toward them, eager to help.

"Stay out of this, boy!" Squid Face sneered, his sword locked with Jack's. On cue, two more tentacles crashed onto the deck, surrounding the four of us in almost a circle.

I grinned maniacally. _Oh, yes._ "Hold on, I've got this." Taking a wide stance in the center, I threw both arms out to the side and let the darkness loose. The tentacles jolted, writhed, then slid quickly away into the sea.

Dusting my hands off smugly, I glanced over my shoulder and saw that Jack and Squid Face had somehow made their way up onto the rigging of the ship, locked in combat while Jack still held the chest fast in one hand. "Huh. That's a...weird place for a sword fight."

"Uh, Mel?"

I turned my attention back to Sora, and found him staring at me in some mixture of confusion and concern. "Yeah?"

"Are you...ya know, okay?"

I had an inkling of what he might be referring to, but chose to ignore the thought in the hope that maybe he'd drop the subject. "I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

Tilting his head to the side, he scratched at his temple nervously. "That was, well...it was just..."

"That was a lot of darkness," Goofy finished for him.

Sora's mouth set in a firm line. "Yeah. It was a lot. Not just–" waving his hands, he indicated where the two tentacles had just been –"that, but–" he pointed up in the air, presumably at the invisible legs that I had taken out earlier –"that, and–" he gestured toward my Dark Mode outfit –"that."

I crossed my arms, automatically irritated. "I use darkness sometimes. You know that." _You said you were okay with that, a long time ago. Why does now have to be different?_ I should have known that this conversation was going to have to happen at some point, but had secretly hoped that they'd just take the change in stride and let me be.

"Not that much," Donald put in.

"And the outfit...it looks an awful lot like the one Riku was wearing when Ansem had taken him over." Sora cut his eyes off to the side, unable to look me in the face.

Snorting a laugh, I shook my head. "Well, I can promise you that no one is possessing me. I'm the same me I've always been, just...using a bit more darkness these days." I threw my hands up. "It sure worked, didn't it?"

"Are you an idiot?" Donald exploded, jumping up and down. "Don't you know what that can lead to? You may not be possessed yet, but something bad is sure gonna happen if you keep it up!"

I rolled my eyes and paced away. "Nothing has happened so far!" _Other than not being able to Cure myself anymore._ "This has been going on for days now, and I'm perfectly fine! In fact, I feel better than I have in a very long time." Spinning back around, I glared at Sora. "I don't need you three looking after me and telling me how I should be doing things."

He lifted his hands in surrender, looking guilty. "I'm not...I'm not trying to tell you what to do. We're just worried about you, Mel."

"Yeah, yeah, everybody's always worried about me. I'm sick of it! What's it gonna take for me to prove that I can take care of myself?"

"Gawrsh, Mel, we know you can take care of yourself." Goofy scratched the top of his head, a sad smile on his face. "But every once in a while, we all need friends to help us along. You've said that before yourself."

I crossed my arms again, tightly, dropping my gaze to the deck and my voice to a mutter. "Yeah, well, I did need friends." _Have for quite a while now, but no one has seemed to notice._ "That's why I came to find you guys. But I should have known you would treat me like this."

Sora sighed heavily. "We just wanna keep you from getting hurt." He paused, seeming to consider his next words. "We want you to be here with us, you know we do. But...will you at least try to not use so much darkness from now on? You're a great fighter without it, and I don't want it causing problems for you."

"Oh, great, so I can stay, but I have to pretend to be something I'm not the whole time?" I sneered. "No thanks." Glancing up at the two pirates still balancing above us, I shook my head. "Good luck with the rest of this mess. Tell Will and Elizabeth I said hi."

"Mel, wait!"

Ignoring the chorus of calls, I stepped back into the never-ending nothingness of the In Between.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy I updated on a Thursday go me.

_Rejected. Sora, Donald, and Goofy...they all rejected me. Just like Xemnas said they would._ It had been a possibility in my mind from the very beginning, but having it actually slap me in the face in reality was harder than I had ever imagined it would be.

 _But Grim...surely Grim wouldn't reject me. He loves me, and he's been deep in the darkness before. He'll understand...won't he?_ I didn't know whether or not I actually wanted to find out. If he did end up rejecting me, I wasn't sure that I'd be able to stand the pain. At the same time, though, I didn't know how much longer I could handle not knowing.

I had been wandering the In Between for nearly an hour, fighting off Dusks as they appeared, unable to bring myself to make any kind of decision one way or the other. I was in limbo, caught between fears and desires, between the light of those I loved and the darkness I now couldn't imagine living without, just like this forsaken place.

The more I wandered, though, the more I ached for Riku's arms around me, and that by itself was about to make my decision for me. We had been separated far too much for my liking lately, and I had stupidly run off without even a proper goodbye the last time. I needed to see him again.

My mind finally made up, I began searching for his connection, and as I had suspected, my new power made it possible to actually pinpoint his location. The Realm of Darkness. I had never thought that I would return to that awful place of my own free will, but I squelched my nerves and opened the corridor anyway.

I found myself standing on a beach, not too dissimilar from the way Destiny Islands looked at night, but the air here was so heavy with darkness that you could almost taste it. I imagined that in the past it would have caused me to shudder, but now it didn't bother me in the least. I felt quite at home here, like my powers could flow with even more ease than normal.

"Meli?"

Turning toward the voice, I smiled when I saw Riku walking across the sand in my direction. "Hey, Grim."

He broke into a jog and was throwing his arms around me in an instant. "Hey, yourself." His lips pushed against mine long and hard, then he leaned back and looked me in the eyes. "What are you doing here? How did you...?"

I shrugged lightly. "I figured out a way." There was suspicion in his gaze, but I tried hard to ignore it. "Love conquers all, right?"

The corner of his mouth lifted. "I guess so." Then his eyebrows furrowed, and he dropped into a frown. "Listen...are you okay? I thought you seemed alright the last time I saw you, but then you seemed like you got really upset–"

"It was nothing. Don't worry about that." I tilted my face back to give him my most convincing smile. "I was being stupid...the last two times I saw you, in fact. I just don't like being away from you. I hope my pathetic-ness hasn't distracted you from your job."

"You're not pathetic." He ran one hand through my hair. "And I don't like being away from you, either. When all of this is over, I'm not letting you out of my sight for at least a week."

I laughed. "As long as that means I get kissed every minute and a half."

Riku smirked and wiggled his eyebrows. "Oh, of course."

Just then, there was a vibration in my chest, much stronger than anything I had felt from the Heartless so far. I tensed, peering out across the water beyond Riku's shoulder.

"What is it?" he asked, watching me.

A split second later, the ground began to rumble, and King Mickey ran into view. "Looks like we've got company!"

Riku spun around, his new black and silver Keyblade appearing in his hand, just as something huge and black exploded out of the water. It looked like a water spout, twisting and spinning at a blindingly fast speed, but if I squinted my eyes I could tell that it was made entirely of Shadow Heartless.

"What is that?" I breathed, more amazed than scared.

"Demon Tide," King Mickey replied flatly.

Riku gave a weary sigh. "We've been fighting these the whole time, one after another. It's getting really annoying."

"And still no sign of Aqua?"

"Not so far." He cut his eyes over to me, not moving from his fighting stance. "You staying?"

"Of course! Sounds like you two could use an extra hand." I summoned my own Keyblade and dropped into position beside him.

King Mickey smiled. "Well, we certainly won't turn it down!"

Fanning out, we each took up positions surrounding the Demon Tide. As if sensing our nearness, it began to dip and sway sporadically, spewing out Shadows that skittered along the ground before rejoining the fray. I leapt into the air as it swung near me, striking several times before dropping to the sand again. I could feel the weapon make contact with something, but it was difficult to tell what exactly I was accomplishing.

"Watch out!" Riku called as the Tide shot straight up into the sky. The tail end of it left the ground altogether, and the glowing yellow eyes that had been shining eerily out from it turned dark orange as it began careening around the beach at top speed. I had to duck to avoid it as it flew right over my head. Thrusting my Keyblade up, I managed to knock a couple of Shadows out, and finished them off with a couple of swings while the rest of the Tide finished its wild dance by crashing into the ground.

"This is my very first time fighting one of these things, and I'm already annoyed!" I shouted as the eyes returned to yellow and the Tide resumed its original position.

Riku landed in a crouch after pummeling the top a couple of times. "Yep. They suck."

Having already had enough of this whole jumping thing, I gritted my teeth and ran through the small crowd of Heartless on the ground, right up to the core. I heard Riku yell at me, but ignored both him and the Shadows that were tearing into my legs so that I could pound my Keyblade into the Tide, only giving up when it took off in flight again.

Riku ran up to me and placed his free hand on my shoulder. "You okay?"

"Yep, I'm fine." _Or, I will be, as soon as I take a potion._ "Just trying to get rid of this thing a little faster." _I could probably get rid of it super quick if I used darkness against it._

 _ **Then why aren't you?**_ that annoying little voice whispered as Riku jumped back into battle. I pushed the question away, not wanting to face the answer, and shot Dark Firaga instead.

Fumbling in my pocket, I blanched when I realized there was only one bottle of potion left. _Ugh, why didn't I restock after the battle with Squid Face?_ Apparently I had used more of them than I realized. I had to do something to get rid of this stinging in my legs, though, so I uncorked it carefully and took a couple of modest sips before storing it away.

I looked up just in time to see King Mickey and Riku leap gracefully from opposite sides of the Tide and burst through the center simultaneously, sending multiple Shadows flying. I ran in behind them to clean up the ones they had loosed. The Tide was flying around again, sending all three of us ducking and dodging before it once more plowed into the ground right where Riku had just been standing.

For a moment it seemed like it had disappeared for good. The vibrating in my chest started up again, though, just as a black spot began growing underneath the sand right behind Riku.

"Riku, look!" King Mickey cried.

The Demon Tide burst back to life, and Riku whirled around, but it was too late. Spiraling, it smashed straight into him, and he skidded and bounced on his side through the sand before tumbling over and landing on his stomach. His Keyblade vanished a few feet away from him.

"Grim!" The Tide vanished again, and I flew to his side. Dropping onto my knees, I placed a hand on his back, feeling his steady breathing with relief. "Grim, hey, can you hear me?" I bent close to his face, gently brushing the sand from his skin.

There was a high-pitched scream behind me. I jerked around to see the Tide hovering a few yards away, with King Mickey nowhere to be seen. Then his star-covered Keyblade dropped seemingly from out of the sky and thudded into the sand. "Your Majesty!" I called, craning my neck up toward the top.

Riku stirred underneath my hand, and I turned my attention back to him. "Where is he?" he mumbled, slowly pushing himself up on one elbow.

I pointed. "Up there somewhere, I think."

"Mickey!" Swirls of darkness began surrounding the Demon Tide as it morphed into a ball of energy, oozing with darkness. Riku struggled up to one knee, watching.

"Are you okay?" I asked, checking him over.

"I think so." He groaned, though, and clutched at his right arm.

I reached out to touch it, but held back, worried. "It it broken?"

"No, I don't..." He bent the arm, clenching his teeth as he did. "I don't think so. I think I just twisted it or something."

 _If you weren't so full of darkness, you could heal him right now._ "Here, I've got a partial potion left–" I began, reaching into my pocket.

He shook his head. "Save it. I'll be okay in a minute."

His eyes went back up to the ball of energy, and mine followed. It was beginning to turn red in the center. Despite the fact that my chest had been vibrating pretty much nonstop since I had gotten here, I could tell something else was coming, something even darker than the Demon Tide. The red spot burst out of the ball, changing in the air to some kind of wispy shadow that landed neatly on the ground. The shadow straightened, and it looked an awful lot like a person beneath the smoky wisps.

Walking over to King Mickey's fallen Keyblade, the shadow person stooped down, and a distinct hand reached out to pick it up. "This Keyblade..." The voice was echoing, but definitely female.

"Is it her?" I could see King Mickey again now, trapped up above us in the ball of energy.

"Master Aqua?" Riku whispered.

The smoke began to clear, then, and a young woman was left behind. "Mickey...you're too late."

"Aqua?" Riku repeated, louder this time. I didn't know about him, but I had not expected her to remind me so much of Xemnas and Ansem, with silver hair and golden eyes, nor had I expected the darkness that was still very palpable around her.

"What happened?" the King asked.

"You abandoned me, that's what. Left me in this shadow prison for more than a decade, knowing what it would do to me..."

"I'm sorry," King Mickey sighed. "It's all my fault."

Aqua turned and walked toward the water, then continued to walk out across it as she spoke. "I reached this shore after endless wandering. Waited forever for help to arrive. But no one ever came. I lost my Keyblade. Had no means of fighting my way back through the Heartless. You should have known I was stranded. Do you have any idea how lonely it is here? How frightening it is to have no one?"

A lump caught in my throat. _Lonely and frightened._ I had felt that way before, many times. It had been a long time since I had truly had no one, but I feared more than anything that it was the fate that awaited me once again. _That's why I haven't used my darkness in front of Grim yet._

"All that's left in my heart is misery and despair." Stopping, she spun back around and swung the Keyblade. "And now, you can share it!"

Suddenly Riku was on his feet, marching down to the shoreline to stare her down. "There's no need. Got my own." He summoned his Keyblade, seeming to have regained his strength, and began walking out across the water to meet her.

I hopped up and ran after him, not about to leave him to this alone. Instead of the fight with Aqua that I assumed was coming, however, we were interrupted by the ball of energy, with the King still inside, zooming in front of us and turning back into a Demon Tide.

I groaned. "Here we go again."


	37. Chapter 37

Riku and I dove back into the fight with the Demon Tide with maybe not enthusiasm, but definitely determination. When Shadows exploded all over the ground, I swung wildly, taking out as many as I could catch before they reformed. Riku was on the Tide immediately, hopping above the excess Shadows as best he could to chop at the core, and I followed suite.

Possibly the most annoying thing about it was that it was never still. Just when I got a good angle on it, the thing would take off flying again, knocking me over into the water as it went by. I had long, bloody scratches across the bare skin of my chest and arms, and one nice one down my cheek, but I refused to use the rest of the potion in my pocket for myself unless I was actually dying. If Riku needed healing and I couldn't use magic, that was my own fault, so I would save it for him.

I was in the midst of hacking away at the Tide when it vanished and suddenly Aqua was there, instead. Her attacks didn't waste any time, and she seemed to be specifically targeting Riku. Warping through the darkness at a speed that he couldn't keep up with, she rammed into him again and again, until he was stumbling and barely staying on his feet. It all happened in almost the blink of an eye. All I could do was jump in front of him, throwing my Keyblade up to block, before the sparkling projectiles she had been creating all converged on us in a blinding, painful explosion.

When I could see again, she was gone, and the Demon Tide was back. "Here, take this," I ordered, tossing the mostly-full potion to Riku as I ran.

I blasted the Tide with Dark Firaga, fully riled up with anger now. Aqua was a victim, I knew, and I had the utmost sympathy for her plight. If anyone could understand her, it was me. But nobody was allowed to hurt my Grim like that. Plus, that burst of light had done a number on my headache. The next time she showed up, I was going to let her have it.

But the battle with the Demon Tide was dragging on and on. I was still bleeding a bit from various places, and Riku looked completely exhausted. I saw him skid back across the water and pause to pant for breath as I ran in for yet another only semi-successful attack that knocked me onto my butt. When I looked back at him, I had to blink a couple of times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Sora was standing by his side.

The two boys put their hands together in front of them, and there was another flash of light that I cringed and looked away from as a stabbing pain shot through my skull. A moment later, when I dared to peek out again, there was a glowing Keyblade reminiscent of stained glass in the air behind them. I couldn't watch the rest of whatever this special attack was. There was way too much light involved for my head. I heard their simultaneous yell, though, and heard the sound of the Demon Tide fizzling out of existence.

Then Riku was running past me, and I followed his trajectory with my eyes to see King Mickey lying face down on the beach. I started to run after him, but I was passed up by Aqua, who had made her reappearance and was sliding fast across the water, throwing up a spray around her, Keyblade at the ready.

"Grim, look out!"

My shout got his attention, and he looked back over his shoulder. He started to summon his Keyblade, but it was impossible to tell whether or not he had succeeded before Aqua made contact and there was an explosion of water surrounding them.

I was in motion immediately, flying forward with dark speed. By the time the mist and water droplets had cleared enough for me to see that Sora had somehow leapt in front of Riku and blocked Aqua with his own Keyblade, I was nearly on top of her. Swinging around to the side at the last second, I slammed my weapon into her stomach and knocked her halfway back to where we had come from.

There was no time to waste, I knew. Aqua was a formidable opponent, possibly even more so than Xemnas. It was time to go Dark Mode, no matter what Riku and Sora might think of it.

She began teleporting again, warping in and out of black holes faster than the naked eye could track. I could feel her, though. I could sense exactly where she was, moving through the darkness, without being able to see her. Gathering my anger into my center, I turned slowly, following her movements with my body, and when she came into view again, I let it all loose.

The impact threw her backwards and stunned her enough that I quickly caught up and lit into her with my Keyblade. She took multiple blows before she managed to teleport away again. This time when she reappeared, there were about a dozen of her. I stepped back, rapidly scanning the copies. I couldn't tell which was actually her, they were all equally dark, but an idea came to me and I smirked. _This is going to be fun._

Stretching out my arms, I closed my eyes and felt the darkness all around me. It was everywhere, intense and intoxicating. I began mentally drawing it into myself, seeing it streaming into a cloud over my head in my mind's eye. In the distance, I vaguely heard my name being called, but I ignored it, opening my eyes with a smile to see the churning storm I had created overhead.

 _Perfect. Take this, Aqua._ With a thrust of my hands, I sent the darkness streaking down like a meteor shower. Each of the copies blinked out in an instant, leaving only the real Aqua, who stumbled as she was hit. There was still a little bit of darkness remaining above me, and I called it to my hand, wrapping it around my fist and preparing to shoot it at her.

Something was fast approaching me from my left, and I reacted quickly, whirling around and throwing my hand out before my brain could process who it was I was attacking. The darkness hit Riku square in the chest right as I gasped in realization. Dark Mode dissipated from around me, and I ran as fast I could without the assistance of darkness to where he was now lying on his back at the edge of the water. He coughed lightly, then pushed himself up on his elbows just as I skidded in on my knees next to him, shaking his head as if to clear it.

"Grim! I'm so sorry, are you okay?" I waved my hands frantically over his body like I could somehow sense his hurt. "I don't have any more potions. Can you heal yourself?"

"I'm okay," he grunted, sitting up the rest of the way. He glanced over at me, but didn't meet my gaze. "You look like you need it more than me, anyway."

"No, I don't, I'm fine–" I was interrupted by green light erupting around me, and I glared. "Grim! You should have used that on yourself! I said I was fine!"

He didn't respond. Propping up his knees and draping one arm over them, he stared out over the water, where Sora was now engaged in a fight with Aqua. "I would ask you why you didn't just heal me yourself, but I'm pretty sure I already know the answer to that question." At last he looked at me, his blue-green eyes hard as they bored into mine. "You've given into the darkness, haven't you?"

Now it was my turn to look away and pretend to watch Sora. My shock at having accidentally attacked him was fading, and dread of this conversation was quickly taking its place. All I could think of to mutter in reply was, "Why would it matter if I did?"

Riku growled angrily. "Of course it matters, Meli! Do you want to turn into a Heartless? Because I know you know that's where this leads."

Shifting over off of my knees, I pulled my legs up to my chest. "I thought, of anybody, you would understand." _But not really. You knew he wouldn't understand, you just stupidly hoped he would._

"No, I don't understand!" Lunging to his feet, he raked his hands through his hair. "Why would I understand? Because I know just how powerful the pull of the darkness is?" He waved one hand desperately at me. "That's why I wanted you to stay away from it! I told you–"

"Oh, you told me." I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore how much his reaction was hurting me. "What are you, my dad, now?"

"No, I'm the guy who loves you more than anything, and who doesn't want to lose you...anymore than I already have."

My frown deepened, and I scrambled to my feet, facing him tentatively. "What do you mean? I'm still here, and I'm still yours."

Riku sighed, crossing his arms and turning his head further away. "Yeah. But you're not still you."

The words hit me like a punch to the chest. "Shows just how much you really know me," I scoffed. "This is me. The real me. The me that has been waiting to come out all along."

He finally looked me in the eyes again, scowling. "Who...? Has somebody been feeding you these lies? Who has gotten into your head and brainwashed you?"

"I'm not brainwashed, it's the truth!" I stamped my foot, furious. "I can see it clearly all by myself. I'm not like the rest of you. I had hoped that you could all accept me anyway, but it seems I was wrong."

"Yeah, you were wrong." He pointed a finger at me, his expression dead serious. "I'm not going to just accept this when I know how it will end up."

"You think you know," I corrected, hands on my hips. "Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I'm stronger than you were? That maybe I can handle the darkness?"

He shook his head. "Maybe for now. But no one can stay strong forever."

The truth of that statement sank like ice water down into my gut and settled there. "Yeah. Exactly," I murmured after a long moment of silence. "That's why I thought you would understand, because you are the one person who knew more than anyone what my life has been like. I couldn't keep being strong like that."

"So you think this is the solution?" He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation.

Gritting my teeth, I jutted my chin forward. "At least it's a solution! All anyone else could offer me was...a little bit of glue, to put myself back together every time I fell apart, with the hope that eventually, someday, there might be a more permanent answer. But the fragments of myself were getting smaller and smaller, and harder and harder to put back together each time."

Tears pricked my eyes, and one escaped down my cheek before I could stop it. "I felt like I was dying, Grim. This solution might not be the prettiest, or the safest. I'm very well aware that I don't fit neatly into the perfect little group of Keyblade bearers anymore...if I ever did to start with. But it's a solution. I feel better now than I have in months, maybe even years. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Silence fell again as he studied me. I dashed errant tears away with my knuckles, then stared down at the sand, fists clenched by my sides. It felt like another fist was gripping my heart as I waited for him to say no, it didn't mean anything – waited for him to reject me, just like everyone else in my life. I didn't even know what I would do when he did. I didn't want to be the kind of person who couldn't live without my boyfriend, but he meant everything to me, and the thought of him no longer returning the sentiment was unbearable. Besides, if someone as patient and caring as Riku couldn't even bring himself to love me anymore, then I wasn't sure what the point was in existing. Clearly I was just unlovable.

"Of course it does," he finally answered, softly. "You know I want more than anything for you to feel better."

I interrupted him before he could add on the "but" that I was sure was coming. "The darkness helps. I can just get rid of any bad emotions that come up, even nightmares and panic attacks! They're just gone, I don't have to deal with them anymore! And it's not like I've turned evil and want to join the Organization or anything. I still want to help fight them, even if I'm not a guardian of light–"

"It's not healthy." Placing one hand on my arm, he used the fingers of the other to lift my chin. There was sadness shining in his eyes. "I wish with all my heart that it was, that this was really a viable solution for you. But we as humans are not meant to be able to just 'get rid' of our emotions, good or bad. This darkness is eating away at your heart, slowly, maybe, but surely. It's going to kill you."

I gazed into his eyes as a torrent of emotions flooded through me. There was sincerity in his voice and expression, which led me to believe that maybe he did still love me, after all. That brought undeniable relief. But I also knew that he still didn't understand, not really, and I realized with a pang in my gut that he never really would.

"That's the thing, Grim." Pulling free of his grasp, I took a step back. Maybe he wasn't purposely trying to hurt me, but it still hurt. He thought he knew what was best for me, but he was refusing to accept the person that I had chosen to become. "I'm sorry, but...even if it does kill me...that would be better than what I had before."

A pained look crossed his face, and I turned away with guilt needling at my chest. _I'm hurting him, too. He deserves better than me._ Out on the water, Sora seemed to be keeping the upper hand against Aqua, and past Riku I could see the King beginning to stir. It looked like everything was under control here, no thanks to me. "I'm sorry. I won't bother you anymore."

"Meli–"

Then I was running away through a dark corridor, yet again.


	38. Chapter 38

I couldn't get in anybody's way anymore. They obviously didn't really need my help right now, so there was no reason for me to keep popping in and trying to offer it. Nobody liked me or my methods of helping, anyway. But I still wanted to keep up with what and how they were doing, and I wanted to be there when they went into the final battle, whether they wanted me there or not. Apparently I didn't really have anything better to do than spy on my friends, so why not figure out a good method to do it?

I knew there was a way of watching and listening without being seen, and I assumed it was accomplished using darkness, since the Organization had done it on more than one occasion. When they had first shown up to taunt Sora in Hollow Bastion, they had even spoken to us from somewhere unseen. I assumed that this was also the method that they had used to watch me without my knowledge, though the thought still caused an involuntary shudder.

Obviously I couldn't practice anywhere where I would be seen, so I started off trying to break through to the beach, attempting to open a window of sorts rather than a full corridor. It took multiple tries, and most of a night. For a while every attempt either ended in a full blown corridor, or some tiny hole that strained and fizzled and blinked out of existence.

Eventually, though, I got it to work. I would have been happy with just being able to hear, but what I ended up with was a small circle through which I could see the water and also hear the waves lapping on the shore. I needed to make sure that no one could see it from the other side, though, so I took my next attempt to the middle of the Agrabah bazaar. Very carefully, I used the new technique to open a window, and smiled to myself as I watched the usual early morning crowd bustle by. Everyone seemed to naturally veer around the window to avoid it, but not one person glanced up. _Yes. Sucess._

It was tempting to use my new talent to give the Organization a taste of their own medicine. After all, they still had Kaj, and I really wanted to know what they were doing to him. _Probably brainwashing him to their side even more...at best. At worst, they've already turned him into another Xehanort zombie._

But I couldn't take the risk that they'd be able to sense me lurking in the darkness, just like I had been able to with Aqua. Instead, I first checked in on Zephyr in Radiant Garden. I had promised him that I would come back, and I had every intention of doing so eventually, but I knew that as soon as I showed up in person he would just start begging me to take him along again. For now, I settled on being super awkward and morally ambiguous and spying on him.

I found him out at the Bailey, ironically enough, the same place where the Organization had used this technique to watch us fight Dusks. He seemed to be hanging out with Leon. It took me a moment to figure out what he was doing, since at first he looked to just be swinging a stick around randomly, but then it dawned on me that Leon was training him. I smiled fondly as I watched him. It was probably a good thing that they were working on staff fighting, rather than something sharp like a sword, since I wasn't too confident that Zeph wouldn't slice off a limb.

But regardless of the weapon, it was a relief to see that the Restoration Committee seemed to have taken him under their wing, and that they were smart enough to prep him for the likely dangers that he might face. While I was sure that they could protect him better than I would be able to, it would be good for him to have some knowledge of self-defense if and when the Organization came calling.

He finished the set of moves he was working on and turned back to Leon, saying something that I couldn't make out and laughing. The guilt for leaving him behind eased just a little bit. He was safe, and he had made new friends. Everything with Zeph was going to work out just fine.

Leaving them to their training, I next followed Riku's connection to Yen Sid's tower. To my surprise, when the window opened it looked into a bedroom that I had never seen before. Through the dim lighting, I could see Riku stretched out on a small bed, asleep. My heart skipped a beat. This was my first time seeing him really asleep, if you didn't count the nightmare at the mansion and the time right after the Mark of Mastery exam. Scanning the room quickly for any other signs of life, I opened the window up into a corridor and crossed through.

 _My sweet Grim. You're finally getting some well-deserved rest._ He was lying on top of the covers, fully clothed other than his boots and jacket, with one arm draped across his stomach and the other thrown over his eyes as if to block out any stray light. His breath came steady and slow through his nose. I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him with my head on his chest, but I couldn't risk him waking and finding me there.

Instead, I found a thin blanket folded on a nearby chair, and gently threw it over him. _Sweet dreams, Grim._ Leaning down, I dropped the lightest of kisses onto his jaw, then backed away and took my exit.

 _So, if Grim is resting, then where is everyone else?_ A quick check of connections proved that King Mickey was also at the tower, while Sora, Donald, and Goofy were away on a world that I didn't recognize. Opening another window, I found myself looking over what appeared to be a huge throne room, with towering stained glass windows and golden archways, and many ornate carvings all over the walls. In the middle of the marble floor stood the trio I had been searching for, along with a kid who looked an awful lot like Roxas, but obviously couldn't possibly be, and a young woman... _is that Aqua?_ There was certainly a resemblance, though this girl had blue hair and wore a smile on her face.

"Huh? You're...Sora?" the blond kid was saying.

"Yup. Hey, Ventus." Sora reached out to shake his hand.

 _Ventus...he was one of the Keyblade wielders we were looking for, right? Which means this must be Aqua, after all. She must have shown Sora where to find him._ I chewed the inside of my lip thoughtfully as Ventus took the proffered hand. _Guess that means they found their seven lights, after all. If they're counting Axel, that is._ That thought made me want to gag, but it seemed likely at this point with all the training he had been doing.

"Call me Ven." _Why does he look and sound so much like Roxas? It's so weird._

Aqua placed an affectionate hand on top of Ven's head. "Good morning, Ven." _It's also weird seeing her all not-dark and happy._

"Good morning, Aqua."

Donald cleared his throat. "We'd better get you two back to Yen Sid's tower. Everybody's meeting there."

"They're all gonna be so excited to see you two!" Sora grinned.

Closing the window, I sighed and headed back to the mansion. It would take them some time to get back to Yen Sid's on the Gummi Ship, so I might as well try to get some rest. That meeting was definitely one I didn't want to miss, regardless of the fact that no one would know I was there. Not that they would miss me at all. _I'm not a Guardian of Light, so who cares, right?_

After a couple of hours of restless sleep, I woke bleary-eyed and hungry. _When was the last time I actually ate a decent meal?_ For some reason eating had become even less of a priority lately. Since I was currently hungry instead of nauseous as usual, it was a good time to fix that with a quick trip into town to swing by the sushi place that Riku and I loved.

Then it was back to Yen Sid's, and it looked like I was just in time. Riku, King Mickey, Sora, Donald, Goofy, Aqua, and Ven were already gathered in the wizard's office. As I settled cross-legged on the non-existent ground of the In Between – which was a weird sensation – to eat my sushi and watch, the door opened and Kairi and Axel came in, too. Kairi was wearing what must have been her new clothes from the fairies – another pink mini dress, but this one with plaid accents like the other new outfits – and had also cut her hair to about the same length as mine, though her style included bangs. I smiled to myself as she threw her arms around Sora's neck, then gave Riku a warm side-hug. Axel, who I noticed was still wearing that ugly Organization coat, placed himself on the far end of the group, leaving space for Kairi to stand closer to Sora.

"At last, we are all assembled," Yen Sid began.

I tried not to let my brain immediately start in on the, "Yeah, all except me," comments. This meeting was probably going to be rough enough as it was.

"First: Sora, Riku, Donald, Goofy, Mickey, I cannot thank you enough for what you have done. And you, Aqua and Ventus: we are fortunate to have you back."

"Thanks," Aqua replied. "I only wish we could have returned sooner." She turned to face the rest of the group. "We're grateful to all of you for rescuing us."

"Thank you," Ven piped in.

_Seriously, why does he look so much like Roxas? This is freaking me out!_

"I feel bad for letting you guys down," the King told her, his face sad. "We tried, but we still haven't found Terra."

"Don't. He studied with Master Eraqus, just like us. He's our responsibility." Aqua looked to Ven, and he gave a resolute nod.

"Mickey told me that you saved me in the Realm of Darkness," Riku spoke up. "I should have gone to help you right away. But I was too inexperienced. I'm sorry. I know that I let you down."

"No, just the opposite." Aqua smiled at him.

Goofy leaned around Riku to be seen by Aqua. "Did ya know Riku's a true Keyblade Master now?"

"That's wonderful."

I had to smile a little at the embarrassment on Riku's face. He hated being the center of attention as much as I did.

"The King, too," Donald pointed out.

"Good for you!" Aqua exclaimed.

Walking over to where Sora was watching the proceedings with his hands behind his head, Donald smirked mischievously. "But Sora needs work."

Sora dropped his hands to his hips with a scowl. "Yeah, rub it in."

As everyone chuckled, Aqua spoke up again. "I'm happy to see that you haven't changed one bit."

"Huh?" Sora looked even more surprised than I was sure I did.

"Sora, you probably don't remember..."

He placed a hand on his chin, deep in thought. "Ummm...uhh..." Scratching the back of his head, he smiled sheepishly.

"It's okay," Aqua smiled.

At that moment, Axel cleared his throat noisily, obviously tired of being ignored. I rolled my eyes, glad once more that I hadn't had to spend the last couple of weeks with him.

"Ah, yes," Yen Sid acknowledged. "Let us not forget our new Keyblade wielders. Lea, Kairi, you have made tremendous strides."

"Hey there. And that's 'future Keyblade Master'– " Axel started, pointing a thumb at himself.

"Kairi?" Aqua interrupted, surprised. Crossing to the younger girl, she bent down to look her in the face. "Incredible! It is you."

"You know her?" King Mickey asked.

_Apparently she knows everybody._

"When you and I first met in Radiant Garden, the Unversed tried to attack a little girl. Do you remember?"

_What's an Unversed?_

"Oh gosh! That little girl was Kairi?" the King exclaimed.

 _Does that mean that Kairi is originally from Radiant Garden?_ She looked thoroughly thrown off by the whole conversation.

"I guess it must've worked – the spell that I cast on you," Aqua continued.

"I'm sorry. Those days are hazy for me," Kairi murmured. "But it sounds like I'd have been in trouble without you. So, thank you." She gave a slight bow.

Aqua waved a hand dismissively. "Please. You were really, very little. Anyone would forget, hazy memory or not."

Axel cleared his throat again, even louder than before. "This is all very touching, guys, but where do I fit in?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. _Where do you fit in? I'm the one who should be fitting in somewhere, not you. You shouldn't be here at all._

"Ven looks just like Roxas," he continued. "Or is it Roxas looks just like Ven?"

_At least he knows how to ask the right questions._

He leaned to the side and put a dramatic hand to his forehead. "And now I have to explain all of that to him – which is in itself a crazy long story – and apparently, everybody already knows everyone, and this is an insane amount to get memorized!" He threw his arms up over his head in exasperation.

If I didn't hate him so much, I might actually have found him humorous at times.

"Sorry, Lea," Ven replied with a smile.

Looking surprised, Axel tapped a finger to his temple. "You remember me?"

"Yeah, 'course! We're friends. I can't believe you became a Keyblade wielder just like me."

Now I was the one who was confused. Ven knew Axel? When had that happened? Hadn't he been asleep for like, ten years or something? Speaking of which, how come he still looked like he was my age? Was he a child prodigy, or had he not aged at all in ten years?

"Axel, you know Ven?" Sora asked.

"Axel? Who's Axel?" Ven returned.

"See, see, see? Major brain-ache," Axel moaned. For once I had to agree with him. Then he jumped and exclaimed, "Now who?" I had to squint to see Jiminy, perched on top of Sora's head.

"Not to worry, folks. To help us out, I've given each of you a Gummiphone. They've got summaries of everything that's happened so far. That way, you can read up, if you'd like. And if anyone has questions, we can call each other."

"That's our Jiminy," Donald proclaimed.

"He's always prepared," Goofy agreed.

The cricket turned to face Riku with a frown. "I do have one for Meli, too...have ya seen her lately?"

 _Hm. Someone actually did remember me._ I wasn't sure how to feel about the fact that it was the one person I periodically forgot about.

Riku opened his mouth to answer, but was interrupted by Yen Sid. "You may leave Meli's phone here with me. I will see that she receives it."

I frowned. _When is he planning on seeing me? I certainly have no plans of visiting him._

"Welp, we've got our seven guardians," King Mickey pronounced.

Sora nodded. "Yeah. But...I do wish that Roxas, and Naminé, and Terra could be here with us, too."

"Since when do you mope, Sora?" Riku asked teasingly. "Come on. Terra's gotta be with the Organization. Which means we'll have a chance to save him."

 _And Kaj. We need to save Kaj._ I could have kicked myself for getting too wrapped up in my own problems to tell them about him yet.

"Leave it to Ven and I," Aqua offered. "We'll bring him home."

"Yeah, I made Terra a promise," Ven remarked. "I said I'd be there for him when he needs me."

"And I'll figure Roxas out," Axel put in. "Don't know how, but...I'll get him back."

Kairi placed a hand on her heart. "Naminé is right here, safe with me. I know that we'll find a way to help her. Trust me – I'm not giving up."

"Kairi's right. We're all in this together, Sora," said the King. I just barely resisted the urge to break out in the song from that stupid teenage musical I had seen on tv.

"And Donald and I are no Keyblade wielders, but we'll always be right there to help keep ya steady," Goofy added. "We've got your back, not just now, but always."

Donald knocked Sora's hip with his fist to get his attention. "Three half-pints make a whole!"

"That again?" Sora laughed, everyone else joining in. When the room quieted, a shadow crossed his face again. "But...what about Meli?"

My heart lurched in my chest. Kairi frowned, too, and clasped her hands in front of her. "Yeah...where is she? I thought she would be with one of you two. I've been worried about her."

Ducking his head, Riku took a small step forward and cleared his throat. "I, uh...I've got some bad news about Meli. I think...I believe she's given in to the darkness."

A wave of gasps and murmurs rolled across the group. Having discarded my empty food container to the side, I hugged my knees up under my chin, brow furrowed, not liking at all the drama and tension that my private business was creating among my so-called friends.

"I was afraid of that, when we saw her on the ship," Sora said glumly.

"Oh no," Kairi breathed, hands over her heart. "Why would she...? I mean, I know she was struggling...but that just doesn't seem like her."

"I don't know, you didn't see some of the things I did," Axel muttered under his breath.

Riku stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Well, there's been a lot more going on with her than we initially realized..."

_Is he actually going to defend me?_

"She told us about the PTSD," Axel blurted. It took everything in me not to fly into the room and throttle him right then and there.

"PTSD?" Sora echoed, confused.

"She told you?" Riku asked at the same time, staring at Axel in shock.

"I don't think she really meant to," Kairi mumbled.

Riku looked down again. "Yeah, well...I knew about it, and I knew her darkness had been growing. I should have seen this coming, I guess."

Aqua looked back and forth between Kairi and Riku. "This Meli...is this the young lady that I fought in the Realm of Darkness?" Riku merely nodded in reply, still focused on the floor, and Aqua placed a hand on the side of her face and sighed. "Yes...she was certainly strong with the darkness."

_Why is that such a terrible thing?_

"To tell ya the truth, I've been a bit worried about something like this happening for a while now," King Mickey admitted.

"As have I," Yen Sid agreed. "Though I cannot foresee the future, this development does not come as a complete surprise to me. It is unfortunate, of course. But also unfortunate is the fact that we cannot dwell on it now. It is a shame that all of our friends could not be here. But our seven guardians of light have united. Perhaps you might say that we have nine guardians, with Donald and Goofy."

If it wasn't for the fact that he didn't know I was there, I would have thought he said that just to spite me. _Ooh, if I hadn't let the darkness in I could have been an "honorary guardian". How freakin' special. Joke's on you, I'm gonna fight the Organization whether I'm a "guardian" or not._

"Given time, I know the others will soon stand with us." I was unconvinced that he was actually including me in that grouping.

"Yeah." Sora nodded enthusiastically.

"Today, you recuperate. On the morrow, you journey to the fated place.”


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t really advertised my Tumblr on here yet I don’t think, but I’m doing at least a few days of KH OC week over there if you want to check it out. I’ll be posting some little blurbs about Meli for the next couple of days. My username is the same as here, actress4Him.

I continued to watch from the In Between for a few more minutes as the meeting began to break up. Riku, Sora, and Kairi spoke together loudly enough for me to gather that they were going back to the Islands for the rest of the day, while Axel disappeared with a simple, "See ya tomorrow." Aqua and Ven walked out the door deep in conversation with one another, and the three Disney Castle residents also exited on their heels.

Only Yen Sid was left in the office. I stood, ready to leave, hesitant only because I really wished I could have that phone that Jiminy had left on the desk. _Maybe I can sneak back in later and get it...if he ever actually leaves this room. Surely he sleeps sometime._

"You may come out now."

Starting, I whipped around to stare back through the window at the mostly-empty room. Who was he talking to?

"I sensed you lurking there from the very beginning. You're still there for a reason. You may as well come out and make yourself known, so we can speak face to face."

 _He's talking to me. He knows I'm here._ It didn't necessarily seem like he knew it was me, though. Maybe he thought I was an Organization member. I didn't have to go in, I could just leave. I had no desire whatsoever to talk to the man. _I do really want that phone, though._ Heaving a sigh, I stretched the window out into a corridor and plunged through, rounding the corner of the desk with a scowl on my face.

"Ah, Meli. I thought it might be you."

I didn't meet his piercing gaze, only reached forward and snatched up the phone off the desk. "I'm just here for this."

"Which you only know about because you were listening in on the entirety of the meeting." He clasped his hands together on top of the desk.

My scowl deepened. "Yeah, I was eavesdropping. So sue me. Didn't think anybody actually wanted me to be here, what with my new affinity for the darkness and all, so it seemed like the best way to stay caught up."

He remained silent for a moment, and I started to back away and take my leave. Before I could, though, he spoke up again. "Your friends still care for you very much. They would have more than welcomed your presence here."

I huffed. "Somehow I doubt that. They didn't welcome my presence anywhere else."

"Is that true? Or is it that they simply had things they needed to say to you that you didn't want to hear?"

I clenched my fists at my sides and glared. "Listen, I'm not in the mood for one of your lectures right now. Yes, they wanted to tell me things I didn't want to hear. They wanted to tell me how they're worried about me, and how horrified they are that I chose the darkness, and how dangerous it is, and how I need to stop. And it's all because they 'care about me' so much. Which maybe they do, I don't even know anymore." My brain was too much of a swirling mess of aching nonsense to figure out much of anything these days.

"At least I'm pretty sure that Riku does. But that doesn't change the fact that they don't understand. None of you do! None of you have been in my shoes, none of you have felt the things I've felt, none of you get how using the darkness makes me feel like an actual human being again. Like I'm finally the person I was always meant to be." I gritted my teeth. "But all of you seem to think you have the right to judge me for my decision that I made for myself."

Yen Sid hummed in thought. "It does not sound to me as if judging was anyone's intention, but merely expressing their concern for your well-being. This is a dangerous path you have chosen."

"I know that," I hissed. "I don't care."

"And therein lies the difference." He nodded as if discovering something. "You do not care about the danger. They do, because they do not want harm to come to their friend. You want them to understand your reasons for choosing this path, but perhaps you should start by trying to understand their reasons for being concerned."

"Again, because they care about me so much?" I rolled my eyes. "If that really is the case, then maybe they should have been just as concerned about where the path I was on before was leading. Because trust me, it was just as bad, or worse." Throwing my hand out to the side, I opened a corridor and prepared to exit.

"Should I assume that we will be seeing you tomorrow?"

I paused, not turning back from the corridor. "Of course. I may not be a guardian of light, and none of you may think I'm strong enough to be of any help. But those are my friends, and I'm going to use everything I have to make sure they all make it home safely."

He hummed again. "That feeling, there. That fierce protectiveness that burns within you...that is exactly what your friends are feeling for you."

Surprised, I looked over my shoulder and stared at him for a moment. _Could that be possible? Could they really feel the same way about me that I do about them...even now, when so much has changed?_ My head pounded from the effort of trying to keep my thoughts in line.

Finally I pressed my lips together, shaking my head slightly, and dropped my gaze to the floor. _Come on, Meli. This is you we're talking about. No one has ever felt that way about you before, so why would they start now? Nobody could ever love you the way that you love those guys._

"Thanks for the phone." I waved the device, then walked out of Yen Sid's office, and out into the tree house on the play island. While I waited for Riku, Sora, and Kairi to arrive, I plopped down onto the wooden floor and started exploring the phone's data.

There were files for each of the guardians, plus Donald, Goofy, Terra, Roxas, Naminé, and me. I tapped Riku's name first, and smiled involuntarily at the photo of his face that popped up. Scrolling down, I read through the brief text explaining his identity and role.

_Newest Keyblade Master and childhood friend of Sora and Kairi. Currently dating Meli. Struggled with darkness in the past, but was able to find control over it. Worked with Ansem the Wise to help defeat the original Organization XIII._

I was sure that Riku would be embarrassed by Jiminy's inclusion of the part about his darkness, but at least he hadn't gone into any detail. Clicking back to the main list, I read quickly through Sora's and Kairi's bios before finally talking myself into clicking on my own. My first thought was to question when and where someone had taken the photo of me that came onto the screen. It wasn't too awful, I didn't suppose. I held my breath as I began to read.

_Keyblade wielder for just under one year. Originally from a parallel universe; she is the doppelganger of Kairi. Currently dating Riku. Worked with both Riku and Sora to help defeat the original Organization XIII._

I read through the short paragraph once, then twice, then a third time. _Huh. If I ever see Jiminy again, I guess I should thank him for making me sound more useful than I actually am._ It was all true, I supposed, it just left out a crucial sentence at the end – "Then she was captured by the Organization, and became a totally different person, and now nobody likes or trusts her." Sighing and rolling my eyes, I backed out of the page and busied myself reading the other files.

It was nearing sunset when I finally heard voices out on the beach. Peeking out the door of the tree house, I watched as the trio docked their boats and crossed the white sand, Riku taking a seat on the lower part of the beach while Sora and Kairi made their way up to the crooked paopu tree. I stepped out onto the crude balcony and leaned my elbows onto the railing, just staring at the back of Riku's head for the longest time, not even sure what I was thinking about. Then I pulled the phone back out of my pocket, and touched his name on the list of contacts.

As the phone started to ring on my end, I saw him jolt slightly before reaching into his own pocket and bringing the device up to his ear. "Meli," he breathed into the speaker with what sounded like relief. "You, uh...you got your phone."

"Yeah. I..." I bit down on my lip, unsure of what my exact purpose had been in calling, other than just wanting to hear his voice again. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I hate fighting with you."

"Yeah...I hate it, too." There was a long pause. "I'm sorry, too, if I...said things I shouldn't have...made you upset. I really...I'm really just worried about what's going to happen to you. You know that, right?"

I didn't know what I knew, so I didn't answer. "Did you go see your mom today?"

"Mm-hm." He shifted positions, draping his arm over his knees. "We all spent the afternoon with our parents. Your uh...your mom and dad were asking about you, Kairi said."

"Oh." I had thought about them many times since I had been away, wondered if they were as worried about me as they claimed they'd be, especially since I hadn't bothered to contact them in any way. Kairi had probably been sending letters like the good, faithful daughter she was. If she had told them that I had disappeared they probably really were worried. "Yeah, I should...call them...I guess." _Though I have no idea what I would say._

"I know they'd love to hear from you." Another pause, then, "How did you know I would go see my mom today?"

Cringing at my mistake, I fumbled for an excuse. "Oh, um...well, you know, I had to go to Yen Sid's to pick up the phone..."

"Oh. He mentioned where we were?"

"He said he was giving everyone the rest of the day off." _To you. He said that to you, and I heard because I was eavesdropping._ "I figured the rest out." _By listening in on your conversation._

"You know, you could have come with us. Still could, since I know you can be here in two seconds flat."

I sighed, letting my eyes wander up to where Sora and Kairi were perched on the trunk of the tree for a minute before I resumed watching Riku. "You guys need some peace for once. My presence doesn't exactly promote that right now."

"Even if I promise not to fight with you?" It was his turn to sigh. "I really just want you sitting next to me right now. Everything else can wait until another time."

The request was tempting. Oh, it was so tempting. I could see the very spot that I would sit in, nestled in next to him with my head on his shoulder and his arm wrapped around my waist. Everything would be right again, if only for a moment. We could watch the sunset together, at least one more time, because after tomorrow I didn't know what was going to happen to me, whether or not this darkness would last or if I'd have the strength to keep controlling it or if anyone would ever want me back in their lives for real. All that mattered right now, though, was getting through this final battle and keeping all of my friends safe.

"I'm sorry." They really did need the rest and the peace. _I mean, just look at Kairi and Sora. They're finally a_ c _tually spending some alone time together, and if I showed up it would totally interrupt that._ "I can't right now. Tell the others I said hi, though, okay?"

I could see him rub his free hand across his forehead, and felt terrible for disappointing him, even though it was for his own good. "Yeah, okay." He glanced up at the two lovebirds, then sat up straight and gave a surprised grunt. "Are they...? Meli, I think they just shared a paopu."

Eyebrows flying upwards, I followed his gaze and could just make out the silhouette of their arms crossing each other, a large, star-shaped fruit in each hand. Kairi had made sure that I knew the legend of the paopu fruit not long after I moved to Destiny Islands – some tradition that no one remembered who had started where couples would share a fruit and ensure that their destinies would be forever intertwined. Apparently Riku used to tease Sora about sharing one with Kairi all the time, but neither of us were sure we'd ever see the day when it actually happened. A smile broke out on my face. "Those two...they actually did it. I can't believe it."

"It's about time."

We watched in comfortable silence for a moment, until a thought occurred to me and I couldn't stop myself from blurting it out. "How come we've never shared a paopu?"

Riku breathed a laugh. "I don't know. I guess because we're not hopeless romantics like the two of them? I figured you thought it was stupid."

I shrugged, despite the fact that he couldn't see me, and stared down at my fingers that were picking at splinters on the wood railing. "Yeah, I mean...I do, I guess." It had never even crossed my mind before that we would share one. But for some reason now it was bugging me, giving me just one more reason to doubt my importance. "You're right, it's pretty silly. Good for them, though."

"Do you–?"

"I, um...I should go," I interrupted. "I just wanted to let you know that...I'll be there tomorrow. At the final battle. I'm very ready to kick some Organization butt, so...I'll see you there."

I almost expected him to protest, to tell me I should stay away, but to my relief, he didn't. "Okay. I...I'll see you there." He scratched the back of his head. "Um, Meli...?"

"Yeah?"

"Just..." His hand dropped back down to his side. "Just be careful. That's all."

I gave a nod. "I will." Movement at the edge of my vision caught my attention, and I looked up to see Sora falling sideways off the tree trunk and landing in the sand with much flailing of arms and legs. I laughed without thinking. "Can't promise anything for that dork, though."

Riku laughed, too, also watching, but then his breath caught. "Wait, are you...?" He twisted around backwards, eyes searching the trees and walkways.

Realizing I'd given myself away, I straightened up quickly. "Love you, Grim." I ended the call and opened a corridor, watching his head swing in my direction a second before the smoke completely enveloped me.

 _Coward. All you ever do is run away from people to avoid conflict._ I retreated to the safety of the mansion bedroom, dropping down onto the bed while staring at the phone in my hand. _If you weren't a coward, you'd go see the Yoshidas tonight. Or you'd at least call them and let them know you're still alive. They deserve that much._ But this was Mrs. Yoshida we were talking about. Somehow, she'd know. She'd figure out that something was off with me. It was amazing that it had taken Riku telling my secrets for her to find out about the PTSD, because she could always tell when I had had a bad day no matter how hard I tried to hide it.

Inhaling deeply, I fell over onto my back and let out the air in a sigh. _What was it that Grim told me about his mom right after he got back? Something along the lines of...even though he felt bad for making her wait that long, he was glad that she was seeing that version of him._ Turning off the phone, I tossed it toward the pillow. I had no plans of letting go of the darkness once this fight was over, but I was hoping that maybe I could figure a few more things out about where my life was headed. _Yeah. When I'm more confident in myself...when I know whether or not I'm going back home to the Islands...that's the me she'll see._


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just go ahead and say I’m sorry ahead of time.

I was determined to actually get some sleep that night, not spend it wandering like I so often did and wear myself out right before the big battle. My brain, however, had other ideas. I stayed awake for hours, alternately staring up at the familiar blue canopy, pounding my pillow into submission, and curling up into the tightest ball I could form, all while a million different possible scenarios for how the day might go played through my mind. When I finally did fall asleep, my thoughts did not. Now the scenarios were infinitely more dark and terrifying, though, and I woke panting and in a sweat after each and every bout of sleep, having to work hard each time to shove the panic down.

Finally, somewhere close to what should have been dawn based on the numbers glaring from the clock I had bought in town, deep and dreamless sleep found me. It didn't last very long, only a few hours, but long enough that I slept past the time I had planned on getting up. When I blinked open my eyes and saw how late it had gotten, I practically leapt out of the bed. My heart was pounding already, just from the anticipation of what was to come.

_Okay, Meli. Deep breaths. Calm down. There's no need to go into this already stressed and exhausted, so...coffee first. Then catch up with the others._

I didn't linger in Agrabah, just grabbed my cup of coffee, drank half of it while standing in an undisturbed corner, then drained the rest in the In Between. It hadn't necessarily calmed my nerves any, but it did at least help me feel a little more human.

When I reached out, I could feel all of my friends gathered in one place, and I could feel the immense darkness right along beside them. Hopefully I hadn't missed anything too big. I opened the corridor, but paused before walking through, taking a few more steadying breaths.

The world was dry and hot. It almost felt like I had returned to Agrabah, though the heat was made less intense by the wind that whipped up a storm of dust and clouded the air. I could make out the face of a cliff through the dust, and in its center, a pathway where Sora, Donald, and Goofy were just disappearing. Otherwise, the red dirt stretched out endlessly on either side of me, completely void of all life.

Something terrible had happened here. I could feel it in the air, in my bones, a cold that settled over them and made me shiver. It was nothing recent, nothing that my friends had anything to do with. No, this was like an ancient voice, calling out to me from the dust, whispering of the horrible things that it had seen many, many years ago.

It was an effort to pull myself out from under the spell. Swallowing hard, I put one foot in front of the other, forcing myself forward, toward those foreboding cliffs. As I drew closer, the glint of metal in the sun caught my eye, and I stopped in my tracks. Keyblades. There were dozens of them, rusted with age and coated in a thick layer of dust, stuck haphazardly in the ground all around the cliff. Realization dawned on me. _This is it. This is where it happened...the ancient Keyblade War. Where darkness prevailed and light expired...and hundreds of Keyblade wielders lost their lives. Of course he would choose here for this battle._

Setting my mouth, I returned my attention to the path ahead. _It won't happen again today. I may not be using light, but I will make sure it prevails. And no more Keyblade wielders will die here, not today._

I was ready to start forward again when a familiar sound caught my attention. Whirling around, I saw two figures standing out in the open, and my heart galloped into overtime. Ansem, the man whom Riku had shared a face with for so long, was staring straight at me with a devious smirk on his lips. At his side was Kaj.

"I was quite disappointed when I didn't see you among your friends earlier." That deep voice grated at my ears, reminding me way too much of a time I'd rather forget. "So good to see that you've finally arrived."

I walked slowly back toward them, Keyblade flashing into my hand. "What do you want, Ansem?" My eyes flicked over to Kaj, trying to read him, but his expression was stoic.

"I thought you might like to see how our newest recruit is doing." Ansem gestured toward Kaj with one hand. "He's come quite far in his training."

All I cared about was whether or not they had turned him into a Xehanort zombie. He looked normal, at least, though I wasn't sure what changes I should be searching for. "I seriously doubt that's all that you singled me out for. Is this some sort of last minute effort to get me to change sides?"

Ansem smiled again. "Perhaps it is. You're obviously quite intelligent, Meli. You've chosen the power of the dark over the weak light already. Why not make another smart decision now, and choose to join your friends on the side of this battle that will win?"

Shifting my grip on the Keyblade, I narrowed my eyes. "You guys are obviously not very intelligent if you really think that you're going to change my mind. What, did Xemnas give up so soon? Didn't want to risk me beating up on him anymore? Or were you specially chosen because they thought your connection to Riku would psych me out?"

Not giving him a chance to answer, I pressed on. "Look, Kaj has made his own stupid decision, and while I have no intention of letting him continue down this path for long, it was his choice. That doesn't mean I'm stupid enough to make the same..." I trailed off as something he had said itched at my brain. "Wait, why did you say, 'friends', plural? Whether or not Kaj is actually still my friend is debatable at best, but if you think I have any other friends in the Organization, you're out of your mind."

Ansem arched a perfect eyebrow. "Oh, did I forget to mention?" With a wave of his hand, he summoned a corridor off to the side of where we were standing. The smoke cleared, and Zephyr was standing there, eyes wide with bewilderment.

"Zeph!" I choked out. I swiveled my head back to Ansem, who was positively gloating, just barely taking note of the surprise on Kaj's face before jogging over to my friend. "Zeph, are you okay?"

"Mel?" He was looking around, dumbfounded. "Where...? What's going on?"

"I wouldn't bother trying to send him away again," Ansem's voice came floating over my shoulder. "I'll know where he is, and simply bring him right back."

Gripping the handle of my Keyblade so hard it hurt, I lowered my voice, lightly touching Zeph's arm with my free hand. "It's alright. I'm gonna get us out of here."

He nodded vigorously, blue eyes filled with confusion and fear. "Okay. Be careful, Mel."

I faced Ansem and Kaj again, cheeks hot with anger. "He's not with you. You're lying."

"Perhaps not right now, but that's merely semantics." Ansem crossed his arms over his broad chest. "I'll make a deal with you, Meli. If you fight willingly alongside us today, both Zephyr and Kaj shall go free." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kaj shoot an irritated look up at the taller man. "However, if you refuse, then Xehanort has deemed you a 'wild card' that must be eliminated. And of course, with you gone, your friends will be at my mercy."

I actually didn't mind being called a wild card. It was a whole lot better than some of the names I had come up with for myself, and gave me a feeling of power over these Nobodies. _So, they're worried about what I might do? Good._ Striding back to square off in front of Ansem, I swung my Keyblade up into place and crouched into my fighting stance. "I've got a counter offer. How about I kill you, then take both of my friends to safety?"

Ansem had the gall to look almost pleased. "Elimination it is, then." Without turning, he waved Kaj forward with one hand. "She's all yours. Kill her."

I only had a split second for my mind to scream, _what?_ before Kaj was asking the same thing. "What? You said we were gonna recruit her, not kill her. No one said anything about Zeph being involved, and no one said anything about Meli dying." He stood his ground, glaring up at the side of Ansem's head. "You can't make me do that."

I wanted to be relieved that Kaj was standing up for me, at least a little, that he was clearly not a Xehanort zombie yet, but I knew that now was my chance to attack. Sprinting forward, I raised my weapon to strike. Ansem saw me coming and curled in on himself, then thrust his hands up to release both his Heartless Guardian and a wave of darkness that threw me backwards onto the ground. Before I had the chance to catch my breath, the grotesque creature had swooped down and snatched me up in one of its huge hands, trapping my right arm up against my chest.

"I knew that you couldn't be trusted," Ansem was telling Kaj down below me. "You were Xemnas and Xigbar's pet project, but if they really wanted your allegiance, they should have convinced Xehanort to make you one of us. Your little rebellion means nothing, though. The girl will die, if not by your hand, then by mine."

Desperately, I kicked and punched and squirmed, but without my Keyblade it was no use. The hand began to squeeze, fingers as big as my fists digging down into my chest. It was like an outward, physical manifestation of the vise grip of a panic attack, and it was terrifying.

Then something cracked, first on my left side, then the right, and I cried out in pain. Black spots swam in my vision. From somewhere very far away, I could hear voices screaming, maybe even calling my name, but as my breath continued to fail me everything was rapidly fading.

_I'm sorry, Zeph. I wanted...to save you..._

I didn't know I was falling until I hit the ground and crumpled. Suddenly I could breathe again, and I sucked in the air greedily, but each inhale sent an explosion of pain through my ribcage. Moaning through my teeth, I tried to orient myself. Dirt. There was dirt underneath me, caught up in my fists, turning into paste in my mouth. Somewhere to my right, one of the voices was coming back into focus. Angry. The voice was angry.

Another sensation broke through to my consciousness, past the grit and the starvation for air and the pain. A hand on my shoulder, and another voice – not angry, scared. Close to me. Lifting my head, I first saw Ansem, far away, stony-faced. Kaj was glowering at him, and he was... _are those daggers?_ Yes, Ansem was pulling two daggers out of his own flesh, silver blades glinting in the sunlight.

The scared voice spoke again, and I dragged my eyes upwards to find Zephyr's face hovering just above mine. "Mel! Are you okay?"

I pushed myself up onto my elbows, then my hands, grimacing against the fire that ran up my sides with each movement. Zeph was staring at me with that puppy dog face, head tilted sideways, and I wanted to reassure him, to smile or to tell him everything would be alright, but I couldn't seem to find my voice again. Besides, Ansem was still there, and if I didn't pull myself together quickly he was going to kill me and take my friends. I had to protect them. No matter what, I had to make sure they were safe.

"No!"

The desperate cry swerved my attention back to Kaj, and the world fell into slow motion. He was running, fear in his eyes, hands reaching out as if to grab onto something. My focus shifted, locking onto the two daggers that were spinning gracefully through the air, almost blinding in their gleam. They would hit me in mere seconds, and there was nothing I could do about it. I was frozen in place.

Then a head of brown hair blocked my view, and before I could even gasp with realization, Zeph's body jerked and fell, landing in my lap. Two shining daggers stuck out from his chest, blood seeping out around them.

"No!" I scrambled upright, cupping his cheeks in my hands. "No, no, no!" _This can't be happening. This can't be happening._ "Zeph! Zeph, look at me!"

He coughed, a wet sound, and a trickle of blood ran out of the corner of his mouth.

"No, Zeph, come on, stay with me." I fumbled in my jacket pocket for a potion. _Please, please, please._

His eyelids fluttered open, and the vibrant blue of his irises seemed cloudy, unfocused. "'s 'kay, Mel."

"No, it's not okay, you can't leave me!" His eyes shut again, and I finally managed to uncork the vial of potion, my hands shaking so badly that I almost spilled it everywhere. "Here, take this!" I poured some of it onto his lips, but most of the liquid simply ran down his chin. "No, come on, this is gonna work! It has to!" _It has to work. I can't lose you. I can't lose you._

Turning my attention to his chest, I yanked the heinous daggers out and flung them as far away as possible so that I could pour the rest of the potion directly over the wounds. _Come on. Come on._ There was nothing. No green light, no glow, no skin closing over. I threw the empty vial in the opposite direction of the daggers and raked my hands through my hair. "Why isn't it working?"

"Mel." I hadn't even realized that Kaj was sitting there with us until he spoke. His voice was broken, his eyes filled with unshed tears. "It's too late. He's gone."

For a moment I just stared back at him, unable to comprehend his words. "No. He's not. He can't be." I looked down again, at the bloodstain that had spread to almost completely cover the once-blue t-shirt, the chest that no longer breathed, the pale face that was so still and peaceful. I placed my hand on his cold cheek again. "Zeph, please. Please..."

With that last word, my voice cracked, and I collapsed forward, throwing my arms around the lifeless body of my first best friend. "This is all my fault," I sobbed. "I brought you here and got you killed."

"I shouldn't have...I threw my daggers at him. I thought that would stop him." Kaj drew in a shuddering breath. "But he just...pulled them out, like it was nothing. He was going to kill you, and I just handed him a weapon to do it with."

My whole body shuddered as I wet Zephyr's neck with my tears. _He can't be gone. He can't be dead. I just got him back into my life, he can't be gone now._ "Why did you jump in front of me, Zeph? You should have just let me die."

A gentle hand rested on my back. "He couldn't have done that. He loved you too much."

_But I loved him, too. I just wanted to save him._

Something changed beneath me, and I sat up suddenly. He was fading away. Already I could almost see my legs through his body. "No," I croaked. "No, not yet, I'm not ready!" Grasping his head in my hands, I pressed my forehead to his. "Zeph..."

He was gone. What was left of him broke away into dancing lights that floated away into the blue sky. With a choking sob, I curled in on myself, not even fazed by the pain that was still shooting through my own body. _Zeph...please...come back._


	41. Chapter 41

Kaj let me cry in silence for several minutes before speaking again. "Mel...if I had known...they never said they were gonna kill either of you. I didn't...I never should have..."

Jerking my head up, I glared at him. "Yeah, but you did. I told you they were bad. I told you they were up to no good, but you still joined them."

Suddenly I realized that I could see the ocean over his shoulder. Blinking in surprise, I took in the white sand that we were sitting on, the paopu tree in the distance. "How...how did we get here?"

Kaj shrugged and looked down at his lap. "They taught me dark corridors. This is the first place I thought of, as soon as I saw that Zeph..." He swallowed. "Ansem would have finished the job if we had stayed there."

"Yeah, well, I've gotta go back," I spat. "My friends still need me, and the Organization isn't gonna stop me." I pushed myself to my feet, but got caught halfway up by the pain in my ribs and hissed through my teeth.

"Injured like that? I'm pretty sure even I could stop you if I really wanted to."

I shot him another glare in response. "I'm fine." Having the physical pain to distract me was a lot easier than facing what had just happened.

Kaj gestured toward my pocket. "Don't you have another of those potions? You should take one–"

"I said I'm fine!" Managing to straighten all the way, I took a deep breath, despite the fact that it made me want to fold over again, and softened a bit. "It...what happened...it wasn't your fault. You shouldn't blame yourself. Just because he used your daggers..." My voice caught in my throat, and I had to pause before I could continue. "This is all my fault, not yours."

"You can't keep blaming yourself, either. Zeph...he's the one that jumped in front of you, and...and Ansem is the one that killed him. It's his fault that..." He shook his head, looking down at the sand. "It's his fault."

I gritted my teeth. "You're right. It is. And I intend to make sure he pays by the end of the day." I opened a corridor with more force than was necessary, then glanced back at Kaj. "I assume you'll be fine from here?"

His brow furrowed in determination. "I'm coming with you."

My face hardened. "No. You're not."

"Why not? Because you don't think I can handle it?" He shook a lock of hair out of his eyes. "I may not have been training for long, but they said I was a natural. I'm not gonna do any crazy, heavy fighting, but I at least want to help–"

"Because I don't trust you, that's why!"

Kaj's expression went quickly from surprise to anger. "Oh, so you are still mad at me about the Organization."

"Of course I'm still mad at you about the Organization!" I retorted. "I said I didn't blame you for Zeph, not that I didn't blame you for using me to get you here so that you could join forces with my worst enemy!"

The momentary anger fell from his face, and his eyes dropped back to the ground. "Fair enough, I guess." He dug the toe of his Converse into the sand. "I just...I wanted to be useful for once. To prove that I was worth something. They promised to give me that."

"Useful for what, exactly?" His anger may have subsided, but mine was still in full swing. "Do you even know what their plans are? You say they never said anything about killing us, but that's exactly what they want to do today – kill me and every last one of my friends, so that they can wreak destruction on the universe and rule it. Is that what you wanted to be useful for?"

Deep down, I really did sympathize with him, at least when it came to feeling useless. That was no excuse for what he had done, though. "Next time, you might want to ask a few questions before you throw yourself into a cause."

"Okay, fine." He met my eyes with a defiant gaze. "Who are your friends, and what are they trying to accomplish?"

It only took me a second to catch his drift. "You are not coming with me!"

"Yeah, I am, so you might as well get over it now!" Without waiting for my response, he opened a corridor around the both of us. "I assume you know where to go from here to catch up with everyone?"

I growled and stamped my foot like a child, refusing to take him any further.

"Look, Mel–"

"Stop calling me that."

He rolled his eyes. "Meli, fine. I get it. You don't trust me, whatever. But right now, I want to get back at the stupid Organization just as much as you do."

"I seriously doubt that."

His jaw tightened, then relaxed, a move I was familiar with from whenever Riku was trying to control his emotions. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse. "He was my best friend, too, you know."

Tears clogged up my throat again, and I looked away. "Yeah. I know." Zephyr had always been closer to him than I was, especially after I left school.

I was beginning to realize that I was going to lose this fight, but I was too proud to actually concede that. Instead, I turned my back on him and made an opening to where Riku and the others should be. Before crossing through, I threw one last warning over my shoulder. "Please don't disappoint me more than you already have. And don't get yourself killed. I can't..." _I can't lose any more friends._ "I can't watch your back every second."

"I'll do my best."

As we walked through, I dug underneath the leather gauntlet on my left arm until my fingers closed around the bracelet from Zeph. Tugging it up my arm, I slid it back down over the gauntlet so that it was proudly displayed. _At least I've got this little piece of him._

We came out of the corridor to find ourselves in near-dark underneath the skyscraper-sized form of a shadow-Xehanort. "Whoa," Kaj deadpanned from behind me. "Did not expect that."

"Um...someone want to bring me up to speed?" I called to the group gathered in front of us.

Sora was the first to turn around and greet us. "Hey, Mel! You're here!" A grin lit up his face, and my heart dropped into my stomach.

_I can't...he looks too much like him..._

"Uh, is it just me, or is he...?"

"Yes," I tersely answered Kaj's unfinished question. Riku trotted over, and I tried my best to force some semblance of a smile onto my face.

"Hey. Glad you made it." He dropped a hand onto my shoulder and squeezed, but kept one eye on the towering figure. "I'm...not sure if I can tell you what's going on right this second..."

As he spoke, Shadows began falling from the swirling darkness above, creating multiple Demon Tides that completely encircled us. "Great," he muttered under his breath.

"This again?" Sora exclaimed, sounding equally irritated.

Both boys summoned their Keyblades, and I followed suite, along with everyone else, as we naturally turned to the outside and formed a circle of sorts. To my right, Kaj had also summoned his daggers. The sight of them immediately brought to mind an image of blood and Zephyr's fallen body, and I had to swallow back my nausea.

"So, uh...who's your friend?" Riku asked, glancing curiously over his shoulder at Kaj.

I sighed, not taking my focus off of the Demon Tide in front of me. "Riku, meet Kaj. Kaj, meet Riku. Yes, he's your doppelganger," I added on to neither of them in particular.

"Wha...?" Kaj gaped.

"Right," Riku responded at the same time.

On the other side of Riku, Sora craned his neck to see. "What? Crazy! But he's..."

"Hair dye," I yelled back at him.

One of the Tides soared into the air and came careening down straight toward Sora. He slashed across it, sending Shadows flying, and the rest of us took out the ones that fell nearby.

"So he's gonna fight with us?" Riku continued.

I rolled my eyes. "Apparently, though he was uninvited."

"Meli's having some trust issues," Kaj offered, the irritation clear in his voice.

"You joined the Organization." The statement was less a reminder for him, and more a warning for everyone else.

"And then I left the Organization," he pointed out.

"Hey, me too!" Axel piped up from across the circle. "We should start a club! As soon as we get Roxas back, he can be a member, too."

I could feel Kaj's stare boring into my ear. "So what, you trust this guy, but not me?"

"Heck no."

Axel laughed. "Sorry pal, she hates my guts."

The Shadows crept closer, and we took out a few more, but it barely made a dent in the massive crowd. "This isn't good," King Mickey said.

"Form up, now!" Aqua ordered. Everyone took a step back, tightening the circle, but the Shadows were still advancing.

To my left, Riku suddenly grabbed onto the King's Keyblade. "If you try to use time magic against these numbers, you won't have enough strength for the final battle."

Another Shadow leapt at me, and I destroyed it with one blow. I could hear others doing the same, one after the other. Kaj threw a dagger at one Heartless and made an impressive bullseye, killing it, before summoning the dagger back to his hand.

"I'll try and break through," Aqua declared. "Everyone, get ready!"

"Alone? That's crazy!" Ventus exclaimed. "I'll help!"

"Two is no better," Kairi remarked.

"Yeah, splitting up's a bad idea!" Axel put in, grunting as he sliced through a pair of Shadows.

Goofy cowered under his shield. "There's way too many!"

There was a loud squawk of fear that could only come from Donald. "We're finished!"

Then something changed up above us, a green glow that made me look up to the sky. Something like a comet was headed straight toward us. The light became much too bright for me before it even landed, causing a fierce ache behind my eyes, and I buried my face in the crook of my arm. I could feel the ground shaking slightly beneath my feet.

"Master Yen Sid!" several people shouted in unison.

I uncovered my eyes finally, blinking against the fading light, and saw the wizard with his back to us. The Heartless appeared to have been thrown back a few feet, but they still hovered eagerly nearby. Reaching each hand out to his sides, Yen Sid summoned a sparkling magic, then slammed the hands together and thrust them over his head. The resulting explosion of light threw Shadows into the air like popcorn, and felt like it was splitting my head in two. Groaning involuntarily, I clutched at my eyes with one hand, trying to keep from falling over with the pain.

"Are you okay?" Riku's hand stroked gently across my upper back.

I grunted my assent. "It's just my head...too bright."

His hand found the back of my neck and gave a sympathetic squeeze.

"Go, my young champions," Yen Sid's voice boomed over the roar of the Heartless. "I will hold them all here for as long as I can."

"We're not gonna leave you behind!" King Mickey protested.

There was a pause, then Donald spoke up. "You guys go on!"

"Me and Donald will stay here. The two of us'll back up Master Yen Sid!" Goofy added.

Riku bent down low to murmur in my ear. "Yen Sid's created a path through the Heartless. It's still pretty bright...if you hold onto me, I'll help you get through without you having to look."

He grasped my arm, but I shook him off, blinking my eyes open with a grimace. "I'll be fine." After all, the throbbing in my head wasn't a whole lot worse than the aching in my sides. If I could ignore one, I could ignore the other.

Riku's only response was a sigh.

Yen Sid's path seemed to be failing, Shadows tumbling in closer as it pulled back toward us. Right as they reached the circle of light that we all stood in, he stretched his hands back up and sent them flying once more. "Make haste!" he ordered, turning to us.

Nodding, we took off running as fast as our legs would carry us between the walls of swirling light. Every step jarred my ribs to the point that I was almost in tears, and to my chagrin I found myself falling further and further behind Riku and Kaj. By the time we not only reached the end of the long path, but also distanced ourselves from the mob of Heartless and found a seemingly safe spot in another mountain passageway, I was stumbling badly and had to fall up against one of the walls of stone to keep myself from hitting the ground.

Everyone was panting heavily for breath after the long run. "Is everyone alright?" the King queried, taking in the group in a sweeping glance.

There were several confirming grunts and mutters. "I sure hope Master Yen Sid, Donald, and Goofy will be okay," Sora sighed.

Closing my eyes, I leaned my head back against the wall, trying to keep my gulps of air shallow to not irritate my ribs any further. _You know you should probably just take a potion. You're even more useless than usual like this._ But the thought of a potion brought back the feeling of watching it spill fruitlessly out of the corners of Zeph's mouth, and I gladly focused back on the searing pain.

"You do realize that's how you get pneumonia, right?"

I scowled without opening my eyes. "Go away, Kaj."

Another, almost identical voice approached from the other side. "Wait, what? Is something the matter?"

"No."

"Pretty sure she's got some broken ribs," Kaj answered over me.

If looks could kill, Kaj would have withered underneath the glare I shot him.

"What?" Riku breathed, concern all over his face. "Meli, why didn't you say something? Or better yet, why haven't you taken a potion?"

"Because I'm fine," I snapped. "How many times do I have to say that?"

"Which side?" he asked, ignoring my mini tantrum.

I cut my eyes away with a sigh. "Both."

His pained expression was not lost on me, even out of my periphery, but he quickly filled both his hands with Cure and touched them gently to my sides. The warmth spread through me, and there was an intense surge of pain as the bones grated back into place. I clenched my teeth until it had passed, the warmth along with all traces of the pain. I drew in a deep, relieved, breath, but couldn't bring myself to even thank him.

"I really wish you would stop using all your magic on me. You're gonna need that soon."

"You're welcome." He gathered me off the wall and into his arms. "And if you don't want me using my magic, maybe you should beat me to healing you. What happened, anyway?"

Images flashed through my mind, and I tensed. "I don't wanna talk about it."

"It was Ansem," Kaj broke in. "He wanted to kill her."

Whipping my head around to where he was still leaning one shoulder against the wall, I threw him another glare. "Would you shut up?"

"What? You said you didn't want to talk about it, not that you didn't want him to know." He shrugged nonchalantly and turned back to Riku. "He had this...big, ugly...thing..."

"Guardian Heartless," I mumbled into Riku's shirt.

"Yeah, that. It's what broke her ribs." Kaj paused for a moment. "So...are you two, like...?"

"Yes," I groaned. I knew the subject of me dating his doppelganger was going to come up sooner or later. "Please don't make it weird."

He huffed. "Make it weird? You mean it's not weird already?" He gestured back and forth between himself and Riku. "This, and this–" he pointed at Riku and me –"A-a-and him?" he waved his hand wildly in Sora's direction, then seemed to spot someone else and deepened his frown. "And...is that...you?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed away from Riku a little. "Yes, it is. And it's entirely likely that you'll see even more doppelgangers that you know before the day is over, so just...chill, okay? You knew you were signing up to travel to a parallel universe, you should have seen some weirdness coming."

"Parallel universe?" Axel had come up behind Riku, and crossed his arms with a curious expression on his face. I dropped my forehead back onto Riku's chest. "Why am I just now hearing about this?"

Kaj spluttered. "You..."

"Oh my gosh," I drawled. "Can we please change the subject now?"

Kaj was undeterred. "Dude, I know now exactly why she hates your guts, and it has nothing to do with the Organization."

Axel snapped his fingers. "Aha, it's all starting to come together now. The guy that she always says I remind her of...he was from your universe, wasn't he? He was my doppelganger, and she knew him."

"Knew him? I'd say so, he was her–"

A palmful of Dark Firaga inches from his face stopped Kaj's explanation in its tracks. "I will kill you."

When I was satisfied that his mouth was staying shut, I pushed past everyone, though not before sending another glare in Axel's direction. "Now can we please go kick some Organization butt?"

Mercifully, the two annoying ones let me go, though Riku caught up with me in a couple of quick strides. "Hey." Gently grabbing my arm and turning me around, he lifted my chin with his fingers. "If you get hurt again..." He sighed, and there was obvious sadness in his eyes. "Just...please, take care of yourself. I don't..." His jaw tightened, and he shook his head almost imperceptibly. "I can't...I can't lose you."

The admission softened me, and my lips turned up in a small, sad smile. "Okay. You, too. I...can't lose you, either."

His mouth against mine sealed the promise. "Alright. Now let's go find that Organization."


	42. Chapter 42

* * *

TRIGGER WARNING FOR THIS CHAPTER. CENSORED VERSION BELOW THE DOUBLE LINES.

_The trigger warning is for Xigbar's canon "suicide" and a short conversation following it. I figured just because it's canon doesn't mean some people want to read about it again._

* * *

We walked out of the cool, dark passageway back into bright sunlight and a huge expanse of space. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I gasped. Keyblades were stuck into the ground every few inches for as far as I could see in any direction, like a sea of fallen metal. The only open area was the path that we walked on, and a second path which intersected it up ahead.

The cold, heavy feeling from before had returned in full force, and I startled slightly when Kaj bent down to whisper in my ear. "What are all those?"

"Keyblades," I murmured. "Just like the ones that we all carry." I glanced up at him, watching his confused gaze flit over the dulled weapons. "There was a war here, many many years ago, between all Keyblade wielders. A clash between light and darkness that created a special weapon that can summon the heart of all worlds. That war is what Xehanort wants to recreate today."

"And we're playing along because...?"

I sighed. "To protect innocents that he would use in our place."

King Mickey spoke up from ahead of us. "This crossroads marks the center of the Keyblade Graveyard. Be on the alert, I imagine that we'll be seeing the Organization again soon."

Sure enough, when we stopped at the crossroads a group of hazy figures appeared in the dust beyond. All thirteen new members strode toward us in a V formation, hoods up and purpose in their steps, with Xehanort hunched over in the middle. My heartbeat sped up and I dug my fingernails into my palms. Just knowing that Saix was one of those figures, yet not knowing which one, was enough to make me have to start shoving down emotions to keep from panicking.

The procession halted as if they had rehearsed ahead of time, still keeping their neat formation. There was a moment of silent stare-down before Xehanort spoke, as everyone knew he would.

"Today, we join these other wielders and leave our mark on fate. I have waited patiently...but together, we shall unlock the Keyblade War's secrets." No one deigned to answer him, and he summoned his Keyblade, lifting it up above his head. "Now we forge it. The ultimate key...the X-blade!"

He flipped the weapon over, and as he swung it toward the ground my heart leapt into my throat. _This is it. It's starting right now._ Darkness flowed out over the ground on contact, and I summoned my own Keyblade, expecting an all-out brawl right then and there. Instead, the world began to shake as ancient-looking stone walls shot up all around us, sending Keyblades flying everywhere. I wasn't sure what disturbed me more, feeling like we were being trapped, or watching the desecration of the only monument to the fallen wielders.

The Organization members were carried up on a wall of their own, standing eerily still as they careened up toward the sky. In another blink, they were gone, leaving the nine of us standing in a large room of sorts, with the only openings the ceiling and one large door that led further into Xehanort's creation.

Sora turned with the most solemn expression I had ever seen on his face. "Here we go."

Everyone nodded their readiness and took off at a run through the doorway. Almost immediately it was clear that we were making our way into a labyrinth. The hallway we were in led straight ahead, but another branched off to the left.

"Should we split up?" Axel asked.

King Mickey sighed. "I don't like it, but...it's probably for the best. Everyone should stay with a partner at all times, though."

"Okay, boss." Axel motioned to Kairi with his head, and they jogged away down the second hallway, followed by Aqua and Ven. I was not overly happy about Kairi sticking with Axel, but they were used to working together by now.

The rest of us continued down our hall, which soon made a right turn and met a third path. "Come on, Kaj," I ordered, veering down the new hallway.

"Hey, I'll come with you guys!" Sora ran to catch up with us, grinning. "Not that I don't trust...uh, what was your name again?"

"Kaj."

"Right, not that I don't trust Kaj's fighting skills, but since he's a bit new to this universe, seemed like you two might need my support a little more than those two." He jabbed a thumb back over his shoulder at Riku and the King.

 _Wonder if that's true, or if it's actually me they don't trust?_ I managed a small smile, trying my best not to have to look him in the face. "Thanks."

Kaj nodded. "Yeah, I, uh...I don't think I know your name, either."

"Oh, it's Sora!"

"Sora. Anyway, my fighting skills are...basic. So yeah, I'll probably be more of a...background fighter."

"Works for me!"

We turned another corner and found ourselves at another intersection. This time, though, we could see straight down each hallway into two rooms, and there was a fight taking place in each one. On the left was what looked like Riku fighting three people at once, and on the right King Mickey was fighting four.

"So much for stay with a partner," I muttered under my breath. I glanced over at Sora and he was frozen, caught between which friend to help. "I'm going to Riku," I told him. "You go help the King!"

He nodded with determination. "Right."

As I ran toward Riku, I heard Kaj's footsteps behind me. "I, uh...guess I'll go with you."

"Just stay out of the way and don't get hurt," I called back. Up ahead, I suddenly noticed a giant stone door beginning to slide closed, blocking us off from Riku. My heart thudded in my chest. "The door! Come on, hurry up!"

Putting on as much speed as I could muster, I barreled toward the rapidly shrinking opening. Kaj's longer legs caught him up to me rapidly, and we both slid through the narrow hole just in the nick of time.

"Whew," he panted. "That was like an Indiana Jones moment right there."

I was too busy taking in the fight happening before me to answer. Ansem, who was now very close to the top of my hate list, was watching the proceedings with arms crossed and amused interest, while Riku fought with someone I couldn't quite make out in the center of the room. Eyepatch, whose actual name I had still yet to catch, was hanging out on the edges, firing laser bullets from his guns on occasion.

Before I had the chance to formulate a plan, something whizzed by me and struck Eyepatch in the arm. Growling, he turned and began pelting us with lasers. Kaj cursed, wide-eyed, and dove out of the way, summoning the dagger he had thrown back to his hand.

"Really, Kaj?" I deflected as many lasers as I could off of my Keyblade, then cast Dark Firaga when there was an opening. Eyepatch fell back, and I glanced at the cowering boy behind me. "You were supposed to be hanging out in the background, remember?"

"Sorry." He hung his head. "I just wanted to help."

I felt a teensy bit bad for yelling at him, but not too much since we had both almost died. "Well next time, wait until the enemy is already engaged by one of us to jump in. Don't throw knives at people who have nothing better to do than come after you. Unless, you know, they're already actively coming after you."

Riku and his opponent locked weapons right in front of us, and I was finally able to get a good look at the other guy's face. Kaj apparently did, too, because his jaw dropped. "Why does that guy look like...a younger version of me?"

"That's...a good question."

Riku threw the younger him back, bringing his Keyblade down hard on Soul Eater. As soon as Young Riku had jumped out of the way, though, Eyepatch came flipping up into the air behind him, turning upside down to send multiple streams of lasers careening toward Riku.

"Look out!" I cried just as he leapt and rolled to the side. Eyepatch landed, and I shot Dark Firaga again, running as it found its mark to get in one slash before he jumped away. Teleporting after him, I took him by surprise and caught him across the stomach with my Keyblade, but he teleported, too, back up into the air to send another shower of lasers my way.

I thought I had managed to miss or deflect every bullet, but then something burned the back of my arm. Spinning around, I found myself faced with a cage of bright lasers, surrounding a floating Ansem. I had knocked my elbow into it in the process of turning, and now stumbled backwards to get away from it. He followed, arms out and gaze fixed on me. Rolling on the dirt to try to escape, I looked for a safe place to teleport, but at that moment a dagger came flying out of nowhere. Miraculously, it made it through the laser bars of the cage and hit Ansem, making him drop the attack. _I'll have to remember to thank Kaj for that one later._

Seizing the opportunity, I leapt forward and hit Ansem as many times as I could. He was good at floating away from me, but I just teleported after him and continued my barrage. When he started up the laser cage again, however, I yelped and rapidly got myself across the room. I was not messing with that thing anymore. That thing hurt.

Ansem landed on the ground in the center of the space, crossing his arms and bending his head down like he had before. I froze, expecting the Guardian to appear, but instead only darkness exploded out from under his feet, shooting across the ground and up the walls and lingering there in waves. That done, he rose up into the air as if to take his leave.

I couldn't help a smirk. "Idiot." I wasn't even sure what his purpose in doing that had been, but he had basically just paid me the same favor that Kaj had given him earlier – handing me a weapon. Thrusting out my left hand, I drew the darkness in to myself, creating a sphere of it floating above my palm.

"Wait!" I heard Riku yell. "Ansem!"

When I turned, he was leaping through the air, Keyblade drawn back, ready to strike Ansem. His younger self had other ideas, however. "Where are you going?" he sneered, jumping up to join Riku. In one swift motion, he karate kicked Riku right in the face, sending him flying backwards to land hard on his back and tumble over onto his stomach.

My stomach lurched. "Grim!" Without a second thought, I let the darkness I had been collecting loose, and it slammed into Young Riku's chest. He hit the wall on the other side of the room with a shower of dust.

Warping to Riku's side, I bent down to check him. His nose was bloody, probably broken, and his lip was split, too, but he was still breathing. I was reaching for a potion when Kaj called my name, and jerked my head up to see Eyepatch taking aim.

With a shout I jumped to my feet in front of Riku, knocking the lasers away left and right. One grazed my temple, and another pierced my thigh. The rest I managed to avoid, and as soon as he seemed to be finished, I grabbed for more darkness from the wall, sending a wave of it straight into his chest without bothering to gather it first.

Turning back to Riku while Eyepatch was occupied with recovering, I downed a potion to get rid of the stabbing pain in my leg, and pulled out a second for him. Kaj had joined us, watching me with breathless concern. As I uncorked the vial, Riku began to stir, and I placed a gentle hand on his head.

"Drink this before you try to move." I poured the clear liquid into his mouth as best I could, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

"Thanks," he grunted, pushing himself up to his hands and knees.

"Hey, let's speed it up!" Eyepatch called. "Keep the line moving!" Young Riku strolled up beside him, no longer seeming all that fazed from his fall.

All three of us were back on our feet, and Riku and I fell into our fighting stances, ignoring all of the new aches and weariness in our bodies. Cutting my eyes to the side, I gave Kaj a nod. Thankfully, he understood my cue, and threw both his daggers at the other Riku as I started running. The boy knocked both of them away with his sword, but it distracted him enough that I was able to come in with a nice blow to his side.

Grim and I ended up alternating between back to back and side to side as we fought, me against his younger self and him against Eyepatch. "So..." I began between swings. "Wanna tell me why I'm fighting...you? From your days of...questionable wardrobe choices? In a Dark Mode suit?" Young Riku warped around the room several times, and I followed, coming right back to where we had started a minute later.

Riku huffed a laugh. "Well, uh..." He rolled out of the way of a spray of lasers with a grunt. "From what I can tell, he's me from..." Jumping up, he pounded his Keyblade into Eyepatch several times before landing again. "From the past. Back when I was corrupted."

"Well, I officially don't like him."

That brought a real laugh, despite the situation we were in. "Good thing you met me later, then."

We somehow switched targets for a moment, the two Rikus locking weapons again while I dodged Eyepatch's bullets and threw some more darkness his way. "Wait...if he's you from the past...what happens if we kill him? Wouldn't you die, too?"

"From what Xehanort said...you know, at the end of the exam...I think he'll just go back to when he came from."

"Oh. Guess I missed that." I launched myself with one foot off of the wall, slicing into Eyepatch on my way past and skidding to a stop in front of Young Riku again. "I was a little busy dangling from a column."

"Would you two shut up?" Eyepatch snarled.

"If you'd hurry up and die, you wouldn't have to listen to us," Riku retorted.

Young Riku was starting to wear thin, I could see it on his face and in his stance. His defense was getting sloppy, and after a few more well-placed blows, he stumbled backwards and let his sword drag the ground. A furious column of darkness shot up into the air from his body, then faded into smaller tongues.

Everyone, even Eyepatch, stopped still. Young Riku's sword vanished, and he brought a shaky hand up toward his face, staring at it. "You're...not real..." Wisps of darkness were coming from his hand, and he squeezed it into a fist.

"Huh?" Riku responded.

"I'm...the real one..."

"Aren't you my past self? From when Ansem possessed me?" Riku asked, confused.

Eyepatch decided to take that moment to start shooting at me again. Honestly, I was surprised it had taken him that long. I growled in pain as one of the lasers struck the back of my shoulder, quickly diving under the rest and running as far away from Riku as I could get so that he could finish his conversation. Beyond the wall, another column of darkness erupted. That was the second one that I had seen from that direction, and now I knew what it meant. Sora and King Mickey were taking care of their Organization members, too.

"Xemnas was right, little poppet really has gotten good with darkness," he smirked as he dodged another ball of it. "Too bad Ansem didn't do his job this morning and get rid of you, would have made our lives that much easier. Oh, well. What's one more guardian to kill? Or, wait...non-guardian, I should say."

"Now who needs to shut up?" I hissed through my teeth.

"Ooh, did I hit a sore spot?"

_I'm gonna give you a sore spot._

"Of course I, personally, was hoping to keep you around. Would have made my plans a lot easier if you were, you know, not dead. But oh well. I'll figure something out, I'm sure. I always do."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much," I shot back, trying not to let myself wonder what the heck he was talking about. "You'll be too dead for it to matter."

Leaping up just as he was taking aim again, I attacked multiple times before getting struck back with one of his guns across my face. While I shook my head to stop the throbbing and spinning, Kaj made his move, flinging a dagger directly into Eyepatch's forearm. Gasping audibly, he dropped his gun.

"Nice one, Kaj!" I went back into action before he could think about re-summoning the gun. Riku soon joined me, and with a few more strikes Eyepatch was falling onto his knees.

"Figures," he huffed, looking down at his remaining gun. "If I had a Keyblade, it'd be different..."

"Like you're actually worthy to use one," Riku scoffed.

"Oh, I am worthy."

Riku and I glanced at each other in doubt, and I crossed my arms, shaking my head.

Slamming the tip of his gun down into the ground, Eyepatch struggled to his feet. "The old coot promised to bequeath me his. Why else do you think I would ever put up with all his nonsense?"

"It'd be wasted on you," Riku sneered.

"As if." He faltered a few steps, then vanished into a dark corridor. We jumped in surprise, but he almost immediately appeared again on the top of the wall up above us, holding onto the arm that Kaj had struck. A sinister grin spread across his face. Slowly, shakily, he began walking backwards.

I realized just before he reached the other side what was about to happen, gasping and hiding my face behind Riku's shoulder. There were grunts and jolts of shock from the two boys, then silence. When I looked up again, the guns that he had left behind were fading into darkness.

"He just..." I couldn't finish the sentence. The fact that I had once, not that long ago, considered doing the exact same thing weighed heavily on my mind.

"I guess he couldn't handle dying by our hands," Riku mused. Remembering Kaj, he turned quickly. "Even though it's not really dying, technically. These guys...they're all–"

"Nobodies," Kaj finished. "I got that explanation during my few days with them."

"Right. So...even though they die here, they'll just end up coming back to life as their human selves again. Once their Heartless is killed, anyway."

"Guess I'm a terrible person for wishing some of them wouldn't," I mumbled.

"Well, I guess some of them actually won't...the ones that are from the past, like Xemnas and Ansem. And..." Riku's gaze trailed over to the side, and I followed it to see what looked like a body in an Organization coat lying face down in the dirt.

"Who's–?"

I was interrupted by Sora jogging into the area. "Hey, everybody okay in here?"

"Yeah, I think we're good." Riku gave me a questioning glance to confirm.

I shrugged, though I regretted it when my shoulder protested the movement. "Nothing a potion won't fix." _And a really long nap. And a few more Nobodies biting the dust. And did I mention a nap?_

Sora had stopped by the figure on the ground, and wrinkled his nose, pointing. "What's up with this guy?" He bent down and looked closer, then straightened as we drew close. "Is that a replica for Naminé?"

"Yeah." Riku nodded, then looked at me. "Turns out that 'me' wasn't from the past, after all. He was a replica of me."

"What do you mean by 'replica'?"

"Oh, right. Guess you missed all that." Sora scratched at his temple with one finger. "There was this guy in the Organization who created these living replicas of people. Like puppets, kinda, but with data inside of them so they were just like the real thing. He was one of the ones that got recompleted, but then he got turned into a Nobody again, but turns out he was on our side still anyway."

I shook my head. "So...complicated, as usual."

"Yeah. Anyway, he managed to send us one replica already, and Ienzo has been trying to get Roxas' data inside of it. Now we can use this one for Naminé!"

My face brightened. "That's fantastic!"

Kaj raised his hand. "I'm thoroughly confused."

Shrugging with my good shoulder, I shot him a sympathetic look. "Get used to it."

"I wish we could help her now," Riku remarked. "But first..."

"I know," Sora sighed.

"I'm going after Ansem," Riku announced.

"I want to come with you."

He shook his head at me. "I'd rather you go with Sora. You'll be of more use searching out the rest of the Organization than just following me around."

"You and the King aren't so good at the whole sticking with a partner thing, you know." I elbowed him with a frown.

"I'll be fine. I'll probably run into Mickey somewhere along the way."

Sora nodded. "Yeah, he went to find Xemnas. I'll go see if I can find and help the others."

"And I guess we're coming with you." I stood on my tiptoes and gave Riku a peck on the cheek. "Be careful."

"I will." He started to walk off, then turned to point at me. "Take that potion!"

Rolling my eyes, I pulled it out of my pocket and waved it at him. "I will!"

* * *

CENSORED VERSION

* * *

We walked out of the cool, dark passageway back into bright sunlight and a huge expanse of space. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I gasped. Keyblades were stuck into the ground every few inches for as far as I could see in any direction, like a sea of fallen metal. The only open area was the path that we walked on, and a second path which intersected it up ahead.

The cold, heavy feeling from before had returned in full force, and I startled slightly when Kaj bent down to whisper in my ear. "What are all those?"

"Keyblades," I murmured. "Just like the ones that we all carry." I glanced up at him, watching his confused gaze flit over the dulled weapons. "There was a war here, many many years ago, between all Keyblade wielders. A clash between light and darkness that created a special weapon that can summon the heart of all worlds. That war is what Xehanort wants to recreate today."

"And we're playing along because...?"

I sighed. "To protect innocents that he would use in our place."

King Mickey spoke up from ahead of us. "This crossroads marks the center of the Keyblade Graveyard. Be on the alert, I imagine that we'll be seeing the Organization again soon."

Sure enough, when we stopped at the crossroads a group of hazy figures appeared in the dust beyond. All thirteen new members strode toward us in a V formation, hoods up and purpose in their steps, with Xehanort hunched over in the middle. My heartbeat sped up and I dug my fingernails into my palms. Just knowing that Saix was one of those figures, yet not knowing which one, was enough to make me have to start shoving down emotions to keep from panicking.

The procession halted as if they had rehearsed ahead of time, still keeping their neat formation. There was a moment of silent stare-down before Xehanort spoke, as everyone knew he would.

"Today, we join these other wielders and leave our mark on fate. I have waited patiently...but together, we shall unlock the Keyblade War's secrets." No one deigned to answer him, and he summoned his Keyblade, lifting it up above his head. "Now we forge it. The ultimate key...the X-blade!"

He flipped the weapon over, and as he swung it toward the ground my heart leapt into my throat. _This is it. It's starting right now._ Darkness flowed out over the ground on contact, and I summoned my own Keyblade, expecting an all-out brawl right then and there. Instead, the world began to shake as ancient-looking stone walls shot up all around us, sending Keyblades flying everywhere. I wasn't sure what disturbed me more, feeling like we were being trapped, or watching the desecration of the only monument to the fallen wielders.

The Organization members were carried up on a wall of their own, standing eerily still as they careened up toward the sky. In another blink, they were gone, leaving the nine of us standing in a large room of sorts, with the only openings the ceiling and one large door that led further into Xehanort's creation.

Sora turned with the most solemn expression I had ever seen on his face. "Here we go."

Everyone nodded their readiness and took off at a run through the doorway. Almost immediately it was clear that we were making our way into a labyrinth. The hallway we were in led straight ahead, but another branched off to the left.

"Should we split up?" Axel asked.

King Mickey sighed. "I don't like it, but...it's probably for the best. Everyone should stay with a partner at all times, though."

"Okay, boss." Axel motioned to Kairi with his head, and they jogged away down the second hallway, followed by Aqua and Ven. I was not overly happy about Kairi sticking with Axel, but they were used to working together by now.

The rest of us continued down our hall, which soon made a right turn and met a third path. "Come on, Kaj," I ordered, veering down the new hallway.

"Hey, I'll come with you guys!" Sora ran to catch up with us, grinning. "Not that I don't trust...uh, what was your name again?"

"Kaj."

"Right, not that I don't trust Kaj's fighting skills, but since he's a bit new to this universe, seemed like you two might need my support a little more than those two." He jabbed a thumb back over his shoulder at Riku and the King.

 _Wonder if that's true, or if it's actually me they don't trust?_ I managed a small smile, trying my best not to have to look him in the face. "Thanks."

Kaj nodded. "Yeah, I, uh...I don't think I know your name, either."

"Oh, it's Sora!"

"Sora. Anyway, my fighting skills are...basic. So yeah, I'll probably be more of a...background fighter."

"Works for me!"

We turned another corner and found ourselves at another intersection. This time, though, we could see straight down each hallway into two rooms, and there was a fight taking place in each one. On the left was what looked like Riku fighting three people at once, and on the right King Mickey was fighting four.

"So much for stay with a partner," I muttered under my breath. I glanced over at Sora and he was frozen, caught between which friend to help. "I'm going to Riku," I told him. "You go help the King!"

He nodded with determination. "Right."

As I ran toward Riku, I heard Kaj's footsteps behind me. "I, uh...guess I'll go with you."

"Just stay out of the way and don't get hurt," I called back. Up ahead, I suddenly noticed a giant stone door beginning to slide closed, blocking us off from Riku. My heart thudded in my chest. "The door! Come on, hurry up!"

Putting on as much speed as I could muster, I barreled toward the rapidly shrinking opening. Kaj's longer legs caught him up to me rapidly, and we both slid through the narrow hole just in the nick of time.

"Whew," he panted. "That was like an Indiana Jones moment right there."

I was too busy taking in the fight happening before me to answer. Ansem, who was now very close to the top of my hate list, was watching the proceedings with arms crossed and amused interest, while Riku fought with someone I couldn't quite make out in the center of the room. Eyepatch, whose actual name I had still yet to catch, was hanging out on the edges, firing laser bullets from his guns on occasion.

Before I had the chance to formulate a plan, something whizzed by me and struck Eyepatch in the arm. Growling, he turned and began pelting us with lasers. Kaj cursed, wide-eyed, and dove out of the way, summoning the dagger he had thrown back to his hand.

"Really, Kaj?" I deflected as many lasers as I could off of my Keyblade, then cast Dark Firaga when there was an opening. Eyepatch fell back, and I glanced at the cowering boy behind me. "You were supposed to be hanging out in the background, remember?"

"Sorry." He hung his head. "I just wanted to help."

I felt a teensy bit bad for yelling at him, but not too much since we had both almost died. "Well next time, wait until the enemy is already engaged by one of us to jump in. Don't throw knives at people who have nothing better to do than come after you. Unless, you know, they're already actively coming after you."

Riku and his opponent locked weapons right in front of us, and I was finally able to get a good look at the other guy's face. Kaj apparently did, too, because his jaw dropped. "Why does that guy look like...a younger version of me?"

"That's...a good question."

Riku threw the younger him back, bringing his Keyblade down hard on Soul Eater. As soon as Young Riku had jumped out of the way, though, Eyepatch came flipping up into the air behind him, turning upside down to send multiple streams of lasers careening toward Riku.

"Look out!" I cried just as he leapt and rolled to the side. Eyepatch landed, and I shot Dark Firaga again, running as it found its mark to get in one slash before he jumped away. Teleporting after him, I took him by surprise and caught him across the stomach with my Keyblade, but he teleported, too, back up into the air to send another shower of lasers my way.

I thought I had managed to miss or deflect every bullet, but then something burned the back of my arm. Spinning around, I found myself faced with a cage of bright lasers, surrounding a floating Ansem. I had knocked my elbow into it in the process of turning, and now stumbled backwards to get away from it. He followed, arms out and gaze fixed on me. Rolling on the dirt to try to escape, I looked for a safe place to teleport, but at that moment a dagger came flying out of nowhere. Miraculously, it made it through the laser bars of the cage and hit Ansem, making him drop the attack. _I'll have to remember to thank Kaj for that one later._

Seizing the opportunity, I leapt forward and hit Ansem as many times as I could. He was good at floating away from me, but I just teleported after him and continued my barrage. When he started up the laser cage again, however, I yelped and rapidly got myself across the room. I was not messing with that thing anymore. That thing hurt.

Ansem landed on the ground in the center of the space, crossing his arms and bending his head down like he had before. I froze, expecting the Guardian to appear, but instead only darkness exploded out from under his feet, shooting across the ground and up the walls and lingering there in waves. That done, he rose up into the air as if to take his leave.

I couldn't help a smirk. "Idiot." I wasn't even sure what his purpose in doing that had been, but he had basically just paid me the same favor that Kaj had given him earlier – handing me a weapon. Thrusting out my left hand, I drew the darkness in to myself, creating a sphere of it floating above my palm.

"Wait!" I heard Riku yell. "Ansem!"

When I turned, he was leaping through the air, Keyblade drawn back, ready to strike Ansem. His younger self had other ideas, however. "Where are you going?" he sneered, jumping up to join Riku. In one swift motion, he karate kicked Riku right in the face, sending him flying backwards to land hard on his back and tumble over onto his stomach.

My stomach lurched. "Grim!" Without a second thought, I let the darkness I had been collecting loose, and it slammed into Young Riku's chest. He hit the wall on the other side of the room with a shower of dust.

Warping to Riku's side, I bent down to check him. His nose was bloody, probably broken, and his lip was split, too, but he was still breathing. I was reaching for a potion when Kaj called my name, and jerked my head up to see Eyepatch taking aim.

With a shout I jumped to my feet in front of Riku, knocking the lasers away left and right. One grazed my temple, and another pierced my thigh. The rest I managed to avoid, and as soon as he seemed to be finished, I grabbed for more darkness from the wall, sending a wave of it straight into his chest without bothering to gather it first.

Turning back to Riku while Eyepatch was occupied with recovering, I downed a potion to get rid of the stabbing pain in my leg, and pulled out a second for him. Kaj had joined us, watching me with breathless concern. As I uncorked the vial, Riku began to stir, and I placed a gentle hand on his head.

"Drink this before you try to move." I poured the clear liquid into his mouth as best I could, running a hand through his sweaty hair.

"Thanks," he grunted, pushing himself up to his hands and knees.

"Hey, let's speed it up!" Eyepatch called. "Keep the line moving!" Young Riku strolled up beside him, no longer seeming all that fazed from his fall.

All three of us were back on our feet, and Riku and I fell into our fighting stances, ignoring all of the new aches and weariness in our bodies. Cutting my eyes to the side, I gave Kaj a nod. Thankfully, he understood my cue, and threw both his daggers at the other Riku as I started running. The boy knocked both of them away with his sword, but it distracted him enough that I was able to come in with a nice blow to his side.

Grim and I ended up alternating between back to back and side to side as we fought, me against his younger self and him against Eyepatch. "So..." I began between swings. "Wanna tell me why I'm fighting...you? From your days of...questionable wardrobe choices? In a Dark Mode suit?" Young Riku warped around the room several times, and I followed, coming right back to where we had started a minute later.

Riku huffed a laugh. "Well, uh..." He rolled out of the way of a spray of lasers with a grunt. "From what I can tell, he's me from..." Jumping up, he pounded his Keyblade into Eyepatch several times before landing again. "From the past. Back when I was corrupted."

"Well, I officially don't like him."

That brought a real laugh, despite the situation we were in. "Good thing you met me later, then."

We somehow switched targets for a moment, the two Rikus locking weapons again while I dodged Eyepatch's bullets and threw some more darkness his way. "Wait...if he's you from the past...what happens if we kill him? Wouldn't you die, too?"

"From what Xehanort said...you know, at the end of the exam...I think he'll just go back to when he came from."

"Oh. Guess I missed that." I launched myself with one foot off of the wall, slicing into Eyepatch on my way past and skidding to a stop in front of Young Riku again. "I was a little busy dangling from a column."

"Would you two shut up?" Eyepatch snarled.

"If you'd hurry up and die, you wouldn't have to listen to us," Riku retorted.

Young Riku was starting to wear thin, I could see it on his face and in his stance. His defense was getting sloppy, and after a few more well-placed blows, he stumbled backwards and let his sword drag the ground. A furious column of darkness shot up into the air from his body, then faded into smaller tongues.

Everyone, even Eyepatch, stopped still. Young Riku's sword vanished, and he brought a shaky hand up toward his face, staring at it. "You're...not real..." Wisps of darkness were coming from his hand, and he squeezed it into a fist.

"Huh?" Riku responded.

"I'm...the real one..."

"Aren't you my past self? From when Ansem possessed me?" Riku asked, confused.

Eyepatch decided to take that moment to start shooting at me again. Honestly, I was surprised it had taken him that long. I growled in pain as one of the lasers struck the back of my shoulder, quickly diving under the rest and running as far away from Riku as I could get so that he could finish his conversation. Beyond the wall, another column of darkness erupted. That was the second one that I had seen from that direction, and now I knew what it meant. Sora and King Mickey were taking care of their Organization members, too.

"Xemnas was right, little poppet really has gotten good with darkness," he smirked as he dodged another ball of it. "Too bad Ansem didn't do his job this morning and get rid of you, would have made our lives that much easier. Oh, well. What's one more guardian to kill? Or, wait...non-guardian, I should say."

"Now who needs to shut up?" I hissed through my teeth.

"Ooh, did I hit a sore spot?"

_I'm gonna give you a sore spot._

"Of course I, personally, was hoping to keep you around. Would have made my plans a lot easier if you were, you know, not dead. But oh well. I'll figure something out, I'm sure. I always do."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much," I shot back, trying not to let myself wonder what the heck he was talking about. "You'll be too dead for it to matter."

Leaping up just as he was taking aim again, I attacked multiple times before getting struck back with one of his guns across my face. While I shook my head to stop the throbbing and spinning, Kaj made his move, flinging a dagger directly into Eyepatch's forearm. Gasping audibly, he dropped his gun.

"Nice one, Kaj!" I went back into action before he could think about re-summoning the gun. Riku soon joined me, and with a few more strikes Eyepatch was falling onto his knees.

"Figures," he huffed, looking down at his remaining gun. "If I had a Keyblade, it'd be different..."

"Like you're actually worthy to use one," Riku scoffed.

"Oh, I am worthy."

Riku and I glanced at each other in doubt, and I crossed my arms, shaking my head.

Slamming the tip of his gun down into the ground, Eyepatch struggled to his feet. "The old coot promised to bequeath me his. Why else do you think I would ever put up with all his nonsense?"

"It'd be wasted on you," Riku sneered.

"As if." He faltered a few steps, then vanished into a dark corridor. We jumped in surprise, but he almost immediately appeared again on the top of the wall up above us, holding onto the arm that Kaj had struck. A sinister grin spread across his face.

_**(You guys know what happens here. Xigbar is now gone.)** _

"I guess he couldn't handle dying by our hands," Riku mused. Remembering Kaj, he turned quickly. "Even though it's not really dying, technically. These guys...they're all–"

"Nobodies," Kaj finished. "I got that explanation during my few days with them."

"Right. So...even though they die here, they'll just end up coming back to life as their human selves again. Once their Heartless is killed, anyway."

"Guess I'm a terrible person for wishing some of them wouldn't," I mumbled.

"Well, I guess some of them actually won't...the ones that are from the past, like Xemnas and Ansem. And..." Riku's gaze trailed over to the side, and I followed it to see what looked like a body in an Organization coat lying face down in the dirt.

"Who's–?"

I was interrupted by Sora jogging into the area. "Hey, everybody okay in here?"

"Yeah, I think we're good." Riku gave me a questioning glance to confirm.

I shrugged, though I regretted it when my shoulder protested the movement. "Nothing a potion won't fix." _And a really long nap. And a few more Nobodies biting the dust. And did I mention a nap?_

Sora had stopped by the figure on the ground, and wrinkled his nose, pointing. "What's up with this guy?" He bent down and looked closer, then straightened as we drew close. "Is that a replica for Naminé?"

"Yeah." Riku nodded, then looked at me. "Turns out that 'me' wasn't from the past, after all. He was a replica of me."

"What do you mean by 'replica'?"

"Oh, right. Guess you missed all that." Sora scratched at his temple with one finger. "There was this guy in the Organization who created these living replicas of people. Like puppets, kinda, but with data inside of them so they were just like the real thing. He was one of the ones that got recompleted, but then he got turned into a Nobody again, but turns out he was on our side still anyway."

I shook my head. "So...complicated, as usual."

"Yeah. Anyway, he managed to send us one replica already, and Ienzo has been trying to get Roxas' data inside of it. Now we can use this one for Naminé!"

My face brightened. "That's fantastic!"

Kaj raised his hand. "I'm thoroughly confused."

Shrugging with my good shoulder, I shot him a sympathetic look. "Get used to it."

"I wish we could help her now," Riku remarked. "But first..."

"I know," Sora sighed.

"I'm going after Ansem," Riku announced.

"I want to come with you."

He shook his head at me. "I'd rather you go with Sora. You'll be of more use searching out the rest of the Organization than just following me around."

"You and the King aren't so good at the whole sticking with a partner thing, you know." I elbowed him with a frown.

"I'll be fine. I'll probably run into Mickey somewhere along the way."

Sora nodded. "Yeah, he went to find Xemnas. I'll go see if I can find and help the others."

"And I guess we're coming with you." I stood on my tiptoes and gave Riku a peck on the cheek. "Be careful."

"I will." He started to walk off, then turned to point at me. "Take that potion!"

Rolling my eyes, I pulled it out of my pocket and waved it at him. "I will!"I’m 


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, guys, things are about to get crazy. Hang on for the ride.

Sora, Kaj, and I started off jogging together through the maze of halls. But we soon came to a split, and decided Sora should go right while I went left, with Kaj tagging along after me, of course. It took around five minutes for us to realize we had headed straight into a dead end. By the time we got back to where we had left Sora, he had disappeared through a series of colorful doors, with switches on the ground that operated them.

"Seriously?" I muttered as we navigated through the twists and turns, trying to decide which door to open next. "I think Xehanort has played too many video games. What's with this madness? Why can't he just put all of us in a field together and let us have at it?" The battles I had already been through today had thoroughly exhausted me, and wandering endlessly was not helping in the least.

"You got me. They didn't share any of their plans with me." Kaj stepped onto a pink switch, which opened the next door, but left us stuck behind a blue door with no switch.

Growling, I raked my hands through my hair. This stupid maze was frustrating me, and the feeling of helplessness it invoked kept throwing my thoughts back to Zeph, lying so very, hopelessly still in my arms. Tears stung unexpectedly at my eyes, and I shook my head furiously. _Not now. I can't afford any tears right now._ I squeezed my eyelids shut and shoved all of the emotions back down inside where they belonged, not paying any mind to the way the darkness swelled inside of my chest until it felt like it would burst.

"Um...Meli?"

"What?" I snapped. Opening my eyes, I saw darkness rising off of my skin like steam. "Oh, that? Um..." I shook the remainder away and tucked my hands behind my back, turning to shrug at him. "Don't worry about it. Happens sometimes."

"Yeah, okay." He didn't sound very convinced. "Well...you just seem like you're kinda upset, and–"

"No, I'm not." I forced a smile onto my face. It was true, I wasn't technically upset anymore right this second. The days of feeling happy after getting rid of my negative emotions were gone, though. Instead I just felt kind of numb. "I'm fine."

Kaj eyed me suspiciously. "If you say so. We just...we haven't had much of a chance to talk about...what happened yet, so if you need to..."

So much for all of my hard work vanquishing my feelings. As soon as he even alluded to Zephyr they were shooting back up out of me like a geyser. "I can't talk about it, Kaj, I don't have time! We don't always get the luxury of sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves and discussing our woes. I have friends out there that need my help, and I am not going to let any of them end up like Zeph! I have to worry about finding Ansem and making him pay for what he did, and worry about where..." I clenched my jaw shut, breathing heavily, unable to force the sickening name of Saix from my lips. "Where all the other people are who have tried their best to ruin my life.

"If you want to go somewhere else and have the time to think and talk and whatever you need to do, fine. Go. Nobody is gonna blame you; this isn't even really your fight. But I don't have that choice. I have to be strong, for once in my life, so stop trying to get me to break down."

Kaj looked flabbergasted as I stomped past him back in the direction we had come. "I'm not trying to get you to break down, I..." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I should've realized I was distracting you. I won't bring it up again."

Without answering, I opened a corridor and marched inside, trying not to choke on my tumultuous emotions as I crammed them back down again. _Forget this stupid maze. I should've taken the short cut a long time ago._ I heard Kaj scurry in after me, but threw my focus into opening a path to Sora's location.

I could hear Xemnas' deep voice droning on before I even exited the corridor. "What difference does one little light make? You have others. Just as we have more darknesses to replenish our ranks."

My eyes skimmed over the small crowd of people standing in the open space to land on a terrifying and infuriating sight – Xemnas, holding Kairi's arm at a painful angle behind her back. Darkness was beginning to seep out from under his feet. He was about to disappear into a dark corridor with my sister, and I would never see her alive again.

"No!" Throwing all the darkness I could muster into the ground, I flew forward at a speed that must have made me just a blur to everyone else. When I slammed into Kairi I heard her breath leave her lungs with a whoosh in my ear. We hit the ground in a tangle of arms and legs, and I could barely breathe, myself, but I was immediately back up on my knees, planting myself over her with my Keyblade at the ready. Xemnas had cut his corridor off and was glowering down at us.

"Touch her and you die!"

Sora rushed forward to attack, but this time Xemnas obviously decided to cut his losses and disappeared for good. Changing courses, Sora came sliding in on his knees next to Kairi and me, his expression a mixture of relief and lingering fear. "Kairi, are you okay?"

Dismissing my Keyblade, I gave her a hand as she sat up. Her face was pale and her breathing a little shaky, but she nodded. "Yeah. I think I'm okay." She turned to look me in the eyes, and a few tears rolled down her cheeks. "Thank you, Meli."

"Yeah." My heart was still pounding wildly in my chest. I couldn't believe how close of a call that had been. Leaning forward, I wrapped my arms tightly around her and buried my chin in her shoulder. "I'm just glad I got here in time."

"Me, too," Sora breathed. The sounds of clashing blades had started up behind me, and he glanced over his shoulder. "I've gotta go help the other guys. You two should just...wait until you're ready, okay?"

Kaj had approached us, as well, though he kept his distance through the conversation. "I'll help, if I can," he offered.

As they jogged off, I studied Kairi's face. "How do you feel? Need a potion or anything? I know I hit you pretty hard there..."

She smiled. "It was worth it. I feel alright now, anyway."

I wasn't sure that I did. Coming so close to losing yet another friend in such a short amount of time was doing a number on my already strained heart, besides the fact that using so much darkness had drained most of the little energy I had. Trying to distract myself, I craned my head around to see what was happening behind me, but before I got more than a glimpse of black coats Kairi grabbed my face and forcefully turned it back to her.

"Don't look back there." The look in her eyes was something akin to fear, but she tried to force the rest of her face to relax. "Just, um...not yet...wait here with me for another minute or two."

I furrowed my brow. "Sure, but...what is it? What's back there?" A thought crossed my mind, and I started breathing a little harder. "Who is back there?"

"Roxas," she answered quickly. "He's back."

"What?" It was so unexpected that it successfully derailed my thoughts from their previous path. _Roxas is back? Really?_ I tried to turn again, but her grip was firm and she was unrelenting. "Kai, he's my friend. I want to see–"

"And a girl. Xion. Do you know her?"

 _Xion?_ I puckered my lips in thought. _It seems so familiar..._ Then a dozen memories hit me all at once – a scared girl who looked just like me, unconscious in Riku's arm on the beach, pleading to have one last ice cream with her friends, sitting at Naminé's table with determination to do what was right. I dug the heel of my hand into my forehead. "Xion! I...I can't believe..." _The replica program that Grim mentioned. She was a replica, they must have brought her back the same way._

Kairi had loosened her hold, and before she could stop me I spun around to face the battle. Axel seemed to be sitting this one out, over on the sidelines with one arm gripped tightly to his side. But Sora was fighting hard alongside two figures in black coats, one with familiar blond spikes and the other with an also familiar shock of black hair, both that made my breath catch in my throat.

Unfortunately, they didn't hold my attention for long. A flash of blue caught my eye, and I stiffened, holding my breath. _Saix._ He looked like the madman he was, eyes glowing yellow and a blue aura surrounding him as he kept all three of my friends on the run. My heartbeat roared in my ears. Vaguely I was aware of the darkness that began pouring off of me, but my eyes never left his face and my mind never stopped chanting his name over and over again.

"Meli, wait..." Kairi called somewhere in the distance.

_**He has to be stopped. He has to pay.** _

I didn't even realize I was moving until my Keyblade slammed full force into his claymore. It would have been an exact remake of our clash in the room of thrones, except that this time he was prepared, already in full battle mode, and fought back with equal ferocity. I had literal tunnel vision, the edges of my sight turning black so that all I could focus on was him – his attacks, his maneuvers, his face that I hated with every fiber of my being. From time to time someone else that I didn't care to identify would appear within my vision to try to break into our fight. But we just swept away every time, out of their reach, caught up in a dance to the death that blocked out everyone and everything else.

He lunged, I parried. He swerved, I sped after him. He leapt up high into the air, I followed, and our battle continued just as fiercely up there as it had on the ground. Some of his swings found their mark, but I barely felt them. They only served to make the darkness pound more furiously through me, spurring me onward. I wasn't even making my own decisions anymore. My movements came without thought, driven by something stronger than myself.

We landed on solid ground again, and he hesitated, stumbling a bit. Somewhere in my subconscious it registered with me that his glow had faded and his eyes were back to normal, but he looked no less threatening to me. Raising my Keyblade, I went in for the final blow.

The clang of metal reverberated through the courtyard.

"That's enough! Back off!"

My Keyblade had been stopped midair by a chakram, and Axel was blocking my path to Saix. I growled, bearing down on him with a dark strength that made him grunt with effort. "Get out of my way." The voice that grated out of my throat was hardly even my own. "He needs to die."

As if on cue, a column of darkness erupted from behind Axel. Narrowing his eyes, he pushed up against me. "He's already going to, see? So just lay off. You did your job."

The darkness screamed unhappily in my ears. I didn't want to just let him die, I wanted to do it myself. I wanted to knock that smug expression off of his face and rejoice that I would never have to see it again.

"It's okay, Mel. It's over now." A hand touched my shoulder, and without bothering to identify the owner of the voice, I whirled around, slamming my Keyblade into them and knocking them to the side.

Someone cried out, but the sound echoed around me and was lost to the wind. _**Saix. He needs to die. Saix needs to die.**_ My eyes landed on Kairi, and she looked frightened. It didn't occur to me that I was the one scaring her.

"You see? I warned you about him!" I screeched, walking toward her while waving one hand wildly back at Axel. "I told you that he would turn on us! He's defending that monster!"

"Meli..." Her voice was shaking, as were her hands that held her Keyblade defensively. "I know you're angry, and scared. But you've gotta stop now, before you hurt somebody else, or yourself."

Her words only infuriated me more. "I'm not going to stop. I'm going to get rid of this traitor, then the monster, and then I'm going to go find the man who murdered my friend and kill him, too."

Without waiting for a response, I turned and ran at Axel. He readied his chakrams, but halfway there a shimmering barrier arched up over both him and Saix. I skidded to a halt before hitting it. The darkness inside of me bellowed at having been stopped once again, and I spun back around to find the culprit. Kairi, still trembling, was holding her Keyblade straight out in front of her, the glow of magic still fading away from around it.

"I'm sorry. I can't let you hurt him."

My heart was drumming so loudly it should have burst its way out of my chest. "You...you're protecting him? You...betrayed me. For him!" The pressure in my head swelled even more.

"No, Meli," she protested, eyes wide and teary. "You're just not seeing things clearly right now. The darkness...it's gotten a hold of you. You've got to shake it off!"

"The darkness...is the only thing that makes me worth anything. It's what gives me power and the strength and will to live." I stalked toward her, not even knowing what I would do when I reached her. "I am the darkness, and the darkness is me!"

Fire shot across my path, close enough to feel like it could singe my eyebrows. Stopping short, I let my surprise settle for a second before slowly turning my head to the left. Both Roxas and Xion stood with Keyblades at the ready, staring me down.

"Come on, Meli," Roxas said softly. "I don't know what's happened with you since we last saw each other, but...I know you don't want to attack your friends."

"Yeah." Kaj stepped up into my field of vision, too. "It's been a while since we've been real friends, but that's not the girl I know."

 _ **Outnumbered. You're outnumbered by people who just don't get it at all.**_ The darkness whispered that it would lend me its strength again and I could easily take them all down, but something stopped me. Instead, I teleported away, out of the circle that seemed to be closing in on me, ready to pounce.

"Fine. You win for now. I've got more important things to do than arguing with you idiots – like finding and killing Ansem." I pointed to where Axel was holding Saix in his arms, my stomach crawling at the sight. "But believe me, if he somehow stops that thing from dying, I will be back for them both."

Not having any idea where to go to look for Ansem, I opened a corridor back to the beginning of the labyrinth and took a different route than before. My whole body ached with a desperate need to fight, to use this surge of darkness against anything and everything. The power throbbed behind my eyelids and in my jaw, sending stabs of tension down my arms and legs. It needed to be set free.

I quickly grew tired of the march through the maze and teleported myself up onto the nearest wall, hoping for a good view of the various hallways and rooms, but could only see into a couple. I did, however, spot a rock platform in the distance, separate from the labyrinth and high enough up that it should have offered a nice vantage point. Warping over to it, I trotted to the edge and peered down into the maze.

"Meli?"

Gritting my teeth, I turned to face Riku, who had somehow made it to the center of the platform. "Have you come to try to stop me now, too?"

"Well, if you mean stop you from doing something you'll regret later, then...yeah." His Keyblade was nowhere to be seen, his posture not defensive like the others. I saw his gaze travel over my body, likely assessing all the places that I was bleeding from, though I still didn't feel them. "I get the feeling that you're no longer in control in this situation."

I scoffed. "I'm perfectly in control. Or at least I would be, if people would stop getting in my way. I know exactly what I want to do, and I plan on doing it."

"And what's that? Killing, hurting people?" He shook his head, stepping a little closer. "That's not the real you."

Darkness flared up from my hands with my anger. "Quit telling me who I am!"

"I remember what it feels like. It's...horrible, and wonderful at the same time." He came closer still, his fingers in his pockets. "It makes you feel so powerful, like you can do absolutely anything. And at the same time, it hurts...the need to destroy. It eats you alive inside."

"Stop it! Stop pretending you know how I feel!" It was swelling up inside of me again, ready to erupt. "You don't know anything!"

As I screamed, huge walls of darkness shot out from my body, narrowly missing Riku on either side. He flinched, but stood his ground, and as soon as the air was clear he clenched his fists by his sides and shouted, "Now, Mickey!"

The next thing I knew was sleep overtaking my eyes and my body crumpling to the ground.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...yeah. Meli under the control of darkness is not a pretty picture.
> 
> And, um...I diverged from canon. I know, I know! It's my first time really doing so. I had my reasons, besides just, you know, really not liking the ending of the game. Hope no one minds too much! I can't explain myself fully yet, but if anyone is interested I can do so in the final notes.
> 
> I'd love to hear your guesses of what's going to happen next!


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out to be one of my fav chapters of the whole book. Hope you guys like it, too!

I awoke to nothing but black surrounding me. If I lifted my hand, I could see it clearly, but the rest of wherever I had ended up was shrouded by complete darkness, and a black fog covered the surface that I sat on, lapping up over my hips and feet. Immediately I could tell that this was not part of the normal world that I was used to living in, though I wasn't sure whether it was a dream, or a vision, or perhaps I had been transported into some other realm.

I had only seconds to process all of this before the emotions hit. There were so many at once that it was impossible to identify any one of them. All I knew was that I was drowning, and I clawed frantically at my face and chest in some desperate attempt to get them away from me. I tried to stand, but couldn't seem to make it to my feet. I was being dragged down, weighted by despair, pulled into the fog as if it wanted to consume me.

Tears streaked down my cheeks and I buried my face in my knees, rocking myself back and forth. I didn't know where I was, or how to escape, and the tidal wave of emotions was overwhelming my brain so that I couldn't even begin to think of what to do. After a minute, instinct from the last several days kicked in, and I tried to start shoving everything down inside, but that only seemed to make the forces outside my body swell angrily, as if I was adding to the problem instead of fixing it.

"Help!" My voice was a weak croak into the echoing chasm around me. "Please, someone help me!"

"Meli!"

I looked up in time to see Riku drop from the black sky and land in a crouch several yards away. "Grim!" I gasped. "What are you doing here? Where are we?"

Straightening, he turned his head slowly from side to side, taking in our surroundings, before locking his gaze on me. "I'm sorry, Meli. I had Mickey put you to sleep so that I could dive into your heart. It was the only way we could think of to get through to you."

"This...this is my heart?"

"Yeah." His mouth was set in a firm line. "I just...I just finished fighting through your memories to get here." He motioned up toward where he had fallen from. "All of your darkest memories, that is."

"What?" One emotion, fear, rose above the rest and stabbed through my chest with such force that I winced in pain. "What do you mean? What did you see?"

He hesitated before answering. "Everything." Fear assaulted me again, and he sighed. "At least, I sure hope it was everything. Because if there was more than that..." He shook his head sadly. "I saw some stuff from your childhood...and Aiden...all the things he used to do to you..."

Anger burned inside of me until I thought I might actually catch fire.

"I saw...myself...as Ansem..."

Shame threatened to pull me down into its abyss and suffocate me.

"I saw..." His jaw twitched, and he drew in a deep breath. "I saw Saix."

Panic dug its familiar talons into my throat, choking me, and fresh tears poured from my eyes.

"I could feel all of it, too...I doubt it was anything near what you felt, but I felt the pain, and the fear, and all of the other emotions."

"Can you feel them now?" I whispered.

He nodded. "Like I said, it's nothing like what you're feeling, I'm sure. But a little bit, yes. I...have a feeling this is the result of you suppressing all of these emotions so much."

I dropped my forehead down onto my knees. "So I asked for this, in other words."

"No." I heard him grunt, and glanced up to see that one of his legs was wrapped in a black rope. He tried to pull his leg away, but it wouldn't budge. Finally he summoned his Keyblade and chopped the rope off from the bottom, and it promptly dissipated into mist.

His eyes met mine again. "No, you didn't ask for this. You wanted me to understand why you chose the darkness, and...I think I finally do. The memories didn't just stop at Saix. I saw other things, too – the panic attacks, the nightmares...feeling like you were being left behind and forgotten...feeling lonely and misunderstood...feeling rejected by everyone. I get it now. I thought I understood you before, and I really didn't, and...I'm so sorry."

Unidentified emotions shook my body, and I couldn't even answer for a moment. The implications of everything he was saying were too much for me to comprehend. My mind stuck on one fact, though, no matter what he said. "But...but it is my fault. I've been...I've been such an idiot, Grim!" More tears slipped out as I finally started to see the truth for the first time. "I never should have let the darkness in. You were right, I did know where it would lead, but I refused to listen. I should've...I should've told all of you what was going on, from the very beginning, and maybe...maybe then none of this would have happened. I'm so...I'm so sorry." I hid my face again, overwhelming shame making its way back to the forefront.

Riku was quiet, and for a second I wondered if he was going to agree with me, if he was going to tell me that yes, I had been an idiot, and maybe it wasn't worth his time to be here after all. "I do wish you had talked to us. I think you – and everyone else – could have been spared a lot of pain if we had just known what was going on in your head and heart. None of us would ever reject or abandon you, Meli. We love you, and we always want to be there for you."

I nodded against my knees, then lifted my head to look at him again. "I know. I know that...now. I just...I was so blinded by all the...everything, that..." I trailed off, reorienting my thoughts. "And I'm just so used to nobody caring. It's...I'm still adjusting, to having people actually care."

"I know. Believe me, I know that now more than I ever have before." He took a deep breath. "My point was, though, that I do understand why you tried to squelch your negative emotions. I can't say I've never wanted to do the same things before, and you, well...you've had enough of them to last you a lifetime." He tried to take a step forward, and another black rope rose out of the fog at his feet and wrapped around his other leg.

 _It doesn't want him to come near me._ "Grim, be careful," I called in a wavering voice.

Chopping this one off like the first, he stood still again for the moment. "I saw Zephyr, too," he continued quietly. "I definitely wish you had told me that."

I was immediately swallowed up in grief, so strong that it was like I was still holding his dead body in my arms. "It's all my fault that he's gone! He would still be alive and living happily at home if I had just left him alone!" A sob wrenched from my throat. "How am I gonna tell his mom? He was all the family that she had."

"Meli..." Riku tried to run to me, but he couldn't get ahead of the darkness that wanted to hold him back. Two more ropes tied both of his legs in place. Growling in frustration, he cut one off and took another step, only for the leg to be captured once again. A third strand twisted around his left arm. When he reached to slice that one off, another grabbed his right wrist and jerked it down, winding its way up the arm and preventing any further use of his Keyblade.

"Grim!" My grief was quickly replaced by fear. I tried standing again, but the same black cords latched onto both my arms and yanked me back down onto my hands and knees. They were ice cold, sending chills down to my very core. "I can't...it's too strong!" The darkness, the fear, all of it. It was like Riku had said, it was eating me alive, right here in my heart, and for the first time I realized that this could be it. There might not be any hope left for me.

I could see the cords snaking further around Riku's body, winding onto his shoulders and chest, and could feel them doing the same to me. I was trapped. For all the times that I had wanted to die before, now I finally didn't. But more than anything, I didn't want Riku to have to die here with me. "Maybe...maybe if you back up away from me it will let you go. You should get out of here if you possibly can."

"I'm not leaving you."

"I don't deserve for you to save me, Grim, even if you could." My mind started flitting back over the things I had done that day, nearly taking my breath away with the shock of realization. "I deserve for the darkness to take me. I'm the one that let it in, I'm the one that let it take over. If I had just listened to what you were all trying to tell me..." I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes again. "All of that time that I hated you for hurting me when the darkness took you over, and today I did the exact same thing. I turned on the people I care about the most...you, and Kairi..." I gasped as I remembered. "I think I hurt Sora!"

"Sora's a tough guy, he'll be fine. And we all know that you didn't mean it." He struggled against the ropes, but they only tightened. "No one deserves to die for a mistake. You can make it out of this. Don't give up hope."

"I don't know how!" I sobbed.

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy. Even when we get out of here, there's still going to be darkness left in you, there's no way you can get rid of every shred of it. There will always be a bit of a struggle." One side of his mouth lifted in a sympathetic smile. "But I've got the same problem, remember? We can struggle through it together."

The cords had made their way up my back and now began to creep over my shoulders and down my chest. Craning my neck up, I looked him in the eye as my tears spilled over. "Why do you always keep fighting for me? I love you for it, but...I'm not worth it."

He paused, considering his words, before answering. "I've always fought for my friends. It...keeps me going, makes me feel like I'm worth something." Quirking one eyebrow at the look of surprise on my face, he smiled a little. "Yeah, I don't always feel like I'm worth anything either, remember?"

"I know," I murmured. "It just always surprises me, because...you mean so much to me."

Riku nodded. "And that's where I think the true measure of worth lies. I know you've been fed a lot of crap over the years about your value, but that's in the past. Those people didn't value you. But now you have people who do. You're worth something to Sora and Kairi, don't you think? To your mom and dad? You find that hard to believe, I realize, but they didn't have to choose to be friends with you, or adopt you, and they did."

He stopped to think again. "I'm worth something because you and my other friends say so, even if I don't always feel that way. And you...you're worth everything to me." His voice cracked slightly, and he cleared his throat. "Someday, I hope that will be enough to outweigh all the lies from the past. In the meantime, I'm going to keep fighting for you every second, and keep reminding you how loved you are whenever you forget."

I swallowed past the huge lump in my throat so that I could whisper a reply. "Right back at'cha."

Rotating his head, he took in all of the darkness around us. "Unfortunately, I don't think I can do the fighting this time. I think this is gonna be up to you."

My eyes widened. "What? I can't...I don't know how!"

"Come on, Miss 'I Can Control Darkness'," he smirked. "I saw you picking the stuff up and throwing it at people earlier. You can do it. Clear this out of here!"

I blinked, uncertain. "You want me to...use a dark power...to get rid of the darkness? Is that gonna actually work?"

He shrugged as well as he could with the cords holding down his arms. "Can't say I'm an expert in doing things this way, but...it's worth a shot, right? We're in your heart, and this darkness clearly doesn't want me around. I have a feeling that it's gonna need to be you who takes charge here."

I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my quaking nerves. The icy strands of darkness that were inching around my skull and onto my face were not helping with that any. "Yeah, okay. I'll try."

Closing my eyes, I concentrated on feeling the darkness that was all around, seeing it in my mind. First I singled out the ropes that were binding me, visualizing them unwinding. To my surprise, I actually felt them doing so. My vision zoomed over to Riku, and I heard him let out a sigh of relief as I forced the cords off of him as well. With my hands now free, I stretched them out in front of me, willing away the fog that covered the ground. Even behind my eyelids I could see the room lightening. The heavy, choking feeling of all of the negative emotions lifted, as well, still present but very faint.

When I opened my eyes a moment later, there had been a complete transformation. It was still dark all around us, but now I could see that we were on a round, stained glass-looking platform. _Is that...me?_ As I rose unsteadily to my feet, I could better take in the whole thing, from the image of myself, eyes shut and with Sorrow's Promise in my hand, to the background of Destiny Islands, to the faces of my friends near mine, all framed in various shades of purple.

"This looks much nicer." Riku gave me a wide smile. "Great job, Sunshine."

I ran to him, burying my face in his chest, and he wrapped his arms so tightly around me that it almost hurt, but I didn't care. "I'm so sorry, for everything."

"I'm so sorry, for leaving you alone for so long," he murmured into my hair. "Remember that whole, 'I'm not letting you out of my sight for at least a week' thing? It starts right now."

"Good. I'll expect my 'every minute and a half' kisses, then, too."

He chuckled. "Okay, well...every minute and a half when not in the middle of a battle, how about that? Don't want either of us getting killed because we're distracted by kisses."

I sighed dramatically. "Okay, fine."

"Speaking of which..." Riku leaned back a little, and I looked up at his face. "This next bit is gonna be difficult. Just because the darkness has been cleared from here, doesn't mean you're not still in danger. It just means you're back in control. Which is great, of course, but...you need to not use any more darkness until we can get through today and figure out how to better help you."

My eyebrows crinkled. "But...I mean, I know, I get it...but I'm not sure if I can. Without darkness, I'm–"

"Back to fighting fair and square, like the rest of us?" he teased.

His attempt to alleviate my worry didn't work. "No, I don't...I don't have any more light magic. Dark is the only kind I've been able to use lately."

"So you'll have to only use physical combat." Riku nodded knowingly. "It'll be tough, I know. But I have faith in you. We can stick together and help each other out, okay? And if you get too tired, don't be ashamed to take a break if you can. Everyone will understand."

I blew out a long breath. "Okay. I'll try."

He raised one eyebrow. "At the risk of sounding like I'm lecturing you, you've gotta do more than try. You may be one wrong move away from this same thing happening again."

"Okay!" I put on the bravest smile I could muster. "No dark powers. I promise."

"Good. Now let's get out of here." Summoning his Keyblade, he lifted it above his head and pointed it up at the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had this chapter in my mind for so long, then when it actually came time to write it I was like, how. How do I turn this into words. I could visualize it, but trying to make it so that you guys could, too, was a challenge! I hope it worked!
> 
> Speaking of visualizing...artwork!  
> Check out Meli's Station of Awakening here: instagram.com)/p/B7WT-llA7Xg/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link


	45. Chapter 45

It was difficult at first to convince my eyes to open. Groaning, I rolled over onto my side and rubbed at them with the heel of my hand. I felt like I had been asleep for years.

"Meli? You back with us?" King Mickey's voice sounded from somewhere above me. "Take it easy, now."

"I'm okay. I'm just..." Finally prying back my eyelids, I shoved myself up into a seated position. "Hungover, I guess." Riku was lying on his back beside me, but he was starting to stir, too.

"That's understandable. It was a pretty strong spell." The King walked into view, and there was a guilty look on his face. "I'm sorry I had to do that to ya. It was the only way Riku and I could think of to safely stop you."

"Yeah." Now it was my turn to feel guilty. "Somebody needed to. I appreciate your help."

Riku sat up, shaking the remnants of sleep out of his head, and met my gaze with a soft smile. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah." Scooting a little closer to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck. Even though we had just hugged only a minute earlier, this one felt better, out here in our real bodies. "Thanks, Grim."

"Always."

Footsteps pounded the ground behind us, and I twisted around to see Sora, Kairi, and Kaj running across the platform. "Mel!" Sora called. They skidded to a halt, happy faces turning understandably concerned. "Is...everything okay now?"

I nodded and got to my feet. "Thanks to Grim and the King, yeah. Are you...okay, Sora? I...barely remember what happened, but–"

"Nah, I'm fine." He waved a hand in dismissal. "I get hurt worse than that pretty much every day of my life."

"What about you, are you okay?" Kaj asked. "You were pretty banged up when you left."

"I was?" Surprised, I glanced down at the dried blood coating part of one arm and spots of my dress and leggings. "Oh, uh...I guess somebody took care of that for me." I threw a grateful look over my shoulder at my two rescuers, then turned back and stared down at my feet, picking at my fingernails. "I'm...really, really sorry, guys. That I turned on you, and...and hurt you, and...I never should have let it get that far, so I could be taken over like that."

"I think I speak for all of us when I say you're forgiven," Kairi replied, a smile in her voice. "We were just really worried about you."

My automatic reaction was to want to continue wallowing in guilt. I didn't know how they could forgive me so easily, but I knew it would be some time before I could forgive myself. However, Riku's words about worth came back to mind, and I forced myself to focus on that for now, instead.

"Thank you." Raising my eyes, I smiled a little at my friends. "For...caring about me. Even when I screw up royally. I don't...I don't get it, but...I appreciate it more than you know."

"Aw, come here, you!" Sora bounded forward and enveloped me in a hug, followed closely by Kairi. I felt Riku's body press into me from behind as he finished out the circle that was now almost smothering me. "Of course we care! We're all best friends, right? We can't stop caring just because somebody messes up, or else our friendship wouldn't last very long!"

"Yeah, especially if we're talking about Sora," Riku quipped.

"Hey!"

The group hug released with quiet giggles. Kaj took another step forward from behind Sora, rubbing the back of his head awkwardly. "I know you're mad at me right now, but...you cared enough about me to go kinda crazy trying to get me away from my old life. I just wanted to say...thanks. And...I care, too, even though I think you and I have a ways to go to get back to how we used to be."

I smiled at him. "Thanks. I suppose if all of you can forgive me for my mess, then I can forgive you for yours, too."

"Sorry to interrupt the moment." King Mickey strode up to the group with a smile. "But who exactly do we have left to find?"

Sora tilted his head in thought and started ticking off names on his fingers. "Let's see, we've defeated Luxord, Marluxia, and Larxene..."

"My replica and Xigbar," Riku added.

Sora nodded. "Mm-hm, and Sai–" Cutting himself off short, he threw me an apologetic glance. "Uh...sorry."

 _Is he really, truly gone?_ A hazy memory of seeing him on the throes of death came to mind, and I was flooded with a tangle of confusing emotions. "It's fine."

"So that makes six...plus Vanitas is seven, and Xion and Terra both turned to our side, so that's nine," he finished definitively.

"Sounds like we've got Xemnas, Ansem, and Young Xehanort left...and Master Xehanort himself, of course," King Mickey mused.

"Does that make thirteen?"

Riku laughed and knocked him on the back of the head. "Yes, nine plus four equals thirteen, Sora."

Out of nowhere, a dust storm blew in from the far side of the platform. Wincing at the sting, I shut my eyes and covered them with one arm until it had slowed. When I looked up again, Ansem, the white-haired teen, and Xemnas had appeared, standing in a line opposite us. High up above on a rock column, Xehanort stood, also.

"The thirteen darknesses and seven lights have clashed nine times, yielding these nine keys." Xehanort waved his hand, and nine identical Keyblades appeared in a circle around him.

"Keys?" King Mickey echoed.

"We are four short...but those four keys will be produced here and now," Xehanort stated.

"Yeah, sure," Sora retorted. "And what makes you think there'd ever be any way we'd help you with that?"

Xehanort smirked. "You forget I plan for every eventuality."

Sora's face fell into an expression of confusion. "Huh?"

"If you do summon Kingdom Hearts, we will defeat you, and we will close it again," Riku declared as he stepped forward.

"Perhaps. That is...if you survive that long!"

On his cue, the white-haired teen drew his Keyblade, and Xemnas' hands began sparking blue lightning. Trotting up next to Riku, I leaned over to whisper in his ear. "So...who is that kid?"

"I think it's Xehanort, from the past."

"Hm. He, uh...may have had a hand in talking into this mess," I confessed.

Riku looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Well, then, I will take special pleasure in sending him back to when he came from."

We were off, charging at Young Xehanort with our Keyblades at the ready, with Sora and Kaj taking on Ansem on our left, and the King and Kairi running toward Xemnas on our right. Any thoughts that this fight would be similar to the one we had already fought against this guy flew out the window almost immediately. The addition of six other people meant that the battlefield was absolute madness. Young Xehanort broke out his whip right off the bat, and it stung just as badly as I had imagined. There were red lasers shooting haphazardly across the platform, and blue heat-seeking missiles, and I had no idea who either of those came from. Xemnas' Ethereal Blades swung by much too close for comfort on many occasions, and Ansem was flying around in his laser cage again. Add to that having to dodge friendly fire, especially from Sora with his fancy new moves, and I was already gulping down my first potion not five minutes in.

It very quickly became a matter of "hit whoever you're closest to" rather than targeting any one enemy. I tried my best to stick close to Riku, like he had said, but somehow before long I found myself fighting one-on-one with Xemnas. Unable to use darkness or cast any magic, I was forced to duck under his blades and get up close. It worked for a minute. I got the jump on him and he couldn't quite get in a retaliation between my strikes, but soon he leapt back far enough that he was out of my reach, yet I was still within his. The glowing blade sliced into my left arm, leaving an almost mirror image wound from the one he had given me on the beach.

As I stumbled back, the whip cut into my shoulder blade from behind. I whirled around, unsure of which opponent I should focus on, but before I could even locate Young Xehanort something came swooping in out of the dusty sky, slamming into me and taking my breath away. Through the wind whipping my hair and the debris pelting my skin, I was able to gather that I was somehow flying.

"Meli!"

Looking around, I spotted Riku and Kairi, and was finally able to pinpoint what was going on. Keyblades. We were hurtling through the air at top speed on a bunch of old Keyblades. How, I didn't know, but I was assuming Xehanort had something to do with it.

"You okay?"

I opened my mouth, choked a little on dust, and nodded. "I think so. You?"

He nodded back. "Hang on tight!"

I didn't really need to be told, since our speed and ever-changing trajectory was quite terrifying. Thankfully it didn't last too long, and before I knew it we were being unceremoniously dumped back onto solid ground. I had barely even gotten to my feet when a Cure light surrounded me. Resisting the urge to scold Riku for using his magic on me, I instead threw him a smile, checking him over for any obvious injuries. He seemed okay for now.

Sora didn't seem to have been caught up in the Keyblade whirlwind, and was still fighting full force. Riku and I tried taking on Young Xehanort together again, dodging around his whip as best we could, though we both still caught a couple of lashes. My Keyblade clashed with his several times, with blows hitting their marks in between. Standing at a bit of a distance, Riku shot a couple of spells when I was clear.

Those blue missiles appeared again, above Young Xehanort's head, and honed in on Riku. _So that's who those were coming from._ He leapt and rolled out of the way, and managed to only get hit with one of them. While I was distracted keeping an eye on him, Young Xehanort managed to get far enough away from me to start lashing at me with his whip again. Gasping in surprise and pain, I held up my Keyblade to try to block it. Thin red stripes marred my arms. They burned like crazy, and I could feel one on my cheek oozing some blood.

"I'm sick of this guy," I muttered under my breath. I really wished I could use some dark magic on him – after all, he was the one who was so keen on getting me to give in. But seeing Riku clamber back to his feet and dive back into the fight gave me the strength to do so myself.

Riku must have been having similar thoughts about wanting this to be over with, because he attacked with a new ferocity. Diving under Xemnas' swinging blade, I joined him, and we pummeled Young Xehanort until darkness spiraled up out of him. As he fell forward onto his hands and knees, I bent over, panting for breath.

"Are you...laughing?" Riku asked the teen incredulously.

"There's a high price to pay for all of this," he replied.

I straightened, frowning. "And that price would be...?"

Young Xehanort pushed himself up to his feet and locked eyes with me for a moment. "I'll go back to my time, and live out my life. But not all of you will make it through. Someone's journey will end here."

Riku huffed and shook his head. "Like we're gonna believe you."

"Goodbye, Meli, Riku." Darkness began to shoot up around him again as he faded from sight. "You'll believe me soon en–" He disappeared before his sentence was complete, only a few wisps of black smoke indicating where he had stood.

Sighing heavily, I took in the rest of the battle that was still wearing on, trying not to let his ominous words get to me. _It's like Grim said – there's no reason to believe him. He was just trying to psych us out._ I pulled a potion out of my pocket, and caught Riku doing the same out of the corner of my eye. He gave me a weary smile, and we clinked the vials together before tipping them back.

The good news was that now the remaining two had been worn down a bit by the others, so maybe they wouldn't be as much of a problem. The bad news was before we had a chance to join in the fight against them, the Keyblade storm came back, knocking us off our feet and up into the air again. Clinging tightly to the metal beneath me, I made myself pry open my eyes so that I could look around for my friends. This time I couldn't see them, and that made me nervous. My stomach lurched as the roller coaster ride made a steep drop, then it was disappearing from underneath me and dropping me back into the middle of the battle.

Xemnas practically ran me over as he charged toward Sora, but I had my wits about me enough to jump out of the way and get a hit in as he passed. Chasing after him, I attacked from behind, hoping to gain his attention and maybe give Sora a little breather. He had been going nonstop since this had started, from what I had seen.

It worked. Of course I was immediately unsure of whether the plan had been a good one, since I was now attempting to block a flurry of angry swings. Some kind of spell struck him from the side, knocking him away from me, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Kairi jumped in next to me to face off against him. _Good, she's okay._

Simultaneously, we sprang forward and began swinging. If I had been able to stop and think about it, it would have been fun to finally get to fight alongside my sister. Her training seemed to have really paid off. The fight was now two blades against two, and unfortunately for Xemnas his attention was divided between us and he was taking a lot more damage. Sora came back in, too, throwing in some magic that sealed the deal.

When the column of darkness had cleared, Xemnas gazed down at his fading hands. "Bested...yet again."

"I know that you have a heart," Sora spoke up. "What do you feel? Was it worth it?"

Xemnas looked up at him. "I feel...the emptiness where my companions once stood. I took them for granted." He held his fists in close to his chest. "And now, I have...nothing."

I gritted my teeth, refusing to feel sorry for this guy. He had brought all of this upon himself, and he was probably around number three on my list of hated Organization members for orchestrating my whole capture.

"My first surge of emotions in years...for as long as I can remember...and it's...loneliness. Do you see? A heart is just pain." Xemnas turned his back on us, staring off into the distance.

"Pain is being human, Xemnas." Sora placed one hand over his heart.

Looking back over his shoulder, Xemnas smiled as the darkness returned to take him away. "Really? It must take...incredible strength." He turned his face up to the sky, then was gone.

Facing the others, I nodded firmly. "Only one left." I could see King Mickey locked in battle with Ansem in the distance, with Kaj throwing in his daggers on occasion. Lucky for him, the height difference made it easier to keep from hitting the King.

"Anyone who needs a break should take one," Riku declared, giving me a pointed look.

I waved him off and turned to Kairi. "You alright? You kinda got thrown into some major battles here without working up to them. Though from what I've seen, you've been holding your own." I kinda wished I had been able to watch her more. She had come a really long way from the first days of training with Merlin. There'd be plenty of time for that later, though, when our lives weren't at stake. "I'm really proud of you, you know that?"

"Yeah, you're doing great!" Sora put in enthusiastically.

She beamed. "Thanks, guys! I'm okay. It's been, um...a lot more hectic than I expected, but...I'm still alive!" She gave a nervous giggle, and winced as something pulled. "Think I could use a potion, though..."

"Here, have one of mine." Handing her the bottle, I nodded toward Ansem. "You guys ready?"

"Yeah!" Sora trotted off to join the fight, with Kairi right behind as soon as she finished the potion. I started to follow, but Riku stopped me with a hand on my shoulder.

"I know this one's important to you," he remarked solemnly. "And trust me, I want him gone, too. Again. But just...don't get carried away, okay? Be careful."

For once, the phrase didn't irk me. "I will."

Even as long as we had been fighting now, Ansem was still going strong. When Riku and I arrived on the scene he was chasing everybody down in his ridiculous laser cage, until Kaj stopped him with a well-thrown dagger once again. Sora jumped in for a few hits, then had to dodge out of the way as red spheres appeared and began shooting lasers sporadically.

Ducking under and leaping over lasers, I ran to the corner where Ansem was floating, with Kairi right at my heels and Riku sweeping in from the opposite side. We hit at almost the same time, but only got a few strikes in before Ansem drew his arms into his chest and started radiating red light.

"Get back!" I yelled.

Kairi managed to scramble to safety, but Riku and I were both caught up in whatever spell he was casting. It drew us in closer to him no matter how hard we tried to run away, our feet slipping uselessly in the dirt. Even nearby debris was being pulled into him. As we neared Ansem again at the center, I cringed and held up my Keyblade, expecting the worst.

He threw his arms out, and the red light erupted with streaks of darkness. I went tumbling head over heels through the air, landing on my side and skidding painfully across the ground. Blinking the dirt out of my eyes, I gritted my teeth angrily and pushed myself back up. That had hurt. Mostly, though, it just served to make me want him gone even more.

Apparently I wasn't meant to do it myself, though, because at that moment the Keyblades decided to make their return appearance, and by the time we made it back to the platform, Sora was staring down a fading Ansem. I must have been letting my frustration show, because Riku appeared beside me and placed a gentle hand on my back.

"Hey," he said softly. "Don't let yourself get too angry. That path is too dangerous right now."

"I know. I just...every time I look at his stupid face I see..." _Daggers, flying at my chest. Messy brown hair getting in the way. Blood spreading across a blue t-shirt._

"Yeah. I know." He bent down and kissed the top of my head. "But he's gone now. Try to just focus on that." As Ansem turned away from the group in pain, Riku stepped forward. "Ansem..."

"What...a journey you and I have had..." he breathed.

"You know, it's strange. I think I'm gonna miss you."

The statement threw me off guard. _Didn't he try his best to ruin his life?_ I supposed, though, that theirs was a relationship I would never fully understand. A piece of Ansem had been inside Riku for a long time, so maybe it was a little like losing a piece of himself.

Ansem stayed hunched over, one hand on his chest and the other emphasizing his words. "Your strength is vaster than darkness. I knew I never stood a chance. Part of me wanted to defy my fate...but when the others betrayed us, I found I did not care. And then, nothing else seemed to matter anymore."

"Ansem..." Sora almost sounded sad.

Turning his head, Ansem smirked at him. "What? It is time to move on, boy. There is more to seek...so go forth now, and seek it." The darkness began to engulf him, and he straightened to throw his arms out in one last dramatic gesture before vanishing.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply, staring at the spot where he had been. Somehow I had thought I might feel better once all those people who had wronged me were gone, but nothing had changed. Saix dying didn't make the trauma he had inflicted disappear. Ansem dying didn't make Zeph's death any less real. It still hurt just as much as it had before, and this time I couldn't shove the feeling away.

_"Hey, you never know, maybe I've been exercising, too. You just can't see it past my...winter clothes, and...good looks!"_

_"You still have a lot of explaining to do, young lady."_

_"You are, without a doubt, the most totally awesome person I know!"_

_"I thought we said our meetings weren't gonna be so early from now on."_

_"Come on, do another one of your crazy portal things and let's go check out a parallel universe!"_

_"And it was just like, 'pow! pow! pow!' everywhere, it was freakin' awesome!"_

_"But you won't, because you love me."_

_"'s 'kay, Mel."_

I shook my head violently to stop the stream of memories right there, grabbing fistfuls of my hair as the tears stung at my eyes. Kairi was in front of me almost immediately, bending over to try to look me in the eye.

"Meli? Are you okay?"

I nodded sharply, but the lie felt almost like shoving down my feelings had. There was no way I was letting myself get taken over again, even if it meant having to share more than I wanted to. "He...he killed my friend. Earlier today."

She gasped. "Not...not Zephyr?" When I nodded, she let out a watery, "Oh..." before wrapping her arms around me. I dropped my head down onto her shoulder, letting the tears come. Kaj stood a short distance away, watching. When our eyes met, he just bit down on his lip, nodded a little, and looked away as if to keep his own tears from falling.

A sudden idea crossed my mind, and I pulled back away from Kairi, impulsively unsnapping the purple bracelet on my wrist. Removing the fire emblem keychain from the end of my Keyblade, I carefully threaded the bracelet through the ring and fastened it again, holding my breath in hope that this would actually work. It did. Inferno's Edge vanished, and a new Keyblade appeared in its place. The handleguards were blue, and the shape of them reminded me of the Keyblade that Sora, Roxas, and Xion all shared. Two silver pieces made up the shaft, arching away from each other before crossing and forming a loop. At the top, there was an intricately shaped spear point, the edges of which were a mixture of purple and blue.

"That's really pretty," Kairi murmured.

"Yeah." I could feel the power of it humming from my hand to my heart. Perhaps it was the personal connection, but there was definitely something different about this particular weapon that felt stronger than the others.

_Thanks, Zeph, for this one last gift._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 2 chapters left!!


	46. Chapter 46

"Twelve keys we have now."

I had almost forgotten about Xehanort's presence until his voice rang out. Turning, I saw that Sora, Riku, and King Mickey were already looking up at him with their Keyblades at the ready, angry expressions on their faces.

The floating keys circled the bald man slowly as he grinned maniacally. "Leaving just one more!" With a flash, he summoned his own Keyblade, identical to the rest. A purple streak of lightning shot out from the tip up into the swirling clouds above, creating a tiny hole which began to grow. Bright light streamed out of it, illuminating Xehanort like a spotlight.

"Now, Sora. Darkness and light's final clash." He tore his gaze away from the light to smile down at us.

We all just glared up at him. As much as I was sure we all wanted to get rid of the guy that had caused so much chaos and devastation in our lives, there was too big of a risk in attacking him and creating that final key. What the plan was from here, I didn't know, but maybe now that the rest of his cohorts were no more, we could leave him for now and come back for him when Kingdom Hearts wasn't about to be summoned.

"You require motivation," he noted, never losing his smirk. "My first plan to that end was to take your most precious light from you."

"Kairi," Sora whispered, his head swiveling around to stare wide-eyed at her. Instinctively, I took a protective step closer to her, as if some other unaccounted-for Nobody was going to pop up and steal her.

Xehanort's attention was pulled to me as I moved. "Ah, yes...the portal-maker." The title sent a furious shiver down my spine. "In all of my visions of what was to come, somehow you have always eluded my sight. A wild card. I never seem to be able to pinpoint when and where you're going to show up and attempt to meddle with my plans."

"Good," I shot back, my voice quaking only slightly. "Guess you're all out of motivation, then."

He chuckled. "Perhaps I have nothing more I can take from the Keyblade hero. But I believe I have taken plenty from you already."

With a casual wave of his hand, an image appeared in the air by his head. It only took me a moment to realize that it was me, in the dungeon cell of The Castle That Never Was. "First, your freedom...then your sanity..." Another image, this one of Saix, and my heartbeat picked up even more.

_Don't listen to him. Don't listen to him. He's trying to bait you, don't listen to him._

"Your happiness..." Now it changed to me laying face down on my desk in school. "Your light..." The next scene I almost didn't recognize, but my stomach did a flip when I realized it was my earlier fight with Saix. "And finally...your best friend."

The depiction of Zephyr's last moments did me in. Something inside of me snapped, and I raced forward and up the face of the cliff, not even knowing how I was doing so. The rocks flew by underneath my feet, up and up and up, until I was face to face with the man who had ruined my life by every means possible.

Our Keyblades clashed with a ringing of metal. His crooked grin widened, and with a strength that shouldn't have come from such an old man's body, he shoved me sideways, off balance. Then, somehow, his hand was gripping the back of my head. My eyes went wide and I held in a scream as he lifted my feet up off of the ground, displaying me for everyone below to see. I could hear both Riku and Kairi crying my name. Dropping my Keyblade, I fumbled desperately at his hand, trying to free myself, but his fingers were like nails digging down into my skull.

Sora appeared in front of us, already swinging his Keyblade as he ran up over the lip of the cliff. Xehanort practically cackled as he parried the blow with one hand, and Sora was sent tumbling back over the side. I barely had time to grunt in shock before I was flying, too, flailing my arms uselessly, trying to twist myself around in the air but still landing on my back and rolling violently to a stop.

Through the ringing in my ears I heard someone call my name. Bones popped back into place all over my body, forcing a pitiful cry out of my throat, but soon the pain subsided to a manageable level and my vision faded back in. Sora was sitting nearby, and Kairi was rushing over to me. It appeared that she had healed him from his fall, then one of them had healed me. My attention was yanked upward, to where both Riku and King Mickey were racing up the side of the cliff toward Xehanort, and I pushed myself up in a hurry.

"I'm sorry," I rasped. "I shouldn't have...they shouldn't..." I buried my face in my hands. _This is exactly what he wanted. He knew I would attack him, but that didn't even matter because I'm not a guardian of light. He knew that they would fight for me. He used me._

"Shh, it's okay." Kairi rubbed circles on my back. "It'll all be okay."

Riku was thrown back, too, and I jumped to my feet as though there was something I could do to cushion his fall. When King Mickey reached the top, he tried casting some kind of spell, but whatever it was exploded in blinding light and wind. When I could open my eyes again, Riku and the King were both frozen in midair.

Sora gasped. "Your Majesty! Riku!"

Another Keyblade just like all the rest blinked into existence in front of us, then went spiraling upwards to meet Xehanort. He turned his back and raised one hand up to the sky. "Now...the Keyblade War will finally meet its conclusion!" As the thirteenth Keyblade joined the others, he lifted up off the ground.

Increased light from above caught my attention, and I snapped my head back to gape at the fully-revealed heart, blazing brightly in the evening sky. My heart leapt into my throat. "Kingdom Hearts."

Still surrounded by the thirteen keys, Xehanort pointed his own Keyblade at the moon, and with a flare of light it changed to something new. Details were hard to determine from such a distance, but it looked almost like two smaller Keyblades crossing to create one large weapon.

"The X-blade is complete. Kingdom Hearts! I call upon your true form. Open now and show me the world to come." A beam of blue shot out from the X-blade into the heart above, and immediately it began to be overtaken by darkness, the black and blue creeping over the white surface until it was completely filled. Blue lights like comets fell in every direction out into the world below. Sora, Kairi, Kaj, and I could only watch in horror and growing worry.

"Hey, don't give up." The familiar, gravelly voice made me look over to Sora in surprise. Donald and Goofy had appeared, and were pulling Sora up off the ground.

"We thought ya might be able to use a couple a more half-pints," said Goofy.

I got up, too, giving Kairi a half-smile as she made sure I was steady, and walked over to join the three of them.

"Yeah...but...he controls Kingdom Hearts now," Sora was saying.

"You, worried?" another familiar voice interrupted. We turned to see not only Roxas, but also Axel, Xion, Aqua, Ven, and a brunet guy I didn't recognize strolling up. I assumed he must be Terra.

"Guys." Sora sounded more than relieved to see them.

"Sorry we took so long. Had a couple of plot points that needed ironing out," Axel shrugged.

"Well, no big deal, you only missed a fight with Ansem, Xemnas, and Young Xehanort, me and Sora getting thrown off a cliff, plus that guy forging the X-blade and opening Kingdom Hearts," I retorted.

Axel smirked and cocked an eyebrow. "Good to see you're...back to your old self, I take it?"

Embarrassment washed over me, though not as much about having tried to kill him, as about giving Roxas and Xion a horrible welcome back. "You guys..." I briefly made eye contact with the two of them, then stared down at my shoes. "I'm really sorry about what happened. Thanks for, you know...keeping me from doing anything too stupid."

"I think you'd have done the same for us," Roxas replied.

"What are friends for, right?" Xion smiled.

Tears sprang to my eyes, and I felt the uncharacteristic need for a hug. Stumbling forward, I threw my arms around both their necks and pulled them into me. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you two again."

Xion giggled. "I think we have a little bit of an idea. We're happy to see you, too."

"Yeah, especially now that you're not trying to kill everybody," Roxas quipped in my other ear.

"Roxas!" Xion scolded.

A male voice spoke from my right. "Master Xehanort..." I turned to see Aqua, Ven and Presumably Terra staring up at the man.

"He did it. He opened Kingdom Hearts," Aqua breathed.

Ven looked up at her. "So, what now?" Seeing him right here next to Roxas was even freakier than I had imagined. _Somebody is gonna have to explain this to me sooner or later._

There was a flash of light, and King Mickey and Riku flipped down to the ground in front of us, having broken free of Xehanort's Stop spell. "We've still got one hope!" the King announced.

"Your Majesty, Riku, are you okay?" Sora asked.

"You guys really shouldn't have gone up there and attacked him just for me," I blurted, the guilt still eating at me. "None of this would be happening right now if–"

"Aw, this isn't your fault," King Mickey interrupted.

"Yeah, we don't blame you for attacking him. And we weren't just gonna let him have you," Sora agreed.

Riku nodded. "Besides, it's not like he was going to just let us walk away from here without fighting him, not when he was already this close. He would have found a way."

I nodded, too, chewing on my lip. He was right, of course, but it only barely made me feel any better.

"So...what hope?" Ven questioned.

"It's Xehanort," Riku explained. "During the Mark of Mastery exam, we learned that he can transcend space and time. He's a portal. And we can use that to trap him."

King Mickey nodded. "But it won't be easy. Aqua, Riku, I'll need both your help if we're gonna push Xehanort out of this world."

"Understood," Aqua stated. She started to walk to join them, but Sora ran out in front of her.

"Wait. I'll do it."

"What?" Riku asked.

Sora turned to face the rest of us. "Kingdom Hearts is a much bigger threat. Let me handle Xehanort...while you guys keep it shut."

King Mickey's expression turned sad, and I knew he must be worried about Sora taking on Xehanort alone, like I was. But everyone else nodded their agreement to the plan, and the King eventually did, too. "Okay, Sora."

"I got this!" Sora declared, setting out toward the cliff.

I watched him go with a heaviness in my chest. I almost wanted to call out to him, unable to shake the feeling that something was going to go wrong, but had no idea what I would say. Kairi didn't have that problem, though, and she rushed past me while shouting his name, nearly knocking him over with a hug as soon as he turned. Overcoming his shock, or maybe embarrassment, Sora placed his hands gently on her back and squeezed before stepping back and smiling at her.

"I'll see you soon, okay?"

Kairi sniffed and nodded, dashing the back of her hand across her face. "Be careful."

Sora merely smiled in reply, then resumed his march. Donald and Goofy broke away from the group and joined him on either side. "You can't forget about us," Donald remarked.

"Without Keyblades, it's not like we'll be much help here," Goofy added.

_Wonder if I'll be any help here, either, without any magic. Maybe I should just go with them._

Presumably Terra strode to the front of the group. "Let's move. The darkness is spreading."

 _Who put him in charge?_ No one else seemed to mind, summoning their Keyblades for the next leg of the battle. Sora raised his above his head, and one by one the other guardians of light followed, their weapons lighting up as they were directed at Kingdom Hearts. With a dramatic spin, Sora lit his up, as well.

"Do it!" he shouted.

On his command, ten beams of light shot up into the sky. Sora's pierced straight through Xehanort's center, opening a pink spiked orb similar to the one Riku had used to dive into Sora's sleep. The rest hit the surface of Kingdom Hearts, making tiny pinpricks of light in the swirling blue darkness.

 _If we've got to turn the whole thing back to light, this is gonna take a while._ Not that there was really any "we" about it. My presence was pointless in this situation. I was on the verge of calling out to Sora that I would go, too, when he and the other two turned into a sphere of light and flew up to the pink portal, disappearing in a flash of light and taking Xehanort with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact – the "who put him in charge" line was inspired by the face that Riku was making at Terra when I paused the cutscene video on YouTube right at that moment. It only lasts a split second, and overall Riku seems perfectly fine with Terra taking charge, but that facial expression made me laugh and I had to include a reference to it. 
> 
> See you guys Monday with the very last chapter!


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, folks, the last chapter of Inferno’s Edge! After this (probably starting next week) we’ll go back into oneshots for a little while...I can’t remember how many there are, but at least one or two will be added to Sorrow’s Promise Oneshots and then there are several for this book. Then the waiting game begins for me to finish the third and final book! There’s more info in the final notes, but instead of putting those in the actual notes I’m gonna wait until Thursday and post them as an additional chapter. Partially because they’re really long, and partially because I’m gonna need to go into hiding for a few days after this. For now...enjoy?

"Again!" Aqua ordered.

As the Keyblades charged up and sent off their beams of light once more, I slowly dropped back away from the guardians, figuring correctly that none of them would notice the movement. One person did notice, however, and that was Kaj, who was already hanging out in the back. He took a few steps toward me, arms crossed, and gave a half-smirk.

"I'm feeling kinda useless here. I have no idea what's going on, and apparently am not equipped to help, regardless." He studied me for a moment, then nodded toward the group. "But hey, you've got one of those key things, right? Why aren't you up there?"

I sighed heavily. "Got a Keyblade. Don't have light." I dropped my gaze to the ground. "At least...not enough, not anymore." That old, familiar feeling of being useless and left behind was creeping back in all too quickly. "I should have just gone with Sora, I guess. Didn't really figure he wanted me there, though."

Kaj huffed in understanding. "Yeah. Maybe I should have gone with him, too. Not that I would have been that much more help there than I am here."

I looked up at the distant expression on his face and smiled sympathetically. "Hey, you've been plenty of help today. You've saved my butt at least twice, and I've seen you helping out Sora and King Mickey, too."

"Well, I know it wasn't much compared to the rest of you, but...thanks for saying it." He tilted his head to the side, thinking. "You know...I came here wanting to find a purpose, to feel needed. I thought I'd find it with the Organization, and...I mean, I have to admit they gave me some pretty good tools and training. But it still wasn't what I was looking for."

I bit back the urge to say, "I could have told you that," and just nodded, listening.

"I think maybe part of that is because I wasn't just looking for a purpose. I think I was also looking for...acceptance." He waved one hand at the people in front of us. "Of course, I don't know any of these guys, like, at all. And maybe if I get to know them I won't even like them. Though one of them is you, and one of them is me...I probably won't be able to stand me, actually. But maybe I could at least get along with the ones that are you and Zeph." He chuckled a little to himself. "Anyway. Rabbit trail. My point is, I feel like they've just kinda...accepted me. Just like that, without knowing anything about me."

"Yeah," I replied softly. "That's kinda what they do. They're honestly a really random, thrown-together, mish-mosh of characters–"

"Especially the duck and dog and mouse?"

I laughed. "Yeah, especially them. And I don't actually know those three." I gestured toward Aqua, Ven, and Presumably Terra. "Just met them today. But the rest...well, you know, other than the redhead dude...somehow, without you realizing it, they become family. They're some of the greatest people...and ducks and dogs and mice...you'll ever meet."

He nodded. "Yeah. I think, when this is all over...maybe I'll stick around a little while, and get to know everybody. Who knows, maybe with some more training there will be a place for me here after all."

"Good," I smiled. "I definitely think there can be. And I wouldn't even worry about the training too much, because I certainly hope that after this we're finally getting some peace."

We watched the quiet battle against Kingdom Hearts for a few minutes in silence. Progress was being made, though the darkness on the moon seemed to be fighting back against the encroaching light, swirling ferociously. Some of the guardians had stopped to take ethers to replenish their magic, while others kept up the barrage. My heart panged with the longing to be up there with them.

"You've done a lot today, too, you know," Kaj spoke up again, as if reading my thoughts. "I won't claim to know what's going on with this whole light and darkness thing with you, but...I've seen you fighting. You're really good, and they're lucky to have had you here today."

"Thanks. I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I just...I miss that." I nodded toward the guardians. "I miss being part of the group. I miss...the light. The dark is a lonely place to be. It was my choice. I brought this all on myself with my decisions, but...now I regret it, and...I don't know if it can be fixed. I don't know if I'll ever really be one of them again."

"What was that Zeph always used to say? 'The world would be a really boring place if everybody was the same.'" He gave a sad smile at the memory. "You just finished telling me that they're your family, that they accept people no matter what. You are still one of the group. Just maybe in a different way." I shrugged, looking down at the ground again, and he elbowed me in the arm. "If you think that I can find my place here, then I know you can find yours."

Tilting my head back, I opened my mouth to reply, but got distracted watching the light show on the surface of Kingdom Hearts. The darkness was reacting even more angrily than before, now sometimes erupting from the moon itself to spin through the air. I could feel it rumble in my chest each time.

"Keep going!" Riku shouted. "We've got this!"

Several streams of darkness shot out again, but this time they didn't simply whirl around and return. Careening downwards, they wavered in and out of each other, but their target was clear and approaching rapidly.

"Look out!" King Mickey yelped.

I didn't even think. My hands shot out automatically and my mind grabbed hold of the darkness, bringing it to a screeching halt right before it crashed into the guardians. I could feel at once that it was extremely powerful, stronger than any darkness I had come into contact with so far.

Riku whirled around to face me. "Meli! Don't!"

"It's okay." I flashed him a smile, trying to alleviate his fears. "I'm okay, I'm just gonna..." Closing my eyes, I threw all my focus into pulling the individual streams together, forming a sphere, then dragged it through the air toward myself. When I opened them again, it was floating just above my head. Another half-smile was about all I could muster past the mental and physical energy holding it there was requiring. "I'm just gonna keep it here until you guys are done. Then...then we can figure out what to do with it."

He stared at me with skeptical concern for another minute before his shoulders sagged. "Alright. We should be almost done here, so... Just let go of it if you need to, okay? Don't..." He trailed off.

"I'll be fine. Just do what you're supposed to be doing." My hands were cupped in front of me as if I was actually, physically holding the sphere, and I kept my eyes locked on it. I had a feeling it was going to take almost all my concentration to not let the thing go flying off where it willed. And oh, did it will. It was pulling at my mind and chest like a wild horse at the reins, trying to get back on its course.

I could see Kaj watching me out of my periphery, but he didn't speak, seeming to understand my need for focus. From time to time I would glance up at Kingdom Hearts. We were winning, that was for sure, but I wished it would happen just a little bit faster. Sweat was dripping off my forehead and rolling down my cheeks. Taming this thing was taking a little more effort each and every minute.

_**Stop the guardians!** _

I winced against the voice in my head. It was a voice that I had heard many times ever since I had given in, always nudging me further toward the darkness, though I had mistaken it for my own in the past. Now it was combined with the screeching of being denied its target that I had heard while trying to finish off Saix, and there was no mistaking its source.

_**Stop the guardians! Kill the children of light!** _

A shudder rocked my body as the ominous words echoed, and I shut my eyes. _No. I'm not going to let you do that._

"You okay?"

Kaj's question pierced briefly into my consciousness, but the darkness didn't give me a chance to answer him. Image after ghastly image filled my mind. I saw each and every one of the guardians before me, one after the other, falling to the darkness, choking on it. I watched as the life was sucked out of them, leaving them pale and limp on the ground, and I was paralyzed with icy fear.

"Hey, Meli! Are you okay?"

I pried my eyes open and blinked Kaj into focus. "Yeah," I croaked. Riku's lifeless eyes were still staring at me, and I tried in vain to shake the memory away. "Sorta. It..." I indicated the sphere with my eyes. "It really, really...wants to kill them. Like...violently." I let out a shaky breath.

"It told you that?"

I couldn't blame him for the dubious look on his face. "More like...showed me."

He hummed in thought. "Well, it's a good thing you were here, then. I told you that you had a place."

The sphere of darkness took advantage of my split focus and tried to bolt. I lunged after it, mentally if not physically, straining my arms and my heart to pull it back in. _What am I gonna do with this thing? It wants to kill them. I can't let them die. Besides, if they're all gone, then there will be no one to keep Kingdom Hearts closed._ I honestly still had no real idea of what the consequences of that would be, but I knew it wasn't good and would affect the whole universe. Possibly even other universes, for all I knew.

 _Maybe on_ ce _Kingdom Hearts is closed, it will calm down. Maybe it will forget its mission and let me just throw it away somewhere._ But could I even make it that long? My arms were starting to shake, and I was exhausted. _I don't have a choice. I have to make it. I can't let them die._

Another minute passed, and a tangible excitement began to grow from the group of guardians. "One more time, fellas, and I think that'll do it!" King Mickey exclaimed.

_One more time. Okay. One more time and it's over. I can do this._

A chorus of exhausted cheers erupted. I spared a split second glance at Kingdom Hearts and saw it was completely white again, no darkness in sight. Other than the stuff hovering above my head, of course. Which, unfortunately, had not lessened its fury any with the closing of Kingdom Hearts. If anything, it was growing stronger.

_**Stop the guardians! Kill the children of light!** _

_No!_ I clenched my jaw so hard it hurt, trying to block the images from flooding my mind again. _I'm not gonna let you!_

The possibilities ran through my head at full speed. _Let it go, it's going to head straight for my friends. Try to throw it, it'll just turn around and come right back. I need..._ I needed a vessel. This darkness wasn't going to be satisfied until it had someone to destroy. That left only one option that I could think of.

_Take me._

I could almost feel it contemplating this new suggestion. Did the thought of death, especially by darkness, terrify me? Yes. But the thought of losing any more of my friends terrified me more.

Having finished their difficult task, they were murmuring among themselves, giving high-fives, and drinking more ethers. I raised my voice to make sure I was heard. "Hey, Grim?"

"Meli. Hang on, I'm coming."

I shook my head. "No, don't. Just..." Taking the risk of looking away for a moment, I caught his eyes and gave a wobbly smile. "I'm sorry."

_Take me!_

Throwing my head back, I dropped my arms by my sides and willed the darkness to crash down into me. It obeyed with savage force. In an instant I had hit the ground and was convulsing violently.

"Meli!" Riku's scream sounded like it was coming from somewhere down a tunnel, but then he was there, above me, scooping me up into his arms. "Meli, why? Why did you do that?"

"I'm sorry," I repeated, the words barely making it across my lips. "I had to. I couldn't...let any of you...die."

I was so cold. The freezing sensation that had begun in my chest was working its way into the rest of my body. My insides were turning to ice, it seemed, but at the same time it burned intensely.

"She said it wanted to kill all of you," Kaj's voice explained.

Kairi appeared just then, with tears pouring down her face. "We could have found another way, Mel. You didn't have to..." A sob escaped her, and she clapped her hand over her mouth.

"No. There was...no other way." I jerked and grunted through my teeth as the cold reached my legs and caused them to seize up.

"Shh, shh..." Riku pulled me in closer, rocking me gently, stroking my hair. "It's okay. You're okay." His presence felt so good. He was so warm.

"What can we do?" Kairi whispered. "There has to be something we can do. Can we use light on her, the same way we did on Kingdom Hearts?"

"I don't think so, Kairi," King Mickey replied. "I think if we used that on her now...well, it would be a lot like using it on a Heartless."

"But...but we have to do something! We can't just let her..." She broke off, giving in to her tears again.

Riku's arms wrapped around me even tighter, and he dropped his forehead down onto mine. Something wet dripped onto my cheek. _Is he crying?_ I had never seen him actually cry before, and the realization that he was doing so now broke me.

"Hey." I reached for his face, but my arms and hands were so numb that it took much more effort than it should have. Eventually my palm made it to his cheek, and he pressed his own hand over it. "It's alright."

"No, it's not," he choked, his face still inches from mine. "I can't...I can't lose you. You mean everything to me, remember? You weren't supposed to...you can't leave me!"

I breathed in deeply and absorbed his words, but strangely, no tears came from my own eyes. "I'm sorry. I didn't want it...to be this way. I wanted...to stay with you forever."

"I want to share a paopu with you." His voice rose in pitch, almost frantic. "I should have done it a long time ago. You can't leave me now, you have to come back home so we can share a paopu."

"I found my place. I protected...the things that matter the most. Please don't blame yourself. This was...my choice." A faint smile crossed my lips. "Thank you for always being my safe place. You showed me that...maybe I wasn't whole...but I wasn't completely broken...either."

Shifting my hand slightly, Riku pressed a kiss into the palm of my hand. "Of course you weren't broken. You were perfect."

I jerked again, opening my mouth wide to gasp for air as my throat began to close up. The darkness had crept into nearly every inch of my body now, and I knew it would not be long before I faded away. Fear suddenly overtook me, and I began to tremble harder. "Grim?" A whisper was all I could get out anymore. "Grim, look at me, please."

He raised his head, revealing his soaked cheeks, but more importantly, my favorite pair of eyes in any universe. "What is it, Meli?"

I was having a hard time catching my breath, and my consciousness was beginning to fade. "I just...I wanted to...to see your eyes...one...more time."

His face crumpled, and fresh tears spilled over from those beautiful aquamarine eyes.

With my last ounce of energy, I forced a smile onto my face. "I love you...Grim."

He swallowed hard and gulped in a shaking breath. "I love you, Sunshine."

I closed my eyes. The last thing I felt was his warm lips on my forehead, then the world went still.


	48. Final Notes

So, I lied and didn’t post these notes on Thursday. Honestly, I was kinda waiting to see if I got anymore hits/comments on that last chapter...I was pretty surprised to only hear one reaction! But this series has never really gotten that much attention on this site, so it’s not that unusual. I do want to take a moment to shout out to the people who have been leaving me comments pretty regularly - you’re the main reason I haven’t given up on posting this series on Ao3! I do appreciate everyone who has been reading, though, and I hope you’re enjoying.

Okay, notes.   
  


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CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE

~All Disney and Kingdom Hearts characters and storyline belong to Disney and Square Enix. I do not profit monetarily from writing these stories.

~Mario Kart, Doctor Who, Star Wars, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, The Chronicles of Narnia, High School Musical, and Indiana Jones, all of which were referenced or quoted, do not belong to me, either.

~Meli, Zephyr, Kaj, Annaisha, Nara, Cho, Dai, Kenta, Hamrish, Aiden, Chander, Lirit, and Damini all belong to me, so please ask my permission before using them.

~Special thanks to my husband who, even though he knows very little about KH, came up with the name "Inferno's Edge"...and also has spent a lot of time listening to me talk about my stories and followers and reviews and other things he has no real knowledge of. He will never read this thank you, but hey, he deserves the credit.

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FUN FACTS

~There are 6 references to "Sanctuary" throughout the story. Did you notice all of them? They can be found in -

Chapter 6 - _"my safe place"_ (which is basically the same thing as a sanctuary)

Chapter 8 - _"the fears and memories of past hurts and lies melted away"_

Chapter 10 - _"All that's left of me now is this...mess that I've become"_

Chapter 29 - _"Your heart is a battleground."_

Chapter 46 - _"Thank you for always being my safe place."_

Chapter 46 - _"You showed me that...maybe I wasn't whole...but I wasn't completely broken...either."_

~Also, in addition to the name meanings that I mentioned last time, this time we added:

Annaisha: "Helpful guide to others" (Japanese) Seemed fitting for a therapist

Nara: "Is beautiful" (Japanese) In case you forgot, this is the chick who was flirting with Riku

Cho: "Butterfly" (Japanese) Nara's flighty friend

Dai: "Big, large" (Japanese) One of the twins that bullied Meli

Kenta: "Thick, big" (Japanese) The other twin

Hamrish: "Helpful" (Hindi) The cafe owner in Twilight Town

Lirit: "Musical" (Hebrew) Demyx's doppelganger

Damini: "Lightning" (Hindi) Larxene's doppelganger

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PTSD

I will admit, I didn't know very much at all about PTSD or panic attacks when I went into this story. It was never even my intention to write a story about mental illness to begin with, I just knew I wanted a sequel so we could see Meli having some happy moments with her new family and have some more Meliku fluff. Then Meli came and knocked on the door of my brain and said, "Hey, remember all that crap you put me through in the last story? Yeah, I have PTSD now." I said, "Really?" Started researching causes, and said, "Yeah, you know what, you probably do."

Point is, I did a lot of research for this story, and I hope that I've been able to portray these things decently well. Everyone's experience is different, of course. But if you, like me, are unfamiliar with PTSD (the real, clinical PTSD, not the vague kind that you see in a lot of fanfics), here are some of the symptoms, many of which you should recognize from Meli:

**Increased Anxiety and Emotional Arousal**

Hypervigilance (on constant 'red alert')

Intense physical reactions

Irritability or outbursts of anger

Irrational and intense fear

Difficulty concentrating

Panic attacks/anxiety/depression/mood swings

Feeling jumpy and easily startled

Difficulty falling or staying asleep

Tense muscles

**Avoidance and Numbing**

Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma

Loss of interest in activities and life in general

Feeling numb and empty

Avoidance of people and places

Feeling isolated

 **Re-experiencing the Traumatic** **Event**

Flashbacks

Nightmares

Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma

**Other Common Symptoms**

Feeling suicidal

Self-harm and self-destructive tendencies

Feeling distrustful and suspicious/blaming others

Guilt, shame, embarrassment, or self-blame

Misuse of alcohol/drugs/gambling/food

Seeking out high-risk/dangerous pursuits

Physical aches and pains

_(This information comes from ptsduk . org)_

Here are links to a couple more graphics with lots of information on them:

 **PTSD stats:** carrington.edu/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/PTSD-Infographic-Final.jpg

 **Understanding someone with PTSD:** i.pinimg.com/564x/0a/86/f9/0a86f9529f8a8c7863fe65d3bcff8f52.jpg

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WHAT'S NEXT?

So I've already told you guys that there is a third book (hopefully none of you missed that memo). The good news is...it's in the works? The bad news is...it’s not really anywhere near finished. The first draft, yes, I’m at the climax basically so it doesn’t have too many more chapters to go, but then there will be a second draft (at least). I'm NOT giving up on it, it WILL get finished and posted, so don't worry. It just...might take a little while. Turns out, writing a story that makes sense with the convoluted canon that is KH without actually having a canon to guide you is really really hard. I've tried to put various clues and theories together and make it all make sense, but...yeah. And right now we’re in the process of moving to a new city, so life is completely hectic and writing is just. Not happening right now.

So, having said all that, I will go ahead and warn you that you can expect the third book to deviate even further from...we'll call it "potential canon", since there isn't yet an actual canon. Some of you may have already assumed this because of Kairi still being around, but the secret ending will be ignored, and therefore the story will be much different from what likely is actually next in the games.

The epilogue, however, will be a big focus, as most of you have probably already figured out, especially if you read the oneshot series. I decided that since we don't actually have a canon to follow, this was my chance to really make the story my own, tie up loose ends, and have fun with the AU that I've created. So, you can expect a combination of popular theories, my own headcanons, and plot that is strictly related to Meli and this AU. For instance, the whole parallel universe idea will be coming back into play in a big way.

Speaking of tying up loose ends, now is your chance to let me know what you want to see in the next book. Is there a loose end that needs resolving? A plot hole that needs filling? Is there a conversation between characters that needs to be had? Is there some other kind of moment that you're dying to see? This is it, folks, the final story, so I want to try my best to make sure we all leave satisfied. I'm definitely taking into account the feedback I've already gotten on this story, but if there's more specific things you want to see, then please let me know!

In the meantime, while we're waiting for the third book...I'm going to be going back to posting oneshots, like I mentioned at the beginning of the last chapter. Some will go under “Sorrow’s Promise Oneshots”, and the rest will be in a new fic titled “Inferno’s Edge Oneshots”. If you’re subscribed to the series then you won’t miss it.

* * *

If you made it this far, thanks for sticking with me through these super long final notes, and thank you again so much for joining me on this journey! I will see you again soon...may your hearts be your guiding key!


	49. Author’s Note - An Apology and a Promise

Hey guys,

I don’t know how many of you will come back and read this, but I hope at least a certain group of you do. And maybe I’m completely overthinking all of this, but if so, there’s no harm in being sure.

First off, an apology. For those of you who have identified closely with Meli and her trauma, I profusely apologize if the ending to this book has in any way negatively impacted you. Honestly when I started writing this series and when I wrote this book in particular, I never imagined that there would be people reading it who would identify with her in that way.   
  


Meli did NOT commit suicide. I never intended it to be taken that way, and I really hope that no one did, but I want to clarify just in case. There were no thoughts in that moment of not being able to take it anymore, or that her friends or the world would be better off without her. She didn’t want to die, but faced with the imminent death of everyone she loved decided it was her best choice. She would have sacrificed herself like that even if she had no past trauma, and I’m pretty sure most of the others present would have done exactly the same thing. We all know Riku and Sora both would.   
  


If you struggle with suicidal thoughts, please do not take this book to mean that it’s the right answer. It’s not. I care about you, others care about you. I know not everybody wants to hear it, but I’m a Christian and I’m gonna say it anyway: God loves you, so, so much. He put you here on this earth for a reason. Don’t cut your life short and miss out on what that purpose could be.

Mild spoilers begin here, but if any of the above applied to you then please keep reading.

Meli is coming back. I promise. I would never do that to you guys. I used trilogies like LOTR and Star Wars as a model when making this darker second book with the cliffhanger ending, but I swear the series will have a happily ever after. I don’t do sad endings, not for long at least. And this is KH, hardly anybody stays gone. Meli is coming back, and her trauma isn’t gonna just disappear, but she’s gonna slowly start to get better. She’s getting the happy ending that she deserves.   
  


You deserve one, too. If you ever want a stranger to talk to, I’m your gal. Idk if private messages are a thing on here, but find me on FFN or Tumblr or Instagram (it’s the same username wherever you go) and vent all you want. Yell at me for the ending of this story if you want, and I’ll apologize some more. And absolutely mean it.   
  


I love all you guys. Take care of yourselves. 


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